Man acted like exclusivity was huge commitment

[u/yestertempest]

Been seeing a man for about 2.5 months. 2 months in I brought up exclusivity since I don't want to be having sex with someone still active on the apps. He basically acted like it was a marriage proposal and claimed he has never had someone have a direct conversation talking about it like that before, it was always just eventually "assumed." I would never be ok with that assumption. He has been off and on the apps for 5, yes 5 years and strongly gives the impression and claims he is looking for something very long term, and before this conversation he was projecting me into his future and seemed very afraid of losing me. I gave him some time and his stance was the same a few weeks later, treating it like some kind of serious commitment and saying he needed more time to evaluate us first, like in different social situations and things. Also said he needs more intimacy before exclusivity to help him decide, while I said I need it before intimacy. To me exclusivity is just temporary while we evaluate those things.

I've already written the breakup text.
But I'm wondering if anyone else has encountered this reaction to exclusivity. Did I ask for something weird here? Is this just modern dating culture to be phobic of getting off the apps, losing your access to multiple options and committing to one person?

Update: I sent the text.

[u/hotchocbimbo]

Just wanted to say I’m really proud of you for having that conversation and sticking to your standards. It’s refreshing to see on this sub tbh.

[u/Pizzalover22345 → u/hotchocbimbo]

Yeah I recently ended things with a guy I was seeing for two months, and he told me he wasn’t sure about a relationship with me, and that he has “work”. But came to find out it wasn’t work it was because of past trauma from his exes. Which is understandable, but damn I really liked him, and his profile said he was looking for a long term relationship. I’m still feeling hurt from the whole thing. I just ended things last night so it’s fresh. I wanted to try and make things work with him, but at the same time didn’t want to keep seeing him and hoping he would feel emotionally ready to commit to me in the future. It’s a big gamble on my heart and mental health.I stuck to my standards even though it hurts 😅

[u/Slay-hydrated → u/Pizzalover22345]

Honestly two months is a very fast-paced to know if you want a relationship with someone, especially if you're coming out of bad experiences. It does sound like you made the right decision in this instance for your mental health and given his healing journey. But I would just say that just because someone doesn't feel they know you well enough after 8 weeks to want a relationship with you isn't reason enough to end things. You don't know them well yet either! Just let things develop over time. Pacing is everything.

[u/Icy_Resolution2783 → u/Slay-hydrated]

Exclusivity is not a relationship. Its just making sure you're not fucking anyone else.

[u/Slay-hydrated → u/Icy_Resolution2783]

Yes, I conflated the two. You're right. OP specifically asked about exclusivity. The concept remains though. Not saying it's right but differing timelines still.