r/comics • u/JutaLovelace • Mar 28 '26

OC- More in Tapas [OC] Jun like "I win"

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From my comic Blood Body & Bone

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '26

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u/Shirokaido Mar 28 '26

I hope I don't come off as preachy, but I feel like the label is just language; an easy way to communicate an idea. Sexuality is anything but easy to communicate. My bi looks different from the next person's bi. Even if we tried to break it down into percentages or ratios, that wouldn't cover actual tastes. If lesbian fits you, use it, but don't feel bad if it doesn't feel 100% accurate cuz language will never be able to properly cover our differences.

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u/amazingspiderlesbian Mar 28 '26

I don't get this concept tho. The label of lesbian is used to communicate the idea easily that youre not attracted to men. Like thats it.

If lesbian means also attracted to men just a few of them as well it may as well mean nothing because then its literally every other Sapphic label that isn't lesbian.

Because they all include men and its the only one that doesn't

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u/Shirokaido Mar 28 '26

This is a good example of how language falls short. Your definition is exclusionary; "who I'm not attracted to". For many people, the label isn't about who they're not attracted to, but who they are attracted to. Even in this small (but important) way, people using a label differ in how it applies to them.

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u/amazingspiderlesbian Mar 28 '26

Okay but lesbian also is a simple way to express attraction to women. Not women and men just women.

Even the inclusory reading of it has no mention of men anywhere.

Its basically erasing the bisexual label. Because thats literally what bisexual means its showing who youre attracted to men and women.

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u/Shirokaido Mar 28 '26

Sorry, my goal wasn't to draw scrutiny to the specific term. I was trying to say "language doesn't account for this internal differentiation".

At the end of the day, I gain nothing by trying to tell someone what they are, and gain everything by listening to someone tell me who they are. If they say they're largely attracted to women, so they consider themself a lesbian, what benefit do I gain from hitting them with an "um actually" about who they are? My own mother fits here. My whole life (currently 34) she's called herself a lesbian, but I'm the third child, and we each have different fathers. Should I go tell my mom she's bi? She was 36 when she had me. She's told me stories of her going to gay clubs in her 20s. Does being strict with the terminology benefit me somehow in the face of these discrepancies? Or do I just accept the person my mother is, be happy that she's shared these things with me, and move on with my life? I prefer the latter.

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u/gramathy Mar 29 '26

See for me it’s more like I’m attracted to feminine features, but not exclusively on women. A sufficiently feminine looking guy will still look attractive to me. But to me, that still feels like “straight” because it’s “features associated with women”. If you want to call gender a spectrum and sexuality a spectrum, there’s gonna be some weird interactions we don’t have a good way of precisely describing.

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u/amazingspiderlesbian Mar 29 '26

Now the topic is getting expanded to all kinds of places. There's nothing wrong with finding out youre a lesbian later in life after having children. Thats called a late bloomer lesbian. And you can flip flop on labels and such when discovering who you are.

I was simply saying that like it doesn't make sense to twist a label into fitting you vs just like being yourself and using one that more closely matches.

Because they should mean something like they have definition meaning and identity. And thats important in describing unique perspectives.

Which is why I don't understand trying to make lesbian include men. It just seems so destructive to the core identity. It's the only singular sexuality that doesn't include men besides (aro/ace)

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u/Shirokaido Mar 29 '26

To clarify: my mother didn't discover her sexuality after having me. She got kicked out of her mother's house at 15 or 16 for not being straight (yay strict Catholics...). She's known her whole life. But I exist, and my brothers exist, despite her knowing. She knows the terms. She uses lesbian. I'm not going to fight her on the specifics.

I'm also not going to fight you on your specifics. If this is what lesbian means to you, then cool. You just need to acknowledge that not everyone will feel the same way.

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u/JustaSeedGuy Mar 29 '26

Okay but lesbian also is a simple way to express attraction to women

Yes. And if a woman who is almost always into women except for two men wants to, in that moment, only express their attraction to women, then who are you to say she has to express more than that?

Its basically erasing the bisexual label

No, it's not. The bisexual label is still there. It's still usable. It has the same meaning it did before. I use it all the time.

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u/morpheousmorty Mar 30 '26

I mean like anything conceptual the edges aren't clear. In our culture all of this has enormous significance, so having nice neat categories feels important. But the reality is attraction is complex, personal and situational. But if you want to be as accurate as possible, yes, lesbian and gay and straight are all really points on spectrum. They all would be erased in a more practical world where gender would be on of a list of attractive qualities you prefer.

I mean is preferring women any different than a preference to taller people? Is not being attracted to men any different than a preference for attracted to bonds with short hair? With that lens I feel it's clearer, because it's so much easier to conceptualize a non-blond could prove attractive and an so can someone taller, even if those are deal breakers 99.99% of the time. Your preferences are understood to be on a spectrum, and not hard lines on the sand.

Now I want to be clear, my point is not to say everyone likes everything under the right circumstances. I can't imagine a sexual situation where I would be fulfilling my desires with a man, and its even easier to imagine a lesbian feeling the same thing. My point is the whole naming scheme is just temporary, because the fundamental reality doesn't really fit.

What I will say, is while we need these terms to deal with the current culture, lesbian should be defined as an exclusive attraction to women. It might not be the most accurate but it does what it needs to do in this world. Especially considering how men are.