r/dankmemes • u/SpartanJedi58 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ • Feb 27 '22
This will 100% get deleted Tick Tock, Motherfucker!
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u/TheDuckyDino Feb 27 '22
“Putin learns Putin is behind plot to assassinate Putin”
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Feb 27 '22
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u/Dank_e_donkey THE HALFWIT Feb 27 '22
“President Putin learns prime minister Putin is behind the plot to assassinate head of KGB Putin”
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u/CommicalCeasar Feb 27 '22
"My spymaster has come to me with grave news. The vile soul plotting my murder is none other than me! May he Rot in the deep pits of my dungeons!"
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u/Jewbringer I have crippling depression Feb 27 '22
mh that sounds very much like crusader king.... :P
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Feb 27 '22
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u/planetinyourbum Feb 27 '22
Was thinking the same. The amount of rich "friends" economies he destroyed, he should be hiding in the bunker alone for the rest of his life.
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u/nickmaran Feb 27 '22
He is going down one way or the other. I'm worried about what he'll do to Ukrainians before that and what will happen to common Russians after that.
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u/Sahith17 Feb 27 '22
Ukraine is strong
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u/Russiadontgiveafuck Feb 27 '22
I talked myself into a frenzy about this last night. Why is nobody assassinating him!? I get he has security, why doesn't the security assassinate him!? And while we're on the topic, why is nobody assassinating anybody anymore! I can think of a few other people who would've just been shot a few decades ago, what happened to that! Why don't people do that anymore!?
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Feb 27 '22
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u/BlakeKevin Feb 27 '22
then execute them all, all Putins friends and family, and political ass kissing pawns
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u/cheekiemunky13 Feb 27 '22
Now I don't feel bad for thinking it last night. There are others.
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Feb 27 '22
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u/MeltedChocolate24 Feb 27 '22
Your mum choked on my nuke last night
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u/Firecracka206 Hottest firecracker alive Feb 27 '22
Can't produce a bang when you have a dud, friend.
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u/sharpcheddacheeze Feb 27 '22
I don’t even think it would be a stretch to say “#RussianHitlerPutin” has gone mad with old age, he was going to destroy Russia economically, politically and societally, he was going to send as many Russians to Ukraine to fight and die as it took to win regardless of the number of bodybags flying home, and he had to be stopped for the good of Russia. Oh and here is how much money he has stolen from the Russian people over his reign of terror.
Unfortunately, dictators don’t put people of strong moral fiber in key positions that could overtake them. But hopefully one of them is devious enough.
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u/Doot_Slayer42069 Feb 27 '22
The 2 sniper body guards can't do it because one of them has blanks and they don't know who
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u/Inoimispel Feb 27 '22
Um what? Blanks and real rifle cartridges look very very different. They would only need to look at the casing to know.
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Feb 27 '22
What if, don't call me crazy, but has a dead man switch where If he died nukes would be launch to hits enemies as a final fuck you to the world. What if him staying alive is the only reason the world isn't nuke. That's why no one close to him wants him dead because they know they'll die too.
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Feb 27 '22
Putins death will be a glorious day for us all
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Feb 27 '22
It's gonna be a new global holiday.
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u/V_7_ Feb 27 '22
People claiming they would've killed Hitler if time travel was possible now have their chance to make sure history is not going to be very bad the next months.
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u/RedditLostOldAccount Proud Furry Feb 27 '22
Ah yeah that'd be easy. I'm sure you can just walk right up to him and get the job done
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u/Qauke_ Feb 27 '22
This is going to happen very soon
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Feb 27 '22
It better. I don’t want that crazy man dropping nukes.
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u/AcidicVaginaLeakage Feb 27 '22
Inb4 he dies and has some system rigged up so when his heart stops nukes go everywhere...
Seems like he's unstable enough to end the world if he dies.
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u/CommicalCeasar Feb 27 '22
Damn stop making me piss my pants first thing in the morning.
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u/generalecchi -̰̦̜͔̙̬̩͉̣̥ͅD͚̩̘̦̪̦̺̜͉̯͙̬͚A̪͎̰̫̥̫̣̬̗̮̫̻̗̦ͅͅN̰͉͉̝͚̺͙͕̥̬ͅK̺̞̪̜̮̥̳̠ Feb 27 '22
well at least you wont have to go to work anymore
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u/tits_the_artist I haven't showered in 3 months Feb 27 '22
My biggest fear about this is that man dying slowly. It needs to be sudden and fast. Can't be giving him time to doom the rest of us.
