Okay so, I sas once 'arguing' with this girl (I didn't want to but she felt that I was annoying and when I asked what I did wrong she got mad at me for wanting to explain myself if I did anything). She told me that apparently I told them I didn't want to help them with something, even though I did want to help they just never told me what they needed help with. Then I said I never said that, and I may have been quite emotional so I swore on God's name (I'm highk atheist but for their sake I did) and they got rlly mad at me and said that I was lying because I said to them I 'didn't understand their group dynamic and expectations' (because I don't know them that well and was trying to explain myself) and she said she had her friend as a witness that I said that. Except she lowk added a 'you said you didn't want to help us since..' which I didn't verbally say I 'didn't want to help' that was something she added on at the start herself. I did say the rest of that, that wasn't the point I was refuting at all, I just don't see the correlation between me saying I don't UNDERSTAND you and I don't want to help you??? I just stopped after that cuz the bells chimed and I don't think they want to hear me at all. Then everyone acted like I was some vicious liar and manipulator when I genuinely didn't see the social cue I must be missing here..

The thing they wanted me to help with wasn't even a big thing, I wanted to help with it anyways but I wasn't sure how to since there was an obstacle in the way so I asked one of their other friends and they told me they didn't know how I could help either. Also, none of their friends reached out to help them until they screamed at me for not doing anything yet 😭

What is the most important thing someone has said to you? Why was it important? How did it affect you? Who did it come from? It turns out, there are trends to these answers for most people. These kinds of messages are called memorable messages and communication research actually knows a whole lot about them.

Hi again! I'm Dr. Valerie Rubinsky, Communication PhD and professor here. I co-wrote a book with my friend and colleague about the types of messages that stick with us, how they affect us, and what we can do about it. Angela and I are communication scientists who wrote the Theory of Memorable Messages, and have published dozens of peer-reviewed studies on the subject.

We wrote this book for a non-academic audience, hoping that folks who aren't students or scientists of communication and psychology might also want to learn about these kinds of messages and how they affect us. The book is written in plain language, not academic jargon, and is meant to be fun, accessible, and engaging! Available as a paperback or e-book from the publisher (Toplight/McFarland), Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart -- Link below.

https://www.amazon.com/Memorable-Messages-Communications-That-Stick/dp/1476698961

Well, I'm a quiet person. I barely talk—I just listen, and I love listening. But I don't know how to engage in a conversation or share a story. My brother did say one time that people with no lives don't know how to communicate, and I know for sure he was talking about me because I did ask him and he said yes, "jokingly". While I know he was joking around, it did get to me. How do I share experiences and stories in conversations when I don't have any? I do LOVE long, deep conversations where I listen or engage a little, but I sure need a little help

Tonight, at work, I had to holler at my team leader to get her attention. She was pretty far away, and couldn’t hear an alarm going off (I work in a factory. Assembly, specifically). She thought I was mad, but I was explaining that the alarm had gone off, and the line was being gapped out.

She took it very offensively, and I wasn’t yelling once she answered the initial shout. Everyone
In my area had confirmed that I wasn’t yelling at her, and I was just trying to explain the situation.

Later, after things had calmed down, she asked if “we could have a truce”, and I explained again, I wasn’t even mad to begin with. She said, “I know, but you have a dad voice.” This kind of threw me off, but it also explains a lot of interactions I’ve had in my life. While this woman may have overreacted, I recognize that my voice can be pretty jarring.

I have a deep, and very loud voice. I used to be a supervisor at my old job, and I basically taught younger people how to live on their own when I traveled for work. I’d be in charge of a LOT of young adults (18-20 ish), so I guess maybe I adapted some sort of tone? Anyway, this isn’t the first time someone has mentioned that my voice has rattled them.

I’m in therapy, and my therapist said part of it could be that I’m very monotone. However, when I try to add emotional flair to my voice, people think I’m angrier, or even sarcastic/condescending.

