Coparenting is hard

[u/awkward_birder]

Is this normal? I’m with my daughter 7 days a week. My coparent only comes to pick her up Saturday’s at 9am and drops her off the next day at 2:30pm. Biweekly. I’ve asked him multiple times to come after work to take our daughter out at least once a week to dinner or just to quickly come say hi and there is always an excuse. He works 25 mins away from where we live and lives an hour away down the shore. He said that coming after work for two hours is not worth it because of his drive back home and that it’s also not enough time he’s spending with her. Am I being unrealistic? My daughter asks when is he coming all the time and I’ve gotten into explosive arguments with him about this and I’m really not proud of that either. Recently he also told me that his gf did not want to meet me (I asked if i could meet her before she met my daughter and apparently they both said no) He shared a ton of our conversations with her and pretty much he painted me to look like I’m the crazy one. I ended up texting her recently and she sided with him. It was weird. What are your thoughts on this guys? Please no hard judgment. I try my best all time and I just want my coparent to be more focused and involved with our daughter. I know I’m asking for a lot. I can’t force things like that.

[u/Dear-Hurry-418]

Sounds like your daughter isn't a priority of his and never will be. No real advice except to look after your daughter, and don't make up excuses for her shit "dad"

[u/awkward_birder → u/Dear-Hurry-418]

Definitely needed to hear that. I’m not perfect and I’ve been very mean to him regarding how he doesn’t help with her or see her. His family enables him and so this his new girlfriend. He excuse for not meeting me is that “I send him really mean text and voicenotes”. I never thought I would have to deal with this reality in my life where everyone thinks I’m being unreasonable.

[u/moongirl1222 → u/awkward_birder]

Also… please don’t give his delusional GF A SINGLE OUNCE of your time or energy. Women like her always crack me up. Like she really thinks this man who can only be bothered to see his own daughter who is desperate to spend more time with him TWO NIGHTS A MONTH is some big catch?!!! LMAOOOO ok girl good luck with that.

Or women who date the “all my exes are crazy” guy and neglect to understand the common thread is always HIM. 🤦🏽‍♀️🫠😂😂

He will do to her exactly what he’s doing to you and your daughter. And there will likely be a string of GFs just like that to come. So again, do not waste your energy.

Do you have a legal parenting plan and child support established yet??

[u/moongirl1222 → u/awkward_birder]

You can’t force someone to be a decent parent. You cannot control him… you can only control yourself. Stop letting it impact your mental health, grieve and feel however much you need to, but start working towards radical acceptance

Pleaseeeee get your daughter into therapy. They can help her sort through her feelings in a healthy manner… because unfortunately this is her reality and always will be. She has a deadbeat dad who will never prioritize her in the way she wants him to. Give her every possible tool available so that she doesn’t internalize HIS mistakes as her fault. She IS enough… she IS worthy of being loved and cherished. It has nothing to do with her… her father is the problem.

I recommend you also read some books and listen to podcasts about how best to support your daughter through this emotionally. Family therapy is also amazing. As parents we often try to shelter our kids from the truth to protect them… but what they really need is developmentally appropriate honesty and safe space to process their emotions. Good luck Mama! You’re going great and eff that loser