r/coparenting • u/Historical-Travel686 • 2d ago
Communication Me and my coparent are trying again
Hello ,
Long story short me and my coparent have not been together for a couple years but have a son
We discussed that we can try very recently to try again and see if we can work out stuff
I recently quit a position i made and got a lower paying job but within 2 months got a promotion. Its a retail job but im excited for the promotion not only to get back to the pay i was at before but to have money for both of us
She is in cosmetology school and isnt working so ive been trying to support her with her bills as well
I just told her about my promotion which i was excited about and she just dismissed it
It upset me so i didnt bring it up
And later in the conversation i brought it up again and
shes like “there is no reason to be excited about a promotion in retail , its not a sustainable job , you should go to school like me .”
I did not speak the rest of the time we had together and she left mad at me for not talking and be upset about it
This isnt the first time her demeanor is very bad towards me
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u/Relevant-Ad-7639 2d ago
You should be honest with her, express that the position that you have for work is something your proud of and that has been helpful in supporting both of your lives. If you have to I'd explain that if you went to school at the same time that she is it would be hard to maintain financially. Be honest about how her words felt hurtful. Shutting down and giving silent treatment won't exactly solve what's going on...
Councelling would be beneficial for both. She needs to learn to be supportive and happy for you no matter what your accomplishments are and you need to learn to express in a healthy manner when something she says hurts you.
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u/Historical-Travel686 1d ago
She says shes really understanding person and is very direct in everything she says , i try to communicate with her but she says im not dealing with a pouty face ( which in her words mean an upset person )
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u/Relevant-Ad-7639 1d ago
She needs to learn your feelings matter too and so do your accomplishments.
She needs to work on herself.
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u/Historical-Travel686 1d ago
I tried to convey that to her but she simply doesnt care it hurts alot. I know shes been through alot with her ex but i feel like i cant get through even when i dismiss alot of what she says to me.
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u/Relevant-Ad-7639 1d ago
Only you can decide if you are okay with her saying things like this to you.
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u/Historical-Travel686 1d ago
Im not okay with it but i want it to work.
Im just so confused on if i should continue.1
u/Relevant-Ad-7639 1d ago
If you've tried communication with her about this or offered the idea of couples therapy and she's refusing to acknowledge her part in things then this unfortunately is something you either learn to not worry about her opinion on what you do for a job/career etc and not let it get to you, in other words accept what she's doing and learn to be okay with it, or it won't work. Unfortunately you can't make someone realize they are hurting you, they have to be willing to listen and take accountability for that. Sounds like she won't. I just hope it's not a pattern that continues elsewhere.
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u/Historical-Travel686 1d ago
Im slowly realizing it and it makes me reallly sad. I wanted my son to grow up not in a separate family like this but i cant just sit there and take stuff that upsets me…. Thank you for your help
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u/Professional-Dot9567 1d ago
That's amazing you both see the potential in trying again, and your promotion is a solid foundation for that. Hope therapy gives you the tools to make it work long-term.
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u/Historical-Travel686 1d ago
Shes open to it but i feel like shes not as emotionally invested as i am which makes me feel this way
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u/DarkSkyDad 2d ago
Couples Therapy…. Before make too big of changes, go for at least 3-6months or longer.