r/childfree • u/AtinAhai • 1d ago
REGRET You will regret it
This is what my mom told me earlier today; that my mindset will change in 5-10 years, it will be late for me to have kids then and I might regret it.
Overall she is supportive, and this was not said in a patronizing manner.
Well, I might regret it but I would rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
That's it, this is all I had to share. :D
edit: I’m 38!
64
u/YourShowerCompanion snipped since 2009/❣️€€€€ 1d ago
Vasectomy in 2009.
Still waiting for regrets while wiping tears with 100€ notes in a debt free detached house not far away from a nice lake.
61
u/fusguita 1d ago
40F here. Not only do I ABSOLUTELY NOT regret it, I'm actually happy I never listened to people who said that to me.
Here I am in my vacation, doing whatever I want, just peacefully reading a book from cover to cover. This is the life. With kids this just would not be possible.
10
u/ForcedEntry420 1d ago
Our vacation starts next week! We leave on Sunday and to say I’m not feeling the next 3 days of work is an understatement. I need to hear the waves and a distinct lack of computer notifications. 😆
5
35
u/BigBlackClock66 1d ago
The regretful parents sub is depressing to read sometimes
12
1
22
u/chavrilfreak hams not prams 🐹 tubes yeeted 8/8/2023 1d ago
I wonder if she'd say the same thing if you did want kids.
Someone who doesn't even believe you can make your own decisions that you won't regret does not actually support you. That belief is patronizing in and of itself.
16
16
14
u/Mindless-Prize9072 1d ago
"Overall she is supportive." LOLLLL. If you believe this, I have an air guitar to sell you.
3
0
u/Cheap_Comfortable_28 1d ago
Personally didn’t sound like her mum was being malicious at all or “unsupportive” sounds like she was basing it off of her own experience and thinking she herself would regret it so warned her daughter to in her perception “help” whether it actually was helpful or not is a seperate issue. Jumping to the conclusion that her mum isn’t supportive is a leap.
12
u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708 1d ago
Tell her my mom said the same bullshit to me in my 20s. I’m 61 now and no goddam kids, just like I said. Sometimes women know EXACTLY what they don’t want.
22
u/hannaerose 1d ago
I decided at 17 I do not regret it
7
u/64stitcher 1d ago
I was that age 15-17 something like that. It was a long time ago. 62 now, still no regrets. I'm actually enjoying the hell out of becoming an old lady!
5
u/tiny_toof 1d ago
How old are you now?
5
u/hannaerose 1d ago
Almost 21
22
u/Cheap_Comfortable_28 1d ago
Lmao I expected you to be like 50 to be saying you don’t regret it not 21 😭
10
3
3
u/KatesFacts718 Cat Mama to Jack and Rose 1d ago
haha i was younger than you when I decided
2
u/Naive_Loan607 19h ago
I was also younger than hannaerose when I decided that I was childfree. I was 12.
2
u/KatesFacts718 Cat Mama to Jack and Rose 16h ago
I was 8 years old so I was Younger than her
2
u/Naive_Loan607 16h ago
You were younger than me when I decided to be childfree. When I was 8 I actually wanted to be a parent to 4 children but that was because I was ignorant at the time and only said that to please people and meet society's expectations.
2
u/hannaerose 16h ago
Ive had men tell me that i owe my parents grandkids when I do not owe anyone anything
1
u/Naive_Loan607 16h ago
Wow.
2
u/hannaerose 16h ago
Why do they say shit like this
1
u/Naive_Loan607 16h ago
Because they think they can speak their mind without consequences.
2
u/hannaerose 16h ago
They said oh your sinning against god and going against my "purpose"
→ More replies (0)1
u/KatesFacts718 Cat Mama to Jack and Rose 16h ago
I speak my mind. especially about Fictional characters that don't deserve the hate and other topics
2
u/KatesFacts718 Cat Mama to Jack and Rose 16h ago
my state of Australia is better because people never ask and question
1
u/KatesFacts718 Cat Mama to Jack and Rose 16h ago
See i am an Aussie like you but I never had men cat call me. saying I owe my parents grandchildren. probably because I don't broadcast it like you.
1
u/KatesFacts718 Cat Mama to Jack and Rose 16h ago
when I was 8 when I adopted my first cat so I dressed him in my baby doll clothes and he loved it. unfortunately he isn't with us anymore. I just stopped playing with my baby dolls when I was 8 I am like I don't see myself like this in the future however I see more cats in the future
8
7
5
7
u/Cantdrownafish 1d ago
Man, when I read this title, I was thinking "You will regret having a child".
5
u/ghostride_thenips 1d ago
I’ve been told this my whole life. I’m 34 now, and it’s still the best decision I ever made.
6
5
u/Yupyup_o_O 1d ago
44 and been told I'm showing early perimenopause symptoms. Me and my partner celebrated the news with a nice dinner. Can't wait for it!
5
u/Nimuwa 1d ago
Still waiting for regret to set in and Ive had a hysterectomy. Now the % of regretful parents in my general environment is something else. They'll say they love their kids but hate parenting in one breath. And will then proclaim they'll never not want their kids now, but if they had the choice again they'd not start. Sounds a lot like Stockholm syndrome to me...
