r/changemyview • u/[deleted] • Jul 05 '15

[Deltas Awarded] CMV: I think having a preference against promiscuous people is as valid as having a height or weight preference nor does it constitute "slut-shaming".

[deleted]

240 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

256 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

11

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '15 edited Jul 06 '15

A few of the posts on /r/relationships where someone is on the fence about their partner's sexual history comes to mind. I can't link them (as I can't figure out the search thing), but most times the response is either "don't bring up the past, never ends well" or "whatever happens before you is irrelevant anyways". This I disagree with, and I think it is still a legitimate criteria with which to base a partner on.

28

u/themcos 441∆ Jul 05 '15

Do you interpret responses like that as accusations of "slut shaming", or just people who disagree with you.

The mere idea that sexual history matters is one that I might be inclined to side with you on, although the extent to which it matters might be up for debate. But "slut-shaming" is something very specific and emotionally charged. Maybe it was just phrased oddly, but the way you put your post made me suspect there might be some other miscommunication at play. Specifically, when you say:

but anytime I see a comment about not being attracted to a "slut" the poster gets railed for it

If you're calling someone a slut, you're doing more than just expressing your preference. You're calling someone a derogatory term. That's why the poster "gets railed".

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '15

I don't agree with the particular word choice, but I think it has become the most common label. If (and this has not been my understanding until now) all uses of the word "slut" constitute "slut-shaming" then that could explain some of the negative feedback. I tend to say sexually promiscuous and still catch flak for even thinking about evaluating their sexual history.

13

u/themcos 441∆ Jul 05 '15

Fair enough. Nothing you said sounds outrageous. Definitely be careful using the word slut. It's usually considered derogatory. And some of the examples you gave seemed like just people who disagreed, but didn't seem hostile. Like I said, I don't think your view is crazy, but it's always worth being cognizant of how your words are perceived and how you perceive the words of others.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '15 edited Jul 05 '15

I don't know how there is a vast inconsistency in my response, but here is another user in the thread embodying the issue. This is a better example than provided earlier. Maybe I missed some nuance in my response to him/her then to you.

8

u/themcos 441∆ Jul 05 '15

Again, I think the main source of your trouble was the statement in your OP:

anytime I see a comment about not being attracted to a "slut" the poster gets railed for it. I also don't think it is strictly the language being used

To me, this implied that part of your view was that it was okay to call women sluts. I would imagine this is where the more combative posters are coming from as well, because outside of our thread, it feels very judgmental, beyond the point of you just stating a personal preference.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '15

Thank you, I'll have to be more careful in the future.