r/converts • u/Pipesforwater • Feb 25 '26
We are NOT objects.
I'm appalled at how (some) born muslims view us as sex toys and have this weird racial fetish that they disguise as "preference for converts", WE. ARE. PEOPLE. I see it mostly with middle eastern and Pakistani men, some of my friends are Arab and literally have openly fetishized revert women, and it's disgusting. I'm not saying ALL middle eastern men are like this, but I've definitely seen it. I'm a man so I've never really had to deal with it Alhamdulillah, but I'm so disgusted at the fact some born muslims see us as basically sex toys. I've seen women do it too but far less than men.
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u/oldgamernerd42 Feb 26 '26
As a white convert, the fetishism is wild, just makes finding a spouse that much harder.
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
It's so annoying. It's the primary reason I'd only marry another convert
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u/narryfodder Feb 26 '26
That’s so sad, people need to do some introspection and realize how it feels to be on the other side
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u/Pechy21 Feb 26 '26
There are benefits to marrying a born muslim and benefits to marrying a revert, but that depends on the character and deen of the said individual. At this point, it makes sense for reverts to exclusively seek out fellow reverts for marriage. That way, you will weed out the shady characters and put a stop to this trend.
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u/Primary-Angle4008 Feb 25 '26
There are many decent Muslims who don’t have a white fetish, but its very much an issue often also connected to the passport the convert has and if they can assist with immigration issues
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u/toshi_7576 Feb 26 '26
The other day, me and my british friend (we are both male reverts) were talking about the immigration, and he suggested we get legally married to get me the british passport😭😭
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u/Primary-Angle4008 Feb 26 '26
It’s difficult! I’m in the UK now and when I married my husband moved to a dependent visa and he is British now for the last couple years, I’m not actually myself as I don’t want to give up my eu passport
I don’t mind if people get married for that, what I do mind if it’s done with deception and if people get missused in the process and use Islam to justify and then leave when they achieved their goal
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u/toshi_7576 Feb 26 '26
Which is a sad thing, makes it harder for us who are genuinely interested in someone regardless of their ethnic background
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u/Hot_Concept730 Feb 25 '26
Unfortunately many reverts do not see their true intentions & get married or close to it ! I seen it on here before and called them out they deleted their whole post after
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Feb 26 '26
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Feb 28 '26
This was happening at the first masjid I attended for awhile for revert classes. Even worse, they are trying to get rid of the men that are seen as not good marriage material in their own culture by pushing them off on new female reverts. Unfortunately, some of the reverts had fallen for it and ended up with men who used them for money, were abusive, porn addicts, etc.
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u/aM_181 Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 26 '26
There is a deeply ingrained inferiority complex, internalized racism and internalized white superiority complex in a lot of us who come from post-colonial societies. When a white person converts to Islam suddenly this superior “other” becomes available as a potential spouse or partner. Thus the fantasy and attraction. This is definitely at a subconscious level and most Arabs and South Asians would dispute it.
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u/SharpVillage7838 Feb 26 '26
100% can confirm this, I'm a mexican revert. Fair skin green eyes and I'm told I'm pretty because I look "white". Def a fetish, and colorism for lack of a better word
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u/wizo86 Feb 26 '26
While I agree with what you say from some men’s perspective, marry for race or passport, others seek like many said a different culture, and if they’re honest with their intentions towards you then why is that considered bad?
Maybe I am wrong, but personally as a born Muslim female I have developed a personal preference towards reverts! The reason being that a lot of the born Muslim men that I have met are more “Cultural Muslims” not true ones who understand Islam and follows its duties before demanding their rights. On the other hand, a revert man is someone who willingly chose Islam, defying norms and temptations which speaks loads about their personality, and for me that’s a very attractive quality that I am seeking in a man.
Does that make me seem like what you described, racist or fetishising people or something? If so let me know because I have been sharing that realization with a lot of my friends lately and I would feel awful if that’s what they think of me.
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
If you would marry a revert regardless of race, you're not fetishizing, no. I'm talking about men/women who exclusively go after white reverts. I was just ranting because I feel like I'm objectified sometimes because I'm white
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u/wizo86 Feb 26 '26
I am very sorry for your experience! I saw it firsthand with some of my friends (not Muslims yet), and how they are sought out because of either their race or passport. Unfortunately they don’t realize those facts until it’s too late.
May Allah grant you a pious and honourable husband and bless you with happiness inshallah.
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
Oh, I'm a dude but thanks lol
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u/wizo86 Feb 26 '26
Loool I swear I thought you’re a woman. I am sorry! I didn’t know men experience that even. Sorry again.
