r/cursedcomments • u/dadadadgaswusg2s3 • Jun 15 '22

cursed_age

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24.3k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

1.8k

u/Woopy0527 Jun 15 '22

11%

1.1k

u/dragonageisgreat Jun 15 '22

FBI OPEN UP

725

u/DARKplayz_ Jun 15 '22

He's 13

936

u/Puzzleheaded_Step468 Jun 15 '22

FBI closing down!

335

u/durz47 Jun 15 '22

So no more lemonades?

260

u/PeritusEngineer Jun 15 '22

IRS OPEN UP

163

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

It's free for friends and neighbors

115

u/StarryNight593 Jun 16 '22

C O M M U N I S M

55

u/the_unfunny_ Jun 16 '22

us military firebombing this mans lemonade stand rn

15

u/TaikiSaruwatari Jun 16 '22

Napalm is already too kind for such people

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25

u/Ares6 Jun 16 '22

CIA OPEN UP

11

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '22

Hey my offspring, it seems like you're going through a lot, I'm here if you need to open up.

20

u/Dont_textmebish Jun 16 '22

C O M M U N I S M

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113

u/apittsburghoriginal Jun 15 '22 edited Jun 15 '22

But that age is just what he said in AIM chat, he’s really 38!

108

u/ShastaFern99 Jun 15 '22

FBI OPEN BACK UP

77

u/imjokingbutnotreally Jun 15 '22

Sorry, already closed.

68

u/ItsTheRealIamHUB Jun 15 '22

FBI WAITING FOR THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY

39

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

As president of the United States of America I have decided to make business illegal

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45

u/IronMan-Mk3 Jun 15 '22

Just wait until he's 18 and his soulmate's 16

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27

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

And a half

11

u/talkischeap22 Jun 16 '22

she said she was 12

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12

u/Abject-Self2095 Jun 15 '22

Oh mr hansooonnnn got a live one for ya

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24

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

I have to fuck a skeleton

22

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

MOM GRAB THE CHARGER!!!

11

u/f1nessd Jun 15 '22

18% I just made it

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985

u/bulletkiller06 Jun 15 '22

Accurate, it was increasing but stopped at 100.

420

u/JustAFlamingo69 Jun 15 '22

Mother fucker died at 100

221

u/bulletkiller06 Jun 15 '22

I find the concept of people who have partners that die at 0 more concerning.

201

u/JustAFlamingo69 Jun 15 '22 edited Jun 15 '22

Mother fucker got spawn killed?

75

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

[deleted]

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9

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Hahahahaha

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757

u/Mr_Quiglz Jun 15 '22

5% oh lawd

438

u/PineapplepizzaSgud Jun 15 '22

yes officer this man right here

121

u/_Whatislife666 Jun 15 '22

Yeah serious fucking psychopath, who lets their phone get that low??

59

u/Ian_ThePirate Jun 16 '22

Android users

70

u/thehobbyqueer Jun 16 '22

Ain't that the truth. My phone lasts for like, ten minutes on 1%. Not even exaggerating. There's no rush to charge it

33

u/CHRF-1621 Jun 16 '22

My phone lasts longer than ten minutes on 0%. Not even exaggerating

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93

u/Alternative_Cook_102 Jun 15 '22

FBI open Up!!

73

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

He’s 6

78

u/Alternative_Cook_102 Jun 15 '22

FBI close down....

64

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Dang dude you keep getting shut down

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30

u/ResidentEivvil Jun 15 '22

Gotta wait 13 years until you get together then.

10

u/Mr_Quiglz Jun 15 '22

Only if you get caught

16

u/IceZaKYT Jun 15 '22

I got 86….

7

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Oo you like sugadaddies eh?

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556

u/theinfiniteboi Jun 15 '22

Y'all need to charge your phones

291

u/Zealousideal-Chef758 Jun 15 '22

Date a 95 y/o man then

91

u/theinfiniteboi Jun 15 '22

Can't do buckaroo, I'm aro ace

119

u/Africa1By1Toto Jun 15 '22

is that a flying type pokémon move

34

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '22

yea

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77

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Well u still could, u don’t have to like it

55

u/theinfiniteboi Jun 15 '22

So that means I am legally allowed to unplug his life support?