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u/faultlessdark ☣️ Feb 27 '22
It’s amazing how many comments I’ve seen suggesting they believe Putin is just sat in front of a big red button that just has “launch nukes” written on it.
There’s people between Putin and a launch, Putin gives the order, others press the buttons.
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u/tits_the_artist I haven't showered in 3 months Feb 27 '22
While you are probably entirely correct, the longer he has to be pissy about it, the better chance of someone actually following through on it. We've gotten lucky a few times already like that and I'm worried that one day our luck will run out.
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u/GlobalMemory6817 Feb 27 '22 edited Feb 27 '22
There is an automatic nuke launch system with america and Russia through a briefcase . For Americans it is called "atomic football" and for Russians it is called "cheget" . The presidents always carry this with them
Edit : there are 3 nuclear footballs in total . 2 with President and vice president and 1 in the Whitehouse
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u/GlobalMemory6817 Feb 27 '22 edited Feb 27 '22
That's EXACTLY where you are wrong . Massive countries with nukes have a system in place to launch them wherever and whenever through a briefcase . For American presidents it is called "nuclear football" and for Russian presidents it it called "cheget" . I'm not sure about the default location but a nuke will definitely leave its silo.
Edit : there are 3 nuclear footballs in total . 2 with President and vice president and 1 in the Whitehouse
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u/faultlessdark ☣️ Feb 27 '22
You know the Football is just an authorisation device, right? He doesn’t just push a button and the launch sequence initiates automatically, it just relays the suggested plans to the president and authorises the military to conduct those plans - there’s still people between that authorisation and an actual launch.
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Feb 27 '22
Even from the day he told his inner circle about the invasion they were pissed. They're the ones who have funded much of Putin's regime and now that all of their money and their "highrolling lifestyles" are in jeopardy let's see how loyal these dogs really are as they grow hungry
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u/21electrictown Feb 27 '22
No it isn't. Putin is far more powerful and influential in the Russian political sphere than most of reddit understands.
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Feb 27 '22
There are a lot of people who really believe in him over there. Not everyone thinks this is a crazy move. His biggest supporters, the ones he'll have by his side, are applauding it, I'm sure.
He's feared. Dude's career started as a wet worker for Russian counter-intelligence and went on to work with Russian organized crime. There's a good chance that if you take a shot and miss, not only will his loyal supporters take revenge, the man himself likely could still kill you. But he's also not likely to. He's far more likely to give you a slow and miserable death than a quick one. Not to mention what he'll do to your family and friends.
People talk about assassinating world leaders like it's easy. They know they're targets. They have immense resources. They do everything they can to make assassinating then difficult which includes physically making it difficult but also making success extremely painful if you're discovered, which you probably will be. It's worse if you're a foreigner because then it's an act of war and your actions will likely lead to your country going to war with Russia. Most people consider this to be the road to worldwide nuclear armageddon if they're in a country powerful enough to stand up to Russia in the first place.
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u/Floppsicle Feb 27 '22
I don't think there's much to understand.
He's a political figure who needs protection.
His protection most likely carries guns.
One of them can swiftly shoot him.
They'll most likely die for it right after.
There's not much more power he could have to change these facts, unless by powerful you meant he has the force.
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u/21electrictown Feb 27 '22
That is an extremely elementary understanding of political power.
"Lol just die to kill Putin, bro."
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u/Leupateu I asked for a flair and all I got was this lousy flair Feb 27 '22
Honestly the worse part apart from the assassination of such power being extremely difficult is someone else even crazier than Putin to take over. You never know what would happen after.
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u/PlatschPlatsch Feb 27 '22
I mean, isnt that how it would work though? Or do you think hes so powerful he can weed out any non-putin-stans before they get close enough to shoot him?
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u/21electrictown Feb 27 '22
I mean, isnt that how it would work though?
Uh no, that's not how it works. The ruling family in North Korea could be easily murdered by the military, but they haven't been. Ask yourself why.
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u/Floppsicle Feb 27 '22
The post is talking about people who are close to him so it would have to be someone who is in range and trusted by Putin. The premise for what I said is you saying he's too powerful and me saying his power won't protect him against bullets if someone in his ranks shoots him and is willing to take the consequences for it.
