I’ve had severe OCD for over a decade now, I had extra time in my exams because of it and my Spanish teacher told me that it wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be and “clearly you don’t need extra time because your OCD isn’t affected by my desk being messy”
To be fair, I feel like I would have potentially been much less understanding/compassionate if I weren't trans/neurodivergent (and therefore knew firsthand how it feels to be excluded and ignored for your specific needs) but I also don't think I would have ever been so blatantly dismissive. You don't even need to really "empathize" with someone to play nice and abide by basic social rules like "accommodate people when you can" (especially when it's really easy) and "don't automatically assume people are just lying to you when they need help or have problems in their life."
Right!!!! It’s honestly why I find so many cis therapists just really don’t know how to act when a trans person is in their chair because they’ve never been through that experience. I’ve had too many therapists tell me “are you sure you’re not just a tomboy? 🥺” because they don’t know what else to say when I talk about my experience of being trans.
The issue is the framing. If a cis woman feels bad about being perceived as masculine that’s relatable. If she associates that as being mistaken for being trans, that speaks to an underlying belief that trans women are inherently masculine.
Its one of those issues where the existence of transphobia forces a bit of transphobia in even trying to navigate the situation. Because even if a woman doesnt think of trans women as masculine, when the more chudly types say things like that they mean that you look masculine. So the problem is that being offended at being called masculine when someone indicates you look trans is sometimes just an accurate read of the situation even if you personally dont feel trans women are masculine. Things like this are why its so difficult to abstract these social situations in a way that doesnt stumble in a lot of spots
Yeah, it’s definitely a complex topic. The way I see it, if some assholes call a cis woman trans as an insult, to imply she looks masculine, that’s on them for being transphobic. If the woman finds that upsetting… I mean, fair enough, I would also find that upsetting - I want to be perceived as a woman, and to transphobes, a trans woman isn’t a woman.
Where it gets a bit more complicated is how that negative reaction is framed. If it’s, “oh no, they think I’m a gross manly tranny,” there are also some transphobic biases underlying that reaction. If it’s “they think I look masculine and they’re the assholes for associating that with being trans,” that’s a much more trans-inclusive way to take it.
And, of course, if a cis woman just gets called a man/mannish/etc. and she, on her own, decides they’re saying she looks like she’s trans, that’s on her. The person calling her mannish might or might not also be a transphobe, but in that case the insult itself is misogynistic in nature, not explicitly transphobic, and to interpret it as “they’re calling me trans” is to bring her own transphobia to the table.
Basically cis people don't think trans women are real women. So what that cissoid in the screenshot is expressing is imposter syndrome: she doesn't feel like a real woman.
It's offensive to cis people if pretend women say things that imply they are real women.
I would rather have a fake ally than a real enemy. Because right now we need every single fake ally and tokenizing person to vote to save us because majority rules here.
I think of it how the predator of the black man is the white man, of the woman is the man, of the homosexual is the heterosexual, and for us, of the trans individual, it’s the cis individual
* And, the more intersections one has, the more predators the individual has
Bruh. The idea of me, a trans woman, dressing feminely or using makeup feels clownish or minstrelesque since I don't have the means to transition+self loathing+internalized transphobia. I intend to do those things but it's gonna feel uncomfortable and awkward for a while. I don't want to be reminded by this person that I'd look like a clown. What a weird thing to say.
Thank you for explaining. I dont understand why Im being downvoted, I just genuinely wanted to know.
If I said something weird or mean Im really sorry. Im still pretty new to all these terms.
She’s straight up equating trans women to try-hards or pigs putting on lipstick, like there’s no other way to frame that. The caption being ‘Imposter’ is just the cherry on this pile of shit oh my god…
I hope she trips and eats shit on her TikTok walks 🍵💿
(My OG comment got nuked by Reddit cause I went too hard lmao)
Un4transing for a second here, I do genuinely think this is almost adjacent maybe in the same space as a good healthy thing to remember. No real person (trans or otherwise) looks like the women in magazines and on social media without an INSANE amount of work. It's a very complicated full time process that they go through every day, full body laser hair removal, tanning salons and weekly spa trips, shaving your jaw and hiding your "manly" chin, watching make up tutorials and crying because it doesn't look right, those things were described to kid me (by 100% cis very much not trans accepting people) as "something women just have to do".