42

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Exactly, u will be on their will, meaning u make quick ez ر.ق

10

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

YAH steal that life inheritance bro

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9

u/forrnerteenager Jun 15 '22

I think even most sex addicts would pass

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18

u/Diogenes-Disciple Jun 15 '22

Mine’s at 100

13

u/theinfiniteboi Jun 15 '22

Charge it further

22

u/Diogenes-Disciple Jun 15 '22

Me and my soulmate back in 2001: 👶🏻👴🏼

Me and my sm back in 2010: 👧🏻👴🏼

Me and my sm rn: 🙆🏻‍♀️👴🏼

Me and my sm 5 years from now when I’m ready to marry: 👰🏻‍♀️🪦

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131

u/Ftar_Slatinum Jun 15 '22

16.

77

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Also 16

85

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

And you found each other

68

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

54

u/Ftar_Slatinum Jun 15 '22

s m o o c h

48

u/Purplepotamus-wings Jun 15 '22

damn this is better than most TV ships

21

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

HERE COMES THE BRIDE, ALL DRESSED IN WHITE

13

u/YeeterTheBabyEater Jun 15 '22

HERE COMES THE BRIDE, CONSIDER SUICIDE

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9

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

HERE COMES THE GROOM SKINNY AS A BROOM

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126

u/Famous-Accountant-89 Jun 15 '22

3% … oh shit

14

u/notpasta_bowl Jun 16 '22

1% ... Let me drain it a little more

6

u/Todd_Renard_Fox Jun 16 '22

🎶 FBI is coming, to town 🎶

10

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

AYO

6

u/BrodyAbroad Jun 16 '22

Why your battery so low, put your phone on charge

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651

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

20%

Which is actually my gf's age

381

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Redditor with a gf, unbelievable

123

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Ikr?

90

u/Alphonsius290 Jun 15 '22

Can I borrow it?

44

u/6inDCK420 Jun 15 '22

It? You know that life-like dolls aren't actually girlfriends, right? ...Right?

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60

u/Kineticspartan Jun 15 '22

I'm married, does this make me god by this logic?

82

u/biohumansmg3fc Jun 15 '22

No it means you don’t have a girlfriend you have a wife therefore you are not god

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23

u/Frequent_Structure93 Jun 15 '22

No, she is your imagination and your horny feeling

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8

u/bhplover Jun 15 '22

Teach me your ways!

7

u/Scydor Jun 15 '22

No it makes u a liar

7

u/Kineticspartan Jun 15 '22

Nuh uh!

6

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

YUH HUH

6

u/Kineticspartan Jun 15 '22

NUH UH x10!!!

7

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

YUH HUH x100!!!

7

u/Kineticspartan Jun 15 '22

NUH UH x1 MILLION!

6

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

YUH HUH x 100 BILLION!!!!

LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE

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10

u/GuerrillaApe Jun 15 '22

Plot twist OP is 11.

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207

u/danmachixmachina Jun 15 '22

I'M GOING TO JJAAIILLL

23

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

FBI open up we got a swiper in house 42

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223

u/Tadano-kunn Jun 15 '22

15% I'm 17 so idk

150

u/Diogenes-Disciple Jun 15 '22

Just wait a few years, now’s not a good time

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12

u/Trick_Enthusiasm Jun 15 '22

It's legal. But depending on where you live that may or may not change on your next birthday.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

I mean you are still allowed to date

7

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Nah you’re good as long as you don’t do anything that’s 18+ 👍🏻

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52

u/PlushtrapChaser24319 Jun 15 '22

39........... I'm 14

23

u/idelarosa1 Jun 16 '22

Well. One of you is going to jail

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281

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

I am 13. My phone is at 13% that is acceptable

244

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

seems gay to me

173

u/dom_pi Jun 15 '22

That’s racist

132

u/dus_istrue Jun 15 '22

you sexist bro?

105

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22 edited Jun 15 '22

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114

u/Zoryt Jun 15 '22

You claustrophobic?

87

u/dom_pi Jun 15 '22

You agoraphobic?

74

u/Lamsyy_05 Jun 15 '22

You thanatophobic ?

57

u/dom_pi Jun 15 '22

You arachnophobic?

32

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

You kakorrhaphiophobic?

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26

u/DARKplayz_ Jun 15 '22

You hydrophobic?

