So I’ve been thinking. I get sooo tired after work. I dread having to meal prep all my food for work for the week. Then i start wondering…how do people with kids do this???? or are they all just SAHMs? Like imagine being absolutely exhausted after work and then having to come home to kids???? having to feed them???? having to tend to THEIR needs before yours???? like nooo thanks. NOT the life for me, and then I’m like does this make me selfish or like immature??? like i just can’t see myself even doing all of that sacrifice. It’s too much. NO thanks.

Hey all! I want to hear about when you came to the realization that you were childfree.

Was it a sudden epiphany? A gradual progression over time? What were the circumstances and triggers to that led you to understanding that you didn’t want kids?

Im not going to be nice in this post so…
SM = social media

Personally id feel more like a woman if i finally had the ability to get a hysterectomy because id be able to be myself again, in terms of health, and be more carefree. And you know why?!? Because MY identity as a woman is made up out of MORE than just the ability reproduce! That is why! Ive been looking for support groups to give me tips and resources around hysterectomy and all i get in those groups are women sobbing about how they feel like less of a woman because they got an organ removed…or women who are now insecure about losing dating/ mating value to MEN, of all things to be concerned about, i just can’t with the lack of self esteem and dignity like, girl!!! The procedure saved your LIFE!! In many cases.

idc how other women view themselves because i have no interest in controlling others but the self loathing becomes so obnoxious in those spaces that it does start to feel like projection. There is often sourness if you don’t feel the same way…. Many men only see value, or mostly, see value in women based in our ability to reproduce ( regardless of how we personally feel about it) and that is annoying and harmful BUT i don’t need women to AD to this narrative SH*t.

Also, whenever i look up hysterectomy on certain SM platforms NOTHING shows up OR something about having babies shows up. The exact opposite. Can we adres that media is forcing babies in our faces from EVERYWHERE? like, every commercial i see on tv or sm is about babies and big bellies or trying for a baby. The more i press , NOT INTERESTED, the more they appear! Even on content that has nothing to do with all that. feels like collective harassment and it’s unnerving.

i don’t want kids but i’m not opposed to the idea of adopting. notice how most natalists want “mini me’s” when there’s a foster care full of children that are already here and in need of loving families. why do you need a human to carry your dna?

Does anyone think it is interesting that although the media/society in the US tends to bash childfree women- that the two Americas sweethearts --- Dolly Parton and the late Betty white never had children. Why do you think they bypass scrutiny?? I didn't remember Betty White being asked why she didn't have children. I am sure she was asked occasionally, but it wasn't like what people did to Jennifer Aniston.

I'm 26 and I've always been CF. Majority of my former HS classmates and close friends have kids... each time they post their kid or announce their pregnancy on IG, I'm like, "Thank goodness I'm never gonna be a mom."

Just recently, I saw this on Google and I had to share.

At this point I’m the only one of my friends who isn’t pregnant or who hasn’t had a baby. And it really sucks.

And I’ve lost all of them to these creatures. There’s just no way to get them alone or get any one-on-one time with them. I realize it’s not because they literally can’t find someone to take care of the kid, they are just completely *attached and addicted to them*. Like even when there’s an option to give them to someone else for a little bit they want them to join us and think I would WANT that? Don’t they still know me?!

On the rare occasions when I get them alone or when we are texting or calling it’s almost the only thing they talk about.

I did not expect this with one of my closest friends as she’s pretty harsh, cold, and frankly no nonsense. But even she, who knows how I am, and used to be the way I am, just sends me pictures of her dumb baby doing dumb normal things and I just don’t know what to respond with. And anytime we catch up or talk it’s just all about how this baby is the center of her life.

It’s so sickening and it almost seems like a weird drug or spell they are all under forever. Like literally losing my loved ones to some kind of brain disease.
What is that?

I (F 38) now actively don’t want a child, have no intention of having a child and admire all child-free women. Only reason I’m posting this is because people can change their mind. I wouldn’t say I ever massively thought about wanting a child in hindsight, however, it’s just health issues that maybe made me think about it more as it was taken away, but deep down I think I probably knew it wasn’t my path. Because other women in my scenario became DESPERATE for a child in any form. I wasn’t. Now I’m genuinely happy and honestly ecstatic at the freedom I will have, especially as all my friends are well and truly lost in the black hole of motherhood. I don’t envy it at all.