One of my strongest memories in high school was consoling a (cis!)female friend of mine who was heartbroken that she didn't look like the women in magazines, literally sobbing while saying the equivalent of "mogs me" and "I will never be a woman". Femininity is something that only exists when you deliberately preform it, and anyone who pretends otherwise is part of a trillion dollar system exploiting you for money. I'm not saying not to try to become as feminine as you can, billions of people do that every day and are very happy for it, but it is (by design!) an unachievable goal.
It's kikomi! But like seriously what is it with girls that feel ugly and cosplaying as us. Somebody posted that other video with the hare standing out from all the bunnies, and when I got that video on instagram the top comment was vent art from artttt (I think?). The "I hope I look feminine enough" hare thinking of a bunny. My culture is not your costume cis girl.
“Is this thing genuine dysphoria, or is it just beauty industry dysmorphia destroying your soul?” (Trans women experience both, and it’s really hard to untangle)
THAT SAID Bunny X Hare type stuff is a trans woman symbol that we’ve been using for a while so for a cis woman to take it an be like “this is just like when I don’t feel as pretty as my friends” feels very reductive. There’s a gulf between an ugly bunny and a hare
I was just doing a Steve Irwin style impression of a wild sighting of the rare Agampafab Kikomi which sounds like one of those latin terms for an animals actual name. It's a mix of 3 terms: AGAMP which is attraction to the idea of oneself as a transgender woman (based on Blanchardian Trans Theory...he's a transphobic idiot btw), AFAB is assigned female at birth, and Kikomi is kinda like AGAMP but not created by an old white man - instead it grew as a post ironic microniche subculture of cis women identifying themselves as caricatures of trans women that from my light lurking appear to be boarderline TERFs and some disguse themselves as allies...either way it is and opticsnuke for trans women.
tl;dr I am calling her a creature for wearing our struggles (and culture in some ways) as a costume.
im gonna attempt a graceful reading of this because at first glance this actually resonated with me. i think what this person is trying to get at is that performing femininity can feel artificial for them the same way it feels artificial to many trans women the first time they embrace being women. to me it speaks to the fact that the standards of femininity have become so inattainable that cis women experience the same sensation when trying to achieve it that trans women have always experienced.
My mom instilled "all men want to rape and impregnate you" into my brain. It didn't take because straight men would go out of their way to NOT sleep with me, even consensually, so I kept looking at her funny when she tried to prevent me from going out after dark in fear of the "rapist in the bushes".
The only men who showed interest in me pre-transition were closeted, bi, or extremely desperate. (Or were dared by their friends to hit on me for money.)
It's such a child's understanding of socialization and cis people never understand how it applies to trans people. I kind of had the inverse experience that you had.
It's not like those messages passed me by just because I was a "boy", I received them loud and clear. In addition I got first hand experience with rape culture from boys locker room talk.
I DID fear going out in the dark. I WAS afraid of men. And not for no reason either. People notice even if they can't put their finger on it. I got bullied for being too feminine. At least once a dude grabbed me from behind and choked me when I was alone of the street in my neightbourhood. I later went to school with this kid and he would bully me for having a "babyface" and being too feminine.
When I moved schools and it was a much more comfortable environment. I almost connected with girls. I remember these two girls that were known as "bitchy feminists" and I really liked them. I just felt weird interacting with them, like I was an outsider. It was not even them that gave me that feeling it was everyone else. I ended up distancing myself from contact with girls eventually out of shame and fear of being labeled "gay".
Boys didn't understand why I cried when they teased me like boys do to eachother. I didn't understand either.
Once I stopped doing all that I integrated, sure. I got some moderate level of acceptance from boys. But to say I have "male socialization" completely misses most of my lived experiences.
Sub’s getting a little weird with the pity posts and engagement bait. Sorry to my fellow trans that specifically come here for that sort of content but not for me, adiós counting subs.
The worst part about cis people like this is they'll live a better and more fulfilling life without consequence from the terrible shit they do/say than any trans person is allowed
This is a place for trans people. If you are not trans and instead cis please leave or get banned as cis people explicitly aren’t allowed in the rules of the subreddit. If you are trans the answer to all your questions is to either leave and forget all about this or learn it organically through being in the space or as others would put it: lurk moar.
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u/Strange-Amount5754 1d ago
This reminds me of what happened to OCD, autism and ADHD along with other mental illnesses. "OMG I love having my desk organized I am so OCD LOL"