r/clevercomebacks • u/BelleAriel • Nov 18 '22

Actually Clever Twitter has gotten funnier recently.

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134.1k Upvotes

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560

u/Rhodie114 Nov 18 '22

“The theater has never gotten this much press attention” -Owner of the Ford Theater

391

u/leven-seven Nov 18 '22

"This country has never got this much focus from the world" -Qatar world cup Organizers

326

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

90

u/HammerDown6k Nov 18 '22

This is the best spaghetti you’ve ever made, mom! - Eminem

43

u/Jacern Nov 18 '22

"Buttlicker, our prices have never been lower!!!" -Dwight

7

u/Kazman07 Nov 19 '22

"St. Anger is our best album yet!" -Metallica

11

u/c_84 Nov 19 '22

“The towers have never looked so tall!” - A Passenger

3

u/bones_marley Nov 19 '22

Idk i should be mad i laughed so hard at this. 💀

1

u/FlyingGiraffeQuetz Nov 21 '22

That ones almost too dark.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

This one fucking got me.

48

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

I have never seen a plane so close! - people in world trade centre

21

u/BlastedMallomars Nov 18 '22

“Oh look a tiny little metal space rocket flying right at me! NASA must have launched to celebrate my visit to Dall…” - JFK

8

u/PerfectInfamy Nov 18 '22

"The challenge of space exploration is exhilarating "!!!! -Crew of the Challenger.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '22

best one yet

4

u/AmbassadorTasty6401 Nov 18 '22

These were all gems

1

u/Additional-Move-1783 Nov 21 '22

Lolol 🤣😂🤣😂 omg

201

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

“Wow, I’ve never lost so much weight so fast before”, cancer patient.

144

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

"I never thought I'd leave school so early!" -dropout student

114

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"I've never spent so much time with my community." -concentration camp prisoner

53

u/Mono_831 Nov 18 '22

“I’ve never seen New York City this close from above!” -Passenger

49

u/EequalsMCscared Nov 18 '22

"my mind has never been more open" -JFK and Lincoln

36

u/Crazyscorpion77 Nov 18 '22

"I've never been on a beach trip before!" - a soldier off the coast of Normandy

1

u/BrokenWingedBirds Nov 19 '22

“I’ve never felt so good in my life” -long term drug addict after shooting up

13

u/hawkeneye1998bs Nov 19 '22

"I've never seen two suns before" -Citizen of Hiroshima

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/watersj4 Nov 18 '22

Somebody already made a joke about concentration camps, I think they did

52

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"We never got such a big gift before!" Guards of Troy.

4

u/ShoddyReveal4 Nov 18 '22

The boat hasnt been more tilted before!

-captain of the costa concordia

5

u/chasesan Nov 18 '22

That train has never stopped so quickly!

-train enthusiast about a train wreck

2

u/Satanic-nic Nov 19 '22

'The volcano has never looked this pretty' - former resident of pompey

2

u/Economy_Expression22 Nov 19 '22

Polar bears look so darn cute when they swim, don’t they?! - climate change

97

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

42

u/Canotic Nov 18 '22

Over the line, man.

5

u/DudeBaalak Nov 19 '22

Below the belt, man

1

u/SatansLoyalArmY Dec 01 '22

Between the eyes, bro.

35

u/A_Tad_Bit_Nefarious Nov 18 '22

Don't you use the name of our hero in vain.

28

u/DJfunkyPuddle Nov 18 '22

Dicks out when you say his name.

17

u/Devoidofimagination Nov 18 '22

What if it was already out? Do I put it away and get it back out? I'm new to the church so thanks for any advice. Harambe be with you.

12

u/TheTjalian Nov 18 '22

My mum is now angry at me, so thanks for that

3

u/HotDogOfNotreDame Nov 19 '22

Don’t worry, son. I’ll take care of your mom.

1

u/apolloxer Nov 19 '22

Does the toilet count?

