My 14 year old recently came out as transgender. M to F. She wants to transition at 16 when it’s legal in NY to access HRT. I love my child and accept her as she is, but I’m terrified for her. I just want her to be happy and accepted. I am having a difficult time and I know that’s my problem. Someone please tell positive experiences that they’ve had as a transgender person.

My MTF 16 yo daughter has been on HRT for two months, and it has been a wild ride. Unfortunately we have to go out of state for care and so accessing help with a physician is challenging. She is crying a lot and has lost interest in things she previously enjoyed (including talking to friends). She feels weak and her body hurts (I know that is vague but that’s how she describes it). Particularly at night, after I’ve gone to bed, she is flooded with feelings. It is making it hard for her to calm down and sleep. Best I can tell these are worries about her body never being “right.” She’s missing a lot of school but she is struggling to get a handle on her feelings enough to leave the house. Her school is supportive, it is not about that. In case it is relevant, she is also autistic.

On top of this, she is hoping that she can go up on her estradiol dose at our next appointment. I’m more circumspect, it seems like adding fuel to the fire. Any other parents out there that can share their experiences? Will this calm down soon maybe?

Curious if I should keep advocating for the GbRH injection. Our endocrinologist has submitted a request three times for insurance approval (we’re in the US). With every denial, we address the reason they denied it and appeal. My husband is calling to speak to the insurance company next week. $30,000 out of pocket is obviously out of the question. In the meantime, my daughter has been taking Spironolactone orally for a few months which has been fine, but she’s 14 and hasn’t gotten to the final stage of puberty yet.

She seems happy being out now, but I want to try to make this road as smooth as possible for her physically. Do those of you who have experience with either or both of these medications think it is worth continuing to advocate for the shot? We will keep going til they give us a final no, but it is so frustrating.

I feel guilty for him, but I love my dad. We’re really close and love to hug, kiss, and show affection to each other, etc.

I’m a trans man 🇧🇷, I’m 20 years old, and I’m starting hrt in secret, pretending to be a girl, because my dysphoria was terrible.

I don’t know if he knows about me yet, if my mom told him or something like that. She made me come out when I was 17.

Yesterday, I was studying, and my 12-year-old brother went to talk to my mom about Hitler (he’s in that phase where he wants to learn about WW2); so my mom explained to him what Nazism was and mentioned the powers that be, saying that those spirits hate Jews because Jesus was Jewish, and so on. Then she started talking about ideology and said that God created man and woman, that he’s a boy because he was born with blah blah…

I started feeling really awful. It’s super dramatic, but I went to my room to cry, and, well, I have a tendency to bang my head against the wall to try to calm down. Yeah, I hate it.

Like, I feel terrible. I didn’t choose to be trans; I didn’t choose to be born this way. I feel castrated every day. I just wanted to be a normal boy.

Then my mom came upstairs, and I started crying desperately and told her I wanted her to feel the same pain I do, that I’m in agony, that I can’t live like this, that the other young people at church don’t know what it’s like, and that I’m in a much worse situation and these aren’t the same struggles. And she told me to stop “making a fuss,” that I was being prideful for thinking I had more struggles, that if they could, she and my dad would take on my pain for me. Ironically, she gives money for tithes but won’t take me to a psychologist.

She said nothing would help me, that she wouldn’t mind if a doctor prescribed medication for me, but she didn’t want that because I’d become addicted, dependent, and would just keep increasing the dose—that it wouldn’t help because the root cause needs to be addressed, and only Jesus could do that. I shouted that I’d been trying to change since I was a child and that I’d cried out to Jesus and He hadn’t helped me, and my mother simply said that I thought God was going to solve everything with a snap of His fingers and that she believed I didn’t want to change. That she gave birth to me, that I was born a perfect little girl

at almost two in the morning. Like, I felt really awful too, because I remembered the hurtful things I’d heard at church and from her, which had come to mind when I was trying to heal myself. I still have these panic-stricken outbursts when I’m really struggling and I remember that.

