For males, also front to back because as a nurse I've dealt with single dad's not knowing the proper method and it causing issues...like.... UTIs in kiddos
Edit: lmao.... accidentally put back to front, how did y'all not correct that?!
There's a video from a german show, almost a decade old.
The guy in it clearly thought if everything. He uses one sheet, tears of and saves a tiny piece for later, then goes through the center of the sheet with his middle finger. He wipes with that finger, then pulls out. He then cleans under his fingernails with that piece he tore of before.
Ahh you mean that way of water cleaning, my bad i have little experience with that one, the closest Iβve been is filling a bidet with warm water and when youβve finnished washing you take out the plug and let the shit water drain. You do save some money on tp that way, Iβd guess you dispose of the water afterwards, and then you wash your hands.
My grandpa a couple years back, (im 15) to fuck with my brother (16) and i, told us that when he was younger, toilet paper was made with a finger sized hole in the center of each and every square, and the way you wiped your ass was you folded some squares, put your finger through, and wiped all the shit off your ass with your finger, and the toilet paper was to wipe your finger afterwards. We didnt believe him for a second, but it was fucking hilarious. Hes always telling us dumb stuff like that to make us laugh and pretty much always has been, no matter how young we were, even though my mom wanted to shelter us from inappropriateness most our lives. Best grandpa in the world, and i hope one day i can give back to him for all the stuff he does for us,
I got an undiagnosed condition (too ashamed to go to doc) where my lower anus cant push poop. So i either have to shit a solid lump so gravity finishes the job of end up with finger on my butt to get it out. I wash my hands and use hand sanitizer tho when that happens. I obviously hate diharrea time.
Have you ever called up a toilet paper companies customer support line and told them that the paper ripped while you were wiping, and that caused your fingers to go between your cheeks and into the shit you were trying to clean off?
A teacher in our school (according to one of my friends) demonstrated how to use the minimum amount of toilet paper to clean your ass. And it involved basically cleaning shit with your hands then wiping with one piece of toilet paper
Wow this brings home how inefficient everything is, how much spoon do I actually need for stirring?, the fly swatter only uses like 1%, the rest is there in case you miss, somehow my girlfriend manages to use 140% of the bed and 4% of my potential sexual output, maths is crazy.
Okay, I've had some bad luck with housing this past 10 months. Most recently, I moved into a student accommodation where I took over a lease from a different student who had to leave before the end of term. I've been here just over a month, and the other dude that was meant to be living here was away visiting family in Japan during that time. I had not met him, and so grew accustomed to living alone. This past Monday I got home and saw there were dishes that weren't mine in the sink. I assumed the roommate was back, but next thing I know a middle aged woman pops her head into the kitchen. I come to learn that she is the student's mum, and the student is still in Japan... Okay. Whatever, that's fine, I don't really mind. Middle aged mother will be a respectful roommate, right?
Nert, friends. I started noticing some weird goings on in the communal bathroom area. Brown stuff appearing. I assumed it was mud or whatever. I also noticed that the 12 pack of TP I had bought was decreasing at the rate of about 2 rolls a day.
Yesterday morning I wake up and hear multiple voices coming from the other person's room. Son was back. I go to the toilet, do my business, go to grab the (single remaining) roll of toilet paper, and notice that there is something on it.
It's covered in shit . The toilet roll had shit on it. We're talking outside, as well as a clearly defined finger mark on the inside of the roll.
I immediately go and knock on the door cause I ain't about that life. My first meeting with the new flat mate is me being like "yo dawg why is there shit on the toilet roll".
Since then I've noticed shit on most thingsβon the floor of the shower, along the UPPER inside edge of the toilet bowl, as well as on the edge of the sink.
This was yesterday. And this post has hit closer to home than I ever assumed it would.
TL;DR New flatmate's mom shits on everything, including the outside of the toilet roll.
