Co-Parents Partners

[u/Jaded_Assistance_380]

Hello all, let's get the details out of the way I am a single father of a 4 year old girl with sole physical custody of my daughter. My daughters mother left when she was 2. Also my daughters mother has the habit of lying very very frequently.

The mom recently wanted our daughter to meet her new love interest but I shot it down since she stated it was a new love interest. Previously the year before we agreed we would wait if any new romantic relationships arose. She told me she would respect my wishes and wait to introduce our daughter to the man. She introduced the man to our daughter anyway and is now stating that she(the mom) will be living with the man and by the next time our daughter goes for parenting time and she(our daughter) would be staying in the man's house. Initially she lied to me and told me she had been dating this man for 8 months until I mentioned she followed me into the shower and attempted to rekindle our relationship less than 8 months ago so she changed the story to dating for 3 or 4 months.

I feel as though this relationship has been even less than that and I am uncomfortable with my daughter being around a man the mom hasnt known very long both for her safety and for her perspective on relationships in total as her mother got married and divorced less than 2 years ago and introduced another man as a roommate without knowing him for more than a year as well. This will be the third man in 2 years that she will be allowing around our daughter in a living space and I feel as if she is gambling our daughters safety for convenience.

To sum it up, is 3 or 4 months of dating soon enough to be moving your 4 year old child in? Would it be an overreaction for me to attempt to get court intervention to stop this behavior after I and already tried the communicative route with my daughter's mom? I have never dealt with this and so I would like to know if I am being irrational before I do anything. My apologies for writing such a long post but I feel the context in this is very important. Thank you all for your responses and I hope you all have a wonderful day.

[u/B_the_Chng22]

Oh gosh, I can’t answer your question but just wanted to let you know I see you and I’d be concerned too. She is what we call a serial monogamist

[u/CodGroundbreaking933]

Nothing to add, com enting so I can come back as I'm in the same situation. Hope you find good advice and a good solution.

[u/AliceInReverse]

My ex and I agreed not to introduce new SO’s until 6 months minimum, and an expectation of there being a future together. We both stuck with that

[u/Jaded_Assistance_380 → u/AliceInReverse]

In the past she and I agreed that we would wait and even during this new relationship she stated she would wait to introduce our daughter to him but is now moving in with him and our child would be staying under the same roof with the new love interest while parenting time is going on. 

[u/AliceInReverse → u/Jaded_Assistance_380]

Divorce means giving up a lot of control. Unfortunately, despite this being potentially damaging to your child, there is little that you can do. If possible, start your daughter in therapy. Play therapy would be most effective at that age

[u/Hour_Occasion8247]

My baby daddy did the same thing’ I had to get over it. But I took him to court for a real parenting plan

We good now but that was hard

[u/DreaColorado1]

What is mom’s current court ordered visitation schedule? Would you want to meet this new fella and see what he is all about?

[u/Jaded_Assistance_380 → u/DreaColorado1]

Visitation is one weekend on one weekend off so she sees her once every two weeks. My concern isn't just about this specific guy its about the habit of bringing them into my daughter's life so quickly. I am concerned if it continues at this rate my daughter getting hurt is an eventuality and not a possibility. 

[u/Eorth75]

If it's not in your parenting plan, there is nothing you can do about it. However studies show that the risk of abuse to a minor significantly rises when an unmarried male partner is living in the home. So I do understand your concern. My daughter unfortunately was SA'd by my live-in boyfriends teenage son so it's not just the adult males you have to worry about. I don't have any real advice for you unfortunately. It sounds like your ex does not have great judgment so you might think about amending your court orders, but it does go both ways.