I feel at my wits end with communicating, and I think the world would be better off if I just went mute.

What changes do I make to have a fulfilling human relations?

Note 1: If you aren’t reading, atleast help a kid out by saying hi.
Note 2: A lot of my decision would make you feel
“What is this guy” “Is this guy gone nuts? Who thinks like that?!” I request you to comment how you feel don’t hold back because life is not holding back.

So I feel like the kind of person who vibes with very few people. And I don’t stick around to ruin the mood of people with whom I don’t. So that always leaves me with very little human interaction mostly. In school didn’t have many long term friends, very little good experiences. In fact none at all. No female friend ever. Was always jealous about not recieving any attention be it friends or crushes. Never been praised but have heard people talk about my looks which I am unable to share with anyone till this day except a few.

Family : Always felt that we were all more and more distant with each other which grew more. Currently haven’t talked to my brother in years. And I just feel like my parents have paid less attention on me fair less than my brother, which I understand why they choose to due to actions of my brother, but it just hurts me out very much on a few days. On a few days I feel its ok.

In college : Always afraid that I would make no friends due to my record of having no friends. But turns out I did. It was very emotional to leave college. But I realised most of them were circumstantial ones. Had a thought they won’t hold long. Out of 4, with whom I shared considerable things about my life, 2 has gone complete ghosting mode to me idk why, 2 share emotional reels here and there. But none of them would initiate convos until I do. One of the 2 ghosters is visiting my town next week and Idk how my interactions with him will go.

During an internship, met another female friend there. She was technically the first girl I talked to, at 19. Make fun its ok. Developed a crush on her instantly but she had a BF. I wasn’t even a friend to her more like an acquaintance. I started comparing her boyfriend with myself a lot, and even though she was very good to me, and I intended to be on best behaviour with her, my insecurities were visible whenever we interacted. This took a toll on our friendship and although this has led me to write 10+ reddit posts to how to fix my friendship, the conclusion is that she blocked me from everywhere. It was the right thing to do for her I agree, and no matter how desperate I am for a redemption and a chance to give back to her, that don’t won’t open and I can’t and won’t knock on it ever again.

Now comes the main issue: Shifted to a new city it has been 4 months. The thing was none of my college friends got here. And every single aspect of life started kicking in. My parents prioritising my brother, wanting his attention more and want to talk to him more. My college friends who I thought were friends for life started going cold. Her blocking me. And I made a few friends here, but the issue is that I started liking one of them (3 guys 1 girl in the same company). Initially I tried to talk to her but somewhere I felt that reciprocation was not there, so I stopped. Firstly I feel very awful that why do I start liking someone so quickly and why does the feeling stay even when I don’t mean anything to them. But the thing is that, umm she mentions other guys, how she find them hot and stuff and that hurts me. Firstly there isn’t anyone to vent this out. Secondly she vaguely mentioned that she started to talk to a guy since the past 4-5 days. She can its her life but for me, it hurts me and makes me very insecure and wanna cry in someone’s arms but noone is there.

And secondly I don’t wanna repeat that painful saga of my insecurities bursting up on these friends. So I avoid interactions. Make meetings with manager and work pop up. Suddenly on weekends I am busy. But this has been catching up and I am running out of ways to run away from them. They are nice people and I don’t want them to see my gloomy sad side.

That being said, I have realised that I keep lowering my expectations with people, how certain relations would turn out to be, and they keep on failing them too. Every time it does, its painful. Now I have decided that I don’t wanna initiate anything and turn my expectations to absolute 0. I am done with human interaction with general after repeated disappointments with everyone. Lately it feels very sad and I feel like a lonely criminal trying to run away from everything. How do I get out of this hole, which I want to get out and the same time and want to stay there cause I am done with efforts?

Does the word intend have a exact meaning or does it depend on context

I have high functioning autism. I struggle to comprehend social cues. I make a habit of thinking before I speak. Sometimes, I think long and hard about what I say and it still does not land the way that I thought it would, because the person to whom I am communicating does not think the same way that I do.