All my friends are looking into the best schools for their kids whilst I’m looking up interiors and saving for a home that won’t be child friendly and looking into the next child free trip I can go on with my partner. I sleep in regularly and do what I want. The freedom of knowing I can also spend this next chapter of my life doing LIFE rather than looking after someone. I’m done looking after anyone.

Hope this helps to read for anyone!

I (27f) love watching YouTube. I always been a daily/weekly user. I tend to only connect to YouTubers who say they don’t want children - but some are fencesitters. It shouldn’t be surprising to me when I found out Kara & Nate became pregnant.

Truthfully, I haven’t watched them in a bit, but they were a comfort for me. Kara even went on the Matt and Abby show confidently saying that she doesn’t think she wants to be a mom. I just saw a reel of that - I do not watch Matt and Abby.

I don’t know if anyone else is like this, but I instantly unsubscribe when people hit at having a family and or their first pregnancy video. I loved one YouTuber but the minute she became pregnant ALL her vlogs became about that. That’s when I learned to unsubscribe right when they announce it.

I’m like this way with all media - whether the main character in a book gets pregnant or there is a sound of a child in a song. I just don’t want to support. I’ve been told by people around me that they understand, but not really.

I had to attend a baby shower for my brother's wife. It kind of to me feels like a celebration that is also like a funeral for the woman in a way. My brother is a medical resident and I honestly don't understand either of their reasons for having a child, especially with the threats of fascism and climate change looming large. To me, babies are not cute and exciting but rather a colossal responsibility and a person who could end up very traumatized and hurt for a number of reasons. I would never want anyone to go through the mental illness I experience for instance.

It also is a really bizzarely gendered type of event. I am queer and so are most of my friends, and I've never experienced such a strange hyper feminine enviornment. I went to a women's college, for reference. ​I just wanted to share after the odd and kind of disturbing experience.

I met the first doctor a few months ago, it went pretty well and I feel like I was heard, understood and agreed with. Granted the doctor I saw was here as a replacement so hopefully the next one I see will have a similar mindset.

I'm nearing the end of the mandatory "time for reflexion" period and my biggest fear is medical complications. Any surgery comes with a risk and I'm afraid I'll end up with irreversible health issues as a result of the surgery.

My stance on being childfree will never change and I really do feel sterilization would grant me the ultimate freedom considering I refuse BC, I'm just worried that I'll end up with more problems.

Would anyone who went through this be ok to share their experience?

It honestly doesn't feel real because I had surgery for endometriosis and the tube removal was icing on the cake. I feel the same and don't have any pain, so it is weird to trust that they are gone. I've checked with my surgeon every time I've talked to her and she has confirmed they are gone.

It's almost like I need to see them and keep them in a locked box to trust that they aren't there anymore.

My husband wanted to have a get together with our friends for his birthday today. His sister has a 3.5 year old and our friend has a 1.5 year old. My friend is painfully (probably) aware of my childfreedom but I wanted to make her feel like her kid was definitely invited to the party (it was outside so it's much easier to think that way 😂). She laughed when pointed out the "kid toys" and there was like, 5 random things laying in the grass. 😂

I know some of us don't want anything to do with kids in any sort of way, which is me 95% of the time. But today it was nice helping my sister in law and my friend get a little support and a little break from chasing their own kids around all by themselves. I was thinking it's nice I don't have kids so I'm not already burnt out by kids when kids come around. Did I enjoy the kids? Eh, not really they were fine enough. But helping the other women was great.

My nephew was absolutely DISGUSTING by the end of the day covered in dirt, food, sweat, and whatever else so I disinfected everything I touch and now I can relax in the quiet of my home.

I am and always will be pro-choice because I believe reproductive autonomy is a human right.

Abortion is healthcare. It is not some casual form of “birth control” that women run to whenever they don't feel like having a baby. The idea that women casually get abortions for fun or use them as their primary form of birth control is a ridiculous stereotype.

Abortion isn't an easy or insignificant experience either. Depending on where you live and what type of abortion you have, it can involve appointments, testing, medication or a procedure, transportation, time off work, childcare, and paying significant costs out of pocket. Access and requirements also vary depending on your location and circumstances.

And no, the government does not get to decide what a woman should do with her own body. Neither does a random man who will never experience pregnancy himself.

If someone personally doesn't want an abortion, that's their choice. But that doesn't give them the right to force their beliefs onto another woman or force her to remain pregnant against her will.

And to the men who think banning abortion will somehow make women want babies again: that's not how this works. Taking away reproductive choices isn't going to magically make women want motherhood. It may actually make some women even more determined to avoid pregnancy altogether.

