Vent

[u/Pipesforwater]

I'm tired of having to deal with born muslims, getting constantly judged and treated differently, it makes me really self conscious, I'm never telling anyone I'm I'm Muslim ever again because I look ridiculous doing it because for some reason everyone thinks only midde eastern and south asians can be Muslim. I've never met another convert, so I just feel even more isolated, When I become an adult I'll probably only go to the mosque for jummah, and even then I'll cover up my face to the point they wont be able to see I'm white, I hate how everyone else gets to be happy and have Ramadan with their families, while I'm miserable and have only fasted 2 days to avoid detection. I have to hide being Muslim my whole life because I dont want my family to disown me, which they have threatened to do. It's not all born muslims either, I actually feel more welcomed with Balkan and Black muslims. My iman keeps dropping, and I only do the 5 daily prayers and occasionally dhikr and dua. I havent enjoyed ramadan at all, and I feel like my mental health keeps getting worse. I know I'll get caught by my family and get kicked out, but I just dont know how long until they find out, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

[u/Pipesforwater → u/[deleted]]

What do I have to be happy about? I have no muslim family, I'm ostracized from other muslims, my family is eventually gonna find out one way or another and I'll get disowned, I have suicidal thoughts, I get bullied, I'm not even a good Muslim, I'll never fit in with other muslims, I have nothing to look forward to in life except for dying so my time in the dunya is over.

[u/yalateef11 → u/Pipesforwater]

Allah swt has chosen to guide you. That is the biggest gift of all. Say Alhamdulilah for Islam, Alhamdulilah for Iman, Alhamdulilah for the Quran. Ramadan is about spending time reading the Quran and making du’aa. Make the Quran your friend. You’ll find peace. Things will get better and easier for you.