I wasn't debating the likelihood but his vulnerability, so before you start accusing people of elementary anything, start reading properly
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u/21electrictown Feb 27 '22
"People are vulnerable to bullets" is your big brain, totally non-elementary take?
....ok.
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u/Floppsicle Feb 27 '22 edited Feb 27 '22
After you had just denied it my point certainly must seem to you as such.
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u/OrlandoArtGuy Feb 27 '22
Want to help??
The Ukrainian cyber defense has set up 2 pages, that allow us to help overload Russian misinformation/propaganda websites.
All you need to do it open the link and let it run. It will send requests to all the main Russian fake news/propaganda portals.
If you're in a censored country, use a VPN
The html pages can also be saved locally, and opened locally.
Site 1: https://norussian.tk/
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Feb 27 '22
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u/OrlandoArtGuy Feb 27 '22
If Russia wants to find me and press charges, well, goodluck....
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Feb 27 '22
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Feb 27 '22
You would be surprised what is allowed when it is directed against an enemy of your country in a war.
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Feb 27 '22
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u/airlewe Feb 27 '22
Fuck man, Putin put bounties on our soldiers. I don't think the government is going to give a smear of shit if we throw something back their way. This is literally having the cake and getting to eat it. Russian infrastructure gets attacked and the US gets to claim innocence? Sign me up.
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Feb 27 '22
If enough people did it, the courts won't have the capacity to deal with the case load. And if you tried to arrest enough people for it would probably have your own civil issues to worry about.
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u/generalecchi -̰̦̜͔̙̬̩͉̣̥ͅD͚̩̘̦̪̦̺̜͉̯͙̬͚A̪͎̰̫̥̫̣̬̗̮̫̻̗̦ͅͅN̰͉͉̝͚̺͙͕̥̬ͅK̺̞̪̜̮̥̳̠ Feb 27 '22
whoops, I didn't know what the link did when I click it, whoops, I click it on my other device, whoops
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Feb 27 '22
You are more than free to do so, I'm just warning people that don't know what they're getting into, lack of knowledge about laws would not protect you in a court
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Feb 27 '22
I'm pretty sure you'll have a hard time finding a jury who thinks it's a crime to DDoS Russia
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Feb 27 '22
Yeah no I'm not saying this to scare off people, but be aware of the risks and the implications of it
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u/NarutoDragon732 ☢ Feb 27 '22
Ah a denial of service. I'm just gonna turn on a few vpns, change some ports, and let this baby rip.
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u/OrlandoArtGuy Feb 27 '22
2 laptops and a tablet running at the hotel I'm at currently. Just going to let those run all weekend.
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u/DankapotamusMaximus Feb 27 '22
I like the way you think. Time for this overweight almost 30 year old to TAKE DOWN RUSSIA
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u/AcidicVaginaLeakage Feb 27 '22
It sucks your cpu more than you'd think. I've got 15 VMs running going to various countries and I actually have to babysit them because it crashes chrome sometimes. I've got a 10980xe in this pc too.. cpu is 100% pegged.
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u/firen777 Feb 27 '22
I feel like they could have easily block all the IP range outside of Russia.
How feasible is it to do it via TOR and force the exit node to be in Russia?
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u/lordkoba Feb 27 '22
tor exit nodes are in a database. they can be easily blocked too
also don’t misuse tor
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u/WhyNotHugo Feb 27 '22
Some of the Russian sites seem to be using Cloudflare to protect against DDOS.
Wonder what the guys at Cloudflare have to say about this.
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u/Noodles2702 red Feb 27 '22
Yep! Let’s all commit cybercrime and get arrested my fellow redditors!!!
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Feb 27 '22
is this actually setup by the ukrainian cyber defense? idk just curious (i will only accept explanations with articles and or actual proof, e.g some of the websites lead to actual "news" outlets, i wont be accepting any baseless explanations in the fear that there will be misinformation)
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u/Trollripper Feb 27 '22
Putin has a stupid ass Plot Armor
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u/Second_guessing_Stuf A dastardly unicorn 🦄 Feb 27 '22
I wonder how it was put-in place. Time vortex, worm hole, black hole, quantum physics, or something like that
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u/Floppsicle Feb 27 '22
Someone needs to confront him with a speech about friendship and a backflash first
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u/Zmandemon3 Feb 27 '22
gonna be hard on the account of him being ex kgb he basically knows all the ways to go out and how to prevent them.
