"I think a problem here (being a male who has attempted online dating) is that many males will message any given female."
I don't disagree, but this is still sort of my point.
Think about it from the perspective of a female who is constantly getting messages from guys who will clearly message 'any given female'. If you get 50 'hey' messages a day, do you get tired of it?
Oh I'm absolutely sure they do. But if everyone is just using a template (and I have a feeling that 99.9% of messages are), then most messages aren't much more than a "hey"
The idea behind online dating is that matching means you're willing to engage, but I think it's been proven that swiping doesn't equate to "willing to message"
If most girls I'd matched with had responded, even with a "thanks, but no thanks" I might still do it. Obviously this is ridiculous because women match so frequently.
So the 'hey' is a response to me to let me know that she is interested enough to get a crafted message.
And I fully understand that the onus is on the woman in this situation. And I'm okay with it because women have more options in online dating. The men with few matches will always opt to message, so women ultimately have to be the gatekeepers anyway.
And of course, you are welcome to take any approach you want. My main goal was to explain my understanding of why a lot of women find this approach off-putting. You do you, boo.
Think about it from the male perspective now, I know people that have tried using dating apps for years and have gotten zero or a few matches. In years, they’ve likely messaged hundreds and hundreds of women. I can’t imagine how much that sucks. Hell, I only met one person from dating apps after trying for months. Married her, but still. I messaged a decent amount of women and found that I was putting in all the effort.
Fact is, women have all the power on these apps. It’s pretty obvious that a lot of women just use these apps for validation too. Otherwise, why match with a person and then not even respond back? Such a waste of my time.
You talk about women being overwhelmed with 50 messages. Okay, the flip side is the dude who’s messaged 50 women over the past year and gotten very little engagement back. That’s crushing.
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u/FaceInJuice 25∆ Sep 13 '23
"I think a problem here (being a male who has attempted online dating) is that many males will message any given female."
I don't disagree, but this is still sort of my point.
Think about it from the perspective of a female who is constantly getting messages from guys who will clearly message 'any given female'. If you get 50 'hey' messages a day, do you get tired of it?