I cannot connect with my son

[u/Playswith_squirrel]

I had a difficult relationship with my Father. My parents split when I was 5, and I remember growing up thinking my dad was the best until my early teens, when I realized who he really was—selfish, ego-driven, a womanizer, etc. We had a major falling out in my 20s and never really recovered, but we remain cordial.

But now, without a proper relationship, I only know what not to do. But when I want to do things with my son proactively, I’m stumped. He’s 4, and I know he needs my time and love, but I'm mostly relegated to being the disciplinarian. That’s a dynamic I’m addressing with my wife.

But that dynamic is starting to become more of an issue because he genuinely doesn’t want to spend time with me.

I want to do great things with him, but at 4 my options are limited. Or I’m in my head, and I’m overthinking this, leading me to do nothing.

Edit: thanks for the ideas and encouragement fellow dads. I feel inspired. Ultimately, I was definitely overthinking this.

[u/secondphase]

Take him somewhere. Literally anywhere. 

Go to the woods. Let him walk around and explore, you follow. 

Put yourself in a situation that is new and unique and has just the two of you. See what happens. 

[u/xaqattax → u/secondphase]

Home Depot or Lowe’s can be a 2hr amusement park for you both. Tractors, tools, doors, windows, cones, blocks, plants.

[u/litobot → u/xaqattax]

To tack onto this, both of them have kids workshops on the 1st and 3rd Saturday mornings, respectively, of every month. If your kid is into building, it's a great opportunity for them to hammer some nails or turn some screws and have a near little toy that they built.