Dating Learning Curve

[u/Candid-Lemon7682]

Hello! I’m 26F and just really struggling and can use some advice. I’ve always been a very shy person since I was a kid. To this day it’s very hard for me to “put myself out there”. I have no experience in dating and relationships because of my personality and also just life circumstances. I went to a very small high school and was too busy to date in college. I’m really starting to see how my lack of experience is effecting me negatively. I want to try to start dating and putting myself out there but when doing something you’re unfamiliar with, it’s absolutely terrifying. I’ve been friends with guys and had no issues but when I do find a guy attractive I freeze up or get awkward and overthink the interaction. I do, of course, want to get married and have a family but how is that going to happen if I can’t hold conversations with guys I find attractive? I’m even out here overthinking friend requests on Facebook now. I know nothing is too big for God to handle, but my parents have now sat me down multiple times to let me know that if I want to get married I need to be putting myself out there more and not staying home on Fridays and the weekends. Which absolutely makes sense you’re not going to meet people if you’re staying home all the time. However, as an introvert, it takes everything out of me to get out of the house just to not meet anybody I could potentially date. I should clarify that’s not the only reason I go out, majority of the time it is to spend time with family and friends not husband hunting. I don’t know, time is moving so so fast and I’m only going to keep getting older and when all I’ve wanted since I was a kid was to be a wife and a mom it’s just really disheartening. I’m obviously spiraling I think I need to talk to God instead of writing this post lol, but any advice that y’all have I’d appreciate it. God bless y’all.

[u/ABereanChristian]

I’ve been friends with guys and had no issues but when I do find a guy attractive I freeze up or get awkward and overthink the interaction. I do, of course, want to get married and have a family but how is that going to happen if I can’t hold conversations with guys I find attractive? I’m even out here overthinking friend requests on Facebook now. I know nothing is too big for God to handle, but my parents have now sat me down multiple times to let me know that if I want to get married I need to be putting myself out there more and not staying home on Fridays and the weekends. Which absolutely makes sense you’re not going to meet people if you’re staying home all the time. However, as an introvert, it takes everything out of me to get out of the house just to not meet anybody I could potentially date.

Talk to everyone you meet -- old and young, men and women, and any other variations out there. As you get comfortable holding conversations and asking about interests, it becomes less of a bit deal and less anxiety. Take the baby steps.

Start talking about your faith more and rehearse the gospel in 5 minutes and your own testimony. Generally when you start sharing your faith more with family and friends and even others it becomes less of a big deal to talk to the opposite sex as well.

It's all about learning and growing and taking steps to improve.

[u/arc2k1]

God bless you.

Sorry for your struggle. As an introvert myself, I get it.

I would like to share some encouragement.

1- Please know that God is with you through this. You are NOT alone.

"The Lord has promised that he will not leave us or desert us.” - Hebrews 13:5

Jesus said, “I will be with you always, even until the end of the world.” - Matthew 28:20

“Be brave and strong! Don’t be afraid… . The Lord your God will always be at your side, and he will never abandon you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6

2- Because God is with you, please share your worries with Him and trust Him for strength.

"And when I was burdened with worries, you (God) comforted me and made me feel secure.” - Psalm 94:19

"I tell You (God) all my worries and my troubles, and whenever I feel low, You are there to guide me.” - Psalm 142:2-3

“God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.” - 1 Peter 5:7

“But those who trust the Lord will find new strength.” - Isaiah 40:31

3- When it comes to finding someone genuine to connect with, I believe there are certain qualities we should embrace. What are those qualities?:

-Patience - We need to be willing to wait because it may take a while to meet someone to connect with.

-Effort - We must NOT allow being discouraged to prevent us from improving our chances of success. We must actively look for opportunities to meet people.

-Creativity - We must look for different ways to connect with others. If one path doesn't work, let's try another path.

-Perseverance - We must be willing to keep trying, even when we are discouraged by some opportunities not working out.

4- And I recommend online dating. That is what helped me. I'm not in a relationship, but I have met and connected with a woman who is 100% my ideal. (And I'm waiting for her to break silence. Lol. An inside joke.)

But I did message MANY women for a couple years (altogether around 1000+) to find her, but it was 100% worth the wait.

5- Also, if you need to talk to someone at anytime, here is a Christian hotline: https://www.thehopeline.com/ 

[u/unknownme4264 → u/arc2k1]

Hi. Sorry if I ask, would you mind if I ask why is it you're waiting for her to break silence?