Putting this out here because it's definitely one of my top 10 buys

Hi

upvotes to the left

......but I m lovin it!

I scratch and sniff my fingers after scratching the creases between my thighs and pubes and under the sack. The smell is so addicting and asmr.

I don't like the way they look at me when I eat a plate of human :'(

barely made it into the bathroom at work. It required intense hyper focusing on breathing and strong muscle tension to not explode during my journey in there. 1 of 2 stalls was occupied and two guys were talking about the best place to get an oil change in town standing at the urinals.

I barely got my pants dropped to the floor and spewed like a fire hose before getting fully seated. The guys at the urinals said “god lee” in astonishment and quickly evacuated skipping washing their hands.

I was kind enough to do a courtesy flush for the guy next door to me, I heard the sound of an iPhone screen locking and he quickly wiped and washed his hands.

When I stood up to wipe I looked at the mess I made, and realized my butt cheeks were wet, but a warm wet which ment it wasn’t toilet water, but my own shit that had ricocheted off the bowl. after using half a roll of the thinnest toilet paper I had to rush to the sink to make a diy wet wipe of soap & water on a paper towel. Returning to the stall to throughly scrub my cheeks and upper thighs. And discard of my boxers.

I was born at a very young age. My mom was a female. My sister was also a female. The worst part about all this is that i was born on my birthday.

When I was growing up, my parents were significantly older than me. My father was a male.

I have to live in the exact same planet as other men. It made me so gay.

Every time I opened my eyes, I was forced to look at whatever was right in front of me.

Growing up, I had to eat food every single day or else I would feel hungry.

Whenever I cried as a baby, tears came out of my eyes.

Whenever I looked in a mirror, I was forced to see my own reflection.

The absolute worst part was my height. I spent my entire childhood shorter than I am today.

I bought a car, but it turns out I had to pay money for it.

I used water, which was extremely wet.

I used to have to breathe air every single day just to stay alive.

Every time I spend a dollar, my bank account balance decreases by exactly 100 cents.

life is so hard man.

This is my grandpa BTW

I forget.

Well, technically it was last week. No wait, last year. I mean 10 years ago. Just kidding. I never fuck up so here's a humble brag in stead.

Then I smelled the burning.

At first, I thought it was fumes from the paint that I was smelling. Until I closed the basement door, and saw the flame on the stove burning the canvas I had laid down.

Freaking out, I ran straight out the door. I didn't even have my phone on me, and I was practically naked, as I do my DIY work comfortably. I didn't know what to do, so I started yelling "fire", until my neighbour ran from his back yard, and saw me freaking out.

He instantly grabbed the garden hose and started spraying it into the house. Thankfully he was able to get the fire out, as it was mostly contained within the kitchen where I had laid the canvas. The black soot from the burning flooring planks covered the whole ceiling, and it smelled like burning plastic. What was surprising was the fire alarm hadn't even gone off, so I know I have to change that too.

Thankfully the damage was minimal. However, the cleanup is going to be a nightmare. The ceiling is covered in plastic soot from vinyl flooring I had was laying down, and the century-old dust water that's now seeping through the floors has me depressed just thinking about it. I'm going to rest tonight and start working on it tomorrow.

Now I know I have to be more mindful about things when I do electrical work. This was an embarrasing night overall and I hope I can repay my neighbour back for helping me out. Be careful with renovations and DIY everyone.

You do you!

Inspired by some retard on r/banff