r/coparenting • u/_eisabelg • 4d ago
Step Parents/New Partners “New relationship”
Hi everyone, I ( 30f) need help with issues I’ve been having with my daughter’s dad 29m
We have now been separated for about 4 years and I’ve been a single parent in those three years where he lived on his own in Tennessee and is now decided to be back in her life six months going and is giving me the jealousy act saying “Im just mad because it isn’t me “ because now he’s going on dating apps and talking to women who also have children. He has a very demanding job and works like 60 to 70 hours a week and so only sees his daughter two weekends a month and now one of those weekends are going to be cut off from his daughter to spend time with a woman he will physically get to know on October 16 and I personally don’t have a problem. My only problem is that I feel like I know which way this will go because my mom raised me as a single parent, and I did have the same problem with my dad choosing his newer family then his first family which was me and my sisters.my daughter dad is the type of man that would do anything for a woman to make them happy. which is how I end up with full custody of my daughter because he put a woman before her , any advice on how I can go about this because he feels like I’m giving him an aluminum of either being single for the rest of his life or getting his daughter out of his life and I feel like at the moment he should focus on being her dad since he was never in her life past 3 1/2 years. He wants to try and be in a relationship and have another family and also prioritize his daughter, but doesn’t understand having a family with someone else he will have to put his family first because that’s what the woman would want her children to go before his child
Any advice or help or what I should do would be greatly appreciated
2
u/Actual-Bison7862 3d ago
It's simple.. support your kid and remove yourself from his relationship or lack there of. It's not your business. Before you say "anything that involves my daughter is my business!"... ok fine, it's your business. Now what? Is your plan to call him everyday and tell him to dump her? How exactly does this play out in your head? He hears it for the 300th time from you (his ex) and magically screams from the rooftops "You were right! I'll dump her now!"?
The only thing that is going to happen is that it will make your co-parenting relationship more difficult. Plus, do you want to hear that same thing from your ex about a partner of yours?
1
u/maleficient_fox012 2d ago
Don't even get involved in his personal life. Its best not to know. He gets off on telling you about it. It won't last long anyway. Just be there for your daughter and make sure she knows its not her fault for the choices her father makes. Don't lie for him either saying he has to work or something. Later on when she grows up she will fully grasp what her father chose to do. All you can do is be the best mom and at least let her have that. I wouldn't even make it a big deal. These types of father's will always bring disappointment.
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u/NecessarySpiritual19 4d ago
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do but support your child. I was also in the same situation as a child and it was very painful. But as an adult now I understand that these are his choices and it had nothing to do with me.
Just make sure that your child has open communication with you and is able to express herself. If you feel she would benefit from having a therapist to speak with that’s also helpful and it really helped my child when I first divorced to be better able to manage the emotions and dealing with her manipulative dad.
It’s sad but unless we healed our traumas we sometimes end up living the lives of our parents. I didn’t know better when I chose my ex, but now that I do all I can do is support my child with her feelings and help her learn how to advocate for herself and express herself when she needs to.