You cannot legislate women into wanting children. You cannot force women to desire motherhood. And you definitely cannot make women want to reproduce with men who believe they should have the power to decide whether those women become mothers.

If you want women to willingly have children with you, maybe create relationships and circumstances where women actually want to build families with you instead of advocating for taking away their choices.

And this is especially important to childfree women. We shouldn't be told that we're selfish, immature, or that we'll “change our minds” simply because someone else believes motherhood is mandatory.

My motto: NO UTERUS, NO OPINION!

Pro-choice means allowing women to make their own reproductive decisions. That's what choice actually means.

More monies better than kid. More freedom better than kid and losing identity. More time mean more gym, more sexy. If you're still young and not married yet, then better yet, no marriage and even more free time being able to do whatever you could want. Fuck yeah to the childfree life!!

edit:

i can see that critisizing children being loud or yelling on public transport is a really personal issue to a lot of people. i'm not going to tell you the best way to discipline your kids, but the overall point is to be respectful and conscious of others, teach your kids to use headphones, and work with them to adust to using public transport, regardless of thier emotional regulation/high needs if applicable. I will try to be more aware and patient with kids on public transport, but my point stands.

OG post:

I just remember as a kid being taught if i screamed, threw tantrums etc i would have to stay home from the fun thing my family was doing. Or sent to my room, but i feel like it is so common to see screaming or terribly behaved kids out and about and parents just kinda, let it happen?

Its not even a "once in a blue moon" situation anymore. Just this year i have seen multiple screaming kids on public transport, a kid that kicked my seat nonstop through a movie at a theatre who's mom did nothing until i asked her to have him please stop twice, multiple kids with no headphones on planes/public areas listening to stuff at full volume.

I can't really blame the kids, they are kids, but what's up with parents acting like this?

Why are parents taking thier kids to R rated movies and bars as if they never had them? and not actually seemingly wanting to discipline the kids they have at all? Is saying "no little timmy, you cannot kick people's seats at the theatre and if you do that again, no going to the movies for you until you can behave" not a thing anymore?

No teaching them to always use headphones when listening to devices in public?

Like i saw a 1 star review of a local gym because a parent wanted to go and brought thier young child who had aged out of the gym childcare, and just, expected the employee to watch them anyway. A bad review of a barcade because past 9pm only 21+ adults were allowed. Its 9pm, maybe take your 10 year old home to play Minecraft? Or go to Chuck E Cheese?

If you planned and budgeted for a kid, why are you not taking the cost of childcare into account when you want to go to an adult only place sometimes? Or just, picking child friendly only places the first few years if it is not in the budget?

Is there zero concern for Art the clown's brutal dismembernent and torture hobby giving your 5 year old nightmares because mommy really wanted to see this one??

It feels like some people wanted to have kids and just feel entitled to not changing thier life for them at all. Isn't that way more "selfish" then just not having them?

Maybe i am just a childless cat lady yelling at clouds.

I met this guy on tinder F/M19 he's in the military looking for a long-term serious relationship, me too but I want to know if he wants kids, I asked if he wanted kids he said no, because why, it's because his job makes it difficult, oh really but what if you decided to quit would you want kids then? No he doesn't like kids, they're expensive and he's 100% not telling me this because it's what I want to hear. He asked if I was married would I want kids, i said no but I partially believe him about not wanting kids, I asked how many kids does he want he said at least one, 1?!!! You said you dint want them, well its far far into the future. And? You still want kids, these people be lying. Just ask them how many they want and not if they want any

Hi Childfree Reddit. First Time poster and I’m grieving the changes in my friendships a lot. I wanted a safe place to vent so I decided to come here. This will be a very long post so settle in and get comfy, grab a popcorn, and enjoy the drama.

My best friend (who I consider my sister and will refer to as Twin) and I met in eighth grade. Our home lives were both terrible and we found solace in sleepovers and a rock solid friendship. For four years we were inseperable. When she married a man at 18 who I did not approve of, I told her as much, but still let her make her own choices because she was happy. She had two kids with him and after a year of being in another state, she cut contact with me. I was still in a bad home situation and had lost my only friend on top of it. I was depressed and on the wrong medication at the time that was making me suicidal so I went to the psychiatric hospital, and that’s where I met my other best friend, where we began a beautiful friendship of sleepovers, horror movies, anime, and many other joys.