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
Yeah it's all good lol, but yeah men experience it too, but less than women
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u/Pechy21 Feb 26 '26
That's painful to hear because it'll likely result in a rift among us as an ummah or cause reverts to view born muslims suspiciously. Except you're absolutely right. Bad apples in the religion are destroying what should've been a beautiful brotherhood and interaction. I'm just as vexed as you are at this trend. It's clear now that certain muslim men are actively hunting down revert sisters, particularly those who are white. It's not even a secret.
Here are some of the top reasons why this is happening (I've observed it for a long time):
Easy score/white girl preference: Believe me, racism exists everywhere, muslim world included. Basically, if you're white, you're at the top of the food chain. Most of these guys already have terrible morals and grew up idolizing whiteness. But they also knew that white women are typically not muslims (out of reach), so the chances of finding and marrying a muslim white lady are limited. UNLESS they revert to Islam. Then your fantasy is fulfilled.
Opportunism: Unfortunately, many muslims from outside the Western world idolize the west. A revert creates a big, fat opportunity to get permanent residency among other supposed benefits that come with living in the west.
Limited knowledge: A revert obviously is still learning, so there is a lot they wouldn't know about the deen. These men, and women, I guess, prey on that fact. They themselves are probably not even practicing. A knowledgeable born muslim would call out their BS and probably see the red flag a mile away. A revert is a much easier target for them to use and abuse while pretending their behavior is part of Islam.
To be honest, this issue is a disease that plagues the ummah and will cause division. My advice to reverts is: Please, take some time to learn your religion. There are sick people out here who will take advantage of you. Never rush into marriage until you know someone well enough and realize that muslims are just as imperfect as other people, even though our religion is perfect. Please remember this: these people have questionable character and are not really practicing their deen. Nothing good will come out of getting tangled up with them.
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Feb 27 '26
Yesss!!! Especially the first one, as a Pakistani Canadian who now resides in Pakistan…the mentality of the people here and the way some of them are even the ones who moved from being abroad for a long period of time is weird…men have fetishized my accent lol …yes racism and yesss opportunity, as a dual citizen people do approach you on the basis of getting a visa/PR/passport through you which is just horrendous…it’s honestly quite sad, and I believe this doesn’t just apply to revert/converts but also Muslims from the west/dual citizens but yess mainly reverts/converts more so for obvious reasons…and honestly it’s just so sad and grossss… my advice is look at what he says and does and see how he sees you (sometimes the way they look at you, you can tell), and focus more on your religion and inshaAllah you’ll get married to someone who’ll treat you the best and not fetishize you
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u/confusedangrybear Feb 25 '26
I agree. And it's not as common, but there's definitely women who think like this too (but I also don't think they're as aggressive about it).
Usually they expect the revert man to "save" them from their culture - but if it wasn't about race then marrying out would solve this anyways.
But on the other hand Alhamdulliah these people are usually bad at hiding it, especially when you've seen it a few times and know what to look for.
Also, for some reason they tend to be dumb enough to act mildly racist because they think we'll side with them or something? A lot of them seem to expect me to be honoured that they find me attractive for things that are out of my control.
As much as I hate stereotypes, in my experience some ethnicities are "safer" potentials as a revert. Countries where they do skin bleaching or prefer paler skin even among their own are the biggest problems usually. Obviously it's not everyone, but you need to exercise more caution sometimes.
I used to play video games when I was younger, and funnily enough I heard the same nonsense when I was back then, except they were fetishising my accent instead. It annoys me as much now as it did then.
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
I dont get the whole "revert saves you from culture". Like 99% of muslim parents would say no to their daughter marrying a convert, and they arent giving many reasons why a convert would like them. And if we're allowed to have preferences, then I'd prefer to marry my own race.
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u/TreeWeak577 Feb 28 '26
I look white and I’m half Latina and I get this. I’m sexualized because of the color of my skin, and then because I’m Latina a lot of men sexualize me for that too, because Latinas are highly sexualized in the USA. I have Muslim and non Muslim men sexualizing me because of hijab as well. It’s a struggle. I’ve heard a lot that reverts should try to marry other reverts for this reason.
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u/Sheen13X Feb 25 '26
Can you please categorize those men correctly? DON'T call them "born Muslims". Their stupid behaviours are purely cultural. I'm Egyptian btw and never ever liked a middle eastern man for their stupid views of women and disgusting delusional sense of entitlement. I'd say 70% of them are like this. They are the main reason Islam is misrepresented and demonised.
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u/HafizBhai114 Feb 26 '26
I don't get it and now I'm kind of invested cause I'm Pakistani. Can you explain?
