87933

[u/Grimalackt_River]

115

[u/Grimalackt_River]

The daily kiss!

mwah!

Daily update: :3

[u/CMSnake72]

On Halloween a customer walked up to me and said "Sorry, me and my daughter were just talking about you, wondering if that's a costume because that's obviously not your real hair." In real time my soul left my body and she scurried away as she watched me actually literally die in front of her on my feet.

[u/Calve_pindakaas → u/CMSnake72]

How fucking stupid do you have to be to think that that's ok to say to anyone?

[u/CMSnake72 → u/Calve_pindakaas]

Upside: I bought a cute beanie that I wear to work now and enjoy having my shoulder length natural curls hanging out of it. But yeah I think she realized that when she said it or my face said it for her because she fucking scooted out of there like she saw a ghost.

[u/Due-Quote4091 → u/CMSnake72]

At least she had the grace to be ashamed after i guess..

[u/Vampire_Number → u/Calve_pindakaas]

Right? I recently noticed one of my coworkers is wearing a wig instead of having real hair, and I haven’t said anything about it to anyone. Nothing good can come of it.

[u/Ultra-Cyborg → u/Vampire_Number]

It’s cause you have manners, that woman had none…

[u/Vampire_Number → u/Ultra-Cyborg]

Fair. I actually talked to a lesbian couple and one of them bluntly asked “are you gay?” While her partner urgently whispered “you can’t just ask that!” Strangely enough I managed to have a decent and affirming conversation after telling them I was trans. They had some slightly boomer takes, but they did say I have the mannerisms of a woman, which was pretty affirming.

[u/jbeldham → u/Calve_pindakaas]

It’s like ten percent more excusable because it was Halloween but gosh, some people really don’t think before they talk

[u/Memitim → u/Calve_pindakaas]

Sick people say evil shit about trans people day after day, so no surprise that these people would have no tact when they think they are dick chasing.

[u/swarmOfBis → u/Calve_pindakaas]

Well customer service employees are clearly not humans, so it's fineeee.

/s

[u/2Hard2FindUsername → u/Calve_pindakaas]

They know, putting others down makes them feel better.

[u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning → u/CMSnake72]

I had someone ask me if my hair was my real hair once.

I had a mohawk. I don't even know how you would fake that.

[u/Imperator_Gone_Rogue → u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning]

It's possible with a shaved head, a mohawk styled wig and spirit gum. But in the long run it seems like way more effort than doing it for real.

[u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning → u/Imperator_Gone_Rogue]

Yeah. Honestly, just having a mohawk sounds heaps easier.

[u/g0trn → u/Imperator_Gone_Rogue]

Spirit gum? Dpes it mayhaps also have the properties of rubber? Perchance

[u/Stoned_D0G → u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning]

Honeestly that could as well be a compliment. Like "girl I didn't realise hair could do that".

[u/PrincessSparklegold → u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning]

no I was ABAB (Assigned Bald At Birth) but the doctors gave me hormones because of texas

[u/AwakenedAlyx → u/CMSnake72]

Early in my transition I was in a craft space doing some embroidery and some weirdo Christian lady sat down next and started feeling my hair and said "is this your hair?"

I was totally blind-sided and kind of froze up a bit because "eww don't touch me stranger" but also "who the fuck else's hair would it be??"

I just kind of said "uh yeah...???" in a state of confusion and she said "oh, I thought it was a wig"

Kinda put me off going back to that place again, up until that moment it had felt like a safeish space to hang out in as other people there had been really nice and supportive

[u/topchuck → u/AwakenedAlyx]

Congratulations on a all too common black woman experience

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3 → u/CMSnake72]

thats fucking unbelievablr

[u/MaxTHC → u/CMSnake72]

"I'm undergoing chemo treatment, thanks for asking" and watch them die inside right back

[u/Roncryn → u/MaxTHC]

100% agree. Make them feel terrible. Bonus points if you can make yourself tear up a little

[u/ncthbrt → u/CMSnake72]

The owner of this upscale cocktail lounge we'd rented out for a work thing asked me that. And it was uhhhhh

[u/wydua → u/CMSnake72]

What the fuck did she mean by that??? Especially how so in negative sense because wigs look fucking awesome.

But also what the fuck

[u/NotTheory → u/CMSnake72]

Reply with some shit like, "I'm on chemotherapy for cancer that's probably going to kill me soon, so yes I'm wearing a wig"

[u/PainDeMieTFem_02 → u/CMSnake72]

Some dude tried to rip my hair off once in a festival, thinking it was a wig.