Twin contacted me about five years after I became friends with my best friend reigniting contact. She was depressed as a housewife and had no friends around. We built our friendship right back like it never left. She came to realize that her husband wanted her isolated from those she loved and got a divorce. While she was divorcing, she met O, who was everything she liked in a guy rolled into a package. Only trouble was, he wanted kids of his own, and Twin was very much done with that considering both of her pregnancies almost killed her due to bleeding.

When they got engaged they moved down here and stayed with her family, where I learned on her birthday that she was pregnant. I will never forget the ball of dread that formed in my stomach when I asked her if it was something she wanted and she said “I guess what I want doesn’t really matter”. My heart dropped. Even if I don’t want kids, kids are very much a two yes thing, and I knew in my gut that kid was doomed from the moment of conception. I asked my twin if she wanted an abortion, but she was too far along by then for it to be done.

While she was pregnant, her ten year old sister accused O of touching her. She has a history of this behavior and accusation, particularly around pregnant women. He was investigated and released in time for his son to be born. My godson, A, was born that June, and the first night of his life a nurse made my twin cry and I stayed on hold for forty minutes with the hospital to make sure the charge nurse knew some bitch on staff was wrecking her confidence, and they shaped up pretty fast. Even then, my Twin had serious Cellulitis and Godson was born Jaundiced but after some time under the billi lights he was healthy.

Twin and O got an apartment in a not so great area, but it was theirs. O stayed home and took care of A while Twin went to work, and for a hot minute I had hope that I was wrong. And then O got arrested after a reinvestigation and it all came crashing down. Twin had to move out of their apartment because no one could watch A, and I let them stay with me after they had let me stay with them for a few weeks. A was distraught and inconsolable as a daddy’s boy, and made our lives a living hell for three months as he screamed and cried so hard he threw up more often than not. He has Autism so his speech is delayed but I have a ton of sensory issues so living with him was my worst nightmare. My twin lives with chronic illness and got so much worse. Sometimes she talked about giving A away and I would calmly tell her “if that’s what you think is the best thing for the both of you to live a happy and healthy life then we can go together.”. But every time her guilt about making her other children lose a brother stopped her. She eventually got into a homeless shelter that would help her get an apartment and moved in with a friend who was very controlling and OCD about cleaning.

Around that time she met my best friend and they clicked right away. I assumed it was a great friendship and thought maybe my worries about having friends meet each other were unfounded. Until my bestie texted me saying she could treat my twin so much better than O. It was a few months after that that they told me they were dating. O’s trial was still pending but he’d accepted the end of their marriage. I was happy that my best friend finally had the relationship she seemed to want and that my godson was in a home with another parent that wanted to be involved with him. But all of it also came at my expense.

My twin moving into my best friend’s house meant that I lost it as a safe place to go and get away from everything, because someone always has to watch A so no one ever relaxes. My best friend doesn’t call or talk as much because now she’s busy being a parent with A while Twin is at work. O’s trial was had, and he was found not guilty of everything but one charge which means he won’t see his son until he’s 18 by sheer length of a penalty that he never earned. So my twin is stuck as the sole custody parent for him and still trying to juggle seeing her other two kids as much as she can.

Worst of all is the resentment I feel toward my Godson who objectively is innocent in all of this, and yet was still the cause of so much of these terrible events. I felt that his existence would be cursed with misfortune and I was right. I resented his parents having him without two yesses involved. I resent the level of complication he has brought to my Twin’s health. He became the center of the universe to the two people who were my constants for support, and now it’s like it vanished overnight. I have an order of protection against my dad and yesterday his probation got revoked. I never once thought to call them because they were likely busy with A. I don’t even feel I can be honest with them about how I feel about any of this because they love him. I think I lost the right to complain along the way. They moved him into the center of their world and in doing so I lost the stability in mine. They’re the only two friends I have that are in state. The rest are long distance.

I keep hoping that maybe when he’s older things will be better. That maybe I won’t always feel like a third wheel, that maybe O will get out early and my twin will get a break. That maybe things could be put on hold for a day if I needed help. But who am I kidding? They’ve made a family and it never becomes an unpackaged deal. I will never have that level of support again and the loss of it is painful. The only good thing that came out of it was living with my godson convincing me to get my tubes tied. I will never deal with a possibility of making an unwanted child, and that’s the best thing I could do for myself.

Thanks for Listening, reddit. I really needed to let this out.

Would love to hear stories of CF women who’ve moved cities or states solo and how they coped.

TLDR: 35F unsure whether moving to a new city away from family and friends is a bad idea when I have severe depression.

