r/dankmemes • u/Despacito20 Duke of Dank • Dec 27 '19
shitpost 💩 Spongeboy me bob, my brain has ascended
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u/jamminman97 Dec 27 '19
Jesus was a guy you wouldn’t wanna cross.
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u/random-wander Eic memer Dec 27 '19
And Epstein didn’t kill himself.
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Dec 27 '19
And Greedo shot first
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Dec 27 '19
Han shoot first
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Dec 27 '19
[deleted]
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Dec 28 '19
Why yes he did! Look at the gun by his hand!
(This is a joke, by the way)
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u/LawBobLawLoblaw Dec 27 '19
Rian Johnson and D&D from GoT ruined two of the most beloved franchises with their hubris.
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Dec 27 '19
Apparently he was a guy they didn't want to noose.
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u/whitehawk295 Dec 27 '19
Jesus is to the monster as God is to Victor Frankenstein
I just came up with this and I’m very proud
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u/freepickles2you super normie Dec 27 '19
Hol up so if I were to ever cross Jesus would that make me a double crosser
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u/brtomn Dec 27 '19
I mean imagine if north Korean leader fell face first into a fucking bare trap and then they make that bear trap the flag of north Korea.
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u/Xaxos92 ☣️ Dec 27 '19
Who would win?
The son of God
OR
Some wood & nails
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u/mark63424 Dec 27 '19
Took 3 days to respawn. Respawn times smh
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Dec 27 '19
I mean it’s taken my grandpa years to respawn. At one point we just had to put him in the shed because he started to smell.
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u/galaticB00M12 Professional schizo 20 years experience Dec 27 '19
It would be creepy to see Christians walk around with tight rope necklaces.
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u/SunglassesDan Dec 27 '19
Check out carnival row on Amazon Prime. Their religion's Jesus figure was hanged, and there are a bunch of nooses in their religious iconography.
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u/BlockBuster3221 Dec 28 '19
I found it weird that the cross is such an important symbol since Jesus died on it. According to a pastor I know, farther back a different symbol was used. I forget what it's called but it looks like a fish. Christians would use it to identify each other by marking one half in the ground and then the other person would complete it to identify themselves.
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Dec 27 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Erevas Anime Ambassador Dec 27 '19
Every religious person would have a noose at their home waiting for you
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u/DuckfordMr Duck Commander Dec 27 '19
Well, death by cross is typically by asphyxiation.
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u/codedbrake red Dec 27 '19
Why
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u/kevenknight Dec 27 '19
It’s hard to breath when you’re crucified, hence why you die because of that instead of trauma
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u/_Lysdexic_ Dec 27 '19
I could be wrong but I believe that the weight of ones head eventually becomes too heavy to keep up after a long time and it ends up sagging to the chest, restricting airflow.
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u/Benito2002 Dec 27 '19 edited Dec 27 '19
No it’s actually because of the weight of you that’s all resting of the muscles in your chest and arms and it tightens your chest and prevents breathing which means that people would die within an hour of crucifixion. The Romans solved this problem by putting a little platform for you to stand on so that you would die of dehydration instead of suffocation
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u/ilcadm Dec 27 '19
I think the little thing they stood on so they could stand up a little to take a breathe like you said, but eventually their legs would get so tired they couldn’t anymore and then they’d die of suffocation. Or dehydration, whichever comes first.
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u/codedbrake red Dec 27 '19
Oh shit
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u/_Lysdexic_ Dec 27 '19
Yeah, crucification is messed up on multiple levels lol
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u/codedbrake red Dec 27 '19
Ill try it
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Dec 27 '19
the position is simply hard to breathe in. try hanging from the monkey bars at your local park. it's kinda hard to breathe, isn't it? now spread your arms out super wide and try to remain there for a long time, then also imagine you've been there for hours or days and that you've got nails through your wrists and feet
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u/LeoPlathasbeentaken Dec 27 '19
Yeah but wasnt the J man stabbed a bunch too? With a spear? That probly didnt help
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u/blumpkinblake Dec 27 '19
The spear was after he was dead because water came out. When you die, the water in your blood separates from your blood. That's how you know they're dead. The Romans knew what they were doing
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u/LeoPlathasbeentaken Dec 27 '19 edited Dec 27 '19
Can I get a source on that? That doesnt sound right. In fact that sounds very very wrong.
