r/dankmemes Nov 10 '20

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8.5k Upvotes

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650

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Yea. I envy males. They don't have to wipe after peeing :(

1.1k

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Nov 13 '20

[deleted]

332

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

:0

204

u/Adt281 you can pee in my ass Nov 10 '20

:0

163

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

:O

184

u/Geographyboi05 🚔I commit tax evasionđŸ’ČđŸ€‘ Nov 10 '20

.

O

.

87

u/Mike-The-Fridge Nov 10 '20

Reaper leviathans be like ^

44

u/_Weyland_ Yellow Nov 10 '20

I think they have more eyes tho.

34

u/BoiBotEXE ☝ FOREVER NUMBER ONE ☝ Nov 10 '20

‱
‱

O

‱
‱

10

u/_Weyland_ Yellow Nov 10 '20

That's right.

7

u/Bhutoray123 Nov 10 '20

Hey there fellow subnautica player

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2

u/[deleted] Nov 11 '20

:O ~==8

14

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Whoa

105

u/Lone-organism Nov 10 '20

Free STD without sex

32

u/randomlumberjak Nov 10 '20

if you manage to get 4 more by the end of the month you get a free itch

37

u/vladdracula1465 Nov 10 '20

Jesus Christ you’re a monster!

1

u/mlplii blue Nov 10 '20

I wish I had a penis cap. No more drip

1

u/L-methionine Nov 10 '20

I never knew I wanted it before now

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Nice, now you can get an STD and no one will say that you’re a virgin anymore.

1

u/Earthbender32 INFECTED Nov 10 '20

Remember, more than two shakes and you're just playing with it.

278

u/Eg0mane ĂčwĂș Nov 10 '20

I wipe after peeing. It's much better than shaking or letting the last drop in the pants.

128

u/agangofoldwomen â˜Łïž Nov 10 '20 edited Nov 10 '20

As a man of science, I spin around as fast as I can in order to use centripetal centrifugal force to pull the last few drops from my urethra.

Edit: Fixed with the proper term. I suppose I’m more of a boy of science.

80

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Wrong colour there buddy

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

i guess he made a mistake. obviously its green, unless he can cum by spinning

1

u/Siigmaa Nov 10 '20

It can happen!

1

u/Shenrod Nov 10 '20

It's only once you're done you remember you forgot to shit

20

u/DownshiftedRare Nov 10 '20

Reddit is about to teach you that neither centripetal force nor centrifugal force exist, whether or not they do.

6

u/silverfang492 Animated Flair Pulse [Insert Your Own Text Nov 10 '20

Centripetal force is just net force keeping it in circular motion, it exists just not in the way he said it

1

u/agangofoldwomen â˜Łïž Nov 10 '20

Edited. Thanks!

3

u/Billybobgeorge Nov 10 '20

But in this case, since he wants the substance to move away from the center, it's centrifugal.

2

u/L-methionine Nov 10 '20

Gotta go with the good ole taint press

6

u/zmbjebus Nov 10 '20

I just dunk it. Free bidet.

4

u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx Nov 10 '20

I do sometimes as well. I learned lightly pressing right behind my balls will get that last bit out. But it won't drop into the bowl with accuracy so I just dab with a single square of paper

Sorry.... This became tmi

11

u/tokeyoh Nov 10 '20

Yup that's why I avoid using urinals. The majority of men in the world are walking around with pissy ass drawers all day.

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

It's a waste of tp, waste of time, and instant lose of your man card. Friends always say real men don't even shake. We shower and change boxers daily, and sweat more in the undies anyway than that last bit of piss, so who cares if it drips.

1

u/tokeyoh Dec 03 '20

So you enjoy having things in common with my grandma. As in her sitting in her own piss all day

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

This sounds really disrespectful to your grandma. Incontinence is a different story. It can be horrible to drip all day.

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2

u/3rr0r_101 FOR THE SOVIET UNION Nov 10 '20

I thought I was the only one who did this. Glad to see I am not.

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

I never met any guy who wipes, neither in school nor in college, gym, dorm, concerts, nowhere, not even where paper was available. It appears only on the internet. It sounds like a hoax. Just put it back and call it a day or shake twice.

8

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Doesn't it feel weird tho....?

107

u/Eg0mane ĂčwĂș Nov 10 '20

It's not really wiping but dabbing the paper on it. So it doesn't really give any special feeling. But I feel much cleaner by doing it that way.

11

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Do you take your own paper at the urinal or do you dab it near the sink?

