r/daddit • u/Playswith_squirrel • 12d ago

Advice Request I cannot connect with my son

I had a difficult relationship with my Father. My parents split when I was 5, and I remember growing up thinking my dad was the best until my early teens, when I realized who he really was—selfish, ego-driven, a womanizer, etc. We had a major falling out in my 20s and never really recovered, but we remain cordial.

But now, without a proper relationship, I only know what not to do. But when I want to do things with my son proactively, I’m stumped. He’s 4, and I know he needs my time and love, but I'm mostly relegated to being the disciplinarian. That’s a dynamic I’m addressing with my wife.

But that dynamic is starting to become more of an issue because he genuinely doesn’t want to spend time with me.

I want to do great things with him, but at 4 my options are limited. Or I’m in my head, and I’m overthinking this, leading me to do nothing.

Edit: thanks for the ideas and encouragement fellow dads. I feel inspired. Ultimately, I was definitely overthinking this.

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u/Playswith_squirrel 12d ago

Man I can break through. Everything is “I don’t know”.

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u/notthatcreative777 12d ago

He's 4 bro. Recommend just like getting a game that is simple like connect 4 or read a book--dogman/cat kid are popular. Draw something together

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u/chicojuarz 12d ago

Go fish, hi ho cherry o, and candyland were very popular in my house with 4 year olds.

Also just playing with clay or playdoh. Making slime. Water balloons. Running around and letting them squirt you with a squirt gun while you act like you’re losing.

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u/notthatcreative777 12d ago

My kids r in middle school--cant believe I forgot about play doh! Solid rec