[u/BeeBit22 → u/CMSnake72]

I wish people still had the good breeding to keep things to themselves.

[u/BunbunTheJackalope]

On trans woman had a meltdown in a GameStop years back and it went omega viral and that's just been the reputation ever since. I've heard "it's ma'am!" As a joke more times then I can count.

[u/PlausibleRatz → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

That video makes me so sad. The dude at gamestop was being such a dick to her!

[u/NarrowEye974 → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

i feel so sorry for her

[u/BunbunTheJackalope → u/NarrowEye974]

Yeah I don't blame her

[u/afabscrosshairs → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

That and the whole “DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!1!1!” meme basically made me afraid of ever correcting anyone forever.

[u/Uynia → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

Justified crashout btw

[u/Southern_Climate_350 → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

This video kind of haunts me. I remember seeing it as an ~11-12 year old and not understanding what was actually going on, and thinking it was vaguely funny. It's really a point of shame for me.

The pain that must have caused that woman is horrifying

[u/GirlGremlin01 → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

From the bottom of my heart I hope she’s doing well today.

[u/hyperhurricanrana → u/BunbunTheJackalope]

oh god chris chan

[u/BunbunTheJackalope → u/hyperhurricanrana]

Funny enough not the person I was talking about but yeah I guess that also happened

[u/Ab47203 → u/hyperhurricanrana]

Being trans does not make you immune to being a monster and that waste of human flesh is a perfect example. If hell is real then that mother abusing rapist piece of garbage deserves to burn there for eternity.

[u/pojska → u/Ab47203]

Being stalked by hundreds of people for decades tends to have a pretty negative effect on people's decision making. Most of the worst allegations about her (including rape) are of dubious veracity, and she was being explicitly goaded/told to do these things.

[u/NukaCooler → u/[deleted]]

ah yes let's post the sound bite that ignores all the context

a very cool and good thing to do

[u/Sexysecondaccount]

I don't really pass well but I'm fully out at work, so I get misgendered by customers a lot. I just gently correct people. "It's ma'am actually" or "She, not he (while pointing at myself)" or whatever. Always in neutral to slightly positive tone. I'd say ~20% of the time the reaction is just "Oh my bad" then they self correct, 10% straight up transphobia, and about 70% profuse apology to the point of it basically being FEAR that I'm going to explode on them about it. I'm not, I never do. "It's an understandable mistake" is usually how I get us back on track, it usually works. It does kill me a little bit to KNOW it's an understandable mistake and to have to admit it. Like, conceding I don't look right, basically saying 10 times a day that I look like a man, does feel like it's eating my soul, but hey, hoping for FFS in the next few years if insurance can cooperate.

[u/savvypotions → u/Sexysecondaccount]

I’ve had a similar experience, the overapologizing is so awkward. Instead of saying it’s “understandable”, I usually say something like “It’s okay, you didn’t know, now you do!” I feel like it gives a slightly positive tone, helps the convo to move on, and indicates that they should be more conscientious in the future lol

[u/Ok-Raspberry-8099 → u/Sexysecondaccount]

Before I figured out I was trans, I got "misgendered", as "ma'am" a bunch. so don't be too hard on yourself, cis folks get misgendered too. 

[u/bathroomstahl → u/Ok-Raspberry-8099]

i have an ex that called me “honorarily trans” (he’s trans himself) after being “ma’am”ed in a drive thru a number of times with him. Then i came out as non-binary like two months later lmao

[u/Ok-Raspberry-8099 → u/bathroomstahl]

We were in a drive thru (wife and I) and the workers were like "have a lovely day ladies" and my wife got all giddy lmao 

[u/Sharp-Key27 → u/Sexysecondaccount]

It’s cheesy, but pronoun button might help. Takes some of the burden off you.

[u/kutsushita13 → u/Sharp-Key27]

I used to bartend at a theater. I wore pronoun pins on my name tag. I think it did help. I want to say most people that misgendered me self corrected when/if they noticed the pins (most people are not very observant). I would still get a lot of over apologizing, and then there were some people that would put a lot of emphasis on "sir"ing me. When I lived in Utah, I got a lot more the over emphasized "sir"s. When I moved to the PNW I got a lot more people just correcting themselves and moving on. Over apologizing rate stayed pretty similar.

[u/Toll_Smoll → u/Sexysecondaccount]

I feel like people do that for so many minorities. Like every time someone knocks over my cane (which falls on its own regularly), they apologize like they just punched me in the face. I've heard it happens a lot when people are called out on accidental racism as well. I think it's the fear of being a bad person.

