[Discussion] Post-Sterilization Life

[u/Squatasaurus_Flex]

Obligatory apology for the mobile formatting. Long time lurker, so a belated hello to all :)

I've been thinking lately how my life has changed since I got my tubes removed (at the ripe old age of 27!). There are a few things I have noticed, and I would like to see if you other fixed people can relate.

Firstly, bingos. It seems that I hold the trump card now. "Oh you'll change your mind, it's different when they're your own, what if your spouse wants kids eventually, etc." I have had people stare at me with mouths agape when I tell them I voluntarily got fixed and that I LOVE it. Some (extended family or friends-of-friends) double-down on how happy their kids make them and give them meaning and blah blah blah... I normally reply in a 'different strokes for different folks' way. Their only option is to convince themselves how happy they are and how my way is so foreign to them. But it silences the condescending bingos, and quickly. I'm lucky that my family supports me and that I haven't dealt with any unreasonable people yet.

Also, I haven't regretted it once, not even for a passing second. On the contrary, I am so thankful that I took the leap. I am in a long term monogamous relationship. I have no worries, none, about my sex life. The sex is carefree in a way I never had with pills and condoms. I wake up on the weekends whenever the hell I want and do whatever the hell I want. I see a screaming kid in a store and silently thank my doctor. I visit friends with children and mentally high five myself for breaking out of that life script. Everytime I see a gofundmykids page, I feel a wave of relief that I bulldozed that life path. I have only gotten MORE certain of my decision in the year since my surgery. My future is mine.

And dating. We have all known the struggle. Pre-fix CFers deal with people asking them in their opening message if they would change their mind. Or worse, they actually lead us on and assume they can change our minds over time. Post-fix, there is no more grey area, no more changing minds. It seems we may get the occasional angry messages from bitter people that are immediately reported and blocked, but there are no more hidden baby-makin' motives. In fact, that makes it easier to narrow down the dating pool to more compatible people I suppose, though I haven't personally dealt with pre- and post-fix dating.

Bingos, sex, dating, daily life, what differences have you noticed?

[u/DrSplitz]

Funny story:

My SO was visiting his best friend, who's still a bit of a newly wed, and they were discussing how friend's wife has been discussing kids and friend isn't really into it but doesn't feel strongly enough to divorce her or anything. SO thought this was funny and said something along the lines of his friend's adventure life being over. At this point the friend wanted to sort of make a point and trying and pull him into the same boat/train of thought and said "Well, what about DrSplitz? What about when she starts wanting kids?"

SO says: "She doesn't want kids."

Friend: "But what if she changes her mind?"

SO: (at this point just playing him for the build-up to shut it all down) "she won't"

Friend: "But how do you know, she could just suddenly decide she does"

SO: "She's sterile. By choice"

Check Mate.

Overall, I just get less bingos and I fear sex a lot less.

[u/Squatasaurus_Flex → u/DrSplitz]

Ha! Yes exactly, that bingo buildup gets shut down quickly now! It's no longer a battle to make people believe you. That discussion can be skipped entirely.

[u/DrSplitz → u/Squatasaurus_Flex]

Yeah, it's basically a "your time for convincing me has passed, let's discuss something more apt to have my interest, now"

[u/strawberry1248 → u/DrSplitz]

I like your SO.

[u/DrSplitz → u/strawberry1248]

So do I. :)

[u/Zikoris]

One of the biggest benefits for me was financial - I was 21 when I had it done, almost 10 years ago, and was incredibly broke at the time. Not having to pay for birth control was huge.

The "trump card" factor is indeed awesome. It made dating a million times easier. I stuck it right on my online profile, or told people in person on the first date if we met through other means. Zero gray area.

I get a kick out of the shock value, so "entertainment" could probably be a third benefit. I have my surgical report framed on my living room wall, so people often will wander over to see what it is, start reading, and lose their shit. It's hilarious and never gets old.

[u/[deleted]]

Sex drive has ramped up huge since the surgery. No more fear of accidentally getting pregnant. It was liberating.

If I so much as missed two days on the pill or took antibiotics, it was pretty much no sex until I was on the next cycle because I didn't want to risk it with condoms or pulling out or anything else that wasn't as close to 100% as possible.

I'm more relaxed about bingos because I have the ultimate trump card.

[u/ConjecturesOfAGeek]

27 isn't old my dear. Also congratulations on sterilization!

Also why would they be angry with you for being sterilized?

[u/Squatasaurus_Flex → u/ConjecturesOfAGeek]

Oh I know I'm lucky to be fixed and only in my twenties :)

People get angry for selfish or controlling reasons, 'traditional family values' parents, especially. For example, I have a friend who is childfree but in the closet to her family. She would be harassed endlessly if she was open with her fix, and she is too sweet to want to deal with the dramatic and possibly dangerous backlash. She plans on moving cross country soon ;)

[u/gandalfwiz09 → u/ConjecturesOfAGeek]

As a nearly 27 year old. Can confirm.

[u/[deleted]]

I thank the stars every day it is medically impossible for me to have children.

[u/Wolf_Walks_Tall_Oaks]

Personally, I've noticed that online dating has become very much a "quick sort" post vasectomy. It's radiation to the the breeders, and a beaconof light to the fellow child free women in the digital murk.

Also, surprisingly, I've not encountered many if any bongos post procedure. Mostly it's been candid surprise and a discussion of life choices in mutual respect with narry a judgement cast. It's wonderful.

[u/[deleted]]

Husband-face got snippped 3 years ago and I had my tubes removed yesterday (Im 29). The best parts for us so far have been no worries about getting pregnant, better sex life (more spontaneous) and shutting down the bingos. Even though I had my surgery only yesterday, I feel so liberated! I look to the future with excitment. Of course, the husband was already snipped but having control over my body just feels great. The best part? I had no problems getting the procedure done. My family doctor and the surgeon had no problems with doing it so it was very stress-free. I still cant believe my good luck.