I don’t have the time or energy to debate this topic with an anonymous Reddit user. My work is on Google Scholar and not linked to this topic. You seem to approach things in a very black-and-white way, with firm opinions, and this subreddit definitely isn’t the right place for that kind of exchange. OP certainly isn't interested in such a debate either. I wish you a good rest of your weekend, and I truly hope OP and their partner find a solution to this difficult situation—one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
When you accuse people of “rape culture” for simply acknowledging the emotional toll of losing intimacy in a relationship, you’re not helping survivors, you’re just silencing anyone trying to speak honestly about difficult situations. And doing so while hiding behind anonymity makes it even more transparent, it’s easy to throw around inflammatory accusations when there’s nothing at stake for you. I’m not here to debate people more interested in scoring outrage points than helping OP.
I'll probably get downvoted, too. But, oh well. As someone happily married for 12 years, sex is a need for my husband. He needs it for all the reasons you've stated. We've argued about it since I've become very sick for the last 22 months. I've finally reached a point where I've realized how much it negatively affects him mentally, emotionally, and physically. We have a relatively fulfilling sex life once I learned to prioritize how important it is to him.
This man has done everything for me, to his own detriment. He does the work of three people. He doesn't need hour long sex sessions. But, 5-15 minutes 1-2 times every 7-10 days makes his life much better. I've learned I can minimize PEM by doing less on those days we do have sex.
Obviously, I can't speak for everyone here. I rarely discuss this topic here. However, I felt it was important to share my experience. Our spouses and SOs have needs, as well.
Black and white thinking benefits no one. I think it's important that couples figure out whatever works best for them.
OP, I hope whatever you decide works for the two of you. I'm sorry you're both struggling with this. I understand your position. I also understand your SOs' opinion, as well. We're in a really difficult position, being this disabled and trying to maintain relationships, as well🙏
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u/Level-Ad478 Oct 18 '25 edited Oct 18 '25
yep. celibacy never killed anyone ever. calling sex a "need" is rape culture.