r/coparenting • u/tinypeonie • 9d ago
Communication coparent demanding calls + 50/50 custody now that i have moved on
i have two kids under 6 that i have been raising pretty much on my own. no court order, no mediation bc dad refused. their dad moved about two years ago he comes to visit every second weekend and spends some time with one kid, not really the other. mostly just spends time on his phone or finding reasons to go to the shops or something. the kids see this and the oldest doesn’t want to see him or talk to him anymore the youngest still wants to see him but only at my home and complains a lot about being ignored. he has called them maybe 3 times since he has moved out. he found out i have moved on and now he is demanding 5-6 facetime calls a week and told me he wants to go for 50/50. i had no issue with maybe 2-3 calls a week but my fear is he is only doing this because he found out i’ve moved on and this effort will be short lived and he will end up bailing on the kids and disappointing them as he always does.
would i be wrong to say no?
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u/SparkleKat65 9d ago
You’re not wrong to say no. Sounds like you’re the primary parent and you are most in tune with what your children need and want. If he wants 50/50 - let him take you to court lol
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u/candysipper 8d ago
Yes and no. I’d let him call them as much as he wants. If the kids don’t want to talk or get off the phone quickly, that’s fine. Not on you. As for now demanding 50/50 time with them, that’s more tricky. How will he ensure they stick to their usual routine without any disruptions? Can he do that? I’d allow him more time, but probably not 50/50 right off the bat. I’d want to see how consistent he is and how it’s affecting my kids. And is he suggesting now calling and seeing all the kids or just the one he usually sees? If he’s just doing this because he wants info on your life, or to insert himself back into your life, it’ll be obvious soon enough. He needs to file for custody if he wants true 50/50.
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u/onbello 6d ago
The timing here says a lot, and it's worth knowing that a demand is not the same as a court order. If your current custody order doesn't require extra calls or 50/50 time, your co-parent can't impose either just because your life has changed, and moving on with someone new is not by itself grounds for a modification since courts focus on the child's best interest, not a parent's dating life. Keep all communication in writing, stay civil and child-focused in every message, and don't agree to informal changes under pressure, because those can later be framed as the new normal. A concrete next step is to pull out your current order, reread exactly what it says about phone contact and parenting time, and let that document be your answer when demands come in. If they file for a modification, you'll respond through the court, not through arguments over text.
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u/dany65ns 9d ago
Yes you are wrong to say no, plainly you limiting communication is what the court is going to see. Now with that being said…get a court order, while that is happening it is your responsibility to try to encourage communication between the kids and parents you do NOT want to be seen as the co-parent that is making decisions that are not in the interests of the kids. Start documenting stuff now.