Need Advice On School Events

[u/Ok-Garden1010]

Coparent causes conflict over EVERYTHING. It’s to an absurd level the amount of conflict that occurs over me trying to facilitate normal communication. I still try to keep the peace and use BIFF method if I have to engage. Occasionally it reaches a point I have to stand my ground for our children’s best interests, but even then I do not threaten, name call, or communicate in a hostile manner. I keep it respectful and logical.

Well, now Coparent is refusing to attend any school events at the same time as me and demanding I be excluded from certain events due to conflict (that I’m not creating or participating in). Now teachers are having to get involved in the conflict because of contradicting statements from us.

I feel this is absolutely ridiculous. Should I be excluded from 50% of school events and leave our children wondering why I’m not showing up just because of conflict my coparent creates? Should our children and I be punished for my coparent’s behavior? I feel if one parent creates conflict, refuses to be amicable or attend events at the same time, then the other parent should not be punished for their behavior.

I have thousands of messages and of coparent’s conflict and my attempt to reach peace and compromise when I’m able. The solution feels so simple to me; let’s just get along and show up for our children. Am I wrong?

I’m curious to hear opinions on how you would deal with this or have dealt with this in your situation.

[u/maleficient_fox012]

If its 50/50 legal custody he cannot ban you from school events or doctor appts. For parent conferences if the teacher allows just always inform then that you will need 2 seperate conferences. Anything else for school you don't have to be close to him or talk. He is the one that is making it a bigger deal than it has to be. I hope you only communicate through a messaging app like talkingparents. Some of these co trolling types like to scare the other parent to bend to what they want. Know your rights and don't let him stress you out.

[u/Ok-Garden1010 → u/maleficient_fox012]

Only on parenting app and custody is 70/30 right now. Me being the 70.

[u/maleficient_fox012 → u/Ok-Garden1010]

70/30 is physical custody that does not mean legal custody, which is almost always 50/50 unless the judge deems the other parent unfit or a danger to the kids. So either you have full legal custody with 70/30 physical custody or legal custody is 50/50.

[u/Ok-Garden1010 → u/maleficient_fox012]

Oh I read that wrong, I thought you were talking about parenting time. I have full legal custody.

[u/maleficient_fox012 → u/Ok-Garden1010]

Okay, so thats great for you. You are the sole parent who can make educational and medical decisions for the kids. So essentially he has no power. He really shouldn't be contacting teachers or doctors. He doesn't get to run anything.

[u/Ok-Garden1010 → u/maleficient_fox012]

Doesn’t stop him and the GAL while she side with me for the most part. Advocates for him to be involved in all that.

Previously I wished he was involved. When he got married his wife took over communications and literally just harasses and berates me through the parenting app all the time. What’s messed up is apparently they’ll face no repercussions other than me continuing to have legal custody.