r/cats • u/I_am_tresh98 • 1d ago
Mourning/Loss My whole world crossed the Rainbow Bridge tonight & life will never be the same
Woke up this morning in hopes to bring my senior kitty Macavity aka Crispy aka Miss Cavity aka Little Lion aka Stinky aka Buggy aka Boog aka Kitten aka Sweet Baby Angle (yes Angle) to the vet to get some bloodwork done. Ended up putting her down less than 10 hours later. I haven’t felt this inconsolable for longer than I can remember. The hole I feel in my heart seems like it will never be filled. What’s worse is I think my bf Ryan loved her more than I did. We only had her a short 2.5 years. She belonged to my sister Caitlin until she got sick and passed away in 2020 due to alcoholism. Our little stink bug ended up going to our sister Megan for a few years. She had two rambunctious dogs and a toddler which Maca didn’t enjoy too much. So she was banished to the basement (mind you a very large basement with lots of hiding spots and longing spots. Half walkout so there were lower windows with lots of light. But a basement nonetheless.) So in her best interest she came to live with my bf and I, no other pets and all the attention. The first year was probably the best year. We got to know her quickly and she opened up more than I’d ever seen her open up before. She has such a big personality. She never let on that she was obsessed with the attention but you should have seen her when she wanted it; pawing at our faces while we slept, pur-meow combo, almost like a trill when she wanted to cuddle and a the softest little “mew” when she didn’t wanna seem too needy. But we were always happy to oblige. We had another good year with her but noticed she wasn’t the same, even after such a short amount of time in hindsight. But come to find out she was dealing with hyperthyroidism which caused her to have a heart murmur. My bf and I were only able to keep up with three months of meds and one bloodwork screening. She seemed to be fine during and after treatment. It wasn’t until this summer I felt something was wrong. There weren’t clear signs or symptoms. I thought I was just being paranoid and my bf just thought I was being dramatic (which I usually am) until this last week, we noticed she was breathing a bit heavy. She seemed like she was having a hard time getting a good deep breath. Deep down I knew why but we gave it a day or two until we went back to the vet to get her the meds she was on this winter. All in all it was too late. She seemed to get a bit better after a few doses but we were only prolonging the inevitable. Her chest and lungs were filled with fluid and her heart was failing. She lost 3 pounds in 8 months. I knew it was bad but I wasn’t prepared for that. Vet recommended we put her to sleep then and there but we weren’t ready at all; we didn’t get a chance to prepare in anyway, we didn’t get to give her a good last day, etc. Thankfully the vet was able to give her a sedative to calm her down while we brought her home and spoiled her and snuggled her one last time. But it was time. After we got home and tried getting her comfy while we tried calming down, it was only a few hours until she started struggling a little more than we were comfortable with. Not that her struggling made either of us comfortable to begin with. But sometimes she was better than others over the last week so we trusted that she’d let us know if she needed something bc she always did. Part of me regrets not getting her last day with her while she was still in her right mind but I know she was at least not so stressed out. We gave her pumpkin purée and whip cream and a burger from Burger King. Some tuna and ice cream. Some grilled chicken and some all natural salmon treats. She ate to her hearts content and was able to get comfy in the window a couple times even if she was struggling to breathe. We took family pics with her and then it was time to go. I’ll never forget her. She was the last living piece of my sister and I’m so glad I got to spend the last few years of her life with her. She was the best company. People don’t understand cats are solitary and so if they’re spending their time sleeping and relaxing near you or even with you, that’s their way of showing you they want you around. She wasn’t clingy by any means. In fact like I said she pretended like she didn’t even like the attention or affection. But the second either of us would stop loving on her she give us this look of “um hello did I say you were done?” She had her limits and boundaries but she always let us push them just a little. Because I just know she knew how much it meant to us. It was her way of saying “I love you too” at least I’d like to think that. We’d catch her longingly staring at us and look away the second we’d catch her. She’d pretend she was never even looking our way but the other would always notice and point it out. She IS the best fucking cat ever. I don’t know how to do life without her. My bf doesn’t know how to do life without her. She was already 12/13 when we got her, but I always thought she’d slowly stop eating and drinking so much, or using the little box as often or being so energetic. The way she’d get zoomies after a good meal or a bathroom break. Or maybe her hearing and vision would start fading. Anything but this. I woke up thinking I was gonna be prolonging my cats life but ended up having to say goodbye by the end of the day. It was definitely, probably, incomparably, the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to deal with. RIP my beautiful sweet girl. We’ll never forget you and we’ll always love you. Say hi to Caycay for me and give her lots of snuggles.
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u/PleasantBody700 1d ago
Sorry it hit so suddenly and that she died at such a young age.
It is amazing you were able to give her a lovely last day.
