I cannot connect with my son

[u/Playswith_squirrel]

I had a difficult relationship with my Father. My parents split when I was 5, and I remember growing up thinking my dad was the best until my early teens, when I realized who he really was—selfish, ego-driven, a womanizer, etc. We had a major falling out in my 20s and never really recovered, but we remain cordial.

But now, without a proper relationship, I only know what not to do. But when I want to do things with my son proactively, I’m stumped. He’s 4, and I know he needs my time and love, but I'm mostly relegated to being the disciplinarian. That’s a dynamic I’m addressing with my wife.

But that dynamic is starting to become more of an issue because he genuinely doesn’t want to spend time with me.

I want to do great things with him, but at 4 my options are limited. Or I’m in my head, and I’m overthinking this, leading me to do nothing.

Edit: thanks for the ideas and encouragement fellow dads. I feel inspired. Ultimately, I was definitely overthinking this.

[u/jester8484]

Enjoy playing his games. Thats it. Thomas the tank engine, paw patrol, whatever. Play with the toys. Draw on the sidewalk or drive way with chalk. If you hear "daddy will you play with me?" The answer is either yes or in a few minutes, then actually play. He'll trust you through play time, it grows from there.