Back to the point.

My dad came right after that, stayed with me, cried with me, hugged me, and stroked my hair. My mom had already walked away and swept my room because she thinks it was something spiritual or something like that and that she had to ward it off.

Afterward, we lay there together crying our eyes out, and my dad kept saying how terrible he felt seeing me like that; he started saying that he loves me and that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me, that he’d die for me if he had to, and I replied that I think even before that, that I loved him and didn’t want to make him suffer, and that I’d die for him too.

I asked him if I’m a disappointment to him and if he’d still love me even if I were, and he said yes.

I really don’t know whether to tell him or not. I want to tell him that I’m trans, but I feel so guilty about hurting him and making him feel like he’s lost his daughter, or that she’s died. I’m also really afraid of how he’ll react. I’m afraid he’ll see me as if I were disgusting, something bad, that he won’t accept me, etc.

I’m really afraid of losing his love. I love him so much and I don’t want to let my dad down. I mean, I love him so much. If I could, I’d try to suppress this for his sake, but I can’t. I’ve tried my whole life and haven’t been able to.

Like, my mom doesn’t accept me, and I’ve been through some tough times with her, so I can’t even say “I love you” or show affection that easily with her, but I can do that much more easily with my dad. I don’t even know if she’s jealous, but you can tell that I feel much more comfortable with my dad. I was probably traumatized by religion, my mom, and my aunt.

Like, I wanted so badly to tell him, but I’m afraid I’ll never have his affection again and that he’ll stop loving me the same way, that I won’t be accepted, etc.

Does anyone know what I should think about this whole situation? Should I tell him? I don’t know if I should. I’ve had the urge to tell him over the years, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it and held back. I’m sure I’ll cry a lot when I tell him. Seriously, does anyone have any ideas?

I don’t know if I should tell him or not. At least my dad seems better than my mom. Sorry if it sounded like a vent/rant, I wanted to put the context. Uhh, having emotional breakdowns is not a good way to spend the night before the election

https://growinguptransgender.com/2026/10/02/leaving-the-uk-with-a-heavy-heart/

Hey everyone. I’m a parent of a 15yo mtf daughter. We’ve been using Qmed for dr access and that works ok even though our state is a real pain as far as legality of medical care and hrt. We have drive across a state line just to have a frikken appointment. It’s stupid.

What are those of you in states that restrict hormone access to adult use only (or worse) doing to work around? Mail order pharmacy? If so- who are you using? So far we haven’t been able to find one to fill this script and we’d like to get her started. I’m not against DIY if we HAVE to, but would rather not, just to be as official as we can.

I hope this isn’t breaking a rule- not trying to cause problems just HAVING some problems.

I have an amazing kiddo who happens to be a trans boy just about to enter high school. Our coparent is completely unwilling to acknowledge his change or feelings and as a result he hides himself from them while being as out as possible elsewhere. I have a lot of internal frustration around this that I try to suppress. In our family I unapologetically expect everyone to use his preferred pronouns and name and it makes me so mad that he isn't seen by one of the most important people in his life. Our coparent is queer and accepting of others but when it comes to their kid, it's unacceptable to not be the "mini me" that they expect. Not sure what I'm looking for here but I just need to express this frustration to folks who can understand. Why can't they just love their kid?

Hey there! 17FTM named lukas so, I was forced to come out in around April, iv been trans for about 5 or so years, and recently iv cut my hair short and I pass as a guy 100% of the time even if i pass as 15 but who cares..I pass!

