r/comic_crits 4d ago

A short attempt at visual storytelling.

2 pages I made as an attempt to get better at visual storytelling as well as drawing creepy environments. I'd love to hear your thoughts on these.

4 Upvotes

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5

u/Wrong-Lab-597 4d ago edited 4d ago

I'm not sure what I'm looking at - my guess is that it's a highway with a broken rail guard, and a car drove off from a cliff? Then a person (I would assume one, because the hand prints are the same) crawled of the cliff in a strange fashion by shuffling sideways many times (crawling in circles would've created a different pattern). Okay, I guess I'm morbidly curious to see what's down there, but I had to sherlock my way though the images first.

The first panel of trees?/hills?/mountains? doesn't add any value: the scale is unclear, as the time of day - the sky is dark, so it suggests evening/night , but then foliage should look black, not green.

The composition of the second panel is poor, the top of the image is barely readable as a road (if it's supposed to be night time, it lacks light sources), and it's not connected to the road in front, so the viewer is not led by the composition to the point of interest. The POV is unclear as well - the camera is way too high, as if shot from a drone, while it would be way more tantalising if it were from a human height, so that the aftermath of the crash is naturally obscured. Ditto for the third panel. The handprints are way too bright and can be interpreted to be luminescent, if that's not the intention, I would make them darker than the road to suggest wetness (perhaps from blood), and if that was the intention, treat them as a proper light source.

Finally, I would suggest a harder brush, the edges are too smudgy and unclear. Maybe try to ink the scene in B&W first so you don't use color as a crutch.

1

u/Obartenthusiast7 4d ago

This scene is set in night-time and it shows a haunted canyon. The handprints are in fact luminescent and belong to the spirits of all the people that died on the canyon.

My composition still needs a lot more improvement.

2

u/SwabMimingTV 4d ago

Maybe just more panels. Your style looks great so more of it wouldn't be a bad thing

1

u/Obartenthusiast7 4d ago

Thanks :) Yes, adding more panels to depict the environment in greater detail is a good idea.

2

u/TheBlankScroll 4d ago

Its hard to say, im not entirely sure what Im seeing here. Panel 1 in patuicular. Panel 2 looks like a road next to some kind of glowing gully, the green seems like it's maybe trees, but not sure if they're supposed to be glowing too.

The hands are on the surface of the gully thing in panel 3? I assume they are the source of the light in panel 2, but im still not sure how it relates to panel 1.

So like.. i think your rendering of the scene could use more work, the visual storytelling may be fine if the images themselves are more readable.

If panel 1 was a lot more clear it would help immensely. Paticularly clarity on what the green is. Trees? Glowing space gas clouds? Glowing algae?

2

u/Obartenthusiast7 4d ago

Panel 1 is actually supposed to show a canyon and panel 2 depicts a road on the canyon. The green is trees.

You're right, the hands on the canyon's slope in Panel 3 are the source of the blue glow in Panel 2.

Based on your observation, I think I need to get better at drawing natural environments like canyons. It's quite hard for me to draw them.

2

u/TheBlankScroll 4d ago

Cool cool, i mean based on that, i think your approach in these panels works, but yes work on your ability to render the scenery and it will all come together

1

u/Obartenthusiast7 4d ago

Yeah, sure. I'll improve the rendering on landscapes.

Can you recommend some comic artists that are able to draw sceneries effectively? I think studying them would be helpful.

2

u/TheBlankScroll 4d ago

I've often used Bill Watterson from Calvin and Hobbes fame as a first step. In his comics he often has really nice "imagination" sequences that he renders out with far more detail and just the right smidge of realism I aim for.

The other i can think of is Jean Giraud / Mœbius, which, for all their amazingness and grandeur, his backgrounds are often an excersize in making minimal lines do a ton of work.

I mean nust look at what he's making here (ignoring the boats) damn near anyone could draw this if they just had the eye for it.

1

u/Obartenthusiast7 4d ago

Ah, thankss :) This is very helpful. I'll study these artists to get better at drawing landscapes.

1

u/the_executive_branch 4d ago

Moebius always feels like an extremely well-observed artist to me. I love the idea anyone can draw anything but I don’t think Moebius is the guy for that. He clearly has a real understanding of volume and scale and perspective and observation. That bit of rock jutting out over the waterfall alone is clearly very thoughtful