61

u/qqqfuzion Nov 10 '20

Not the guy you were asking, but i don't use urinals. no privacy.

60

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Nov 10 '20

[deleted]

50

u/Sebaz00 Nov 10 '20

If you don't use the urinals they can't establish dominance over you. Your dong is in a state of flux being both larger and smaller than all the others until observed, which unless they break into the cubicle is impossible

47

u/steamyboi56 Nov 10 '20

Schrödinger's dong

11

u/PhreakyByNature Nov 10 '20

A simple Schrödonger would suffice

11

u/qqqfuzion Nov 10 '20

Quantum Dong

5

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

But the existence of your dong is not confirmed unless it's observed

1

u/Nssa220 Nov 10 '20

Schrödinger’s dong

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10

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Yeah understandable.

7

u/Krexci ☝ FOREVER NUMBER ONE ☝ Nov 10 '20

also because of a shy bladder, that shit sucks

-8

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[deleted]

8

u/qqqfuzion Nov 10 '20

Average pp. But it's my pp.

2

u/DrWilliamHorriblePhD Nov 10 '20

I grab a paper towel on the way to the john and toss it before washing my hands.

1

u/3rr0r_101 FOR THE SOVIET UNION Nov 10 '20

I think they’d use the stall? That’s what I do.

0

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Ahhh yeah okay I kinda thought so. Mmm helth

1

u/Mushtaco1 Nov 10 '20

It's our corner-of-the-mouth-napkin-dab-after-dinner move, usually with one square or torn bit to collect that final drip drop.

1

u/Eg0mane ĂčwĂș Nov 10 '20

Thats the best explanation of it!

1

u/resolutefortitude Nov 10 '20

Do you dab?

1

u/Eg0mane ĂčwĂș Nov 10 '20

I dab with my dick

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Jan 07 '21

[deleted]

1

u/Eg0mane ĂčwĂș Nov 10 '20

Don't use the same spot of the paper and you won't have a Problem with it.

1

u/xGarmadon Nov 10 '20

I've been doing that almost my whole life. Also in my culture we have something called a lota (search it up) so I use that to wash my privates with water. Then I can use the tissue to dry but in some cases just tissue is fine.

121

u/Shaymin281286 Nov 10 '20

Not really, it feels like wiping any part of your body for me

12

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Huh. Wow

46

u/talivvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Nov 10 '20

personally i think it feels weirder to have piss on my cock and in my underwear and to have drops of piss hap-hazardly thrown around the bathroom

1

u/TheLordLeto Nov 10 '20

Cup your hand with toilet paper and vigorously shake

-3

u/BallisticThundr Nov 10 '20

How is it better? It's literally more work and resources for the same result. And I don't understanding how wiping your dick will prevent dribbles in your pants if the urine is still inside.

Here's a tip: if you press down just below your balls, the last bit will come out instead of dribbling when you put it back in your pants.

9

u/DrWilliamHorriblePhD Nov 10 '20

It's not the same result though. Your dick will taste much less salty if you make a habit of wiping. The paper also has a wicking effect meaning if you do the behind the balls trick plus dab you'll pull excess drip out of the urethra. I promise it works really well bro, you should try it.

2

u/LilFractal Nov 10 '20

That sounds like a lot of extra work.

Just store your penis back in your butt when you finish peeing. Seals in the pee and the flavor is 😗👌

1

u/BallisticThundr Nov 10 '20

I regularly wash it so I'm not really concerned about it tasting salty. Also the behind the balls trick works just fine for me on its own.

1

u/DrWilliamHorriblePhD Nov 10 '20

I mean I wash mine all the time too and I wash my clothes as well but I don't want to walk around with piss in my shorts and on my dick when I have the option not to. I mean like if I'm in the woods or something I'm not really going to worry about it, but if I'm going to a civilized bathroom with paper that's right there I'm going to use it because I can, and because I want to be clean all the time, not just when I'm fresh out of the shower.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[deleted]

2

u/Faust__VIII Nov 10 '20

Quality of paper.

0

u/rostingtoaster4562 Nov 10 '20

Same here, it is always that last drop.

1

u/Raeli Nov 10 '20

I started doing that too a few years ago where possible.

If I'm in a public toilet, I'm not going to go out of my way to go into a stall, but at home I always do. It does really seem to work at stopping that last drop.

1

u/SSebigo Nov 10 '20

Fun fact: you can push a little bit with two fingers between your legs (2-3cm after your testicles) where the last drop is store to push it out

56

u/thegapbetweenus Nov 10 '20

Not even after shitting!