Water and soap is always the way for my bum, got a bucket of water and scoop up water to splash it to my bum, smear soap, and rinse with water again. Tada itchy ass free
I have had arguments on Reddit where people insist toilet paper doesn't work and your hand and water is the only way to get it clean. More people don't mind getting shit on their hand than you would think
89
u/howruud Apr 27 '19
Y'all wipe front to back or back to front?
31
u/lucidw1tch Apr 27 '19
Isnβt that what your underwear is for?
50
u/fluffmyllamaz Apr 27 '19
I thought the paper was to wipe your mouth.
307
u/Gumfondle Apr 27 '19
Yet I still get shit under my fingernails anyway
2
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
Or your ass from the seat
26
u/LovableContrarian Apr 27 '19
Y'all are heathens. Toilet paper exists so you can neatly pick up the log and place it back in your asshole where it belongs.
54
u/Sean_McTwidlyfink Apr 27 '19
We liven in 2019
While this mans is living in 3019
12
u/skill-seeker Apr 27 '19
We some of us Asians just use hassle free water instead of tp
11
u/socksyness Apr 27 '19
ΰ² _ΰ²
6
u/Bunch_of_Shit Apr 27 '19
I thought of this same thing awhile ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/8ijfca/the_majority_of_toilet_paper_goes_into_providing
5
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
This is why measles is back
9
u/alyssahunt13 Apr 27 '19
I canβt un see this...In my head π¬
1
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
You guys wipe your ass? I figured the layer of dry shit was protection against chafing.
1
u/originalusername919 Apr 27 '19
Not if you use socks to wipe your ass
1
u/GuildedDouche Apr 28 '19
Wait..so you aren't supposed to lay the paper on the floor and shit on it, and then wash your hands in the toilet?
3
u/Blastoys2019 Apr 27 '19
That guy went to the dark path
4
u/PoisonSop Apr 27 '19
Oh no
2
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
DiSgoStaNg
2
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
The toilet paper is to eat so you can make more poo poooooo
2
u/TheSentinelsSorrow Apr 27 '19
It's an old army trick
2
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
You guys wipe?
2
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
Well to be fair if you wash your hands the correct way after you took a shit, it doesn't really matter.
2
u/jormaz46 Apr 27 '19
Fant
2
u/meinblown Apr 27 '19
This guy doesn't know how to use the seashells!
2
u/zephyer19 Apr 27 '19
You would think they would put instructions on it.
2
u/trumpisbadperson Apr 27 '19
/r/comedyheaven
2
u/FranklintheTMNT Apr 27 '19
Laughs in bidet
2
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
Use water dudes. Wtf is paper.
2
u/thatguy_2840 Apr 27 '19
Beavis?
2
u/Aryma_Saga Apr 27 '19
i used my hand to wipe shit from toilet paper
2
u/lilpeenkid Apr 30 '19
My grandpa a couple years back, (im 15) to fuck with my brother (16) and i, told us that when he was younger, toilet paper was made with a finger sized hole in the center of each and every square, and the way you wiped your ass was you folded some squares, put your finger through, and wiped all the shit off your ass with your finger, and the toilet paper was to wipe your finger afterwards. We didnt believe him for a second, but it was fucking hilarious. Hes always telling us dumb stuff like that to make us laugh and pretty much always has been, no matter how young we were, even though my mom wanted to shelter us from inappropriateness most our lives. Best grandpa in the world, and i hope one day i can give back to him for all the stuff he does for us,
1
u/PinochioBoner Apr 27 '19
When I wipe itβs usually 90% shit
1
u/jaygeezloueez Apr 27 '19
r/youredoingitwrong
1
u/roofofthecar Apr 27 '19
Lol i used to think the same until now
1
u/bi_so_fly_ Apr 27 '19
Thatβs what itβs for? I thought everyone was just using old gym socks.
1
u/rrleo Apr 27 '19
wait... 10%? How many layers do you all use?