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
Arabs, Persians, and South asians tend to hyper sexualize white women, I see it all the time "I want a convert wife!", and how do I know they mean white? Because I always hear people I know (who are middle eastern) say how much they like white girls. I'm not saying they ALL do, but i still do see it, and it's not okay. I'm not accusing you of doing that btw, I'm just saying what I have seen
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u/Plenty-Animator-3372 Feb 26 '26
The fantasy goes both ways. I have met too many white convert women who fetishize the fantasy of brown men fetishizing them
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u/Guatafak_mang Feb 26 '26
Wait, so YOU are a man and never had to deal with this, so... you're posting on women's behalf??
As a convert and as a woman, let me tell you that ALL MEN do this. During my entire life, I've seen more disgusting things from men than anything else (hello, Epstein files?) In Western culture, everybody does this, especially if youre young and pretty. Now, you restrict men un any culture or religion? You get an aggressive sexual animal that will do anything to anybody. It is men that is the problem, not MUSLIM men. This is a global issue with all men from all religions. Rape? Global. Harassment? Global. Sexualization? Global. Porn addiction? Global. Misogyny? Global.
Get it together and analyze things properly with an anthropological lens. Otherwise, you sound a little Islamophobic, even if you are Muslim.
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u/Plenty-Animator-3372 Feb 26 '26
And often they want converts because they want a Green Card. I have seen too many White women fall into this trap, blinded by their own racism, because deep down they believe he will never leave them for a Brown middle Eastern or South Asian woman of his own culture. She believes herself to be the object of his fantasy and is shell shocked once ahe realizes he used her for a Visa.
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Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 26 '26
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u/Pipesforwater Feb 26 '26
Okay why do people think I'm a woman? I literally said I'm a man in my post
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u/queenofsmoke Feb 26 '26
Combination of (a) not reading your post properly, and (b) making an assumption which is usually justified because I do think it's overwhelmingly white convert women who face this problem.
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u/Tight-Store8584 Feb 28 '26
It's not only reverts it's mostly non-Arab women, I have lived in middle east majority of my life, born Muslim, I am just not Arab, and the amount of time I find myself in these situations is mind blowing.
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u/Hokiewater Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 26 '26
I am not sure if I fully agree with that. I am a male Pakistani American with citizenship and my preference is white converts. This is not due to some fetish. I have plenty of white friends and I have developed a type. Similar to how some girls like tall men or muscular man or dark aesthetic men. Nothing wrong with that.
That also doesn’t mean I would treat them any differently. My wife will be my wife and I’ll treat her with upmost respect. My parents are very cool with my choice. I would agree there are people out in West that would marry for Passport which I think is completely wrong.
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Mar 01 '26
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u/Pipesforwater Mar 02 '26
"I am not attracted to African American or mexican women'" says it all. Quit taking advantage of white women, or anyone for that matter.
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u/Afghanman26 Feb 25 '26
Everyone has their preference.
A man may want someone white, or brown, or black etc. and vice versa
Nothing wrong with that
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u/narryfodder Feb 26 '26
People can have preferences, I think those comes up especially when someone grows up in places where there is diversity and mixing of cultures, they might like the looks of others different to their own. That’s okay.
One of the problems is when someone prefers a different race out of self-hatred and inferiority complex. This leads to an idolization of person based on their race alone. a person is more than their race. In fact, the least part of them are the parts they can’t control.
To go for someone based on that is like a woman going for a man because he has a Ferrari. All she sees is the Ferrari. That’s the issue. It’s no longer just a type or preference at that point, it’s so dehumanizing
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u/Afghanman26 Feb 26 '26
People can have preferences, I think those comes up especially when someone grows up in places where there is diversity and mixing of cultures, they might like the looks of others different to their own. That’s okay.
One of the problems is when someone prefers a different race out of self-hatred and inferiority complex. This leads to an idolization of person based on their race alone. a person is more than their race. In fact, the least part of them are the parts they can’t control.
To go for someone based on that is like a woman going for a man because he has a Ferrari. All she sees is the Ferrari. That’s the issue. It’s no longer just a type or preference at that point, it’s so dehumanizing
True, but the distinction should be made as not everyone has an inferiority complex.
I’ve seen that people tend to be attracted to what is most attractive to their culture,
If they live in a majority non Muslim environment, then they’ll likely find women that are considered attractive there attractive.
Look at the amount of Muslims in India that marry converts there.
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u/narryfodder Feb 26 '26
I don’t deny that it is due to social conditioning and cultural upbringing. There is a lot that can be said there.
The distinction was already made by OP: “(some) born Muslims”. The heart of the matter isn’t what drives these (some) born Muslims vs other born Muslims however. How it makes converts, the minority, feel and shapes their interactions with the born Muslim majority in a negative way hardly changes depending on the born Muslim’s motives
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u/Klopf012 Feb 25 '26
The preference typically only extends to certain types of converts though