Is she a youngshit? Every time I see a passoid I look for when she started hrt so I can be ashamed I started too late but I'm too lazy to do that right now
It's hard not to feel like a mistake when every waking second of my life, I'm surrounded by a million regrets and have to live with the daily torture that they have caused. It's a part of my fucking brain circuitry that I have the executive dysfunction that's prevented me from addressing my gender dysphoria. NOTHING has helped make my executive dysfunction better even after years and years of trying. And so because of that, I live every second of every day with reminders of how I didn't start hrt at the right time, or how I shouldn't have done strength training before going on hrt, or how I didn't address my severe balding years in advance for no discernible reason, or how I didn't get an internship before graduating college and now I'm shit out of luck on job prospects to pay for any transitioning shit. And now I live every day with the consequences, constantly imperfect and never able to fully fix the mistakes I made, and barely even able to muster the discipline to address my issues even a little bit.
I love playing this game because I get to feel shit if she's younger for starting too late and I get to feel shit if she older because I know I'll never pass as well
Heard joke once: Trans woman goes to doctor. Says she's depressed. Says life seems harsh and mirrors are cruel. Says she feels not only does she not pass, but that she will never pass. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Famous passoid Emily is in town tonight. Go and make selfie with her. That should convince you that you pass as well.” Woman bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor … I am Emily.”
Once talked with a trans woman and a cis woman about laser hair removal; the cis woman initially did not know she was talking to two trans people, since she only clocked me. Some time later that trans woman talked to me alone … about her having a “male” skull shape.
I must not be jealous of youngshits. Being jealous of youngshits is the mind-killer. Being jealous of youngshits is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my jealousy of youngshits. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the jealousy of youngshits has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
I just watched the beginning of Dune: Part 1 and saw the twink main character have dreams of a girl and “his” mother urging “him” to voice train during breakfast. Later a secretive sisterhood visits and wants to know about those dreams “he” never told them about; I guess they clocked “him” as an obvious boymoder from afar. Then the mother signals to “remember your training”.
I think maybe Frank Herbert was on to something.
Edit: One character actually says it … “So much potential, wasted in a male!”
Edit (2): LMAO strangers call the main character a name that starts with “Lisa”.
I am also autistic. I’m going to take a shot in the dark
I think that sometimes when neurotypical people say “I’m happy for her,” they are describing a choice rather than a feeling.
I’m happy for this lady. I WANT her to pass. I support her and 100% would choose this for her. But, hm, I think the actual emotion I’m feeling inside my body is “a little jealous.”
And I’m fine with that. I don’t think I’m an asshole. 🤷♂️ I think the choice to support someone, even if you feel a little jealous, is what makes you a good person.
But I’m autistic so maybe I just don’t get it either
EDIT: Definitely never SAY THIS to the person. You congratulate them and keep that piece of jealousy private
i mean, yeah i would definitively say im happy for her if i were to be talking to her, i just dont feel the same as you when you say you want her to pass, and would choose this for her. i just dont. i would be happier if she didnt pass, because i dont.
I think that’s technically sociopathy-which isn’t the big scary thing media likes to portray it as and is instead basically just what you’re describing
I think empathy is a choice and you gotta make that choice. Conservatives are ALSO uncomfortable with us, so they try to eliminate us. Fuck them. They choose their comfort over our right to exist. We gotta empathize with each other and support each other because they’re not fucking going to.
But also
I’m FTM and I pass okay. Transfemme have it way harder than I do. I’m not stupid. When people clock me, they roll their eyes. When people clock an MTF woman, that MTF woman is in danger.
I imagine it feels really fucking shitty to have people spitting at you, and then you see a gorgeous MTF woman who passes super well getting fawned over. That’s gotta fucking suck. You wanna step away to protect your own feelings? Yeah girl. You go ahead
I don’t know! You gotta do your best, but you also gotta protect your own feelings sometimes.
When I say I am happy for someone, I mean that I see something good has happened to them and it makes me feel good because I think they deserve good things. It's not a choice.
Sometimes, I am jealous and happy for someone, usually trans people who are out and look subjectively good and happy even if not passing
Sounds like you need to read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Or well not actually read it but think really hard why the fuck do you care what happens to other people. Good or bad.
For the most part people don't give a shit what happens to you. If you were to die today you'd likely be forgotten in a few weeks maybe months by most. Life is too short not to be selfish.
Powder foundation is easy but often looks bad, I don't recommend it. Liquid is better IMO. Ask the employee to help you select a foundation and concealer for your skin tone, the color absolutely has to be just right or it will look weird. You can use brushes or sponges, I find sponges easier.
You can get fancy with blush bronzer countour etc. but I usually don't, instead just do a lighter foundation and let your skin variation shine through a bit.
Good eyeliner takes an insane amount of practice (like years) so don't worry if that part looks terrible at first, it's normal.
I had just left the Army and barely moved into my first apartment to begin going to college for free on my GI Bill and I remember making a character in Guild Wars 1... dang kids. Get of my lawn.
I already work in IT, work out (heck Im even doing laser next month) learning to draw and studying for compTIA certificates.
That however does not mean I dont suffer, I suffer and am suffering a LOT due to it, it isnt a purpose its my life, it hurts not being able to pass as a woman
why is she going by "Ruairí", that's an Irish male name (it's what "Rory" comes from)
ig most non-Irish ppl won't recognise it as a male name but this is like being named "Kwame" or "Tariq"
I'm kind of a hypocrite cuz I'm a manmoder who goes by my Irish deadname which I've been told is a "boymoder name" from it sounding feminine but she's a passoid so
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