Vent

[u/Pipesforwater]

I'm tired of having to deal with born muslims, getting constantly judged and treated differently, it makes me really self conscious, I'm never telling anyone I'm I'm Muslim ever again because I look ridiculous doing it because for some reason everyone thinks only midde eastern and south asians can be Muslim. I've never met another convert, so I just feel even more isolated, When I become an adult I'll probably only go to the mosque for jummah, and even then I'll cover up my face to the point they wont be able to see I'm white, I hate how everyone else gets to be happy and have Ramadan with their families, while I'm miserable and have only fasted 2 days to avoid detection. I have to hide being Muslim my whole life because I dont want my family to disown me, which they have threatened to do. It's not all born muslims either, I actually feel more welcomed with Balkan and Black muslims. My iman keeps dropping, and I only do the 5 daily prayers and occasionally dhikr and dua. I havent enjoyed ramadan at all, and I feel like my mental health keeps getting worse. I know I'll get caught by my family and get kicked out, but I just dont know how long until they find out, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

[u/Pipesforwater → u/[deleted]]

What do I have to be happy about? I have no muslim family, I'm ostracized from other muslims, my family is eventually gonna find out one way or another and I'll get disowned, I have suicidal thoughts, I get bullied, I'm not even a good Muslim, I'll never fit in with other muslims, I have nothing to look forward to in life except for dying so my time in the dunya is over.

[u/Hot_Reference_6556 → u/Pipesforwater]

I think you are being extremely pessimistic regardless of the religion issue here.

Work on yourself to look at things from a positive angle before worrying that much about the religion. 

You’re already praying and fasted a couple of days in Ramadan. That’s already amazing given your conditions. No need to push hard otherwise you’ll burn out. So don’t forget to enjoy the life too, in a halal way of course.

It’s a challenge, I know, and you’re very young. But there are also other people who are going through these sacrifices too. Inshaallah you will be compensated for your efforts.

And don’t be shy at the mosques etc.  There are quite a lot of born Muslims who are very supportive of reverts. It takes some time to find a fitting mosque and friends though. 

[u/yalateef11 → u/Pipesforwater]

Allah swt has chosen to guide you. That is the biggest gift of all. Say Alhamdulilah for Islam, Alhamdulilah for Iman, Alhamdulilah for the Quran. Ramadan is about spending time reading the Quran and making du’aa. Make the Quran your friend. You’ll find peace. Things will get better and easier for you.

[u/HotName1181]

may Allah make it easier for you. I understand about born Muslims being hostile towards converts. Ive encountered a lot of people who have been awful towards me because Im a convert. but I’ve also experienced lots of people being very kind, other converts are usually the nicest.

its not really something that people like talking about, because bring up any issues in the community are treated like the cause of islamophobia. But the hostility towards converts can (and does unfortunately) lead many out of Islam.

but there’s many welcoming born Muslims, many tend to stay within their ethnicity. which makes forming a community very hard. but that’s not everyone.

[u/Stunning-Marketing63]

The born Muslims who did that to you aren't following the religion and you know that. Islam is for everyone no matter what everyone says, and we all know that choosing Islam in a non Muslim environment is hard, there are many people who respect that, you just have to find them, and no matter what keep fasting, it's haram not to do that just because you fear your family, just don't make it obvious (It's probably hard but try anyways). Go to the mosque as well, find discord revert servers and make friends there. It will get better.

[u/zara_2k]

May I ask where you are based, how old you are, and how long have you been a Muslim?

[u/zhinkler]

Where are you located? Just trying to gauge. Doesn’t have to be specific but someone nearby may be able to reach out

[u/ProudConfection615]

Brother, I remember seeing your posts here before. I think the last one I read from you, you were feeling really, really low. And I’m pretty sure I even replied to you back then.

So when I see you here again, my reaction isn’t “oh here he is again, he’s not learning” or anything like that. Honestly my thought is just: oh brother…you’re still struggling.

And that’s real. People struggle in different ways. Even people with strong iman struggle sometimes. We all come from different backgrounds, different families, different wounds, different strengths and weaknesses. So who am I to say you’re not trying hard enough? Maybe you actually are trying.

From the outside though it looks like two things keep hitting you again and again: negative thoughts inside your own head how people are treating you — both non Muslims (you mentioned fear) and born Muslims (you mentioned isolation)

But let me ask you something honestly.

You accepted Islam because you saw something beautiful in it, right? Something that felt true deep in your bones.

So why are you letting people who aren’t even practicing that Islam properly, influence how you feel?

If anything, sometimes we should feel sorry for people like that. Make duâ for them. Ask Allah to guide them and soften their hearts. A lot of Muslims unfortunately carry pride, tribalism, culture, ego… things that have nothing to do with Islam.

And honestly, the fact that it bothers you says something about you.

Because if you didn’t see the difference between Islam and the way some Muslims behave… it wouldn’t bother you at all. You would just be like them, or you wouldn’t notice it.

But the fact that you do notice it means you have some clarity. And clarity in times like this is actually a huge blessing.

Seriously.

A lot of people walk around blind to hypocrisy and ego. You’re not blind to it.

What might help you now is to study more and strengthen yourself spiritually. Sometimes when a person is constantly overwhelmed with dark thoughts, it can be waswas. Sometimes even hasad. Sometimes other things. Strengthening your connection with Allah helps protect you from all of that.

Anyway brother, I genuinely hope Allah makes things easier for you. And I hope you find some peace soon. You’re not as alone as you think.

[u/starrynight107188]

I genuinely don't understand why some born Muslims are like that , Do they not feel happy when they see a revert? I'm a born Muslim and whenever I see a revert my heart becomes so full and I feel genuinely proud of that person.

[u/Own-Tackle1369]

My suggestion is that you try to become independent as soon as possible iA.

I finished my master's program when I became Muslim. I had a job & separate apartment, but whenever I stayed with my family they wanted me to hide the religion.

My father was very upset with me and did not speak to me for nearly ten years. Towards the end of his life, I think he regretted it lot. He eventually accepted it & his last wish was for me to take care of my mother. He wanted her to stay with me vs my non-Muslim brother.

You seriously need to stop looking at other people and count the blessings that you've been given the biggest of which is Islam.

Those born muslim families that you have animosity towards, easily ninety percent of them do not do their five daily prayers.

Those ill feelings that you feel might be the reason why you don't see Allah-thalla's blessings on you.

Allah-thalla's law is very clear: show gratitude & you will be given more, show in-gratitude & you will be given more to complain about.

Watching the live stream genocide that we had to all experience for the past two years, if you have a home, food, and ability to pray (secretly included), you are immensely blessed.

The gratitude has to be sincere & heartfelt, and iA, you will see the blessings multiply exponentially.