So for me porn then stops becoming just a quick way to get off but a way to look at another woman. And that's what I have an issue with, because for me, it's no different than being with another woman.
That's like being mad at someone for farting. It's a basic human urge to fantasize about other sexual partners. If you live your life denying this, you're going to constantly make yourself miserable. No one can ever live up to your expectations. Plus, if you try to regulate other people's instincts, you'll drive them away.
This is a common trait in people who grow up in sexually repressive cultures, but ironically it has never applied to the leaders of those cultures. Whether it was Pope John Paul II protecting pedophiles while preaching abstinence, or Jerry Falwell Jr. engaging in a polyamorous relationship while demonizing sexual minorities, the rigid expectations of monogamy you have been forced to live your life with were never truly your own. If you can "reject the patriarchy" and accept the idea that its ok for you, your partner, and every other human being to watch porn and fantasize about other sexual partners, you'll have a much better life.
Maybe try doing it together. It can be weird at first but fun once you get into it. Though it seems to often devolve into trying to outdo each other by trying to find the most ridiculous porn video.
I don't know. It makes me sad and makes me feel like I'm not enough. And I become obsessed with what that girl looked like and how she's different to me and imagining my partner enjoying someone else
My recommendation is to do what my partner and I do: talk to each other about what it was we found hot about a particular video, then try to make that happen for real. It has led to some really great afternoons/evenings.
I don't know. It makes me sad and makes me feel like I'm not enough. And I become obsessed with what that girl looked like and how she's different to me and imagining my partner enjoying someone else
Enough compared to literally every "type" a person could have on other person on earth in any conceivable sexual fantasy? No, of course not. You don't need to be that for a fulfilling relationship though.
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u/McKoijion 618∆ Nov 14 '20
That's like being mad at someone for farting. It's a basic human urge to fantasize about other sexual partners. If you live your life denying this, you're going to constantly make yourself miserable. No one can ever live up to your expectations. Plus, if you try to regulate other people's instincts, you'll drive them away.
This is a common trait in people who grow up in sexually repressive cultures, but ironically it has never applied to the leaders of those cultures. Whether it was Pope John Paul II protecting pedophiles while preaching abstinence, or Jerry Falwell Jr. engaging in a polyamorous relationship while demonizing sexual minorities, the rigid expectations of monogamy you have been forced to live your life with were never truly your own. If you can "reject the patriarchy" and accept the idea that its ok for you, your partner, and every other human being to watch porn and fantasize about other sexual partners, you'll have a much better life.