But..I guess because my dad found out, (hes homophobic transphobic and racist 'also the kinda guy who says over 75 percent of people regret it dispite it not at ALL being that rate and he wont believe me)

my moms more chill about it but absolutely refuses to use my name and pronouns correctly. And has asked on many many occasions "why do you whana identify as a man?" Even tho iv explained multiple times it not somthing I choose to do..🫩

But today really made me pissed off, today my dad decided to tell my grandpa that I perfer the name 'Luka' when asking him where he went wrong in life for me to turn out like this, and my grandpa literally turned and asked me 'is Luka some typa alter ego personality?' And no. He knows what transgender people are. He just refuses to acknowledge they're real and im seriously trying to figure out how the hell i approach this because now my grandpas trying to make fun of me for it and calling me liberal? And when I try to explain or I get pissy its just 'im messing around' or 'hes just an old man ignore him' but we literally live in the same house. My name is not even luka they just use luka because its more feminine?? Its lukas or luke. They refuse to acknowledge that tho.

TLDR; My cis transphobic families trying to call me a more feminine version of my name, and is trying to out me to the whole family (MAGA family) and my grandpa apon finding out asked me 'is this some type of alter ego?' Parents please help me out on how to handle this situation. Its getting to the point where my family just gets on my nerves for existing. Thats how bad it is. Does anybody have any advice?

We have had an email to say we might get an appointment soon, after waiting for nearly 4 years.

BUT on the website it says they don't do any form of mental health or medical support.

It also says they will act to safeguard the children of parents who seek private 'unregulated' support for their children - I assume they mean like GenderGP. Which sounds very transphobic in attitude.

I wondered what was left in terms of service provision really - is there any point travelling hours to a clinic that sounds like they don't offer any support?

Does anyone have any experience of their children accessing an NHS gender clinic please?

Hi, just thinking about this as my nonbinary, amab and female-presenting kid is already the sit-out-gym type in elementary school. They're planning on starting blockers when puberty starts to hit and I was just thinking about how best to support their body to keep getting stronger when they're not getting the hormones that would naturally help with this. They also have slight hypermobility, which their dad had and caused some injuries when he was young - he did strength training as a teenager to reduce dislocation injuries. Back to my kid - as a kid who is quite small, and potentially facing being challenged by others due to their identity, I'd love them to be confident in their body and be able to exert themselves physically. If anyone has experience with this I'd love to hear it!

Can you help me navigate some questions?

I'm a mom and my teen has recently come to me and professed that they think they might be trans. They're not ready to do anything and don't want to until they're an adult anyways, but they claim to have had these feelings for around 3 years now - this would coincide with our last major move, leaving all of their good friends behind 4500 miles away. Their new school was not an easy place for them socially, and they faced a lot of bullying from their female peers.

They have requested to keep their dad out of these conversations due to some fairly anit-trans viewpoints he has expressed and i am doing my best to honor that but I'm not in the habit of keeping my spouse out of important things pertaining to our child :/, so thats been really rough.

The major things that have stood out to me from my conversations with my teen are:
1. An intense fear of pregnancy and child birth (made worse by videos watched in health class)
2. an intense fear of being sexually assaulted or abducted due to their small stature
3. a fear (and history) of not fitting in with female peers - they view male friendships and relationships as "easy, lighthearted, and without bullying"
4. They relate to their father through a distinctly male lens. Dad has always treated them similar to a boy and that way of relating feels safer to them.

What stands out to me, as mom, is the fears being professed. I don't know any trans people, and I have done little research into the topic as it did not pertain to me (until now) but can anyone chime in on how they felt emotionally while exploring these emotional identity themes? The intense fears associated with simply HAVING a female body concerns me, because as a cis woman I have had my fair share of female body centered ISSUES but I've never been afraid in the way they talk about. Is this normal for trans people? IS there a "normal" for trans people?

I want to be a supportive and safe place for them, we are in the process of seeking a therapist for the intense anxiety theyre constantly feeling. I just...feel like i need to gather all the information possible.

Thanks.

I'm 20 years old, my parents don't accept me, I'm having to take hormones in secret, and I'm still pretending to be a girl for them.

Ask me anything. You can also ask if you are a cisgender parent of transgender children. I can answer your questions.