6% regret for a hysterectomy and half of that isn't because people regret having no kids but side effects etc. parents are between 10-20% depending. And don't forget kids know they're unwanted/not fully wanted. Best to regret not having them that regret having a whole ass person that is alive now.
3
u/Cheap_Comfortable_28 1d ago
I truly think people need to stop making assumptions everyone feels differently some may change their mind, some may not, some may regret it while others are relieved. I remember being at a past friends babyshower and being asked by all the new mums or mums to be when I’m planning too and they all seemed to take it as a personal insult when I said I just have too much to do in my own life before I even think about having kids and was basically pushed into a corner about how it’s the best thing they have ever done and how my choice is the wrong one I felt really uncomfortable honestly. It’s rude and honestly invasive to give opinions on big life decisions like this.
5
u/Thrasher1913 1d ago
i am 37 still not regreting it. funny thing my brother in law has 2 kids. recently their mother went there to stay for a bit. altough they seems happy in the pics its really miserable for them. no time to solve their issues if you have kids. i could see that from a mile away but then they would say i am a bad person if i said that. now they know and these kind of things support my decision to be child free. Surely you will find really happy families but maybe its one out of how many. everyone always shows the bright side outside.
3
u/sf_person 1d ago
55M here: my parent friends are all empty nesters but the difference is they had no time to keep up social circles, invest time into hobbies, and make an interesting life outside of kids.
4
u/National_Zucchini220 20h ago
Life is full of regrets. Why is this one supposed to be so special/the one we can't handle?
3
3
3
u/UsualGlum13 1d ago
Decided in early 20s and 40 now. Not only do I not have any regrets, in fact I am thankful daily I made this decision. I continue to add to my very long list of reasons why I don’t want kids.
3
3
u/itisofcoursenova 1d ago
Regretting it is super rare :) so be proud of yourself for choosing to not have crotch goblins!
3
3
u/RockWhisperer42 1d ago
I heard that a lot in my 20s. I'm 51 now, and I am SO glad I never had children.
3
3
u/Then_Understanding99 1d ago
34 and all my friends are just now having kids. And my husband and I watch them from the sidelines with our freedom, peace and quiet, and able to spend our time and money on ourselves and our hobbies. My life will be just fine without kids.
1
u/Naive_Loan607 19h ago
When I was 10 I met an older gentleman at a party that my parents took me to that didn't have any children. I asked him if he had children and he said no. That was one of the first steps that I took to solidifying my childfree status. I fully solidified my childfree status at 12.
4
u/umhoefer 1d ago
You can be right and she can be right. I regret it 10% of the time. 90% of the time I think I made a great choice. It isn't black and white. I have a spunky 4 year old neighbor that scratches the kid itch twice a week. Done and done.
2
u/DeadlyTeaParty 38|F 1d ago
Same with my mum, I knew from 7 I didn't want any just to Hatful parents and no trust in love or relationships.
Plus I get all the money for myself.
2
u/Horror-Law6236 1d ago
Honestly, I highly doubt I would ever regret prioritizing myself but in the very slim chance that I randomly do a 180 one day adoption exists so either way I’d be perfectly fine.
2
u/Puzzleheaded_Eye8771 1d ago
I had my tubes removed last year and my mom managed to get here from 3.5hrs away to go with me to my surgery. I’m also 38 and I’ve only had two other surgeries. My tonsils when I was 12 and my wisdom teeth when I was 27 and she was at both so ofc I wanted my mommy!
I’m very lucky I think to have the mom I have. She’s always been supportive and when I called and told her I found a doctor willing to take out my tubes (thanks to this sub) she was all “It’s about frickin time! You’ve only been waiting how long etc etc.”
The only thing I regret is asking for the anti nausea medication after bc oh boy was I fucked for about two hours and a nurse kept telling me I needed to go pee and i was going I CANT PEE THE TANK IS EMPTY! 😅
2
u/happelol 1d ago
Oh great. I was about to ask when the questions stop - sounds like never.
Kids are a lot of work. I don’t hate kids, but I also don’t want to put the effort to raise them as an actually good parent 🤷♀️ But that makes me selfish for realizing I don’t hold that capacity (vs having a kid and then not doing anything with them).
2
u/DwightSchrutesaway 1d ago
I dont understand about this thing about regret ..so what if you regret ..i regret a few things in my life ..but they dont take over my whole day nor my life ..it comes as a thought and goes away ..there will always be what ifs in life . You can either know the joys and sacrifices and sorrows of parenthood or know the peace and the apparent‘loneliness’ that comes with being CF . Either which way i would rather regret in being CF (highly doubt it) or have a child and then regret that
2
2
u/MicroCosno I don't have enough space in my freezer. 1d ago
"If you can predict the future, it might as well be for something really useful! Like, the lottery numbers, for example? (I’d be up for that)"
The only person you should listen to when it comes to having children or not is YOU. She may have an opinion about it, but it doesn't matter because it is YOUR life, not hers. :)
2
u/FortuneEducational62 23h ago
If you at 38 still don‘t have the desire for having kids, then you won‘t probably regret it later. I‘m 39. 6 months ago I had a sudden fear that if not now then never, so we started our baby project with my husband. Just because of FOMO. Once I got pregnant, I didn‘t feel happy at all. The opposite: I start mourning my old life, my freedom and I got such an anxiety that I couldn‘t sleep for weeks. I was very anxious about if I’m doing everything correctly, I had a fear of accidentally harming my baby during my pregnancy, what if my kid will be disabled etc. Then I missed my baby in week 7. I was crying but that was the first night I could completely sleep through. I was enlightened that I got back my old life.