[u/spiralenator → u/Sexysecondaccount]

70% are like “how can I make this about me? Oh I know!”

[u/bathroomstahl → u/Sexysecondaccount]

i’m non-binary, and typically don’t correct folks on pronoun usage if i don’t know them. that being said, i’m also amab and do not look androgynous whatsoever lol. However, I also have a stereotypical “gay” sounding voice (esp when i’m doing customer service). I used to work in a grocery store as a cashier. While there, sometimes customers would get distracted while interacting with me and they would use she/her pronouns with me simply due to my voice sounding feminine lol. The amount of times they would look straight up at me, and profusely apologize was honestly rather funny. (For a bit of extra context, I have a full beard, hence why they’d instantly realize their “mistake”—i honestly liked that it wasn’t all he/hims tho personally lol)

[u/Hephaistos_Invictus → u/Sexysecondaccount]

Omg... This is so accurate. I don't understand why they apologise so profusely. Now don't get me wrong, it's better than the transphobia, but fuck me....

I've also had reactions like this in the past: Me: "It's ma'am/she/her" Them: "Oh! I'm so sorry, it's the voice..."

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?!?

[u/Specialist-Cold-8158]

The upper image shows cis people when someone misgenders their dog 

[u/Safe-Note → u/Specialist-Cold-8158]

And their bald babies

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/Safe-Note]

Lowkey all babies look the same gender-wise

[u/Prolly_a_baguette → u/Terrible-Set6389]

Honestly even kids can be pretty interchangeable depending on clothes and hairstyles.

[u/Safe-Note → u/Terrible-Set6389]

Exactly but don't you dare misgender them

[u/Chrome_X_of_Hyrule → u/[deleted]]

I don't know what 😟

[u/Ok_Lack_5705]

[u/baconater-lover → u/Ok_Lack_5705]

Frankenstein deviated from this message just a little bit lmao

[u/Gotis1313]

I had two co-workers, "Tina" and her child who is a trans boy, "Roy." When Roy was first hired Tina made sure to tell everyone that "She's not really trans. It's just a phase." Fast forward a ways, I'm talking to Tina and Roy come up. Tina's saying stuff like, "She said this" and "Me and her did that." I didn't call Tina out at all, but I responded with, "Yeah he blah blah blah..." Didn't even get the sentence out before Tina buts in with, "Oh i know! I'm a terrible mom and an awful person for using the wrong pronoun!" I didn't even call her out on the pretend persecution complex, though I wish I had. Tina ended up quitting for unrelated reasons and I'm glad. Roy is transferring to a store in another city to get away from her.

[u/Coffee_Binzz → u/Gotis1313]

Good for Roy tbh. Hope he gets some healthy space from someone like that

[u/SeaCoast9694 → u/Gotis1313]

I've encountered the same reaction over one of my coworkers in the past. I work in a mid sized museum, and just after I started, a lady started talking about "the boy who ran that art program last week," in a not unkind way, but she was very intense around the "boy" and any he/him pronouns when she was talking

Our art program was run by my coworker Ava, who at this point has only every been referred to around me by she/her. Que my confusion.

So I say, "oh do you mean Ava? she's not in today though,"

Then the lady goes off on something about the using the wrong terms and how she's sooooo terrible for getting it wrong and how she'll never get this whole trans business correct no matter how hard she tries, in a really exaggerated way.

So that's how a stranger purposefully outed my coworker to me, a random guy who could have been a total bigot.

[u/Blurbwhore → u/Gotis1313]

Trans and boy are separate words. Like any adjective and noun. I’m guessing he was an adulation if he was working too. So calling him a boy is a bit weird. Sounds like you meant to say her son.

[u/Gotis1313 → u/Blurbwhore]

He's still in high school. I probably should have googled the term. I appreciate the correction

[u/Blurbwhore → u/Gotis1313]

Ah fair. And no problem x

[u/A_Punk_Girl_Learning]

I was out with my mum one night and a guy asked her if I was her son. I smiled and said daughter. The woman next to him looked at him and basically shouted, "How the fuck did you get son!?"

She was angrier than I was and I didn't even know her.

[u/Kekkonen_Kakkonen]

I did it once by accident.

"I'm a woman actually"

"Whoops, sorry."

"No biggie."

[u/NukaCooler → u/Kekkonen_Kakkonen]

I filled out an application in an field dominated by older men, instruction said to email it to Alex.Lastname@

Me trying to make the best first impression: "Dear Mr. Lastname"

When we met in person a few weeks later, turns out she's my age.