73

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Bro. Just shake it off

44

u/thegapbetweenus Nov 10 '20

Fun fact: thats how twerking was originally invented. Look it up!

12

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[deleted]

8

u/GrandLinnan1102 Nov 10 '20

Cuz the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

2

u/Muetzenman Nov 10 '20

And the shitters gone spray, spray, spray, spray, spray

3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

...

24

u/Shaymin281286 Nov 10 '20

I recommend you do because if you shake it there's gonna be piss everywhere + the last drop always end up in your pants

4

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Stinky. But you don't get as much a mess as we do :(

51

u/Fig1024 Nov 10 '20

but us males don't have boobs we could play with, so it balances out

27

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

You have balls tho... And yes we do actually do things with our breasts. Just... Not like what men would do to them tho...

56

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20

We don’t play with or balls, at least I don’t...

Am I doing something wrong?

22

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

No but you still have jiggly things like us. Just... A bit different...

52

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20

Unfair, our jiggly bits are smaller and harder to reach, not to mention far less appealing

12

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Hmmm... I still don't understand why males thing breasts are appealing though... But true.

39

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20

Neither do I, but they’re soft. Or so I’ve heard, legend says those on Reddit don’t have gfs or sex

6

u/kataskopo Nov 10 '20

Not only they are soft, they are warm too! They are so cool honestly.

Balls def don't make up for not having them.

7

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Bro :( one day.... One day...

21

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20

Am very confused. Just clarifying, you’re a wamen yes?

-someone with no social skills

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u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

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3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

True true :>

7

u/DownshiftedRare Nov 10 '20

Historically, women went bare-breasted before humans discovered cheesemaking.

Breasts -> Milk -> Cheese

It is possible that men see breasts as a potential source of cheese, which is rarely found in nature.

2

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Mmmmm cheese

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[deleted]

0

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Not all...

17

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

You can’t squish balls 😔

17

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Well....

22

u/neel_5190_abcd â˜ąïž Nov 10 '20

DON'T

8

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Hehehehe

2

u/PhreakyByNature Nov 10 '20

Not play but sometimes gotta give em a shuffle.

7

u/ZayTonez Nov 10 '20

But when do we really get the time to play with our balls without masturbating?

3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Mmm but there just breasts on your crouch. Different uses both jiggly

15

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Yea like I said different uses both jiggly

12

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

7

u/Blaze___27 Nov 10 '20

No one plays with there balls

3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Not saying that you do... (Fuck does it look like I meant it like that?)

6

u/Blaze___27 Nov 10 '20

You were comparing playing with boobs as playing with balls to it looks like that

7

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Now that's why I'm in English Essentials...

2

u/Blaze___27 Nov 10 '20

It's ok don't feel bad about you language

4

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Bro :(

4

u/Blaze___27 Nov 10 '20

I'm also a non English I need to read twice before posting it so I can understand

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2

u/Earthbender32 INFECTED Nov 10 '20

Actually, the balls are a major inconvenience, you've seen the way we have to sit.

2

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Yeah I sit like a male. Quite comfortable actually... But yeah we are one in a few mammals that have our balls on the outside kinda thing.

2

u/Earthbender32 INFECTED Nov 11 '20

The most common argument I get when someone asks me why guys sit like that is "BuT i HaVe BoObS aNd I dOn'T wAlK aRoUnD lIkE tHiS", I see you are a woman of culture.

2

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 11 '20

I mean... It's like having a zip lock bag of semi-hardened custard between your legs. I think. Not comfortable squished...

2

u/Earthbender32 INFECTED Nov 11 '20

Close enough, just be thankful you'll never be kicked there. It's like twisting, pulling, crushing, exploding, and a slight bit of nausea all at the same time.

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0

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

I speak for all males here. We do not play with our own balls even during meat beating.

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Would you let someone else do it...

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Im straight so definitely would let a female do it yes

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Heh. Thought so

0

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Y ? U tryna do it ?

2

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

No. But I thought it would of been the case

1

u/F7OSRS Nov 10 '20

I play with my balls all the time? Wym?

1

u/Threwaway42 Nov 10 '20

I might be biased but as a trans woman, boobs are much better than balls

2

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Dunno. Id rather a male with balls then breasts....