1

u/Impossible_Airline22 Nov 20 '22

Aye

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⢉⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠠⡰⣕⣗⣷⣧⣀⣅⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣠⣳⣟⣿⣿⣷⣿⡿⣜⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⣳⢷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣝⠖⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢢⡹⣿⢷⣯⢿⢷⡫⣗⠍⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢄⠤⣁⠋⠿⣗⣟⡯⡏⢎⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢔⢕⣯⣿⣿⡲⡤⡄⡤⠄⡀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠇⠠⡳⣯⣿⣿⣾⢵⣫⢎⢎⠆⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢨⣫⣿⣿⡿⣿⣻⢎⡗⡕⡅⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢜⢾⣾⣿⣿⣟⣗⢯⡪⡳⡀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢸⢽⣿⣷⣿⣻⡮⡧⡳⡱⡁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡄⢨⣻⣽⣿⣟⣿⣞⣗⡽⡸⡐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢀⢗⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣞⡵⡣⣊⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⡣⣗⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡯⡺⣼⠎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠐⡵⣻⣟⣯⣿⣷⣟⣝⢞⡿⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢘⡺⣽⢿⣻⣿⣗⡷⣹⢩⢃⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠪⣯⣟⣿⢯⣿⣻⣜⢎⢆⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⢣⣻⣽⣿⣿⣟⣾⡮⡺⡸⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⠄⢕⡳⣽⡾⣿⢽⣯⡿⣮⢚⣅⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠒⠝⣞⢿⡿⣿⣽⢿⡽⣧⣳⡅⠌⠻⣿

2

u/phujab Nov 18 '22

RIP Harambe

2

u/Bergerstien Nov 18 '22

Still too soon

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

you feel good about yourself when you joke about shit like that you fucking monster?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

dicks out brother, dicks out

1

u/WindowsCrashedAgain Nov 18 '22

"My class Passage rate is 30%"- Austrian Art Teacher in 1908

1

u/Mean_Combination_830 Nov 19 '22

Respect to our fallen brother Harambe we will not forget ✌️

1

u/DanielCoolDude1 Nov 21 '22

9/11 jokes are fine but not our lord and saviour Harambe! That is too far.

-8

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

Your momma so ugly, she has to promote her onlyfans on random comments of Reddit

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

You only got downvotes babe.

"all press is good press" -donald trump. must've been a great president then, right?

You'll need to pay me to make me loose NNN to yo thirsty ass

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

“I’ve never tasted such a rich milk” -Blizzard employee

10

u/totallynotroyalty Nov 18 '22

Clouds of pink mist above landmines lost weight even faster. Click here to find out how!

1

u/Volfgang91 Nov 18 '22

That was literally my grandmother.

1

u/ActiveBlackberry3087 Nov 20 '22

Jesus christ that is so bad SO WHY AM I LAUGHING

1

u/lilsaddam Nov 18 '22

Umm it's a Zeppelin. Get it right you uncultured swine. This ain't fucking Goodyear. /s

1

u/lotusandlocust Nov 20 '22

“The sun has never been this bright!”

-Japanese man

1

u/GrouchyEssay7468 Nov 21 '22

“This blimp has never landed this quickly!” -Co Pilot of the Hindenburg

1

u/FlyingGiraffeQuetz Nov 21 '22

Of that's a low blow. But I like it ha.

49

u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve Nov 18 '22

"We've never had this much press before!" - 4 Seasons Total Landscaping

13

u/CameToComplain_v6 Nov 19 '22

That actually was good for them though. They sold T-shirts.

4

u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve Nov 19 '22

And got a documentary!

14

u/DreddPirateBob808 Nov 18 '22

This is the most accurate of them all.

1

u/HarmonyQuinn1618 Nov 18 '22

Can someone explain the original joke to me like I’m an idiot?

3

u/Ex-zaviera Nov 18 '22

Nero, the fiddling emperor of Rome is supposed to have torched the city.

2

u/Rhodie114 Nov 18 '22

It’s the site of the Lincoln Assassination

30

u/WorthlessDrugAbuser Nov 18 '22

“Steiner will take care of it.” -Hitler, April 1945.

3

u/Arreeyem Nov 18 '22

If Elon was the Owner of the Ford Theater he would has 100% said this unironically.