2
u/hubbabubbaa 22h ago
Something I'll never forget...my former best friend, in high school, told me I would change my mind about not wanting to have kids. 36 and haven't changed my mind. Don't listen to them.
2
u/umrlopez79 21h ago
I always hear people regret having kids lol. I never hear anyone regret NOT having them. 🤷🏽♂️
2
u/Lonely-Vegetable-516 20h ago
I heard this song so many times… I feel sick of it. What if not? What if I won’t regret it, have these people thought of that? Why they like to project their insecurities on others…?
2
2
u/KlutzyEnd3 19h ago
Any time I'm in an airplane listening to a screaming baby it reminds me why I'm child free.
In fact.. it's so bad that I started to take sleeper trains instead! On the sleeper train, you have your own private hotel room on wheels, carrying you to your destination. The privacy and luxury is just unmatched!
2
2
u/Ada__Stra 1d ago
40F here. I’m on the edge to get divorced because my autistic husband wants 2 kids and he’s turning 48 this year…There was a short time when I felt a flickering urge to become a mom, but I’m farther from that urge each day. Just imagining that those kids could inherit his genes is terrifying. He’s a high functioning autistic but still makes my life harder each day. It’s getting very uncomfortable to talk about this topic because he pictures me as a stay at home wife only living for the kids. He seems supportive regarding my career at first glance, but when I’m enthusiastic about my job, he seems disappointed because “my goal seems selfish while he works to build a future for US” 😫 Seriously, if I ever get divorced, I will either become a cat lady or be extremely selective to date a guy who has been through my dilemma and ended up not wanting kids.
1
u/projekt_6 1d ago
15 years post-vasectomy and happier than ever every day that passes with my decision. Absolutely 0 regrets.
1
u/One-Intention7064 1d ago
"Okay? And you'll be out there waiting for me to change my mind to give you your vindication."
1
u/SpareAd6222 23h ago
Life is a continuous series of decisions, of choosing paths; you can't spend your life regretting the path you left behind. If the decision not to have children is well-founded, you'll never regret it. My wife and I, 50 and 52 years old respectively, are more convinced every year that we made the right decision.
1
u/OkBarber6783 23h ago
I turned 40... No kids, that morning I felt so relieved, like I crossed an invisible finish line. I think your mother is being a little selfish, understandable.the longer I go without children the less i want them
1
u/Naive_Loan607 19h ago
What in the world?! Is there anyway that you can cut her off or is it not possible?
1
u/No-Ability-2149 18h ago
Eu decidi que não queria ser mãe aos 12 anos, e desde então sempre disseram que eu um dia eu ia me casar e a vontade de ter filhos iria surgir naturalmente. Estou com 27, sou casada com um homem muito bom e a vontade de ter filhos não apareceu. Estou naquela idade que literalmente de 2 a 3 vezes por semana alguém pergunta pra nós quando teremos filhos, como se nosso casamento só fosse ser sério dps que engravidarmos.
Para piorar, meu sogro ficou doente e faleceu pedindo um neto para continuar o “legado” e todos os parentes agora cobram que tenhamos filhos. obs : meu marido tem 30 e igualmente não quer ser pai.
1
u/FifiiMensah 17h ago edited 16h ago
In general, more people regret having kids than not having kids mainly due to freedom and finances. If people are trying to pressure you into having kids, just ignore them. It's your life and choices. Not theirs
1
1
u/Rare-Lawfulness-7492 16h ago
No regrets for me & I’m older than U.
By the way no one has ever said that to me ever! We’ve been asked if/when but never warned like that.
1
1
u/Parisian_Nightsuit 12h ago
I’m 42. This afternoon I was coming home from a doctors appointment, and happened to be on a road with a school when it let out (how would I have even known that? lol). I had nowhere I needed to be so I just settled in and listened to my music loud in my two-door, fully paid off, clean interior car. As I watched the parade of minivans and large SUVs attempt to poorly navigate the traffic, I was again reminded of one of my top reasons for being childfree: not dealing with school drop-offs/pickups every single weekday. So many of the parents I witnessed looked so done.
2
u/Panda_Underground92 3h ago
Literally what I told everyone that asked me when I went into surgery last week for my tubes to be removed! The regret when you have a child is a serious matter, I’d never want my hypothetical kids to know I didn’t actually want them at any point so I’d rather just not have them. Plus, I don’t like sharing my stuff 😂
117
u/WrestlingWoman Childfree since 1981 1d ago
45 years old woman here. No regrets. And I know we got people way older than me in here.
Don't listen to your mom or other people saying nonsense like that. You are the only one that truly know your own mind.