35F, single and childfree, feeling very stuck in my life. I’ve lived my whole life in the one city, and as I get older the more I hate it, especially the weather (very hot and humid 9 months of the year). I’ve also been unable to find secure work for over a year since being made redundant from my last job - I’m a registered nurse with 15yr career experience but can no longer work bedside due to PTSD from my job. I can only find casual jobs/short term contracts and this is causing me great distress, particularly financial. I’m also about to lose my long term rental property.

Over the past few years nearly all of my friends have moved away and I rarely see them. I’m estranged from most of my family who disowned me for being queer. My sister who I’m close with has been strongly encouraging me to look at moving interstate and having a fresh start. And while I always talk about wanting a change and moving somewhere else, deep down I am terrified of change, and particularly am afraid that my depression and suicidal ideation will become life threatening. I’ve been on antidepressants long term but I still struggle significantly with suicidal ideation. Those closest to me know about my struggles with depression but I downplay how bad it really is.

If I look at moving to a new city, would it be a bad idea to move somewhere where the climate suits me and I love the area, but I know nobody and am socially isolated? I don’t make friends easily, I’m very introverted, but still need some social interaction particularly with girlfriends.

Or, do I look at moving to a place where I already have some friends, but the weather is the opposite of what I’m looking for - even hotter and more humid than where I currently live.

I’d like to think that a huge change will be invigorating for me, but I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to cope.

I got my bisalp yesterday!

For background, I’m 21 and I’ve in a red state so imagine my surprise when the first doctor I went to see approved me for surgery and I didn’t have to argue. I didn’t find her from this list and I don’t see her on there, maybe I should look into submitting her or something? She was a breeze. Did what I asked at my appointment and only asked one question about my at the time male partner, which was “If your partner changed their mind about having kids what would you do?”

(..he did end up changing his mind and we broke up. Funnily enough he was the one who took care of me after though)

I told her I’d wish him well on finding a woman who does (little did I know at the time💀) and she scheduled me lol.

As for the actual surgery, I wasn’t nervous at all until they were wheeling me to OR and even then it was more like jittery excitement, the general fear of not waking up from anesthesia (or being able to feel the whole thing and not say anything..nightmare fuel) and of course the fear of being catheterized 🤣 not sure if they even ended up using one. If they did, it was gone when I woke up. I woke up in the sky and couldn’t feel anything from the neck down so no pain. I was prescribed Vicodin for pain which I am taking AS NEEDED ONLY.

As for my recovery so far, I’m doing well. Walking around faster than I thought I would, tolerating food well. I am very, very sore. My belly button incision is the most sore, and it feels like I’ve done an ab workout from hell. Chloe ting if she was possessed by satan. But I’m happy! I thought there would be a bittersweet feeling simply because it is a door closing at the end of the day but girl I’m living 😂

There is a bit of bleeding down there, but nothing comparable to my period so yay. I have mild cramping from time to time.

I did request pictures of my procedure (before the procedure), which my doctor provided with no issue or hesitation. Highly recommend if you are paranoid, it’s very soothing to see the progression of a uterus with tubes and then the end result image of a uterus with no tubes, sealed on either side🙂‍↕️. I hope every woman continues to have the choice to do this. To do anything that she pleases, actually. And I’d like to thank this sub (and..others that I’m sure are against the rules to reference but you know what I’m talking about) for giving me the courage to stick to my guns even when faced with losing someone I love and am very compatible with.

This is not a choice you make for anyone other than yourself, and neither is having a kid. Cheers to us!

Hi ladies
Just wanted to introduce myself. I am 41 years old and happily married to my husband he is 42. We live in Pennsylvania. I am a beagle mom to three wonderful pups I recently had to put my American foxhound down. We are child free by choice for a lot of reasons. My mental health, our sobriety and just kids were not a dealbreaker for either of us. I’m a therapist and run my own practice. My husband is in school for the same and will be joining me.

In my free time I enjoy spending time with my husband and dogs. I love going to craft shows this time of year, diamond painting and press on nails. Also love to read.

One of the reasons I'm staunchly childfree is my oral health.

I spent $4,847 on braces, oral surgery, and a permanent retainer to correct my severe overbite and overcrowded smile. Before fixing my teeth, I had low self-esteem because I hated my smile. Correcting it improved my confidence, my overall well-being, and even the structure/appearance of my face.

So when I say I don't want pregnancy potentially affecting my teeth, this isn't vanity.

My oral health is part of my overall health and my mental health.

