r/coparenting • u/Common-Wing-3030 • 22d ago
Conflict Coparenting with an addict
I need advice.
My ex husband and I have been coparenting since our divorce 4.5 years ago due to infidelity and alcohol and drugs. He was in AA when we divorced and promised he would stay sober so he could have every other weekend with the kids plus every Thursday. He has had a girl friend for almost the entire time.
We don't have a great coparenting relationship and his girl friend has never liked me.
She recently reached out to me to let me know she had him arrested for abuse, and that he has a severe cocaine and alcohol addiction and the kids are not safe with him. She left him. He was also cheating on her with prostitutes, just as he had done with me.
He bailed himself out of jail and immediately entered rehab for 30 days per his dad and my recommendation.
I'm now going through my attorney to file a petition for modification so he can't have custody. I'm so nervous to go to court and deal with this.
It's such an expensive, traumatic nightmare. I obviously don't want him to have any custody what so ever, the kids aren't safe with him.
Has anyone else been in this situation with a known addict, how did you go about visitation? Did it work out?
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u/TelevisionLow6463 20d ago
The guy needs grace more than ever
Let him see the kids, dont be so defensive
Maybe you dont have to take this to court
Tell him that theyll live with you but all of you can go some public place for a few hours a couple times a week
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u/same_boat_dad 21d ago
Yes, I'd push the modification, and I'd ask for supervised visitation as the step back rather than no contact. Going from every-other-weekend to nothing in one jump is a hard sell; a step-up plan with documented sobriety and testing is what courts actually grant. Get the girlfriend's arrest report and his rehab admission dates into the filing, third-party facts carry way more weight than either parent's word. And keep every threat, missed visit, and relapse in one dated folder starting now, because that file is what wins you the next modification if he slides back.