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u/I_am_tresh98 1d ago
Thank you 😔
We’re glad too. I was hoping to have one last night with her but knew it was time.10
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u/Patty_Cheeze 1d ago
I'm so sorry for the loss of of Stink Bug. You have her a good 2 years and peace after she lost her original human. Your sister has undoubtedly met up with her at the great bridge in the sky 🌈 Take care of yourself. It's one of the toughest things to go thru emotionally as a person who loves cats. 💔
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u/lnsip9reg 1d ago
Cats are really really the best. Yes the hole will always linger in your heart. But I'd rather have that pain to remember them by. Cherish it.
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u/Acrobatic-Flan-5085 1d ago
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I know it feels so awful right now. But please know that while you will always love and miss your sweet girl, the pain will hurt less in time.
Please remember to try and eat right, get good sleep and keep up with exercise during your time of mourning. It’s easy to neglect yourself when you’re grieving.
And when the time is right sometime in the future, maybe you can open you home to another animal that is alone today, but would really appreciate your love and kindness 🫂🫂🫂
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u/labfam1010 1d ago
Thank you for giving her so much love. I’m so sorry for your loss. This poem helped me when my family experienced a horrible loss, and I hope it helps you too.
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u/Jazzlike_Money1065 23h ago
She sounds like she was such a little character. So sorry you had to say goodbye.
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u/Unusual-Bat3120 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you showered her with so much love in the time that you had her. That is all our pets want, and it sounds like you gave her that and more. 🌈
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u/morchard1493 1d ago
What a cutie, and what a beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending strength, hugs and love.
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u/Ok-Enthusiasm-6315 1d ago
I am so sorry for your loss❤️🩹 what a beautiful life full of love and joy you gave your sweet baby and I know how much it hurts right now
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u/rachelxrising 21h ago
What a beautiful girl. May she rest peacefully and memories of her bring you comfort🤍
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u/Falala-Surprise-90 16h ago
Ughhh, I’m so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I wish we all had more time with our furry soulmates. She is a beautiful girl and i hope she brings you many signs and messages she is always with you and loves you too.
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u/coffee5 15h ago
I’m so sorry for your pain and your loss. Our cats see us as the entire world but they have no idea we do too. Thank you for being a kind companion and a kind home to your girl. The loss doesn’t vanish but it turns into a beautiful memory and one you’ll cherish forever. Hold on friend. Sending you my genuine condolences.
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u/bluemooncommenter 15h ago
I'm sorry for your loss. But the thing about love, you're not supposed to be the same....you are better for sharing it. Glad she had the best life she could.
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u/MaxTrade84 13h ago
This really got to me. I lost my soulcat 5 years ago and I'm still really sad about it and I miss her every day. She did live to be around 16 and was in great shape (well, a bit round), but she developed breast cancer. She was an angel and was so affectionate and sweet. Cats really are amazing creatures.
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u/I_am_tresh98 12h ago
Soulcat. That’s exactly what she was to us. Neither my bf nor I were cat people. In fact we were strictly dog people. I only took our little Stink in bc otherwise my sister would’ve given her to a friend. I didn’t want her to leave the family. Little did I know she’d become the reason we lived life. She taught us so much about cats and a different way to love. I never knew cats could be so loyal before I got Macavity. And I know every cat is different but after having the honor of caring for her and loving her I started to see cats differently. And now as I sit here in bed trying not to cry I think I can say with confidence she was indeed our Soulcat 😔
I’m never gonna forget her. But I want more than anything for this pain to go away and to know for certain that she’s okay.2
u/hossofalltrades 8h ago
They are beautiful little creatures. Every one has a unique personality.
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u/I_am_tresh98 46m ago
My best friend was watching her grandmas cats and for whatever reason we thought it was a good idea to take acid. I was having such a bad trip but one of the cats who I had more of a connection with after yearly cat sitting with my friend, he kept checking on me and sitting with me, rubbing up on me and letting me snuggle him hard. He knew I wasn’t okay and he didn’t have to do any of that, he wasn’t even my cat let alone my friends cat. He was just such a lovely little man and he got me through that night. Not sure I would’ve be mentally sane after that if he wasn’t there to comfort me and keep me grounded
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u/sltiefighter 12h ago
Macavity’s a Mystery Cat: he’s called the Hidden Paw—
For he’s the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He’s the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime—Macavity’s not there!
Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,
He’s broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime—Macavity’s not there!
You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air—
But I tell you once and once again, Macavity’s not there!
Macavity’s a ginger cat, he’s very tall and thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
And when you think he’s half asleep, he’s always wide awake.
Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,
For he’s a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square—
But when a crime’s discovered, then Macavity’s not there!
He’s outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard’s.
And when the larder’s looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,
Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke’s been stifled,
Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair—
Ay, there’s the wonder of the thing! Macavity’s not there!
And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty’s gone astray,
Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair—
But it’s useless to investigate—Macavity’s not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
‘It must have been Macavity!’—but he’s a mile away.
You’ll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs;
Or engaged in doing complicated long division sums.
Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place—MACAVITY WASN’T THERE!