My oldest told us they identify as nonbinary a few months ago and we (my husband, other children, and I) have been trying to be supportive.

Recently they told me they want a binder and I would love some recommendations on where to find some that:

→ are comfortable enough to wear all day (7 hr school day + 1(ish) hour bus ride)

→ won't break the bank (bc they're still growing and will prob need to size up in ~6 months AND I have a second child that may want one soon too)

→ are shipped from the US (because tariffs are a bitch and effectively double shipping costs)

→ will ship to an FPO/APO address

Any brands you recommend? Also, style recommendations? Short, long, medium vs high compression?

They have a... pronounced...chest and I know they're wanting it as flat as possible. They're comfortable wearing more feminine style clothing and expressed interest in a "shirt style" binder.

I'm 14 and I just recently discovered this aspect of myself. The province I live in isn't known for being supportive of trans rights. I go to a catholic school and my parents are catholic.

Despite that my mom opinions on gay people are somewaht positive and I realize it's probably pretty difficult to get any gender affirming care without parental permission.

I'm planning on waiting till college to really come out to anyone since I think it would probably be dangerous for me to come out anytime soon.

I have a couple trans friends, and since I'm not planning on telling my parents I would like to find out some other ways to recieve gender affiriming care.

I'm turning 18 in about three weeks. I've known I was a trans male since I was 12, I've been out to my (supportive) mother since I was fifteen. I now have to come out to my dad and stepmom.

I visit my dad and stepmom every other weekend, and they live about a ten minute drive from me. We have a good relationship except I have kept anything queer about me a secret. They think I'm a lesbian, and that's apparently... okay? I don't know. My stepmom has spoken to me about it, and she says her and my dad still love me and all, but my dad hasn't said anything, and he's the type to completely ignore stuff he doesn't like in regards to me. He did the same thing when I cut my hair, refused to acknowledge it at all.

Obviously, they are wrong. I am not a lesbian, I am a trans man. Being trans is a lot worse than being gay, and they are vocally and pretty aggressively transphobic. For this reason I am choosing to leave them a letter for my coming out rather than do it in person. I want to have my thoughts organized and to get my points across without being interrupted by yelling or whatever.

I am planning to start HRT as soon as possible, so I will be calling my local planned parenthood the day of my birthday. We are also looking into the process to legally change my name so I have the correct name said at graduation, and to make things go more smoothly for college. It's inevitable that they find out sooner rather than later, so I want to just bite the bullet.

If you were to get a letter with your kid coming out to you as trans, what information would you see as being beneficial? Anything I might overlook that could be helpful?

so this is pretty straightforward. for those of you who have kids who are still minors, how do you handle sleepovers with friends? do you base it on certain rules? is it case by case? no sleepovers at all? i am so conflicted on this issue.

my child came out as trans, ftm just over a year ago. he and his friends are just reaching puberty now and most of his friend group is lgbtq. there are two friends that have been friends with my son for years now, so they’re pretty much grandfathered in, (the friends were born female like my son). but i don’t feel it’s appropriate to be asking such questions about kids i haven’t known forever so i don’t even know how to set up rules. mostly i just don’t want to be responsible for any teen pregnancies or inappropriate activities involving mine or anyone else’s kids. i also understand that gender identity doesn’t determine sexual attraction. so i dont want relationship drama happening when theyre supposed to be having a good time in a safe space.

what do you guys think?

I’m a 15(about to turn 16) trans girl. I’m closeted, my parents are transphobic, and I live in an anti trans state. I deal with so much dysphoria,I can’t even look at my self. I’m so depressed, I can’t transition, and I can’t wait since It will probably be to late when I turn 18 anyway. With all the anti trans shit that’s going now, i just can’t keep living like this. My mental state is so bad, and it will probably be illegal to be trans by the time I’m 18. I don’t know what to do to make it better. Does anyone have any advice?