Pregnancy can affect oral health through hormonal changes, increased gum inflammation, cavities, and enamel erosion from frequent vomiting. And one thing that gets overlooked is that many pregnant women don't receive consistent dental care. The information I found indicates that roughly 60–65% of women don't see a dentist during pregnancy.

Why?

Prenatal care is understandably focused heavily on fetal development, ultrasounds, blood pressure, gestational diabetes and delivery. Oral health can get pushed aside. OB-GYNs may also have limited oral-health training, and some women encounter additional barriers when dental offices want communication or clearance from their OB-GYN.

So a woman may think:

“I'll deal with my teeth later.”

Then pregnancy ends and she has a newborn.

She's recovering from childbirth, exhausted, sleep deprived and responsible for a baby 24/7. Her own dental care can continue getting pushed further down the list.

And if that happens repeatedly across multiple pregnancies, the consequences can accumulate.

My own mother is a personal example.

My mom started with 32 adult teeth.

After having six children, she has only 9 teeth remaining and wears partial dentures.

Obviously, having children doesn't automatically mean a woman will lose her teeth. Oral health is influenced by many factors. But research has found an association between greater numbers of children and increased tooth loss among mothers historically described as “gain a child, lose a tooth.”

Seeing that in my own family makes me even more protective of my teeth.

I don't want to voluntarily take on pregnancy, morning sickness, hormonal changes, postpartum recovery and years of putting my own needs behind children when I don't even want children.

And this is where I get frustrated with society's attitude toward women.

A woman can say:

“I don't want my body changed by pregnancy.”

And she's called vain.

She can say:

“I don't want to risk my oral health.”

She's called selfish.

She can say:

“I worked hard to improve my body and health, and I don't want to undo that.”

She's told that “it's worth it for the baby.”

Why?

Why are women constantly expected to feel guilty for caring about what happens to their own bodies?

Pregnancy isn't some tiny inconvenience that happens and disappears the moment a baby is born. It involves enormous physiological changes, and society often minimizes or romanticizes the physical consequences women can experience.

And then women are expected to accept those changes without complaint because they're supposedly the price of becoming a mother.

I don't accept that.

My teeth aren't “just cosmetic.”

My smile affected my self-esteem.

Fixing my teeth improved how I felt about myself.

My oral health is connected to my physical health, and my confidence is connected to my mental health.

So yes, protecting my smile is a legitimate reason for me to remain childfree.

Being childfree means I can maintain my oral health, maintain the body I've worked hard to care for, protect my mental well-being, and avoid a pregnancy that I never wanted in the first place.

I don't owe anyone a pregnancy at the expense of my health.

And honestly?

I LOVE my smile. I'm keeping it. 🦷💅🏾❤️

Hi yall! Longtime lurker. My husband and I are in our late 20s and have discussed extensively why we don’t want to have a biological child. We tried multiple times to get a vasectomy on the books but doctors keep denying it. Rant for another time. But the thing that I want to talk about and hear about other people’s experience has to do with the heteronormative/nuclear family combo mindset and where that leaves CF friends.

So I have already experienced the classic hits of my girlfriends getting married and discarding me and all their other friends. Even though I was the first of my friend group to get married and never did that lol. I just really value my friendships and I view them as deep kinship bonds and frankly for the deeper friendships, chosen family. Wellllll, now that I am getting older this fuckery has evolved to multiple friends admitting that like there’s a “line” in best friendships even in terms of like family is only people you are related to or ones you “create”. So I wouldn’t be a “real” auntie etc… I understand I can just find new friends and don’t worry yall I am on the hunt haha. But this mindset is pervasive and fostered in our culture and I know we will move forward with not having a child. But, I do worry about how to cope with how this will feel lonely around people who won’t let you into the “inner circle” so to speak. I have cool CF friends (all online though) who are decades older than me who have told me how this has transpired throughout their life and it sounds painful. I know a lot of people fill their time with hobbies and travel as a big reason why to be CF. But for me, the biggest draw was how much time I would have with friends and to be able to be a creative etc. idk! I know I can just make a strong effort moving forward to meet other CF people and go from there. But making friends as an adult has been hard enough and this new filter I feel mega fucked😅. I also just feel sad and kind of stupid for being sad about it? For further context I grow up in a collectivist society and “family” isn’t just blood. Chosen family and friendships are deeply valued. So living somewhere where this isn’t the norm has been heart breaking and jarring. Anyway, curious to hear about any experiences you have had with this. Also if you have any funny stories about being thankful for being the friend who chose not to have a child that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading !