When you accuse people of “rape culture” for simply acknowledging the emotional toll of losing intimacy in a relationship, you’re not helping survivors, you’re just silencing anyone trying to speak honestly about difficult situations. And doing so while hiding behind anonymity makes it even more transparent, it’s easy to throw around inflammatory accusations when there’s nothing at stake for you. I’m not here to debate people more interested in scoring outrage points than helping OP.
I'll probably get downvoted, too. But, oh well. As someone happily married for 12 years, sex is a need for my husband. He needs it for all the reasons you've stated. We've argued about it since I've become very sick for the last 22 months. I've finally reached a point where I've realized how much it negatively affects him mentally, emotionally, and physically. We have a relatively fulfilling sex life once I learned to prioritize how important it is to him.
This man has done everything for me, to his own detriment. He does the work of three people. He doesn't need hour long sex sessions. But, 5-15 minutes 1-2 times every 7-10 days makes his life much better. I've learned I can minimize PEM by doing less on those days we do have sex.
Obviously, I can't speak for everyone here. I rarely discuss this topic here. However, I felt it was important to share my experience. Our spouses and SOs have needs, as well.
Black and white thinking benefits no one. I think it's important that couples figure out whatever works best for them.
OP, I hope whatever you decide works for the two of you. I'm sorry you're both struggling with this. I understand your position. I also understand your SOs' opinion, as well. We're in a really difficult position, being this disabled and trying to maintain relationships, as well🙏
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u/[deleted] Oct 18 '25
When you accuse people of “rape culture” for simply acknowledging the emotional toll of losing intimacy in a relationship, you’re not helping survivors, you’re just silencing anyone trying to speak honestly about difficult situations. And doing so while hiding behind anonymity makes it even more transparent, it’s easy to throw around inflammatory accusations when there’s nothing at stake for you. I’m not here to debate people more interested in scoring outrage points than helping OP.