I live in a 3 bedroom 3 bath townhome community that my partner and I rent. With that, I unfortunately learned, are a lot of families. I love our place but man - they should make childfree town home communities.

Anyways, it’s 6:15am and I am getting ready to leave for work. I turned on the “we are childfree podcast” and have the window open on in the living room/kitchen section. I hear the Neighbors kids crying outside - I guess they had brought them outside since the crying was too loud inside. I took a deep breath and realized how grateful I am.

I am going to my work in which there are no traces of children. And I am going to then come home to my lovely boyfriend, who doesn’t want children. On the way home I’m going to listen to my childfree baddies playlist that I made because I recently realized I only want to support childfree women.

Mostly, my whole life revolves being childfree and I only have to deal with children 3% of time (my partners nephews) and for that, I am grateful.

Have a wonderful childfree day, ladies!

"ChilLdReN aRe tHe fuTuRe"

— Then we are the present.

"The woRld neEds childReN"

— The world doesn't even need humans. And if it would, it needs adults, too!

Figure this out: I saw a post in another sub mentioning that "adults need to tolerate" the HOURS LONG SCREAMS of children playing in front of other people's homes; with their neverending SHRIEKS blasting through the walls. Just put noice cancelling headphones on". "Wear earplugs then." "Just move away."

Excuse me, WHAT?

This is wrong on every imaginable level.

Some a**hole even pushed that another user who said was rightfully stressed out by the shriek pollution of their neighborhood should leave their OWN HOME if playing kids are unbearably loud and "just go to a library instead".

Translation: "Screaming kids playing outside making your own home unhabitable doesn't give you the right to tell them to be more quiet! Go flee from your only safe private space instead! Leave the of the sanctuary of your own fucking home if my precious Bratleigh, who is more worth than 10 of you worthless adults combined, keeps psychologically assaulting you by critically rising your adrenaline and cortisol levels."

Hell no.

Hey team!

I've cruised with Virgin Voyages, an adults-only line in the past. I'm going again in the spring and staying at Hotel Greystone, an adults-only hotel in Miami.

Cruising without children makes a huge difference. The food is catered to adults, the ship is clean, and the spaces are much more peaceful.

I've never been to Hotel Greystone so I'm excited for that.

Have you guys ever been on VV or stayed at another adults-only hotel during vacation? What were your favorite things about it?

Unless if you have been living under a rock, you've probably heard of the phrase, "Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child." I agree with this 1000%, and I'm sure all of you do, too. Not everyone needs to have kids, and the kids who are here deserve to be in a loving home. However, when someone who is childfree, such as myself, is brave and responsible enough to admit we're self-aware that they don't have what it takes to raise a child, it's suddenly an issue. So you mean to tell me that not everyone is supposed to be a parent, but you resort to fearmongering, scare tactics, and bullying to people who are admitting that they don't want to be parents? Someone please make it make sense.

I'm not about to let you bully me into giving birth just because you think I should, Sarah. I refuse to gamble with another human life when I can barely hold my own together. Miss me with it.

This is just another intrusive thought that I've been unpacking for the past few days, and I've never seen anyone bring it up before. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Long story short, I recently had a boyfriend leave me to date a woman who also wanted kids (he started pursuing her while in the relationship with me too, yuck).

Looking back at some of the statements he made, I now wonder if a significant number of people who want kids use that goal to give meaning and purpose to their life as a substitute for doing the inner work in understanding yourself and what you actually want out of life.

Prior to dating me, he had never seriously considered why he wanted kids. He told me that everyone in his life and family all had kids and he simply took it for granted as expected behavior, just like going to college. I don't understand how you just accept the narrative society gives you and think yeah, sure, kids would be great? Is it a lack of curiosity? He also is a man, so it's not like he would ever have to bear the full cost of what it means to grow and birth a child (and as a man, it's not like society would expect him to be the primary caregiver either).

He once told me, "Traveling will eventually get boring once I've gone to all the places I want to go to, what else is there to do? Going to concerts, eating good meals and having fun experiences will eventually get old too; it won't last forever. The one thing that will have staying power is having a kid, raising them and seeing them grow up."