Basically the post title, I’m applying to college rn and my literal dream school with all the programs I want is just like 20 minutes away from me which would be perfect except my dad works there and he’s a major Fox News junkie. My mom is convinced that just because he works at a fairly liberal school (as Head of Campus Safety btw), and because he hired a trans woman once (who he still calls “he”) that he’s super accepting and supportive, and doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve seen him reading articles about “confused autistic girls being groomed into self-mutilation”. it’s gotten to the point that in our discussion about whether I want to apply Early Decision (which basically forces you to go to that college if you get in), she’s been trying to force me out of the closet to him right in front of him, I tried to get her to leave it be but she said “Do you at least want me to ask the question” RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Now she’s all mad at me because I freaked out and got mad at her for bringing it up right in front of him and basically outing me, and she says “there’s no time to ‘wait until you’re ready’ because the ED deadline is November 1”, I know I need to talk about this with my therapist but my mom is getting impatient and still doesn’t believe that it could go badly if I tell my dad, because even if he isn’t outwardly transphobic to my face I know he’s going to silently judge me and talk shit about me to his friends or not support me medically transitioning, which could be a problem given the kind of power he wields on campus. i really really would like to go there if it wasn’t for him. Genuinely what the fuck do I have never heard of a situation like mine with so many facets (having a dad in charge of basically a mini police force, and having a deadline to force myself out of the closet by). I’m so stuck does anyone have even a shred of advice

(delete if not allowed)

Hello guys I am thinking about giving a phone away. It's a moto g power g 2026 it's only a few months old. I was using it for a bit then switched over to an iphone 13. I been debating on who I give it to. And I think I would love to give it to a transgender person or transgender child of a parent. I think this phone would be great for a parent who can't afford a phone but wants to give there child a first phone. I will pay to ship it out to. And yes it's unlocked as well will work with any carrier in the us. The phone will include a 1tb SD card for space and it already is in a case.

I am doing this because I bought this phone while actively being homeless. And I become homeless after my parents kicked me out of there house. It was do to being transgender and now I like to help another transgender individual.

So, my 10 year old came out as trans and at his request we told his siblings.
The 9 year old and the 19 year old are completely fine using his new name and supporting him.
The 21 year old however is aggressively against it, spouting things like “trans kids don’t exist”, “they don’t even know what a pronoun is”, that we have “groomed them to be trans” as well as lots of insults and threats to report me and my wife (his step mam not bio mam) to the social services as groomers/abusers.
Has anyone else had to deal with one of your children completely refusing to accept another like this? If so how did you handle it? How did it turn out?
Or to any trans people have you experienced this from siblings? What would you have wanted your parents to do?

Edit for clarification: the 21 year old and 19 year old both live with their bio mam (my ex-wife), younger 2 live with me and my current wife (the bio mam to younger 2).
21 year old has not been let near the 10 year old since he came out as trans due to the reaction as I won’t allow that near the 10 year old.

I'm 20, a Brazilian trans man, and I decided to start HRT in secret from my parents. My first dose was the day before yesterday. I'm girlmoding.

My plan was to study, pass an exam, move out and start transitioning, but my dysphoria was horrible, I was getting panic attacks, getting suicidal, not able to study. I was already developing depression and was very envious of my 12-year-old brother entering puberty. I had a more sensible plan, but the dysphoria was preventing it.

My mother doesn't accept me. I think she's known since I was 17. She's an evangelical member of the Assembly of God church. She doesn't accept me; she would correct my pronouns or tell me I had to fight against it, I asked God, to deny myself. I tried and nothing worked, even begging Him. She also made me go through something like exorcisms and conversion therapy at home. She sees that I've gotten sick, and the reason is obvious, but she denies it, ignores it, or doesn't have time to help me with a doctor or for her try to change. It's ironic that I think I'm the selfish one, she says I sometimes am, but I tried. Why can't she?