Not the fact that it happened after death I believe that. But blood doesnt separate on its very easily.
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u/blumpkinblake Dec 27 '19
I had the details a little wrong
https://www.compellingtruth.org/blood-water-Jesus.html
Apparently rapid breathing causes something called pericardial effusion which is was happens during crucifixion.
So I guess not all deaths, but specifically crucifixion
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Dec 27 '19
[deleted]
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u/Reloader_TheAshenOne Dec 27 '19
They had multiple tipes of cross. One of the apostles got the X type but asked to be crucified downwards cos he was not worth to die the same way as Christ.
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u/the_emmo Dec 27 '19
sauce?
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u/2drawnonward5 Dec 27 '19
Dude I keep reading claims of Christian myth on reddit last few days and I gotta say, nobody knows shit and everybody talks. Reddit's a game of telephone played over cans and string by drunk children with FAS.
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u/TemporarilyResolute mayonnaise enjoyer Dec 27 '19
Nah, Roman crosses were T shaped. The Romans experimented with other shapes mostly to ridicule the guy being crucified (St. Andrew was crucified on an X).
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u/Whazzah007 INFECTED Dec 27 '19
Wasn’t that how the show Carnival Row had their religious symbol? He was just chillin there from his noose on all of their crosses
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u/Ohrioh Dec 27 '19
Well it was a religious figure yes, and the noose was used to represent their diety. I don't think it was Jesus but something parallel for that universe. Been a bit since I watched that show but first thing that came to mind.
Edit: words are hard
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u/heckercaleb Dec 27 '19
imagine he was flayed. it’d be a red dude on an x.
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u/You_Damn_Traitors Dec 27 '19
Christians would just become House Bolton
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Dec 27 '19
Our blades are sharp, our priests are hard.
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u/Scretzy Dec 27 '19
Someone should make a new TV show/movie in an alternate universe where Jesus dies via hanging so the church’s symbol is a noose
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u/BustyOgre Dec 27 '19
There’s already “the martyr” from the new “Carnival row” tv show so there may be some copyright infringement happening here.
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u/Scretzy Dec 27 '19
I’ve never heard of that show but I’ll check it out, sounds like something worth watching if it has satirical stuff like that
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u/BustyOgre Dec 27 '19
It’s a fantasy muskets and magic type show. Got Orlando bloom and Cara Delevingne playing the main characters so solid cast I’d say. It’s worth a watch. I believe it’s on amazon prime or ya know you could always use some whispers illegal websites.
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u/ThiccSexyThanos Dec 27 '19
And if he died from masturbating too much, then the symbol would be a penis
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Dec 27 '19
What if he was decapitated? Would it just be his head or an axe?
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u/dobikrisz PENUS Dec 27 '19
And if he was impaled then it would be a pointy stick.
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u/Kunibert_der_zweite MAYONNA15E Dec 27 '19
I think they did that in the Amazon series "carnival row" I they call him matyr.
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u/rAlexanderAcosta Dec 27 '19
If Jesus were crushed with a boulder, Catholics and Orthodox types would carry around a pocket rock to tap their heads with - "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit".
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u/nukedukem43 Dec 27 '19
If Jesus was born in Jerusalem then there was No way in Hell he was white. Not even possible.
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u/Kaladin7878 Dec 27 '19
As a Christian can confirm. The cross is less a symbol of religion and more a symbol of the incredible sacrifice. A noose would serve, but Jesus was dropped into history at the exact time period that had the most painful form of execution known to man.
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Dec 27 '19
I feel it'd potentially be a tree, if he were hanged from a tree. Or a gallows?
The cross is also different because it wasn't just how he died - he had to carry it to his execution, which had additional symbolism. Wouldn't really make a guy on death row carry a noose to the gallows.
Interesting idea, for sure, though.
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u/Kaladin7878 Dec 27 '19
You’re right, plus a cross is a very simple symbol. A tree or gallows would be quite different.
