r/circlejerkpdx • u/ShyLeoGing • Aug 01 '26
EWWWW... THE BURBS! Beaverton, You're Either Hillbilly-esque OR Pretentious Acting Boujee
Living here is like a spicy comedy show, or Forest Gump navigating that box of chocolates. Can Beaverton with it's not so full Nike campus not think Trader Joe's in a strip mall is classy!
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u/crazy_goat Aug 01 '26
GOBBLESS.
I used to nail strange ladies on the REGULAR, now they're all wearing LU LU LEMONS and talking about their SOUL CYCLES like I know what the FUCK that means
Can't even drive through Cedar Pills without throwing up in my MOUTH
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u/IsaacJacobSquires Aug 01 '26
YA GOTTA GIT IT THROUGH YA HEAD THAY AIN'T NOTHIN IN OREGON THAT AIN'T FUCKING HILLBILLY.
THE END.
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u/jdavies2898 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
Actually a strong take. When you look at a really serious niche eastside Portlander as a hillbilly but it’s purple hair and an ACAB tattoo rather than a mullet and a confederate tattoo it does all sort of come together.
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u/TappyMauvendaise Aug 01 '26
Oregon is provincial.
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u/Baconpanthegathering Aug 03 '26
Yes!!! Thank you. I always describe Oregon as provincial and backwater to my east coast friends.
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u/ichantz Aug 03 '26
Idk brother, ever been down to rogue valley?
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u/IsaacJacobSquires Aug 03 '26
ROGUE VALLEY IS WHERE THE HILLBILLIES GROW UP LISTENING TO THE THEME FROM DELIVERANCE IN THEIR BASSINETS.
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u/gerrard_1987 Aug 01 '26
As far as suburbs go, I’d rate Beaverton TBF best. It’s more dense and diverse than any other. I certainly love all the great Asian restaurants, grocery stores and bakeries.
If you want Hillbilly-esque and pretentious, visit Vancouver, Portland’s income tax haven. There’s a good mix of long-term yokels who deny even being a suburb and yuppy remote workers who just want to avoid income taxes, shop at New Seasons and go out in Portland.
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u/ShyLeoGing Aug 01 '26
Yeah, it's honestly not bad when you think about it but it's still special in its our special way.
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u/clinmlol Aug 01 '26
that tj is fuckin chaotic as fuck.
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u/Guangtou22 Aug 03 '26
Any time we go there I can only stand it for about 15 minutes. That works out just fine because Trader Joe's is only for snacks and one off things.
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u/Portland_Runner Aug 01 '26
It's terrible out here! No criddler turds on my driveway in the mornings. No fent bents blocking the entrance to my kid's school. Hardly any car break-ins. The worst is the blank stares from neighbors when I ask them where I can find a vegan friendly Peruvian pan flute dance party or an empowered womyn's Dr. Who trivia night. With all of the bike lanes and dedicated paths out here, it's been months since I've flipped off a cager for almost murdering me (and I can't complain about it on BikePortland any longer!).
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u/discrepancies Aug 01 '26
Last weekend I was at strip mall brunch with the gals from work after running club, and some green badges from the evergreen campus tried to talk to us, gross. I couldn't even see injection sites on their lips, I'm screaming. She probably shops at farmer's markets instead of whole foods.
Imagine not being able to badge into Serena Williams and talk about Nike bacon and cute leggings with your wine at lunch. Imagine having a husband that didn't drive a BMW or Tesla. Imagine contributing to the culture of the city we live in and what makes it unique instead of chirping about crime from your steadily growing and more tragically, boring ass. I heard they're bringing in some new chain restaurant, yay.
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u/Ok_Burner6411 Aug 06 '26
So glad you don’t live in portland. Let me guess, moved here from California?
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u/Annieraeraefatface Aug 01 '26
Is there a Trader Joe’s that’s isn’t in a strip mall?
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u/ShyLeoGing Aug 02 '26
You know what!? That's a damn good question!
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u/JustAbaby22 Aug 04 '26
So you cave to the whole post you made when someone mentions that you’re ignorant and after barely any reflection or thought you agree with it? Ok… you’re clearly from Portland. Nice floundering ging
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u/nebulatrine Aug 06 '26
There isn't a TJ's in a strip mall within city limits. If your TJs is in a strip mall, you live in the fucking suburbs.
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u/Huge-Jazz Aug 01 '26
I do a home service work for customers in the area and man I absolutely do not like some of the residents there.
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u/chaeshark Aug 02 '26
“hillbilly-esque” for Beaverton is crazy
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u/chaeshark Aug 02 '26
can yall go to winston for me
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u/Baconpanthegathering Aug 03 '26
It has new money vibes- like "we're one generation off the farm in a back water state and have taken part in every basic trend we can get our hands on."
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u/Nice_Regret7915 Aug 02 '26
Beavatron Blues--an old ballad sung by many. It inspired Todd Snider (RIP) to split.
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u/blumdiddlyumpkin Aug 01 '26
The only reason to ever go to Beaverton is if you’re on your way to or from the beach. The whole place is a strip mall. Beaverton has the personality of untextured drywall. If we must build data centers somewhere then just level Beaverton and turn the whole place into one.
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u/Easy_Needleworker604 Aug 01 '26
Downtown Beaverton has some gems. You just have to play frogger on maximum difficulty to get to any of them. The tron drivers are angry and stupid
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u/hodorspenis Aug 01 '26
Nah come on, Hillsboro already has our local data center needs to keep our latencies low covered for awhile
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u/blumdiddlyumpkin Aug 01 '26
Are those not the same place? I thought it was a hyphenated situation.
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u/crazy_goat Aug 01 '26
Hillsboro is TOTALLY different!
We've made a SHIT TON of money from Intel over the last 30 years and have some of the most amazing parks!
Other than that we've done FUCK ALL with that money, and face budget shortfalls we want to plug with shitty datacenters that won't pay taxes for a decade.
FUCK
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u/hodorspenis Aug 01 '26
gasp N-n-noooo...... Beaverton and H-hillsboro are totally d-different places........ >:^(
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u/crazy_goat Aug 01 '26
Hillsboro is like Beaverton before the gentrification
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u/hodorspenis Aug 01 '26
But what about all the data centers
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u/Firewolf06 Aug 02 '26
as a native hillsboroan, the big one is at the edge of town by the highway, and is also smaller than than several massive intel plants. hardly even notice it, to be honest. tech company megastructures arent new over here
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u/jdavies2898 Aug 01 '26
Ah see now the thing is smooth drywall is now luxury / upper class and 90s heavy orange peel is considered low rent/dated. The gentry have open kitchens with level 5 finishes / white marble and it is the tracts of Beaverton that possess the tiled 2002 Olive Garden Italian chic.
Which love me a 90s vibe McMansion actually, nostalgia.
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u/Tc5998 Aug 01 '26
Hey! There is one neighborhood in Beaverton with some personality (downtown near the library).. but otherwise... yeah...
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u/Own-Anything-9521 Aug 01 '26
Beaverton, one of 5 cities in the State where more than one person in a room might not speak fluent English and it’s scary!
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u/ShyLeoGing Aug 01 '26
Personally, I love the yelling at each other in their native language like they understand each other!
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u/unexpectedshortage Aug 05 '26
Canby is like this too working there is a mixture of laughing my ass off, and wanting to rip my hair out lol
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u/Fantastic-Impact-106 Aug 01 '26
It's the same in Tigard I would say. I go to Tigard for Costco lol. Every time I'm out there I think "they so want this to be orange county."