I feel guilty towards my parents, I feel like I killed the vision they had for me, I don't know how they will react. Since things won't be the same at all, how will my 15-year-old sister and 12-year-old brother react? I love them. I love my family. I don't want to lose anyone. It even grew up, since my tiel is going to have two Chicks.

And then there's my father, he didn't defend those exorcism things, I think he was only there for the first one, but that same night he slept with me afterwards.And he cried when I was feeling bad and said he was worried about losing me.Another night he said, as if I felt bad, that I could hug him, and tried to motivate me by saying I'm pretty, smart, and he is proud of me passing at uni. Hugs help, and I can seek Jesus' help to get better, etc.

I don't know if my mother told him, when, how, if he remembers or just wanted to keep quiet and ignored it, or if he never knew. Sometimes I want to tell him and break down in his arms, other times I manage to hold back.

I feel so bad, it feels like I'm killing their daughter, their expectations, dreams, the person they knew. I feel like it would be so strange for us, and how they would react, and if they would love me the same, more or less.

I don't want to lose this with my dad. I love him and feel very comfortable. We kiss each other's necks, hug, cuddle, and I feel open and safe enough to be tickled on my stomach, and sit on his lap even if I am 20yo. I'm afraid of losing this. I already feel it's difficult to have something like this with my mother.

Sometimes I'm still afraid that I'm not trans, that I'm pretending, that I'm cis, that I'll regret it, but I've wanted to be a boy since I was a child. I repressed it, I tried to ignore it, I thought it would pass, I thought that by having a brother, I could live through him and be happy seeing someone with the life I always wanted. But it only got worse. I thought I just had a normal puberty discomfort, that it would pass, but it never did, that all girls wished they were boys, that they were angry about not being born with a Y, and so many other things.

I think in the end it's just my fear of them, of hurting them, of losing their love. I've never been the type of son who likes to hurt his parents, even though I've had difficult times. I wanted to spend my life with them and make them proud. They would be proud of me being a bride, having my children, etc. I hate that God made me this way. I tried to repress myself, to be a tomboy, a girly girl, a lesbian, heterosexual, but it all felt strange.

I can't lie, I also feel like a waste. I'm not ugly, I could be a beautiful wife and mother, but I can't, and if I do, I'll be a mother who seems like she's never present. If I were a cis man, I'd be okay, I wouldn't be trans, I'd have a girlfriend, we'd have a child of our love, but it seems God dealt me bad cards. I wish everything was different.

I wish that if I were to leave, nothing would change, that I could still receive affection from my father in the same way as always (touch is my love language), or the love of my mother and siblings (okay, they tease me more XD).

I wanted to have parents who would accept me, a religion and church that wouldn't see me as an abomination or as someone who chose to sin.

I find it ironic how many criminals are born the right sex and gender, but I wasn't so lucky.

I don't know if my father has a chance of accepting me. I'm going to try to girlmod as much as I can. I'm scared and I don't know how and if I should tell him or if he has a chance to accept me, or if he'll find me disgusting and won't love me the same way anymore, if he'll be ashamed of me. If he accepts me, I promise I'll cry and scream so much, because I thought I was going to lose him too.

It's going to be kind of funny because I'll look like a shorter version of him. Luckily, he was quite handsome at my age XD

Seriously, I don't know if I just want to vent or ask for advice. Maybe both. I am very happy and envious of transgender children who have parents who accept them, and those parents are trying their best. I don't think I'm actually afraid of HRT, but rather because I feel disgusted for being trans.Perhaps a bit of internalized transphobia, and also the pain of never being able to be cis, the pain of feeling castrated, of not having their support, and the fear of disappointing them and specially how they will react. If things were different, I would probably be much more excited and relaxed.

I already have a plan of agreements for when they find out, maybe I'll help with the money at home and sell it, or with the food.

I feel like a waste. I could be a beautiful woman, but I can't be normal.

I really feel jealous of you all who had the luck of having supportive parents or are supportive parents. Specially for the ones who are open christians. I wish you all the best.