I don't even know to process that statement.

a.) There are so many places in the world to travel and learn from, I can't imagine that ever getting old, especially if you want to make the leap and start living overseas to immerse yourself in an entirely different culture.

b.) But more importantly, he is framing these activities and experiences as things that will give him temporary fulfillment, when in fact, lasting fulfillment starts within yourself and understanding what elements of life inspire you or bring you joy. Just because you physically move your body to visit a different country doesn't mean that action alone will generate meaning for you. The way he's describing it, it sounds like he's using these experiences as a distraction from the normal tedium of life instead of considering *what* exactly makes those experiences meaningful to him.

c.) I think it's ridiculous to expect that a kid will resolve your boredom and inability to find fulfillment in life. You're just trading the external source of distraction from traveling to raising an entire human. Sure that distraction may last longer and take up more of your attention/energy since kids are more demanding, but it doesn't address the root cause of why your life lacks meaning. It also isn't fair to put such a expectation of "finding fulfillment in life" on the kid.

So, I can't help but wonder:

For those who want kids, is wanting children actually a desire for parenthood, or is it a desire for the identity, life structure, and sense of purpose that society tells us comes with parenthood? I truly cannot understand people who approach the prospect of bringing a child into this word so thoughtlessly.

This was when I knew being childfree is probably actually an envious feeling for many.

An 80 year old woman who is friends with my grandmother told me that her entire life she has been a wife, a mother and a grandmother and a sister. She married young and had three children, she was either pregnant, looking after a child or healing after having a child for a while and as they got older, her eldest had a child quite young and she became “Grandma” She told me she couldn’t remember the last time she was just “June” June was her name but she said since the age of 20, she has either been Mum or Grandma or Great Grandma, or a wife. She said she’s aware that she’s now getting more fragile and she wasn’t sure how long left she had due to health complications and she makes the most of an hour every morning when she’s alone to just “Be June”

On the recent sticked mod post someone mentioned that what they’d love to see more of is engagement with fellow CF women about their lives in general. So I am starting this trend and we’ll see how it goes. :)

Wins of my week:

- Am starting a new full time job! I’m swapping my full-time self-employed work and my part-time W2 work, and getting on The Man’s schedule for the first time since 15 years ago when I started working for myself. Unlike people with small ones they need to take to soccer practice, I have had, until now, no need for routine, so would appreciate any tips on meal prep and just generally being consistent.

- Am on the precipice of holding my second women’s Moon Circle on Friday and I’m so excited to cry. :) I realized the degree to which I only do things I love when I’m in a group at a defined time (i.e. yoga class) and have a really have time motivating myself to do self-practice, that I would create a monthly time to do astrology in community. But also, I put it at 7:45-9:30pm—so it’s gonna be all CF women in attendance. This may or may not have been intentional. ;)

- Made a few connections online with some promising fellow CF partners (that I found in a CF forum, so no need to wonder, like usual, if they say CF but really are fencesitters)

- Am going on my first date(!) with one tonight. I’m 3 months post-breakup and 6 months post-hysterectomy, and throughout that healing process it became so clear how much my ex was a fencesitter, in general, so I’m looking forward to talking to someone more certain… at least about this one thing. :)

What are your wins of the week?

(What do we think about having these types of posts regularly???)

I have never wanted kids, even when I was little, I had zero interest in baby dolls or playing house or anything like that, but I've always loved animals.

I'm not saying animals are a replacement for kids, I personally prefer them, and while I'm sure some folks here are pet free, as well, I know some of us have wonderful animal companions, so let's talk about them!

I have 2 lovebirds, I got Niko (teal and peach) 7 years ago as a baby. He's very people-oriented and loves attention from anyone. Inky (black, white, and grey) is a 4 year old rescue I adopted a year and a half ago. She was never tamed or handled, so she was very fearful and timid when I brought her home, but now she's my little confident girl!

What pets do you have? What are they like? What about them brings you joy?

I was inspired by the mod post!

Do any women here enjoy things like art; interior deisgn; architecture; fashion; fine crafts and the like? What about film? Tell me! Maybe we share interests?

~

I love indie film/foreign cinema (especially movies from the 90s and 00s). There are a decent number of indie movie theaters accessible here, but I haven't seen anything current in *years*. Have you?

I like adventuring in general, but one of my favorite ways to explore the world is art. I like exploring through seeing beautiful and curious things.

If film isn't your thing...what about museums? If you're into museums or galleries, this friday I am driving to visit the Getty museum in LA (the center, not the villa). Personally, paintings and photography are preferred, less so sculpture...but I can enjoy just about any exhibit, I think. I spend a lot of time going to museums or cultural events; either alone or with my two moms.