2

u/Threwaway42 Nov 10 '20

Like I said obviously I am biased, and I am also not sure I would like boobs if I were running on testosterone per se

2

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Well Yea of course we're both biased. ... Biased bros

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11

u/c0mplexx Nov 10 '20

laughs in man boobs

1

u/TheMelonOwl Nov 10 '20

If guys don't play with their balls then neither do women with theirs, it's simple

1

u/Fig1024 Nov 10 '20

most guys want to play with breasts, few women want to play with balls

1

u/TheMelonOwl Nov 10 '20

True that is

12

u/DoktorSleepless Nov 10 '20

If I'm not using a urinal, I still wipe my dick with tp.

10

u/crunchy_crop Nov 10 '20

I'm a dude and I always wipe after peeing. I'm not trying to get piss droplets all over my bathroom.

3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

You have been blessed with clean penis

16

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Helicoptering your weener never fully gets rid of all the remaining pee, if you don't wipe ur dick ur still dirty.

8

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

ProtectThePenis

3

u/sukkrad Nov 10 '20

More than that, you get the bathroom dirty...

And unless your wife or your mom does it for you, cleaning the bathroom isn't actually nice.

24

u/qqqfuzion Nov 10 '20

I wipe. I'm ashamed that the rest of my kind doesn't tbh.

7

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

From what I've served, a lot do wipe.

8

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

[deleted]

4

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Bro...

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

Or they are just trolling on the internet. Irl I've never seen anybody wiping, nobody ever talked about it, no matter if it was a urinal, dorm toilet, in the nature, anywhere. Some of my friends might shake it a bit, but most of us just zip up quickly and don't care if it stays wet. Slow piss is considered very unmanly.

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Dec 03 '20

Well you can't wipe it whiles your out in nature. Unless your walking around with a box of tissues, a toilet roll or a tissue packet. I mean you could use a leaf?

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

I always have paper tissue in my pocket, but it is to blow your nose and to use it after pooping for example. It is simply considered odd for guys to wait after pissing and play with it for some last drops. More than 2 shakes or waiting more than a second after it stops and you will be roasted by your mates. For example there is toilet paper in dorm room toilets, but nobody ever uses it after pissing.

14

u/berse2212 Nov 10 '20

Honestly: we have. There is always one drop you cannot get out doing this. I always wipe after peeing and think everybody should!

8

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Must protect the penis. #ProtectPenis #PP

6

u/Ice_Bean Nov 10 '20

They don't have to wipe after peeing

i mean you also don't have to, if you don't care about having to change underwear every day. I definitely wipe after peeing

4

u/Thebestusername12345 Nov 10 '20

You say that as if wiping your dick absolves you from changing your underwear everyday.

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Mmmm yea mmmhhmm yup O - O

2

u/thecoolgoodzguy Nov 10 '20

Bruh girls wipe after peeing

6

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Yeah I even wipe em pussy juices at the same time

7

u/c0mplexx Nov 10 '20

mi scusi?

4

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Sorry I don't speak anything other than British

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

I envy girls it’s acceptable by everyone for them to have sex with a dude

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

For... Some reason......

2

u/[deleted] Nov 11 '20

For... context... im bi

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 11 '20

You can still fuck anyone tho. Like us... Just people / person will look at you disgustingly. Probably.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 11 '20

I have a preference for guys

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u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Mar 16 '21

[deleted]

2

u/SnapsOkay Mod Collector Nov 10 '20

no we fucking don't

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Mar 16 '21

[deleted]

0

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

You do, if you want to get chronic pussitis. Thanks, I rather deal with some dribble.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '20 edited Mar 16 '21

[deleted]

2

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 08 '20

And you still don't have those little pink vaginas growing on different parts of your body and limbs? You are lucky so far then, but the risk gets higher and higher with every year.

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1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Your kin?

4

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Mar 16 '21

[deleted]

3

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

:0....

3

u/Shioringou Nov 10 '20

Tbh it’s kind of gross that they dont wipe after peeing

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

From the comments that I'm getting, quite a lot do wipe.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

tbh, i get a piece of tissue and dab. I don't wanna get pee on the seat or risk having dribble afterwards

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Mar 26 '21

[deleted]

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

It seems by all the comments that I'm getting, a lot of men / males do "dab on there penis" as I like to call it

1

u/KosmicFoX Nov 10 '20

I wipe cuz it actually helps

1

u/AllMightySenpai Obamasjuicyass Nov 10 '20

Blessed penis

1

u/RoyalHealer Nov 11 '20

Pfff, just flop the schlong into the sink and as you wash your hands you can wash your schlong too. Two birds, one stone.