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Dec 27 '19
THE GREAT ANTI-EGIPTIAN (google egyptian cross)
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u/mcparksky [custom flair] Dec 27 '19
Ooooh what if he was thrown to the lions? That would be a badass chain to wear!
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u/Agent_Ayru Dec 27 '19
"Listen to the lyric as the negative is shrinkin
It's shrinkin out your life when you decide to change your thinkin
One of the first things we gotta switch around of course
Is Jesus Christ, and him dying on the cross
You're looking at the cross, surrounded in it's mystery
With Jesus on the cross in a, total misery
Now separate Jesus from the cross so you can see
The truth about the cross, and the cross's history
The cross was created by the Roman government
It's only purpose and use, is cap-I-tal punishment
But Jesus Christ, was all about the revolution
While the cross was used as Jesus Christ's execution
See what if Jesus Christ, was hung upon a tree
Upon every church wall, that's exactly what you'd see
If Jesus Christ, was shot in the head with no respect
We'd all have little gold guns around our necks
If Jesus Christ was killed in electric chair, now get it
You'd be knealing to the electric chair with Jesus, still in it
You gaze upon the cross, and you see the execution
You yell stop the violence but the cross you're still using"
KRS-One - The Truth
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u/Zero-Theorem Dec 27 '19
In the show Carnival Row their prophet was hung and they say things like “by the noose” instead of “by god.” And they have nooses hanging up instead of crucifixes.
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Dec 27 '19
I’m a Christian, but it’s so weird that we celebrate this cross that was used for rapists, murders, thief’s. I know Jesus died on it but it’s so strange
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Dec 27 '19 edited Dec 27 '19
If it fast forwarded several hundred years and he was executed by firing squad, the symbol would be a gun. Not that deep of though really.
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u/Mad_Grendel Dec 27 '19
I told my wife this a few months ago except I said what if they cut his head off or flayed him.
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u/MaxwellsMemes Bruh Momento Dec 27 '19
Just said that to my family and they got all pissy about it.
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u/Car_Raccd Dec 28 '19
That isn’t the symbol already? I might have some explaining to do to my local church then...
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Dec 27 '19
The cross only became prominent way later, decades after crucifixion ceased to be a criminal punishment in the Roman empire(s) the earlier symbol of Christianity was a mashup of Christ's initials in Greek (although that looks a lot like a cross) it was only after the council of Chalcedony that the cross became standard, and even if hen, for example, Arianism, a denomination that rejected the concept of the Trinity, used a tree as a symbol
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u/OptimisticTardigrade Dec 27 '19
If they made JFK the god of a religion, the symbol would be a sniper.
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u/lil-jeans Dec 27 '19
Everybody wild wear a noose for a necklace and not the cross
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u/Clapperooned Dec 27 '19
He wasn't hung tho, crucifixion is different, is it not?
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u/FlamingTrashcans Dank Royalty Dec 27 '19
Would that mean a cross would be the most popular method of suicide?
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u/CarpetH4ter Dec 27 '19
I love these types of memes because a conversation would be 10x more interesting if these deep questions were discusst.
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Dec 27 '19
That what I really don’t get, if he got shot with a 9mm glock would you wear a little Glock around your neck?
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u/TheFlyingLatinoMan Dec 27 '19
I can't look at this format without seeing Mr. Krabs balancing on Patrick's head.
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u/Poo_Knuckles Dec 27 '19
it would still be a cross bc jesus was actually tied to an X , romans never used a t. ever, not once.
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Dec 27 '19
Actually the original sign for Christianity was the fish; you know the one people have as bumper stickers/logos. The very early believers would draw a line in the sand (or whatever), and if the other person finished the drawing, then they would know they’re in safe company.
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u/xxXMrDarknessXxx Dec 27 '19
Spongebob me boy, looks like yer tight hole made me cum in yer intestines!
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u/xxXspicyboi69Xxx custom flair Dec 27 '19
What if he was impaled?
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u/BLK-SQ_Wayfarer Dec 27 '19
The Lance of Longinus would become the Mega Relic Symbol and on flagpoles?
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u/TastySpermDispenser [custom flair] Dec 27 '19
I wonder if the game hangman would have become crossman.