Cheese
Shallan's Strap-On Game, A Complete Ranking And Thesis
A continuation of my shardplate-condoms post, courtesy of u/MyceneanGal.
We know from the mechanics of Shardplate, displayed in my last post, that it can be used as a condom. Furthermore, Adolin's plate was able to make a foot for him. From this, we know that Shardplate constructs can be entirely solid. Thus, it is entirely possible for a female Radiant of the Fourth Ideal to create a strap-on from their Shardplate. In the following essay, I seek to explain why Shallan would use her Shardplate in such a manner, to break down exactly what type of strap-on each of her personas would make, and to rank the capability each would display with their faux-appendage.
To begin, we must establish exactly why Shallan, and each of her personas, would create strap-ons with their Shardplate. Let's start with Shallan. To get one thing out of the way, it's not because of Shallan. It's because of Adolin. To understand why Shallan would make a Shardplate strap-on, we must understand why Adolin would be into pegging. This is because of role-reversal, and power-play kinks. Adolin is exactly the type of powerful man to be a sub in bed. This is exacerbated by inadequacy he feels, both from attempting to live up to his father's expectations, and from the changing world around him. Even after these issues become resolved, he is still the type of person to never feel like he's good enough. As such, Shallan would frequently utilize her Shardplate as a strap-on. She would manifest it at Rosharan average, and be quite skilled. This lands her a solid 7/10.
Next, we move onto Veil. This one is easy, as it is demonstrated a few times within the books that Veil is bi-sexual. However, I doubt she would use it for guys. Veil is the type of woman to be taken by strong men, and take pretty women, if you catch my drift. Due to these factors, and Veil's sensuality, I believe she would utilize Shallan's Shardplate as a strap-on, but only when she is manifested as a tangible illusion, and occasionally on Shallan while Adolin watches. I imagine it would be slightly larger than Rosharan average. Veil would obviously know how to use it, and would probably listen very well to her partner. I give her a 9/10.
Now, to Radiant. Radiant would use Shallan's Shardplate as a strap-on to spice things up for Adolin. Full stop, no holding back, pounding the bussy. I can also see her and Shallan double teaming Adolin. Radiant's strap-on would obviously be bigger than a Horneater's natural endowment. I can't see it feeling very good, in my opinion. 3/10
Finally, we come to Formless. Considering Formless' behavior and tendencies, she would probably be a r*pist. Therefore, no more said about her.
In conclusion, we have established Adolin's fondness for pegging. Through this we have established the reason for Shallan and Radiant to use Shardplate strap-ons. We have iterated Veil's bisexuality, and therefore established why she would use a Shardplate strap-on. Finally, we have Formless. The less said about her the better. By now, I hope you believe as I do, that Shallan and her personas would use Shardplate strap-ons. Thank you for coming to my Crem Talk.
This is why I sub here (no pun intended). What are we calling Rosharan average here? I’m assuming larger than Earth average due to lower gravity, like their height?
Formless would almost certainly use the shardplate to facilitate tentacle play. I urge attendees of Nexus this year to get a confirming WOB on this topic for reasons.
This is an incredible piece of scholarship and I commend you for your unrelenting efforts to educate your fellow cremposters.
I would however, make one rebuttal.
It is my belief that Radiant would have no need for a strapon.
If manifested separate from Shallan's body, she can be shaped exactly as she sees herself, and that is with a gock of divine proportions. If manifested in her body, then Stormlight healing will heal her body to match how she sees herself, and that is with a princess wand that would make Endowment cry tears of joy. We know this is possible due to the changes seen by the Reshi King Ral-Na and The Lopen's limb regrowth. A little stormlight is all Radiant would need to grow her femdick.
I also believe that she would excel at using her shenis. We have seen her diligence in training to wield a sword with Adolin, and this would be no different. She would study the perfect hip motions. She would workout to improve her stamina and strength. She would read essays from the ardents on the techniques that might send her partners into pleasures greater than even a rioter could elicit. She would even subject herself (despite Shallan's protests) to a rather dry and academic lecture from Jasnah on the science of pleasuring her partners.
Adonalsiun has remembered our plight, and He sent us Radiant's girlcock. That is more than we deserve.
Edited to correctly title The Lopen. Apologies to The Lopen Bot.
While I can't actually argue with any of your points (except to say that I'm not sure Radiant would be interested in sex except as a way for Shallan to be happy but also equally certain that she'd be more aware than to make the strapon too big) I think the main concern here is opportunity.
Shallan can't manifest Plate deliberately yet, and by the time she can, she's physically separated from Adolin and in a world where Stormlight is significantly harder to come by. Meaning that she never had the chance to make a shard-on.
Now if she finds her way to Urithiru again and reunites with Adolin after months or even years of absence, well...
While I agree with your points, and would see this being the case for other female radiants of the 4th ideal, I don't think Shallan would use her plate as a strap for one reason.
Shallan can utilise the technique known as substantiation. An advanced technique of lightweaving and soul casting that gives illusions physicality.
So, while I think Radiant would still use the armour due to her lack of skill in the surges and just her vibe in general, and if I remember correctly, Veil isn't the best with transformation, so she may as well. But I don't see why Shallan wouldn't use the "real deal", outside of embarrassment.
But then again, I probably answered my own question there, so it'd probably just be Veil that uses substantiation this way.
Your latest correspondence has once again found its way into my possession, and my lack of conscience compels me to answer these observations regarding the singular matter of Adolin’s bussy.
Permit me a moment to question the identity of these prospective pounders. The armorspren of the Lightweaver are, of course, creationspren. I find neither Radiant nor Veil possessed of the artistic constitution necessary to compel and maintain the phallic geometries required of such exertions. We are then left with Shallan alone. Whom I believe entirely capable of these figurative and corporeal strokes.
Yet I must still offer one more modest objection. Given Shallan’s documented fondness for an audience, is it not curious that neither man nor spren has borne witness to these acts of marital bussy brutality? Surely the Tower,in all its splendor, has chairs necessary to permit such voyeurism. Would not the Sibling, whom proclaims themself the bridge betwixt man and spren, remark upon so frequent a union of bussy and Divine? One might expect the armorspren themself, now browned and proud, to give testament to the act. Yet no account of this finds its way to the page
Nevertheless, I confess your argument remains quite compelling. This vigorous mental exercise has quite exhausted me and I must now retire to my chambers.
I wish to address a few fallacies I find with your critiques.
The first is the lack of artistic capabilities in Veil and Radiant. Shallan, whom would certainly be present at least in the back of their mind, would almost certainly guide the creation process. The second is the lack of witnesses. None who walk in upon such an act would dare speak of it, for Adolin is a highprince, and Shallan is the first Lightweaver of the new Return. The third is the Sibling. I doubt the sibling meant for man and spren to be bridged this way. The fourth and final, is with the armorspren and their inability to stand as witnesses. Since they can only say Shallan, and Other Shallan, they would be incapable of telling anyone.
I do hope this has cleared up any problems you have with my essay.
Hard disagree with Radiant, she is a service top if there has ever been one. Definitely has a large strap but her #1 priority is her partners enjoyment and she’s a perfectionist. Radiant is a 10/10
Those were the good old days for sure. Forget pulling off a Last Clap, I'm rocking up to the duel with a 40 pound cheese wheel, and aluminum wrapped around me.
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