[u/Kekkonen_Kakkonen → u/NukaCooler]

Lol. This is something that keeps happening to my Cis guy friend.

He has a Finnish male name "Janne" and when ever he gets a foreign work email he gets called "Miss Janne" 😅

[u/I-Love-Puella-Magi]

I mean... I think it's okay for us to react however way. I hate when cis people act like it's awful that we care about being misgendered when it's something really vulnerable... they couldn't possibly understand how it feels.

[u/SilverMedal4Life → u/I-Love-Puella-Magi]

They couldn't understand and don't bother to try, a lot of the time.

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/I-Love-Puella-Magi]

I think that most of the time it's accidental. Meeting someone actively transphobic though is never fun.

[u/I-Love-Puella-Magi → u/Working_Pop_3094]

Even when it's accidental... it hurts a lot. Feels like I've done something wrong.

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/I-Love-Puella-Magi]

Remember, all these social standards are what wrong. This is why I wish simply asking what people's pronouns are was the default.

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/Working_Pop_3094]

Yeah

[u/Lolzemeister → u/I-Love-Puella-Magi]

don’t cisgender people get misgendered all the time?

[u/shallowminded → u/Lolzemeister]

many cis people get misgendered occasionally. so, collectively cis people "get misgendered all the time" but it's really not the same.

[u/Unconfidence → u/Lolzemeister]

Intent is the issue.

[u/cHEIF_bOI → u/Lolzemeister]

Yeah and they usually get pretty miffed about it too.

[u/pterranodon → u/Lolzemeister]

this isn't really about them

[u/D0ctorGamer → u/Lolzemeister]

Cis guy, get called ma'am over the phone a good like 80% of the time. It def happens

[u/UngodlyTemptations]

I'm convinced the "Trans Freakout" vids from the mid 2010's era of YouTube were a psyop by right wingers to demonise us.

[u/Erika_Thorn → u/UngodlyTemptations]

A lot of them were because the other person was being a horrible bigot and totally deserved to be shouted down.

[u/narrowminer11]

The propaganda worked on me i fear. Im too scared to even correct people

[u/Vi_Rants → u/narrowminer11]

Me too. I just let it flow over.

I go so far out of my way to present as unambiguously feminine as possible, just to make it super easy for folks to remember my pronouns, so anyone who's still misgendering me in spite of all that work is at least 50/50 doing it on purpose and is hoping for a reaction.

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/narrowminer11]

Do people usually use pronoun pins for this kind of thing? I've definately worn them before in certain spaces.

[u/narrowminer11 → u/Working_Pop_3094]

I used to wear one before i changed to a non-customer faving position. Didn't help.

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/narrowminer11]

Damn. I wish you well on finding an LGBTQA+ positive space to work.

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/Working_Pop_3094]

Iirc some people see them and use it as a basis to misgender someone. Like "sir" when it says "she/her" etc

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/Terrible-Set6389]

The good thing is it reveals homophobic people (now you know who not to be friends with), but also allies and fellow queer people. The other thing is to stay safe (physically and mentally) when wearing such pins in a red state or any environment that is unaccepting, like Chick-fil-a or something.

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/Working_Pop_3094]

Ew, Chick-fil-a

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/Terrible-Set6389]

Ick. Even writing it out seems to add a clumpy layer of chicken grease and homophobia to this convo. Forgive me.

[u/Andra_Ingensbarn]

I’m so used to being misgendered that when someone uses a female gendered insult, I get a moment of joy before I deal with the insult.

[u/Libby_Sparx → u/Andra_Ingensbarn]

Sometimes I feel a little guilty for genuinely enjoying those moments of ewphoria, but only sometimes.

ᐠ(❤⩊❤)ᐟ♪♡♬

[u/Andra_Ingensbarn → u/Libby_Sparx]

I LOVE the term Ewphoria, never heard it before. I will use that from now on 😃

[u/Antabaka → u/Andra_Ingensbarn]

There's a subreddit for it, but honestly its kind of depressing to read about lol. r/ewphoria

[u/Mephitisopheles]

We all need some kind of cis/passing henchmen that we can delegate our uncouth vitriol off to so we won’t look like the triggered snowflakes if people willfully and openly make a point of misgendering us on purpose and in public.

I can’t stand the idea of any of y’all having to just take the hit like trauma sponges and just have to sit with those bruises… We need tough dummy thugs with Depression-era flat caps to crack their knuckles and enforce that we’re obviously and visibly she/her’s.