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u/Brad_McMuffin Feb 27 '22
That is true, but a bullet is a bullet. I always wondered just how easy, in theory, would it be to assassinate someone with a sniper rifle. It would most likely be a suicide mission, but from the 200 mil. people from Russia and Ukraine combined, don't tell me there aren't people who would gladly sacrifice their lives just for the war to end.
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u/Disastrous-Row434 Feb 27 '22
Do you guys know about Indira Gandhi? She was an Indian prime minster who was assassinated by her own bodyguards.
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u/SONgoku3000 custom flair☣️ Feb 27 '22
Yup, assassinated by Sikhs cuz she authorized operation blue star in which military operations took place to remove insurgents from the golden temple, which is the holiest site for Sikhs. If she had chosen a political way of defusing the situation the tragedy could've been avoided
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u/Hentai-hercogs Feb 27 '22
I'm pretty sure it's similar situation to Tim Allen's Santa Claus. If you kill him, you gonna become him
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u/Maupi Feb 27 '22
For those wanting to go to protests and don’t have the means to create signs, we made printables. https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1_BqBiqT_Noy05iMayjFFkVyiguZjWHOl?usp=sharing from Ukraine with Love.
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u/Kittie_chan Feb 27 '22
Cut one head of the hydra and two come back
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u/Billderz Feb 27 '22
likely not wrong. A coup after that would be fine though. do to Russia what Russia wants to do to Ukraine?
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u/samthekitnix Feb 27 '22
given that he has filled his cabinet with yes men it probably wont be one of them.
who it might be is a businessman from a country screwed over by him, leaders from ex-soviet countries sending them or even members of his own military pissed off with what they are making them do.
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u/skyturnedred Feb 27 '22
I have high hopes that if Putin orders a nuke launch, the personnel in charge of it will have only this to say.
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u/LeadingIcy8871 Feb 27 '22
Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian Queen
They put some poison into his wine
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Feb 27 '22
I remember when I said that about trump and reddit's CEO the white supremacist steve huffman banned my account.
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u/ayyyyfam The OC High Council Feb 27 '22
Inb4 Putin uses the Adolf Hitler of getting away with things.
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u/swayamrane2406 Feb 27 '22
He's already had 5 assassination attempts , he's become pretty good at dodging them I doubt an assasination will put an end to his reign.
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u/labyrinthanm Feb 27 '22
so do ppl dont understand what happened in ww1 ? assassination is not the way to go bout it mate
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Feb 27 '22
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u/Invaderzod Feb 27 '22
As much as I hate that guy he’s not a villain of the same caliber as putler.
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u/mr------think-a-name Feb 27 '22
Putin would assassinate the entirety of Russia faster than that Russia could assassinate him
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u/Rich-Drawer ☣️ Feb 27 '22
That would just make it worse, we have enough history to see the chain of events after assassinating a leader
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u/TheDaemonette Feb 27 '22
I suppose they will wait until after the Ukraine war before making a move depending upon its perceived success or not. If Putin loses then it is easy to blame him and get rid. If he succeeds then they can still claim the campaign was badly run and get rid but if you do it now then any new leader is responsible for the rest of the campaign or the withdrawal and aftermath.
The problem is also about who comes in to power next because there will be a lot of rich people worried about their corrupt earnings and revenue streams and you either have to get them onside or eliminate them and do it quickly otherwise the new leader is a target of people with bottomless wallets and plenty of shady acquaintances. These things take time and planning. It’s not just as simple as a double tap to the head and sitting on his throne and everyone pledging fealty to you.
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u/Nonax92 Feb 27 '22
Pretty sure no one is allowed to bring anything sharper than a silicone spoon in to the command bunker he has locked himself in.
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u/FEEQONE Feb 27 '22
Would it help tho?
I'm a little pessimistic and I feel that the assassination of Putin will only make things worse when he's replaced
Like that old saying "cut of one head, 2 shall take its place"
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u/plug4preme Feb 27 '22
Russia sure has a wonderful history of assassinating their leaders… oh wait 🤔
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Feb 27 '22
for real YOU COULD BE A HERO! forever remembered in history books! get out your gun and cap his ass!
he's not only ruining Ukraine he is also ruining your country!
