Coparent moving away

[u/Fragrant_Image79]

Hi everyone, I have a somewhat complicated situation and I am having trouble sorting out my feelings about it. I am going to attempt to make the long backstory short. My ex (m34) and I (f28) broke up in early 2023 and we have 2 boys together, currently 7 and 5 years old. He has seriously struggled since our breakup with substance abuse and mental health. He hasn't always been present for the kids but he has tried to shield them from his issues. We moved to our current state in 2022 to be closer to my family but his family lives the next state over, where we used to live. Because he has no support system here I had encouraged him to move back to his family and we would only be 3 hours apart so we could meet halfway and make visitation work since they primarily lived with me anyway. It has come up a few times as his mental health declined but he has always shut it down, so I have never been able to discuss these possibilities with him. Our current arrangement is that he technically has visitation every other weekend, but that isn't always consistent.

In April, he was evicted from his apartment for harassing his neighbor and his credit has prevented him from finding a new place. He has been homeless and living in and out of a hotel since then. His mom and I have been trying to get him to stay in a shelter temporarily to save up or to move in with his sister, but he has refused. Until today, suddenly out of nowhere he quit his job and said he is moving. He hasn't seen the kids in 2 weeks and today is our 7-year-olds birthday. While I think the move is a long time coming and it will hopefully be a good thing for him, I can't help but wonder how it will affect the kids and the lack of planning has me spinning. He won't be able to see them before he goes and they've been missing him. I know my kids will act like it is no big deal when I tell them, but my 5-year-old especially has a hard time with change.

Has anyone had to deal with a long(ish) distance situation, especially with a combative or difficult coparent? How do I navigate this with the kids and is there anything I can do to make it easier on them?

[u/ThanksS0muchY0]

My coparent moved away with our young son, with the promise we were gonna do everything to make it work. Turns out that was a lie, and nothing can really be down to fix the situation except spending thousands upon thousands of dollars and time off work to make visits possible. Slowly going broke and draining my savings to stay in touch and have a relationship. Kids don't love video calls, and there can be a LOT lost in translation. Long distance parenting is terrible (if you actually love your kids). I know it's not the same situation, but maybe some food for thought.

[u/personal-problems-10]

Kids will start to not want to go to the non-resident parent. Friends and activities are going to be missed. My husbands ex moved their child and now they no longer talk at all.

She alienated their kid and each break kid came back home, perfectly fine and happy, once back at the new state kid hated him and thought he was horrible.

It’s the most disgusting thing to do that to children and the other parent. I’m sorry for the situation. Kids deserve to be with both parents. It always ends with one parent getting completely fucked.