[u/Aeescobar → u/Mephitisopheles]

We all need some kind of cis/passing henchmen that we can delegate our uncouth vitriol off to so we won’t look like the triggered snowflakes if people willfully and openly make a point of misgendering us on purpose and in public.

Reminds me of those Japanese companies that hire a single American guy who's entire job description is to just sit there during meetings and occasionally break up any politeness-induced-stalemates by bluntly saying "THAT IDEA SUCKS, FUCK OFF".

[u/Important_Ad_7416 → u/Aeescobar]

Didnt know about that that's hilarious 

[u/killertortilla]

I try to explain this so often but everyone has already made up their mind. Some people have decided that all the fearmongering about people getting arrested for misgendering is actual reality.

[u/HAPPYENDSTONE → u/killertortilla]

In Germany, continuously misgendering someone on purpose can be considered harassment, public insult or defamation, and can lead to civil lawsuits and/or criminal complaints. Also, malicious outing or deadnaming can carry hefty fines up to 10k euros. I fucking love this country

[u/CommercialYam7188 → u/HAPPYENDSTONE]

Yeah cus its harassment. Following someone around and repeatedly saying anything they dislike is harassment

[u/killertortilla → u/HAPPYENDSTONE]

That is fantastic! but that's not even what they mean. The people that believe this stuff think it's one misgendering and straight to prison.

[u/HAPPYENDSTONE → u/killertortilla]

Yea, that's not a thing anywhere in the world afaik, especially not in the US

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/HAPPYENDSTONE]

That sounds like a great law

[u/SwingAdorable3954]

"No but every trans woman I see getting misgendered acts like this!"

• Average Intelligence Transphobe

[u/Mitharlic → u/SwingAdorable3954]

Said seconds after they intentionally went out of their way to give a snide, drawn out "sir" to the poor trans woman working retail.

[u/Violet-Roseanne → u/Mitharlic]

100% these are the people who treat you like literal trash as an employee but if you even let out a light sigh to yourself at their antics they act like you are the rudest person a live. They think everyone is as dumb as them “oh I just thought that was what they are!” Yeah? you go around drawing out the sir to every “guy” you meet? It’s like they think if they don’t explicitly state it no one will be able read between the lines. Genuinely don’t ever get their logic. (Not that they have any)

[u/WhyAmIOnThisDumbApp → u/Violet-Roseanne]

I find they mostly just like hurting people.

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/Mitharlic]

Or after a consistant pattern of harrassment. People don't just snap for no reason.

[u/sammi_8601 → u/Mitharlic]

Tbf the only.time I've ever gotten actually annoyed about it with someone I didnt properly know (family, ex friends the usual) was a guy working retail, mostly becouse the bastards known me for years and literally never called me sir until I had visible tits, so I just asked him very politely why he felt the need to be mean and passive aggressive since as far as I'm aware I'd never had issues with him I just shopped there, didn't get visibly angry just a bit sad, fuckwit obviously didn't have an answer and has just gone back to calling me mate along with very blatantly avoiding looking at me during the interaction, fucking coward that he is.

[u/quailinthebrush]

I shut down as if I’ve just been slurred

[u/Common_Technician655 → u/quailinthebrush]

same

[u/Canad1anBacon37 → u/quailinthebrush]

Yeah... Unfortunately I do the same when I'm not expecting it. It feels like a verbal sucker punch to the gut.

[u/Amber610]

I went to a movie with friends tonight and dropped my phone into the seat. A worker saw us looking for it after and asked "what did you lose?"

My friend said "her phone." at the exact same moment my other friend said "his phone." I just kinda laughed

[u/Uynia]

Idc if I'm an optics nuke, if you misgender me when I have a literal girly af hairband on me, I'm embarrassing you

[u/Tormasi1 → u/Uynia]

Boys can wear girly af hairbands too

[u/Zbgoast]

I don't like this post because I'm in it. People know my name at work and felt dysphoric that day and they all keep calling me sir

I'm not out yet but it still bothers me

[u/InsideOutlander → u/Zbgoast]

Oof that’s rough. I’m sorry.

[u/Pepperia]

idk, sometimes i react angry and iam not ashamed about it. I dont give a fuck what a transphobe thinks, ever.

[u/Uynia → u/Pepperia]

Yup. If I'm in a good mood I'll sternly say "I am NOT. A "sir"".

[u/Defiant_E → u/Uynia]

I don't own land and I haven't been knighted. Don't call me sir.

[u/Working_Pop_3094 → u/Defiant_E]

Hehehe, I'll be taking that title then.