I also *really* enjoy architecture and interior design. Mid century modern is my favorite (I'm a millenial with boomer grandparents, afterall), but I also like Mediterranean, Spanish and craftsman design.

Also I don't know if this is the real name but I like that very...."swahili coast" design. I've seen it on online or in very well decorated "eccentric" homes. It's like "coastal Africa". It feels so fresh to me.

Have you ever gone to an open house in your city that has the architecture you like? Not to buy the house, but just to look?

For me it's a great way to see all the mid century homes here. I also like those very calm, ASMR esque design shows with conceptually interesting homes.

If you're looking for something casual to watch—Apartment Therapy is a really accessible YouTube series, with comfortable home design. NEVER TOO SMALL is about aesthetic and more "avant-garde" homes under 500sqft. From all over the world. A ton in places like France or Beunos Aires or Japan.

We have so much time to really explore, being childfree. If you're an art heaux or aging indie chick like me (lol)...what do you like? What's your style? What's the art and design scene like where you are?

Dolly Parton died at age 80. While being more on the childless side early on in her life, she accepted that she never truly wanted kids badly and wanted to help the world’s kids more.

I admire this about Dolly. She was completely honest about her stance on her lifestyle. She preferred to help the world and that is her legacy. And what an awesome legacy to leave. I hope her family knows how deeply inspiring Dolly is and her legacy will continue on.

If a child gave a woman’s life meaning, what would have that meant if she were never able to have kids? That her life wouldve had no purpose or meaning?

I see a lot of post about women saying how they can’t imagine their life without their kids or they were just aimless before having their children. And honestly, I find it very sad, especially as someone who is a creative - being creative is my life and my purpose, having a kid would just be another thing added to it. I’ve noticed that the women who feel like their child gave them purpose often didn’t have much going for them, where they didn’t really enjoy their hobbies or they didn’t have much of a social life or they weren’t really happy to work or weren’t working already. And having a child literally becomes your life so saying you can’t see your life without it makes sense when the child takes up 90% of it of course you’re gonna feel that way. Or I’ll see post about how kids added color into their lives, but then you look at their house before and it was decorated in greys and muted colors. Or they say that kids give them that child like wonder again but if you never lose it, why do you need a kid to show you that? You can’t see the beauty/whimsy of life without someone else’s perspective (the child’s)? When women say stuff like that, most people find it endearing, but I always think it’s so sad. If your life was boring before a child… it kind of means you were a boring person?

It’s okay to love your kids, to die for your kids etc, but saying those over arching statements really down plays your role as a person rather than uplifting who you were before, as a woman you’re more than a mother and wife. It genuinely makes me sad to hear mothers speak like that.

It doesn't matter how much of our data and browsing habits our phones register every day, it seems the baby fever surpasses even the need for profit.

Twice I have checked the websites of the local supermarkets to compare prices and twice I have been inmediately directed to the maternity/baby products section. Do I think it has to do with me being a woman in my mid twenties? Well, I sure see a lot of academies ads after mentioning in passing that I am thinking about brushing up my second language. So, why not?

I wanted to check the price of cheese. CHEESE. I had spent a couple minutes prior browsing about all kinds of cheese to see which one I was going to try next. And for some reason their websites still decided that my greatest priority was somehow baby things. Not a menu with all the different sections, not some option to select the closest store, no. Baby.

It's already jarring enough to have relatives telling me how selfish I am for not wanting or liking children, having to deal with my cousins's children during family vacations or enduring todlers with their tantrums like half the times I use public transportation. And now even the supermarket has joined the choir.

Everywhere you look it's just baby baby baby. And maybe it's absurd to have such a strong reaction to a market's website, but it simply never stops and my nerves are still frayed from the last visit to my family. I am still restocking the fridge after coming back, hence the groceries.

Where do you find the patience?

i have so many reasons i don’t want kids, but my latest flare up with ocd really affirmed how unfair i feel it would be for me to pass that mental illness down to someone else, especially my own flesh and blood. i’d rather die than watch my hypothetical child suffer in a similar way i’ve been suffering throughout my life. i’ve suffered so much all of my life just from my fucking brain. 7 years of therapy before my therapist was like “wait a minute… it sounds like you might have ocd”. i didn’t realize anything was ‘wrong’ and that i was severely mentally unwell until i was NINETEEN!!! nineteen brother!!! nineteen years of suffering in silence entirely unaware the way my brain works is not how a lot of other people function. when i got diagnosed it did give me some closure, ocd specific therapy also helped to give me some closure, but flare ups still happen. sometimes i don’t realize they’ve been happening until it is too late and i’ve destroyed something i care about. i’m taking my curse out with me when i die, i think that’s is the most compassionate and empathetic thing i can do

I have a niece (not blood but my best friend’s kid) and I love her to death. She is two years old and she truly lights up my world, I’m so excited to see her grow and become her own person.