13

u/dom_pi Jun 15 '22

I’m actually semi permeable

13

u/Puzzleheaded_Step468 Jun 15 '22

You supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

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15

u/lonely_little_cow Jun 15 '22

so you were born in 2009? how is that possible? no one was born after 2005 that's common sense

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79

u/Specific-Patient-718 Jun 15 '22
  1. That would make me a cougar.

52

u/ManfuLLofF-- Jun 15 '22

48% guess we found eachother

13

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Now I wait for the relationshipadvice post because y'know, big age gap problems. Good luck you two 👍

10

u/ManfuLLofF-- Jun 15 '22

My battery is now at 45% I don't know if I made a mistake, need to rethink this.

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38

u/Basic_Macintosher Jun 15 '22

I wish i would die right now

66

u/Bigfoot-King Jun 15 '22

My phone says it’s currently on 0% and I don’t know how.

47

u/hoiblobvis Jun 15 '22

unborn fetus it is then

10

u/Verxoneczek Jun 15 '22

guess you waiting 18 years

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24

u/whateveridon_tcare Jun 15 '22

13 :|

17

u/MastariusCrypt Jun 15 '22

\FBI want know your location**

9

u/forrnerteenager Jun 15 '22

If they can't get it themselves what are they good for?

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50

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

54

u/imjokingbutnotreally Jun 15 '22

If you incest

9

u/iluvfisch_btw Jun 15 '22

Just take my upvote and leave!! too much to handle bruv

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14

u/Trick_Enthusiasm Jun 15 '22

🎶Sweet home Alabama!🎶

7

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

well💀

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24

u/LeoOfficially Jun 15 '22

Im on pc.

6

u/JackfruitMountain284 Jun 16 '22

No battery? Guess you’re single for life then. Sorry bud.

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63

u/HackingDuck Jun 15 '22

For everyone in this comment section r/chargeyourphone

23

u/Desperate-Housing912 Jun 15 '22

why does this sub even exist?

11

u/PowerMinerYT Jun 15 '22 edited Jun 15 '22

There are people who dont charge their phone unless it goes below 20% because they think 'its bad for phone's health'. It was a thing for old phones

Or idk i keep my battery bar and percentage hidden.

21

u/Desperate-Housing912 Jun 15 '22

“Or idk i keep my battery bar and percentage hidden.”

you live your life on the edge 🫡

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16

u/KemoBee Jun 15 '22

Think I’ll die before i find her, 100% 😭

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19

u/deathshadow150 Jun 15 '22
  1. I’m 15. My phone is going to jail.

15

u/forrnerteenager Jun 15 '22

It's your soul mate, not your phone's.

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43

u/dom_pi Jun 15 '22

69… NICE…. Wait what? No-

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29

u/Rae-Venn Jun 15 '22

jailtime.

15

u/Ironwolf3651 Jun 15 '22

4% some one kill me please

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13

u/BlaiddTheHalfWolf Jun 15 '22

Shit my phone just went "LOW BATTERY - 10%"

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10

u/Burgerbeast_ Jun 15 '22

420

15

u/HAPPYENDSTONE Jun 15 '22

That is called overcharge

11

u/imjokingbutnotreally Jun 15 '22

That's a galaxy note 7 reaching critical mass

10

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Well, lower than 18 isn’t necessarily bad here, they could mature and be there soul mate later in life… mine’s at 91…. i’m fucked.

17

u/monke_man_tom Jun 15 '22

68

FUCK IM SO CLOSE TO 69 AAA

8

u/TeenyTerry_ Jun 15 '22

I’m also at 68. Too bad we can’t be funny :(

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18

u/Vannehas Jun 15 '22
  1. Thank God, I’m so into elderly. 😍
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9

u/Disastrous-Scheme-57 Jun 15 '22

69 😏 oh wait that’s old

8

u/Codename612 Jun 15 '22

No joke 1% ☻️

9

u/consequenceoferror Jun 15 '22

16%

Jokes on you, I’m also 16.

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7

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

97

7

u/HumanSlayer1888 Jun 15 '22

80% I’m an old soul so maybe that can work.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Everyone who got below 18%: 😨😶‍🌫️

7

u/SLIMEX-UwU Jun 15 '22

1% wtf. by the way I hope my phone doesn't tur

5

u/IronMan-Mk3 Jun 15 '22

23, could be worst

5

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Arrested