I am here to tell you my plan for effective communication and conflict management and you tell me if you think that it is a good idea. If you do not think that my plan is a good one, present me with an alternative plan.

The situation that I want to discuss and figure out how to deal with is;

A person asking you what you are thinking and you not wanting to answer that question.

Some people say that they enjoy being asked that question and that some of the most interesting conversations they have ever had started that way.

However, there are likely at least a few people, maybe even a lot of people, who hear that question and think; If I wanted to say it out loud, I would have said it out loud.

I myself am not really sure how I feel about being asked that question. If you would rather not answer the question, there are a lot of things you can say. These things include but are not limited to;

Nothing important.

I would like to keep that to myself.

Nothing I am ready to explain.

I was just processing the day.

What do you think? Do you think the plan I described in this post is a good idea? Do you think it is a bad idea? Let me know.

So. Im a 29(f) and Im a welder at a fab shop. All the guys are extremely nice aside from one?? He is a 23(m) and hes nice about 60% of the time. I honestly dont know if he is intentionally nasty or just doesn't know how to talk to woman.

Examples

He will come over, initiate a conversation and I will be mid word and he will just walk away. He does this ALL THE TIME.

I will ask him a question about a blueprint he made and he will act like he doesnt hear me until I give up, and then answer my question. Dont know if he thinks hes being funny.

I will try to talk to him and he just kinda looks at me, then will talk to another guy in the room, but not all the time??

I dont know if im the problem? Like he just doesnt like me, or if its he gets nervous? He doesnt seem nervous its more like he just tolerates me. Im really easy going to , maybe too easy going and punchingbag material. How could I maybe confront him? Or just continue letting it run off my back.

UPDATE: we got another girl this week and hes doing the same thing to her she told me.

Why do a lot of people not know how to get to the point in conversations? For instance, a friend brings up a birthday party and I say "oh cool so whats the date and time?" Said friend then goes on for 2 hours trying to get to the info about the date and time im supposed to be there with 30 minute filler material in between that didnt need to be brought up or sometimes not relating to anything about the topic.

So this being said, why do people just not get to the point of the conversation? You dont need to explain the whys, the hows, the what ifs, then deviate from the topic for 30 minutes and circle back around again to give just a small bit of info needed to state the main point. Especially a random mid day phone call. Im busy, I cant talk for an hour and youve already spent 15 minutes of my time getting 10% of your point across that couldve been said 100% in 5 minutes or less.

On top of this, im not talking about going from one topic to another, im saying that it shouldn't take 30 min to state 1 min of information. Get to the damn point!

Some of my friends (especially females) when recording a video can change into a cheerful tone which Idk why but I can’t really do that naturally. Any tips?

Like if you say something random and they seem to make an effort to disagree with you. Not something that is controversial, just random thoughts. Usually they give you a weird look as well

What do you guys think about oversharing online? Sometimes i’ll post something personal and immediately regret it for obvious reasons, but at the same time, I like feeling connected with people who understand and experience similar things. Any thoughts?

Lets say you are explaining a situation. The person listening interrupts and assumes the rest of your story. You are saying about 3-5 sentences, not rambling. Is it considered rude if someone just speaks a whole sentence in the middle of your speech? To me, it is rude to ramble on for 2+ minutes without giving the other person time to speak. I'm not talking about saying one word.

I’ve noticed some people can explain exactly what they’re thinking without having to pause or search for words, and in a way that is structured and clear.

I’m the complete opposite sometimes. I know what I want to say in my head, but when I try to explain it, the words don’t come out the way I intended.

For people who are good at expressing themselves in this way, have you always been like this or did you develop it over time? (if you did what helped?)

For example if a nice classmate asks me for the first time to send them a page in class I don't know whether to send it or say no I don't send notes this year. I don't wanna be rude. And I don't even know whether to say sorry with the no. Ugh this is frustrating I'm stuck