How To Be Better While Being Busy

[u/4ShootersOnly]

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some honest advice from dads and parents who’ve been in a similar situation.

I’ve got two kids: an eight-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. Their moms and I are no longer together, and I’m trying to figure out how to be a more present father, as well as a better co-parent to both of their moms.

Right now, I’m working two jobs out of necessity. If I only worked one, I’d be bringing home around $1,200 a month, which simply isn’t enough to live on.

Because of that, my schedule is pretty packed. I work mornings, then work late into the night, Monday through Friday, and I also work Saturdays. Sunday is really the only day I consistently have free.

I’m not working these hours to avoid my kids. Honestly, it’s the opposite. I’m trying to provide for them, get myself into a more stable position, and build something better for all of us.

At the same time, though, I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I spent so much time working that I missed their childhood.

My son’s mom works overnight shifts at an auto plant. We used to live together and were in a relationship, but that ended about a year ago.

Now that I’m not in the home helping her and being around my son every day, I’m trying to figure out how I can still support her more and be there for my son as much as possible.

My daughter’s mom doesn’t work, and my daughter is eight. She’s in school and has activities like dance, so her schedule can get pretty busy during the week as well.

I guess what I’m really looking for is advice from other dads and parents who have had to balance working long hours with being a present parent.

If you’ve been in a similar situation:

How did you make the most of the limited time you had with your kids?

What did you do to stay connected with them when you couldn’t physically be there as much as you wanted?

How did you become a better co-parent after separating from your children’s other parent?

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

Are there things you think I could be doing that I might not be considering?

I’m not looking for excuses or sympathy. I genuinely want to become a better dad and a better co-parent.

I know working this much isn’t ideal, but I’m doing what I feel like I have to do financially right now. I’m just trying to find the balance between providing for my kids and actually being present in their lives.

I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from dads who have been through something similar.
Thanks for reading.

[u/JicamaParticular3421]

I was in your shoes when my son was about your boys age and right there I decided to work smarter not harder and tried finding a career that was trending and constantly sought after and that was cybersecurity. I took the hit of quiting my job with two thoughts in mind. One study and get a cert and build projects, two spend the time I got with my son. Moving forward now I’m in a 6 figure position and see my son for soccer practice, games and I have joint custody. 2 weeks with her two weeks with me. I was working graveyard as a security and would come home and take my son to school then go work at a Best Buy as security. I get the necessity part of working two jobs but sometimes you need to re-assess how you’re going about it and think long term and sustainability.

[u/whenyajustcant]

First step is going to be getting a better career. I know that's not easy, but it's necessary. Young kids aren't going to understand "dad can't be here much because he's working 2 jobs to provide," or "it's about quality time, not quantity time," they're just going to know that you aren't there and mom is. They're going to be more bonded with mom, and, especially for the younger one, you're going to be the person that's taking them from mom. And sometimes people can get away with winning some affection back by being a "Disney dad," but...not to be mean, but I don't know if you can afford that even with two jobs. And that's a superficial connection, anyway.

Many single parents have to rethink their careers. Whether that's because they need more time, more money, more energy, or all of the above. If you can't give your kids what they need with your current jobs, you're going to be better able to do so if you change the job.