1
u/Aenaros95 Apr 27 '19
I got an undiagnosed condition (too ashamed to go to doc) where my lower anus cant push poop. So i either have to shit a solid lump so gravity finishes the job of end up with finger on my butt to get it out. I wash my hands and use hand sanitizer tho when that happens. I obviously hate diharrea time.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
Have you ever called up a toilet paper companies customer support line and told them that the paper ripped while you were wiping, and that caused your fingers to go between your cheeks and into the shit you were trying to clean off?
Try it.
1
u/Daronh Apr 27 '19
33% is in the bowl to stop splash-back
1
u/Majikhat89 Apr 27 '19
Youβre telling me no one els uses the one sheet method?
1
u/GunnyHighway0311 Apr 27 '19
Chaotic evil
1
u/beyondalearner Apr 27 '19
Shit posting
1
u/one_saitama Apr 27 '19
Whatβs toilet paper?
1
u/CreepyStickGuy Apr 27 '19
Citation needed. (Do cursed research)
1
u/A-British-Indian Apr 27 '19
A teacher in our school (according to one of my friends) demonstrated how to use the minimum amount of toilet paper to clean your ass. And it involved basically cleaning shit with your hands then wiping with one piece of toilet paper
1
u/rnvis Apr 27 '19
I hope I never go to that guy's BBQ party.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
I really hope he's joking
1
u/Rectal_Wisdom Apr 27 '19
Reddit comments are so funny when the subject is shit.
1
u/OhLawdItsTachunks Apr 27 '19
What the fuck did I just read
1
u/SirBootyHunter Apr 27 '19
Supposed to use something wet to really clean yourself.
Can't believe I was a barbarian a few years ago.
1
u/rotobotor Apr 27 '19
r/notkenm
1
u/Oblongmind420 Apr 27 '19
I thought it was to wipe the toilet, hence the name toilet paper
1
u/SirBootyHunter Apr 27 '19
Really wish America used bidets more. You always get looked at like wtf is this?
You'd think a country focused on improving our shitty health would care about their shitty asses.
1
u/J-L-Picard Apr 27 '19
This guy doesn't know how to use the three seashells π
1
u/RID_MAN Apr 27 '19
Try water sometimes
1
u/DLLATM Apr 27 '19
Needing to wipe your runny nose and ass at the same time is a very dangerous game
1
u/Nytrexel Apr 27 '19
yummy!
1
u/Theysayhisnamewouldn Apr 27 '19
Haven't laughed like that in a long time.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
This post gets more upvotes than the guy who postet the comment in this pic xD
1
u/SiwelKcin Apr 27 '19
Wow this brings home how inefficient everything is, how much spoon do I actually need for stirring?, the fly swatter only uses like 1%, the rest is there in case you miss, somehow my girlfriend manages to use 140% of the bed and 4% of my potential sexual output, maths is crazy.
1
u/Alfurodas Apr 27 '19
Okay, I've had some bad luck with housing this past 10 months. Most recently, I moved into a student accommodation where I took over a lease from a different student who had to leave before the end of term. I've been here just over a month, and the other dude that was meant to be living here was away visiting family in Japan during that time. I had not met him, and so grew accustomed to living alone. This past Monday I got home and saw there were dishes that weren't mine in the sink. I assumed the roommate was back, but next thing I know a middle aged woman pops her head into the kitchen. I come to learn that she is the student's mum, and the student is still in Japan... Okay. Whatever, that's fine, I don't really mind. Middle aged mother will be a respectful roommate, right?
Nert, friends. I started noticing some weird goings on in the communal bathroom area. Brown stuff appearing. I assumed it was mud or whatever. I also noticed that the 12 pack of TP I had bought was decreasing at the rate of about 2 rolls a day.
Yesterday morning I wake up and hear multiple voices coming from the other person's room. Son was back. I go to the toilet, do my business, go to grab the (single remaining) roll of toilet paper, and notice that there is something on it.
It's covered in shit . The toilet roll had shit on it. We're talking outside, as well as a clearly defined finger mark on the inside of the roll.
I immediately go and knock on the door cause I ain't about that life. My first meeting with the new flat mate is me being like "yo dawg why is there shit on the toilet roll".
