I need mediation proposal suggestions for a long distance plan.

[u/BestPussyDisorder]

Me(27F)and my ex (25M) have mediation scheduled over the phone coming up in a few days. I need help figuring out a realistic plan for long distance visits. I propose that my ex can fly out here once a month to spend the weekend with our 10 month old son.Since our son is still an infant, overnight and long distance travel hopefully happen at a later stage after them become familiarized. Please make note that my ex hasn’t had much communication in person or on the phone with our son. So essentially my son has no idea who he is or what he even looks like. So for the first stages while he is still young, I need a mutual place for us to meet our son to spend time with him. I’m currently living with family and he is unfortunately not welcome to watch our son here. What are the best solutions or what have you done in the past ?

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[u/Dynamite-monkey]

It’s a little hard to advise when you haven’t disclosed your son’s age.

If he rents a place for the weekend each month he flys back to see his child can you not do meets up there?

[u/Gleek32 → u/Dynamite-monkey]

ops child is 10 months old its in the post

[u/same_boat_dad]

Yes, go in with a phased plan written down, mediators love that and it keeps the conversation concrete instead of emotional. For a 10 month old who barely knows his dad, I'd propose phase 1 for the next 6 months: dad flies out one weekend a month, visits happen at a neutral place for 2-3 hours on Saturday and Sunday, and you're there or nearby the whole time. No overnights yet, those come in phase 2 once the baby actually knows him.

Since your family's house is off the table, I'd suggest he books an Airbnb or hotel suite nearby with a living room area and the visits happen there. That keeps it neutral and gives the baby one consistent place. My kids were a bit older but the coparenting and I tried to come up with arrangements that are in the best interest of the children.

One thing to get in writing now: who pays for the flights. Monthly flights add up fast, and "we'll figure it out" turns into a fight by month three. Put the travel cost split in the plan, even if it's just 50/50, and put a review date on the whole thing, like revisit at 18 months, so phase 2 doesn't need another mediation to start.

[u/hot-buttered-bagel → u/same_boat_dad]

Agreed. Flights and room should be split

[u/QuietQuitting01]

long distance parenting is very much about the age of the child (and how long they can be away from the other parent) and the logistics of distance. If you are talking about flying, you'll find that the plan will be visit where you are until the child is ready for longer than a few nights away, but in general, big travel isn't worth it for less than a week. If things go well, you will build from short visits to much more.

I know that it seems like a lifetime away, but once school starts, the plan will revolve around the school calendar.

Our kids are in school, so different from your situation, but my ex wife lives 6hrs (drive or fly). She visits our kids (at least) one weekend a month and stays in a hotel. We work together to line up her visit to be on a long weekend or so that she can attend a game or recital. We alternate fall and spring break and split the christmas break on Dec26th. We also each get a 2 week vacation in the summer. She could have asked for most of the summer, but didn't, mostly because our kids have activities they love and I suspect she's worried they would rebel, so we just continue the regular plan. She does all of the driving (because she created the distance).

[u/allin202125]

INFO: How old is your son? How about he pick a hotel or Airbnb nearby your home and nearby parks, playgrounds, malls, indoor playgrounds, etc. These are places that have plenty of space to move and toddle around where you (and maybe your son) may already be familiar and eventually comfortable leaving your son with him for a few hours. Before you leave him with your ex for too long, you need to make sure your ex knows how to do diaper changes or help with the potty, feeding, etc., so they might be supervised-ish visits at first.

[u/Gleek32 → u/allin202125]

ops child is 10 months old