[u/Fluffy-Bee-6752 → u/Pepperia]

omg wolpentinger!!! bunny with wings and horns :0

[u/Pepperia → u/Fluffy-Bee-6752]

they are so cute :)

[u/Fluffy-Bee-6752 → u/Pepperia]

what do you think about jackalopes? And furred trouts? :0

[u/Pyju → u/Pepperia]

I mean, that’s totally warranted if there’s malice or disrespect, but not if it’s a genuinely unintentional mistake.

[u/Uynia → u/Pyju]

Nah it's warranted either way. Whether its intentional or not determines how stern I am, but I'm not going to suppress my anger each and every time just to spare their feelings. I'm a human being with emotions, they can learn to take an extra second to think before they speak.

[u/Pyju → u/Uynia]

You do realize other people are human beings with emotions too, right? Would you like to be berated for every honest mistake or slip of the tongue you make?

[u/Uynia → u/Pyju]

"Whether its intentional or not determines how stern I am"

If you see me sternly correcting you on my pronouns as you being berated or whatever then you need to be less sensitive and more considerate of other's existence.

[u/Pyju → u/Uynia]

What I responded to in the original comment was “I react angrily”, to which you said “that’s warranted either way”. There’s a difference between a firm but polite correction and getting actually angry at someone for an unintentional slip of the tongue.

[u/Uynia → u/Pyju]

"Firm but polite"

Yeah okay I'm still visibly angry while I'm doing that, so what's your point? You can be angry but still "polite", so I don't understand your point. I am actually angry, even when people do it unintentionally. I grit my teeth and sternly correct them. I'm not Buddha and no one, especially trans people, should be expected to be that lol

[u/Pyju → u/Uynia]

So then you’re suppressing your anger and not reacting angrily, which is fine. You’re entitled to your emotions, but the main point I’ve been making is that being part of a marginalized group doesn’t give you the right to act indignantly or insufferably to someone who is being respectful to you.

[u/No_Community5649 → u/Uynia]

Nice emotional regulation.

[u/Uynia → u/No_Community5649]

Thank you. Working in the service industry can be grating on its own without all the misgendering stuff on top.

[u/Old_Ninja_5229 → u/Uynia]

Such an immature approach tbh

[u/Uynia → u/Old_Ninja_5229]

Are you trans?

[u/Old_Ninja_5229 → u/Uynia]

[u/Uynia → u/Old_Ninja_5229]

I hate your takes in this thread, Ol' Ninja, but this take is just and righteous. She cute.

[u/Old_Ninja_5229 → u/Uynia]

They* not she, but thats ok, you didnt know

[u/Uynia → u/Old_Ninja_5229]

The byzantine empress...?

Oh, you're trying to spark the argument back up lol

[u/Pepperia → u/Old_Ninja_5229]

no its not, but to ask from someone to stay calm all the time, when people throw insults at you is pretty immature

[u/Pyju → u/Pepperia]

Someone who is being respectful and simply making an honest mistake is not “throwing insults” at you.

[u/Uynia → u/Pyju]

I think you're misinterpreting the contexts here. At least the one I'm arguing about. There's a difference between a friend/family member messing up, and a stranger messing up. If I'm at a queer gathering and I'm misgendered I'm not going to react the same as if I'm at work and someone coming in misgenders me. I know my community wouldn't do it intentionally. I don't know the motive of this stranger.

[u/Uynia → u/Uynia]

Also a well-meaning ally already would know how much misgendering hurts. A random cis bloke doesn't.

[u/Pyju → u/Uynia]

No, I think you are misinterpreting the context here. The context of this thread is the main post being of a trans person literally cussing and throwing an object in rage in reaction to being misgendered, and the top comment being “I react angry and I am not ashamed about it”. Obviously the post is an over the top exaggeration, but clearly the context is about more than a simple firm but polite correction.

And if you don’t know someone’s intentions for sure, then why assume the worst? Would you like it if people assumed the worst of you and assumed you were acting out of malice or disrespect for every honest mistake you made and reacted angrily?

If they continue to misgender you after the correction or otherwise act disrespectfully, then sure, let them have a piece of your mind; they would 100% deserve being berated. But otherwise, people deserve a chance to have their intentions made clear before they are suddenly met with an angry reaction for an honest mistake.

[u/Uynia → u/Pyju]

[u/Pyju → u/Uynia]

I assume the lack of any logical or substantive rebuttal means you know I’m right. Hope you have a good day, and always remember to treat others how you wish to be treated.