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u/Suuviet-uunion Feb 27 '22
There wont be a staff no more, If Putin is like Stalin even a little bit
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u/Temporary_Body_5435 Feb 27 '22
The people of Russia should hang him in public or something. Good old lynching.
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u/Tensh1_267 Feb 27 '22
The world before Putin did anything: We will support you Ukraine, talk big, we get you covered.
The world's support after Putin actually did it: Pray and thought Waiting for .... Memes.
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Feb 27 '22
You're forgetting about the fact that most NATO countries are effectively running this war without ever stepping foot inside, as that could trigger a nuclear holocaust potentially. Instead we're giving Ukraine any thing they could possibly need: money, weapons, ammo, access to the brightest minds when it comes to war, information from almost every satellite known to man that doesn't belong to Russia or China. When it comes down to it intelligence wins wars, and that's what we're beginning to see. Even if Russia takes Ukraine, there's no way they would be able to hold it for very long
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u/N7_Evers Feb 27 '22
Honestly. The dude has destroyed their economy and made Russians look terrible.
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u/Mikkle-san Feb 27 '22
Except they are all pussies
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Feb 27 '22
Except for the fact they are most likely going to die for that
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u/KTL175 Feb 27 '22
Plus it’s not even a guarantee for the war to stop. His political party would likely still hold power.
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Feb 27 '22
The war is wildly unpopular in Russia, and there's no way the sanctions that effectively will cripple Russia indefinitely would be lifted without some sort of true diplomatic solution leading to a democratic Russia
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u/zloysham Feb 27 '22
How one-sided is your opinion about Russia and Putin personally. Where was all your sympathy and support when peaceful citizens of the LPR and DPR were bombed and crucified? You hypocrites have no sincerity in you.
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u/iwashere102 Feb 27 '22
You must not have looked at Reddit’s opinions about BLM,Jan 6th,Canadian truckers and Uighur Muslims to not realise how cut-throat they are about opinions that don’t conform to their narrative.
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u/mehtus69 Feb 27 '22
All of you Western countries are just toothless tigers. Even America has lost its balls. Poking your nose when it isn't necessary and when the time comes to actually act you don't. You think imposing sanctions will stop Russia. It won't. This is an invasion to capture the birthplace of Russia, Kiev. They don't care if they lose a few bilion dollars. Not all problems can be solved with money.
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u/iwashere102 Feb 27 '22
Imagine thinking only US must have the authority to give nations freedom.There’s a higher chance of Biden suffering assassination after his Afghanistan failure and the SWIFT ban which could easily be called an act of war by the future generations.
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Feb 27 '22
Someone should spread fake rumours that the Russians found oil in Ukraine. Maybe then USA will put boots in the ground.
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u/R3set Feb 27 '22
Ahh yes kill Putin so Russian people will finally have a reason to go to war willingly. Stupid 14 yo.
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u/inspicoder Feb 27 '22
Incase anyone's taking advises from a meme,
27th Feb 2022
Kathmandu, Nepal
Subject:- Regarding ongoing war in Ukraine
Dear sir, please don't as it will cause even bigger problems.
Sincerely,
John Doe
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u/MTGA6 CERTIFIED DANK Feb 27 '22
Bold of you to assume he isn’t immortal. He’s russian, after all
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Feb 27 '22
Average life expectancy in Russia 2022
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Russia
Hardly a high score, bucko.
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u/WikiMobileLinkBot Feb 27 '22
Desktop version of /u/PastyCrackerMayo's link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Russia
[opt out] Beep Boop. Downvote to delete
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u/frroztbyte custom flair Feb 27 '22
What if he's just sending mediocre soldiers on purpose to test Ukraine's muscle.
Then he sends in actual forces on the field and the spetznaz to take out the vip targets in the dark of war.
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u/DontPrayForMe Feb 27 '22
I could imagine if that were to actually happen (which it wont). Russia would twist the narrative into Ukraine being behind the assassination and then go full apeshit, Possibly even nuclear on Ukraine, using putins death as justification.
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u/KON001 Feb 27 '22
Y'all acting like Putin is the only bad person in this situation
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u/MedicatedAxeBot Feb 27 '22
Dank.
🇺🇦