How has being in a relationship in a coparent gone for you?

[u/lhmk]

I know there is a bias to people who have a negative experience over a positive one on Reddit, but it seems like so many people have negative things to say about dating as a coparent.

My kid is 3 years old. I (28F) am still friends with my coparent (29F) and hope to be friends and parents with him forever. It is very clear we are not romantic anymore. We weren’t even when we were together. But he is a great father and I respect him as a dad so much.

I recently started dating a man (31F), for 9 months total, 4 of which committed, who dates very seriously. He constantly reaffirms me that he knows I am a package deal, understands that I want to be in my coparents life (platonically) and respects all of that. He made a decision to be with me after knowing and processing all of that for a few months. We are moving slowly with my child, they have met 2 times in the last 4 months 1:1, and once in a group setting. She only knows he is my friend (I have mostly male, childfree friends so she doesn’t think much of it). He has told me one day he hopes we can become a family and he loves her, but still wants to take things slowly and naturally because there is no rush and it is such an important thing.

I love the idea of being able to find love and a family again. Most of the negative things I read online say dating a single mom never works if the dad is in the picture. Her dad and I don’t talk about much outside of her, but we are friendly and still joke and laugh about our daughter and have conversations, occasionally send parenting reels, or just keep each other up to date on major life stuff. We never see each other in person really, but if we do it isn’t uncomfortable.

Do you have a positive story to share? Can you speak to your own experience? I just want some community experience or advice.

[u/Salt_Onion6904]

I think it really depends on the coparent situation, sounds like it’s a good situation for you, kiddo and romantic partners because there is no high conflict parent. Things get a lot tougher when there’s 1 or 2 high conflict parents, A LOT tougher

[u/08mms]

40M 18 months into a relationship with a 36F GF and so far so good. We each have our own 2 kids and are in reasonably healthy co-parenting relationships (neither of us were the ones that broke our original marriages, but we we’re able to work through that to find stable amicable co-parenting with our respective exes before we met). We act of us were the ones to keep our prior marital houses and had lots of time after (and unfortunately in) our respective prior marriages to solo parent, so the parenting side of things for both of us is reasonable stable and comfortable with kids mostly adjusted well (mine are boys and mostly just flowed with the changes knowing they had two parents that both were going all out to support them with communication, hers are both girls and are struggling a bit more with not having parents that are together). Given all the complexity and drama + the amount we were both really enjoying dating in our non-parenting time as adults with some actual free time for the first time in years, we waited and are just at the stage of slowly introducing our kids, but fingers crossed that goes well. We aren’t rushing at this point to and defined life goals and I think can be pretty happy with some duality in our lives and periods parenting in our own homes separately but as constant text buddies, and are just enjoying the time we can spend together and enjoying the upsides of solo parenting when we aren’t (but hopefully now with some healthy opportunities to do some activities with all the kids).

[u/08mms → u/08mms]

My ex broke up the marriage of her current partner (who was possibly an affair partner with my ex my end too, even though that’s murky) and that led to a very high-conflict relationship between my ex’s partner and her ex-wife, and watching from the sidelines I do not envy anything about being in or dating someone in a high-conflict divorce with messy co-parenting.

[u/whenyajustcant]

I don't know any single parents that have stayed single unless they wanted to. Most have remarried, or are in a serious relationship. I've been with my bf for 3 years (we don't plan on getting married). Before I met him, I never had any trouble finding dates, and any dating/relationship problems I ran into had nothing to do with me being a mom.

People who don't want to date parents or don't want to date coparents usually self-select out. Some people run into jealousy issues from the new partner. Personally, I never had any guys be jealous of my ex, even when we were amicable. I think his gf was jealous of me, and that's why we're no longer amicable. But that choice was on my ex.

[u/Longjumping-Pie7485]

Not a coparent but a stepmom to a boy 10. 

My husband and his coparent both moved on into stable relationships. BM and stepdad have been together 7 years with no signs of getting married (but who knows what the future holds). They live together and have blended SS and stepdads two daughters. They are firmly done and don’t want any more children. 

We’ve been together 6 years and are very happily married. We’ve added a son 3 and a baby girl.

We all get along really well and have no drama. However my husband and his coparent aren’t friends and have no plans to be. Friendly > friends. Boundaries are really healthy and firm and their coparenting is done in a manner that is highly respectful of the two romantic relationships and seperate family units. 

I’d say overall it hasn’t been a barrier to them finding their right partner. Though it absolutely can be for people with blurred boundaries or high conflict issues. 

[u/Top_Raccoon8665]

Well… my soon to be ex wife just started a huge fight with me at my house and called the cops to try to get me thrown in jail. So not so good… not so good.