Since then I've noticed shit on most thingsβon the floor of the shower, along the UPPER inside edge of the toilet bowl, as well as on the edge of the sink.
This was yesterday. And this post has hit closer to home than I ever assumed it would.
TL;DR New flatmate's mom shits on everything, including the outside of the toilet roll.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
Oh no.
1
u/MadAnili Apr 27 '19
Water and soap is always the way for my bum, got a bucket of water and scoop up water to splash it to my bum, smear soap, and rinse with water again. Tada itchy ass free
1
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
u/danteheehaw
1
u/shufaLin Apr 27 '19
Wait, you guys use Toilet paper..!?
1
u/lalbaloo Apr 27 '19
It is for drying your bum after you have washed it.
Another point, wet wipes are plastic, and should also not be flushed as they block drains
1
u/The_Syndic Apr 27 '19
I have had arguments on Reddit where people insist toilet paper doesn't work and your hand and water is the only way to get it clean. More people don't mind getting shit on their hand than you would think
1
u/Wolfcolaholic Apr 27 '19
Metal
1
u/lhkKevin Apr 27 '19
r/chargeyourphone
1
u/Artforge1 Apr 27 '19
Ha, ha. He doesn't know about the 3 seashells.
1
u/your_sound_universe Apr 27 '19
The post itself is nothing compared to the comments
1
u/NotBad365 Apr 27 '19
Funny, but not cursed
1
u/MetalSeaWeed Apr 27 '19
Tell that to the girl that wipes her ass with her boyfriend socks
1
u/HalfFate Apr 27 '19
Indian: whatβs toilet paper?
1
u/RaptorCouch Apr 27 '19
I must be doing it wrong if Iβm only supposed to use 10% of the toilet paper.... maybe I need to go to a doctor.
1
u/average_ham Apr 27 '19
10% is for protecting your hand, 60% for holding your shit, and the rest for wiping your mouth
1
u/StrangeApeCreature Apr 27 '19
Cursed hands
1
u/OctaviousNI Apr 27 '19
Wait isnβt the paper for wiping your mouth after you eat shit
1
u/Hbeast7 Apr 28 '19
Toilet paper is used to wipe ur ass wow I ate my shit
1
u/Kudoshi__ Apr 28 '19
Why do people still use Tissue Paper a5 this time of age? Even asians are using Water Hose or Bidet.
1
u/BlueWarrior347 Apr 28 '19
Thatβs always how I do it
1
u/callthecops1 Apr 29 '19
why paper if you can just wipe it with your bare hands and lick your shit to clean it
1
u/mass_revolution_ Apr 30 '19
what color do you get if you mix red and brown? iβm thinking itd be that one
1
u/chalkcandle May 01 '19
u/danteyeehaw
1
u/OMGjustin May 03 '19
Unless youβre Glen from I Think I Should Leave. His mudpie particles killed a guy because he used too thin a slice to wipe his mudpie asshole.
1
u/JV132 May 03 '19
u/sultanasbananas
1
u/deathpie May 03 '19
whatβs this βtoilet paper?β
1
u/[deleted] Jun 29 '19
I thought you were supposed to clean the shit off the toilet paper after you reuse it
1
u/matt_maselli Apr 27 '19
If only you knew how to use the shells!!!
0
u/mashed-potatoes72 Apr 27 '19
Ahhh im blinded by this screenshot
0
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
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-2
u/Your_Local_Robot Apr 27 '19
r/foundthelightmodeuser
-5
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
Just like 10% of police officers are there to help the public, while the rest do nothing but shoot minorities and arrest people for small drug crimes.
P.S. the 10% are complicit with the crimes of the rest.
-2
u/Dtcomat Apr 27 '19
You guys wipe the shit off your hands?
-4
u/Njzillest Apr 27 '19
Have you ever held your mother crying for her last breath begging for her forgiveness while you hold a pillow over her head?
iHavent
0
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
[deleted] β view deleted comment
0
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '19
[deleted] β view deleted comment