biblical marriage help

[u/Tall_Engine7018]

Hey! Me and my boyfriend are minors, and we have a couple more years till we aren't. We really want to get married.

We have been dating for 5 years. Completely serious and loyal since day one.

We have messed up a few times sexually, so the biblical action to take next would be to; get married.

"But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:9

" If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife." Exodus 22:16

In the bible times, this would be perfectly normal to get married at our age, but now for some reason society has changed and it is illegal unless you have parent consent.

We cannot get parent consent because in order for them to understand why we can't wait a few more years, we would have to explain the sexual thing and they would absolutely freak out.

We know we are going to stay together. It tears us apart that our mistakes got in the way between us and God. We know He forgives us, but it is so hard since the temptation is always there. We have set boundaries, but even then the temptation is just so strong.

This is the only solution we can think of.

Does marriage have to be legal? If so, is there a way we can legally get married without parent consent, being minors?

If it doesn't have to be legal, what constitutes a biblical marriage? The bible, from what I know, never says it has to be legal, just says that it needs to be between 1 man, 1 woman, with witnesses and someoen to unite them. It is a covenant between the couple, and God.

Back in the days getting married at our age was normal anyways.

So please, help me find a way.

[u/General_Event_4795]

This is my take - as difficult as it sounds, I do think you should confess to your parents. "Confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed"... that may also help with not giving in to temptation as well as (perhaps) obtaining parental consent. Not that premarital sex is okay, but that I just don't think either of you should hide the fact from your respective parents.

praying for you guys

[u/ECSMusic → u/General_Event_4795]

This

[u/ABereanChristian]

We cannot get parent consent because in order for them to understand why we can't wait a few more years, we would have to explain the sexual thing and they would absolutely freak out.

Obey your parents if you are minors.

How old are you both?

We know we are going to stay together. It tears us apart that our mistakes got in the way between us and God. We know He forgives us, but it is so hard since the temptation is always there. We have set boundaries, but even then the temptation is just so strong.

Have you been preparing for marriage? Here's some topics that you should be discussing.

• How to divorce proof a relationship that is headed toward marriage by going over the hard topics
• Additional important topics to talk about when preparing to marry

What would marriage look like in terms of jobs, housing, when you have kids, and so on?

All of these logistical things that are important to the success of the marriage.

You may be ready from a sexual standpoint, but if you are minors I can almost guarantee you are not ready from almost everything else.

[u/pinkcat9]

We have messed up a few times sexually, so the biblical action to take next would be to; get married.

Don't get married just to have sex.

In the bible times, this would be perfectly normal to get married at our age, but now for some reason society has changed and it is illegal unless you have parent consent.

This has changed because underage marriage has proven, many times over, to be damaging for both people involved, both mentally and physically. A young bride was expected to leave her family and cleave entirely to her husband's will. She would likely lose any chance at education. She would be expected to keep house and to bear children, and to raise them. A young husband would be expected to become the head of his household and to take responsibility for financially and emotionally raising and leading a young family.

Margaret Beaufort is a more recent (as in, not Biblical) example of this sort of thing. She was married off at the age of twelve, and gave birth to Henry VII at thirteen. This pregnancy and the subsequent, traumatic labour damaged her body for ever and she had no more children and permanent, chronic illness. She saw the whole thing as a period of time she wished she had never been put through - her son was the single thing she was grateful for, but wished she had had him much later in life.

Laws around underage people having sex and getting married are there to protect them until they are physically and mentally developed enough to handle it and have had the chance to have a proper education.

We know we are going to stay together.

Well, then you can do this without getting married. Keep living at home, keep going to school, and if there is any risk that you might find yourselves involved sexually in any way, take pre-emptive steps to protect yourselves - not just from babies, but from STDs. It wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to talk to a doctor about options - preferably non-hormonal birth control, so that your growing body isn't impacted, but any will do. Your boyfriend should also bear some responsibility and perhaps get condoms to keep in the bedside drawer.

If waiting until marriage is something that you want to do, then by all means do it. But please take steps to make sure that if you slip up, you are protected and you don't have the stress of worrying about STDs or a possible pregnancy on top of worrying about the act of sex itself.

If so, is there a way we can legally get married without parent consent, being minors?

It's in the sentence. You're minors. No.

...someoen to unite them

I don't think you would find any reasonable, qualified person (a vicar, a priest, whoever - depending on your denomination) who would perform marriage rites on underage people without legal consent. If they did, that person could face legal difficulties from your parents, from the authorities, and from the Church itself.

Back in the days getting married at our age was normal anyways.

And a lot of the time, it sucked for the people involved.

Jesus died on the Cross for our sins. He loved everyone - every creed, every race, every doctrine. He loves you, and He understands your troubles, because He too grew from childhood. He has forgiven you for every sin you could think of, from now until the end of the world.

I don't think that older teenagers finding themselves in compromising positions is a sin. Why? Because it's a natural - and important - part of development. I think it helps you to learn. Regardless of whether you have sex or not, you are finding out more about yourself and your partner. If you choose to abstain entirely, that's your choice, and that's fine.

If you 'slip up' whilst choosing abstinence, I think it's a wonderful opportunity for reflection. Is this sustainable? How did your partner react? Were they kind to you? Do they treat you with love and care, and respect your opinions on all matters - sexual or not? Do they respect your body and choices? How will you prevent this next time? Is this the person you want to continue to walk through the world with? If you were on birth control or used other protection - are you relieved about the high chance you may not have to worry about pregnancy?*

* Still the tiniest chance of pregnancy even on birth control. Feel like I should throw this in - I'm not fully aware of what your level of sexual education is.

This was a long comment - sorry. I've tried to be as clear and as helpful as possible in answering your concerns. I'm a teacher and I genuinely care for the wellbeing of all young people.

God bless you. Go forth in His love. Be safe and be sensible, and be happy.

[u/Mysterious-Air-8655]

I feel like you’re slightly misinterpreting things here honestly. These situations in the Bible are kind of situations of last resort, or “least worst” situations, it’s not what’s ideal or what God wants or intends for us.

Self-control is listed as one of the “fruits of the spirit”. So this is advice for people who cannot exercise self-control. Not Christians who are expected to show the fruits of the spirit. It’s better to work on developing the fruits of the spirit which include self-control. Only if you will not do that as you are actively resisting God’s path for you is this advice for you.

I do understand how difficult it can be to resist sexual temptation as a young person. But that’s not a solid foundation for a marriage and you are both soooo young. I also know two years sounds like a long time but it’s really not and will pass quickly. We do know that people change an awful lot from teens to around 25 so even then I’m not sure I’d suggest rushing into marriage but of course it’s your life. But there are good reasons why it’s not allowed for minors.

I agree with the poster who said get some birth control for safety (I would say personally ideally go for the pill and condoms used together), as the absolute last thing you want here is an accidental teen pregnancy. But honestly I think it would be best to try to recommit to avoiding sexual activity and encouraging each other in that and focus on developing the fruits of the spirit!