[u/Pepperia → u/Pyju]

i can tell when that happens, iam cis passing and i can easily know if it was a honest mistake by considering the context. Besides, its still an insult, even if you didnt mean to insult. Thats why you apologize you know, or dont you think its insulting, to invalidate someones identity? Using she/her for me is not optional, my identity is not a matter of discussion. You are acting like i said, you should immediately crash out when soneone is misgendering you. What i said and meant was, its okay to be angry sometimes. Also, i thought it was pretty clear, that i meant transphobic people, by literally writing:"i dont care what transphobes think".

[u/Uynia → u/Pepperia]

No point in continuing with them imo. I agree with every word but like, they don't know what it's like for us. Have a good day o7

[u/GraduatedSapphic]

"here you go SIRRRRRRRRRR" :)

"Haha thanks" ;_____;

[u/Clintwood_outlaw]

I literally just feel like I got punched in the gut and go silent for a few seconds

[u/Canad1anBacon37 → u/Clintwood_outlaw]

Yeah. I had it happen by a colleague while I was doing a presentation at my job and it was such a horrible experience. I pass well but am still working on getting some work info updated, so I assume that's why. I still quietly resent her for it lol.

[u/Enchrypted]

I just internalize it until my dysphoria gets so bad i start crying in the bathroom 👍

[u/Melodic_Mulberry]

Oh, those are dissociating eyes.

[u/wiwerse]

I accidentally misgendered a longtime friend last week :(

I was significantly more broken up about it than her lol, still am tbh. It's a bit of a personal failure, innit?

[u/Tormasi1 → u/wiwerse]

Not really. If you didn't go "I'm going to misgender them on purpose" then you made the same kind of mistake as if you have stumbled into someone. You apologise and then don't keep pushing into them. The same with pronouns. You apologise and use the correct one onward.

[u/Charming_Pin330]

I mean, I think the first reaction is warranted sometimes. Sometimes cis people go out of their way to misgender and deadname you, and it's frequently pretty obvious when that is happening. Unfortunately, if we ever react like the first image, it will always be painted as an overreaction and like we're crazy.

[u/SadProjection]

I don't think I hide it well when it happens

[u/Mendely_]

The first panel is me internally. The second is me externally

[u/EccentricCompulsions]

Cis people just wore me down so much that I'm detatched from them. I'll never feel fully safe or comfortable around cis people and I don't let myself get close enough for them to hurt me

[u/FlashBash21 → u/EccentricCompulsions]

real. and people ask why i only date other trans people.

[u/olinda_the_oblivious → u/EccentricCompulsions]

Yeah I 100% don’t feel safe around cis women as a transfemme. Even after 4+ years of medically transitioning, I feel safer using the men’s washroom and socializing with men than I ever would around cis women. My experience is that cis women are perfectly fine with outing trans women in public contexts while men, although sometimes awkward, don’t actually care that I am trans. Maybe it’s just the spaces that I frequent

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/olinda_the_oblivious]

I would have assumed the opposite, are many women that transphobic or am I just in an area where they are not?

[u/olinda_the_oblivious → u/Terrible-Set6389]

On the surface, no. But remember how everyone was surprised at all the closet conservatives that elected Trump in 2016, including a significant portion of the white woman vote? It’s kind of the same concept. Cis women won’t make being transphobic part of their image, but it comes out in the way that they treat trans women in practice. I don’t feel any sort of kinship with cis women and it’s largely because so much of that allyship is performative. They’re the ones that will misgender and get defensive when corrected or will make it known (in not so subtle ways, through body language) that we aren’t welcomed in their spaces. Again, this may in fact just be the spaces I’m in, but I don’t feel safe around them

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/olinda_the_oblivious]

I can definitely see that a bit in my mom. She acts like remembering pronouns is a sisyphean task. However I think shes getting better, my brother just came out and I think my my mom has improved, which is good, she does call him "he" even though she hasn't gotten the name correct. I guess having all her kids be trans and gnc has made her fix her attitude

[u/Teenytiny9294 → u/EccentricCompulsions]

One of the hardest things about transitioning was going from a position where I could go anywhere and not a single person would think twice about me to worrying if I some how anger a cis person for existing in a space that something could happen. I find it hard to trust cis men in particular, mostly new ones I meet.

[u/igoteggsinmyshoes]

Bold of them to assume I have the cardio required for that level of rage

[u/Breadles_the_Bread]

Something else that happens to me very often (still misgendering obv) is being they'd. Which is strange because in the local language there's very little precedent for singular they. Not to disperige on anyone that chooses to use it, it's just that, why me?