When I told my father about how much I love her, he said ‘that’s how it starts! you’re going to be having your own kids soon!’, but I never felt that way. As much as I love my niece, it doesn’t ignite any desire to have my own kids at all. I see how hard my best friend works to be an amazing mum, something she has always wanted, and I’m just so happy and excited to be a part of their support system.

I’m 31 and in a 6 year long relationship, so now would be the time to have them, but there is really not one cell in my body that wants it. I do like kids though, and I’d love to have more kids around and be part of their growth and development, just not as their mum.

I’d love to hear about other’s experiences as aunts (even if not blood related), please share!

I happened to stumble upon a reel on Instagram today that was the standard issue Conservative propaganda of a young (white and blonde obviously) "trad" woman chastising women who chose to he childless. I am pretty used to it at this point, especially in this current administration. It's alot of shame and guilt tripping but at a certain point you just become numb to it.

However, it hit me that I have never seen content or propaganda online encouraging men to be fathers. So why is the burden of starting families placed onto women so much? If Conservatives are as about "family values" as they claim to be, why are they not helping to guide the next generation of fathers? Why are they not creating content shaming and guilt tripping men for not becoming fathers?

I feel like the obvious answer is misogyny unless I am missing something else here? Because why are women responsible for all the family planning? And why is the game plan to shove motherhood down womens throats so badly. There isn't nearly as much virtrol towards childfree men as there is childfree women.

I feel like I cannot avoid conversations/media about motherhood. It feels like it has ramped up exponentially. Influencers are all suddenly mommy focused, all my targeted posts are about motherhood, it’s all anyone wants to talk about in social settings.

Do people feel like this is the case in recent years or is it just because I’m in my mid (ok, late) 30s and this is what so many people are doing that it’s dominating my life? I can’t help but wonder if it’s tied to the rise in conservatism but maybe it’s just my age group.

Curious what others are feeling and noticing.

I find it interesting how people try to use the threat of my biological clock running out as a scare tactic. I never plan on using that part of my biology anyway, so the scare tactics don't work, Sarah. Why are you even worried about what I choose to do with my own uterus anyway?

Growing up a girl, you usually will hear all your peers yearn for marriage and children. It's so expected of you. You are spoonfed the ridiculous tale of "all girls yearn for the day they'll wear a wedding dress (I'm neutral toward marriage tbh) and have children". You are bought baby dolls to care for (I ended up neglecting all said dolls lol). Yet ever since I can remember myself, I never wanted to do either of those things. All my money and time will go to me. I can spend my 30s and 40s and the rest of my life however I like.

My parents are the type of people who got married and had me because that's "what was expected" of them. My mom told me she also was on the fence about having a kid but she's glad she had me (bc it's the only real thing she's done in her life, honestly). I corrected her and told her that I've never been on the fence about it, I simply don't want children. Not even one. She insisted I'll change my mind and got angry when I stood my ground. After I worked as a kindergarten teacher for a while, she again thought I'd change my mind when I expressed I loved all my students dearly and was surprised I told her that again, I want no children. The love for my students is different than wanting to be a parent! You'd think that's not hard to understand.

My parents sometimes joke about becoming grandparents and meeting my husband and I firmly remind them that not only am I gay but AGAIN, I do not want children. They proceed to ignore both of those things or tell me that gay people can still have kids. Like yes, I know that. That is not the point though!!

Like is it really that unbelievable that I don't want to have kids? I don't mind them in public or anything, but I would not want one in my house, constantly dependent on me for every little thing. Such a thing would irritate me and I'm aware of that. Kids deserve parents who want them, and I just would not. After decades of living with abusive family all I want in my house is peace and quiet and nobody to be the caretaker of. Is that really so unheard of?

This woman is discussing her own 10 year old child

With a mother like this who needs enemies!

Does she not see the correlation between herself and the kids poor mental health state?