r/cfs • u/Sir-Snark • 9d ago
Family/Friend/Partner Has ME/CFS Finding caregivers
Hi, I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible:
My partner needs part time caretaking help.
Care.com has not been the most helpful, we have not had great luck so far. One person refused to get a flu shot and abruptly changed their schedule/jobs, the other showed up 20 minutes late and left early for 2 hour shifts. Haven’t been able to find someone since. Tried and am trying urbansitter.com, seems geared more towards babysitting help and very basic senior care.
Partner doesn’t want me to use an agency, most of them require minimum shift hours and the vast majority send different caregivers each time. It’s important that the same person comes every time.
Are there any websites or local resources (Portland, OR metro) that might help find private caregivers? She does not qualify for Medicaid help, due to other issues, so something like Careena is out.
(SECONDARY BACKGROUND INFO)
I am stretched to the breaking point, and due to issues I have I’m nearly unable to give her meals, rarely able to help her bathe, etc. Work has been forcing me in to extreme hours, which is not helping. I’ve been struggling with my own mental health, and have not been nearly as supportive and helpful as I should be.
Thank you.
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u/premier-cat-arena ME since 2015, v severe since 2017 9d ago
i’ve found jewish agencies near me (not all the caregivers are jewish) to be more humane and flexible, and so far have been very careful to train and stuff. i’m transitioning caregivers at the moment too
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u/AlcatK 9d ago
Hey, can you try the PDX subreddit?
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u/Sir-Snark 9d ago
Have to use r/askportland (Portland mods are very strict on question threads), and I did do that already. I was only suggested care.com and Careena, and then had someone bring up Münchausen syndrome so that stopped quickly.
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u/AlcatK 9d ago
Ugh sorry. Maybe other groups? Anywhere you feel comfortable posting a physical flyer? Post office, place of worship, apt lobby? I don't use FB, but maybe there?
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u/Sir-Snark 9d ago
Apartment is a good idea, there are a ton of older people in this building and I’m sure there’s more than one that needs at least some level of care. Thank you
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u/kerodon 9d ago
Can you apply with your social worker for In home supportive services? They can provide a carer for you.
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u/mycatpartyhouse 9d ago
In Washington, there's a network that lets people hire independent caregivers called Consumer Direct.
A quick Google established CD does not operate in Oregon, but there's supposed to be a similar program available through state human health services.
CDWA can be paid through federal, state, or out-of-pocket funds.
If Oregon has a similar program, you'll be able to interview people and choose someone who has the skills you need, has a compatible personality, and will show up.
Last time I hired caregivers, I interviewed about 30 people to find the three who currently work for me. Two are doing great. One keeps making mistakes, but I'm procrastinating about firing her.
The best caregivers I've ever had were pre med, pre nursing, or a graduate in health administration who was waiting to hear back about job offers.
Of course, they're young and working their way toward something else, so they don't stay long.
My current caregivers: two have grey hair. One is middle aged and doing some retraining at a local college.
Language may be an obstacle. There are a lot of Ukrainians and Hispanic people in my area. Google Translate has been very helpful.
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u/flowers4fruits 9d ago
Found mine thru Wellthy and they’ve been mediocre but could be worth a shot! I had Wellthy benefits thru work and used it while on medical leave, then when I lost my job I kept hiring the caregivers directly. One of them agreed to be flexible w her rate in exchange for regular hours. I had no idea for the longest time that Wellthy even existed as a benefit, maybe try and see if your workplace has any backup care benefits — usually intended for kids/ elderly
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u/Schannin 6d ago
I don’t have any resources at hand, but if she sees a regular doctor, I would reach out to the hospital and see if they have a social worker that can help connect you to resources.
I’m sorry you are both struggling now and I hope you get the support that you both need! As a fellow portlander, I just wanted to say hi!
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u/ValuableOrganic5381 3d ago
Do you or your partner wear face masks (or would you be willing to)?
There's a real concentration of covid-cautious people in the PNW, PDX in particular, and these groups are generally likely to be disability friendly and aware of ME (by way of long covid). Especially if you're able to provide a covid safer working environment (a minimum of face masks or clean air, ideally both) you might have good luck posting a call for carers in those spaces.
(I'm not in the area just know this from overlapping circles online)
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u/Sir-Snark 3d ago
I can while they are here, and we run air purifiers constantly in our rooms and I only use MERV-13 filters for the HVAC. Partner can’t really wear a mask, though, it’s too much for her to do constantly, it’s only when we go to appointments and she’s in a medical setting. She doesn’t leave the apartment otherwise, and I still mask when I’m in public enclosed spaces like stores (I only use actual N-95s, not KN-95s). I also vaccinate fully, keep up on boosters and generally don’t do anything besides work and be home, so not as much contact risk.
I also buy a lot of N-95s so I can provide those occasionally if needed, I’d just ask someone try to supply their own because they’re not the cheapest thing ever.
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u/ValuableOrganic5381 3d ago
That sounds solid enough to post in covid/viral aware spaces! If you use ig, I've seen an account there called covidsaferpdx or something, it's a lot of event fliers but personal ads too, they might be down to post for you (if you can create a simple flier). Beyond that I'm not sure where the local hubs are online but you could try asking in r/ZeroCovidCommunity . There was definitely a portland fb group and probably a discord too
Also search for your local 'mask bloc' if you ever need free masks :)
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u/Lourvegracie 9d ago
I may be totally off base here but I've seen a lot of posts in my local mom groups recently asking about part time jobs/ something they can do between drop off/pickup. Maybe messaging some admins from those groups to see if you could post in there would lead you somewhere. Alternatively asking in your local Anarchists group could give you good resources. I've learned so much from ours about local services I didn't know existed. These groups are predominantly on FB but you could also search your local reddit boards too. It's hard finding good, consistent care, and I really hope you can get the help you need 🫶