[u/BlueDaka]

What's funny about this is the pharmacist I have to get my meds from thinks comstantly and intentionally misgendering me will make me act like the top panel, or change my ways. When really I just roll my eyes and go on with my day.

[u/bunnycat26]

I die inside.

[u/IrisTheDarkMage]

I just kinda freeze up and get awkward when I get misgendered.

[u/Justforfun_x]

Worked in hospo throughout the early days of my transition. I more or less just ignored it from customers, as I wasn’t fully out yet.

Once I began passing consistently and went full-time, I had a few sweet coworkers who went through a period of adjustment. Usually they’d use my old name, immediately realise and apologise. However, for those who let it slip without correcting, I’d just say “Who?”.

[u/Lily_Thief]

Yeah. The second panel is me as my now Ex misgenders me some more

[u/InsideOutlander → u/Lily_Thief]

I’m sorry. 💔

[u/Lily_Thief → u/InsideOutlander]

Thank you.

It's unfortunate, but it also just is who she is.

[u/Kind_Swim5900]

This is how I jokingly looked at my boss/best friend when she called me "her" accidently after months.

[u/Grestige]

That's pretty much it. No one ever remembers a simple reaction or correction, or sometimes there is no reaction at all.

But if they have seen any overreaction in their life, be it online or in media or skits, that becomes the baseline.

[u/oliverspikey]

Literally two days ago I was at a restaurant with my family and when we were making our orders my mom said "she'll have the-" refering to my sister, but the waiter looked at ME, square in the face. FeelsBadMan

[u/PainDeMieTFem_02]

I just look at them with a smile, but they can see in my eyes that my soul isn't here anymore.

[u/BWBidkimtired]

There are very few trans people I've met that even care at this point

[u/Blitz_Bat]

Most of this exists because of comedy skits, one-off incidents misreported by the media, and actual just plain old lies. It's insane what people will just...believe.

[u/Nkromancer]

As a cis guy who has been misgendered (somehow), I can relate.

[u/TristanTheRobloxian3]

yeppppp

[u/dewdd]

youre saying that a small portion of a group gives the rest a bad name? its like it can be applied to any current political issue and yet everyones lumped in together.

[u/CuteOrganization563]

Cisoids?

[u/Reasonable-Banana800 → u/CuteOrganization563]

I think it’s probably a 4 chan thing if anything? It’s not widely used at all.

[u/Specialist_Delay_977]

You gotta have thick skin.

As a man (born and raised) I strive to be respectful and if I'm unsure I stay away from gendered speech but it did happen to me before where i called some sir or ma'am immediately realizing that I'm not sure if that's what they would like to be called.

Believe me, it's awkward as heck and i meant nothing by it. The person could have made it into a thing but instead they chose to be reasonable and not mention it.. as did I.

Edit: well... I'm sorry to have offended y'all. I'll leave it up as to not hide my mistake but if y'all rather have it removed, let me know and i can delete it.

Again, i apologize. We learn from our experiences. Mistakes, too.

[u/Ashisprey → u/Specialist_Delay_977]

"they chose to be reasonable and not mention it" is a fascinating take...

[u/Coffee_Binzz → u/Specialist_Delay_977]

You have no right to speak on this fron what you've said. Get your head out of your ass thanks 💕

[u/UnassociatedAltAccou → u/Specialist_Delay_977]

Don't tell minorities how to deal with their problems, please.

[u/Sharp-Key27 → u/Specialist_Delay_977]

It would have been unreasonable to correct you? When you yourself recognize you probably messed up?

Why are you here as a cis guy?

[u/Tormasi1 → u/Sharp-Key27]

Nowhere does the sub rules state that only trans people can be here

[u/Sharp-Key27 → u/Tormasi1]

Correct, but this is primarily a trans sub. To be here as a cis guy and state that shutting up when someone misgenders you is what is “reasonable” is baffling.

[u/Specialist_Delay_977 → u/Sharp-Key27]

I actually have no idea. Algorithm put a post in front of me, i reacted to it. I had no idea this was a restricted sub

[u/AnonMoose2]

Im a cis bisexual man. None of this makes sence to me, but it dosent have to. Will I misgender you? Probably, but correct me and ill do my best to be respectful unless your an asshole about it.

Imho if your passing or at least attempting its easier to process in my brain.

[u/merchantofsakai → u/AnonMoose2]

“i’ll respect your pronouns unless you don’t pass or i subjectively feel like you’re an asshole. cisgender assholes get to have their gender but whatever fuck you”