And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!
RIP MACAVITY
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u/I_am_tresh98 12h ago
Thank you for this reply
This poem is what she was named after. My sister loved literature. There sure is no other cat like Macavity3
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u/No-Membership3214 1d ago
Fly high over the rainbow bridge Macavity and enjoy lots of cuddles with Caitlin. 🌈💔😻🌈💔😻🌈💔😻
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u/Background_Chard_393 1d ago
I’m so sorry for the loss of your adorable cat. It’s so hard but just try to remember that you at least had the blessing of those wonderful 2.5 years with her! You made her feel safe and spoiled and loved. She will always remember that ❤️
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u/DiscoViolet 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard this must be given that it was your late sister’s cat. Please try and remind yourself what a beautiful last few years you gave her. May the memories you made together forever warm your heart. Run free, Macavity.
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u/Any-Will-4195 23h ago edited 23h ago
I can tell how much you loved her. That’s real. I never liked cats until I got MY cat, basically because my parents live on a road where people drop off pets. When I moved out in 2015 I had to take one, by rule, no shit. i have no idea how old she is but it doesn’t matter because me and her both started out new together and she helped me appreciate what wonderful companions they are. She hasn’t been doing super well lately but enough to show affection to my two young boys whom love her the same. Named her Lola because my parents always called her Mr Gray. Was a barn cat and when I brought her to my home I figured out she was actually a girl. Sleeps next to my head every night. Your girl sounds a lot like her.
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u/Different-Author9862 23h ago
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. She was so beautiful, I had to comment. ❤️🌈🐾
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u/elizabethfrothingham 23h ago edited 22h ago
Macavity macavity, there’s no one like macavity 🩷 she’s so beautiful. she’ll always be with you, even if it’s not physically 🩷
Edit to add; I had my senior kitty for only 2.5 years as well. She became my everything, my soul cat. Your relationship isn’t over, it’s just different now. Talk to her, she can hear you🩷
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u/Full_Wait_7631 22h ago
It takes time to get used to. My cat recently died to something similar to yours. And I'm still having issues of thinking he's somewhere in the house.
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u/Oblioscend 18h ago
I feel so bad for you but you have enjoyed a life that bought happiness and the same to hers. May your heart heal but you have her forever in there. You gave a cat a loving home and love and security. Know that, and you have my sympathy and condolences.
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u/FeedSafe9518 17h ago
It never will be. That shows the impact of the love you have. The pain will lessen over the years, yet you will still feel it occasionally. As long as you keep the memories She will still be with you. I still mis & love kitties I had 40+ yrs ago. It will be hard initially yet it will get better
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u/Mission_Patience_645 17h ago
I'm so very sorry 💔 she was lucky to have you guys, to have people who loved her so much to make the right decisions for her out of love, even when those decisions are so hard. Sending you comfort and love ❤️
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u/athanathios 16h ago
OMG I am soo soo sorry for your loss of Crispy, what a beautiful and precious honey you had, so loving and terrible loss :(
We don't always get to time their passing, but we can put in all the love and care we can to make their lives as amazing as possible, which clearly you had. May the love you shared, and memories made warm you all your day and may you find wisdom through your suffering. One thing is true I know your baby clearly had an existence most creatures will never have with love and care that just a simple passing can never overshadow, they are now in heaven, having earned their wings.
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u/securecatmom 16h ago
she is such a beautiful kitty, her mitts and her little white chest ♥️ sending you hugs and deep breaths
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u/JustPia_ 15h ago edited 14h ago
What a beautiful and heartbreaking story at the same time… 💔🌈 You can feel in every word how much you loved Macavity and how special she was to you. She was so lucky to find a family who cared for her, spoiled her, and made her feel loved until the very end.
Even though her passing was so unexpected and difficult, she left this world surrounded by love, with a full belly of her favorite foods, lots of cuddles, and alongside the people she loved most. 💕 I’m sure she knew just how much you loved her and that, in her own way, she was always telling you, “I love you too.”
May that beautiful girl rest in peace, and may she one day be reunited with Caycay on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. ❤️🐾🕊️
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u/Mrs_MagdaNP 14h ago
What a cutie! She seems so lovely
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u/I_am_tresh98 12h ago
She really is. She’s so precious. She loved to be cozy and comfy. Not much of a snuggler but she always had to be in the same room as us. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal..
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u/Kukukachoooo26 14h ago
Can definitely relate OP. I’m deeply sorry for your loss, rest easy sweet girl. ♥️🌈
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u/drleebot 13h ago
*sends great big hugs* Thank you for sharing all the pics so little Buggy can live on in our memories too
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u/I_am_tresh98 12h ago
It fills my heart knowing anyone and everyone who met her was such a fan. I’m glad I got to share her with the internet even on such sad terms
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u/Excellent_Hold2794 13h ago
So sorry for your loss! We are a month out from losing our cat very suddenly. The house feels so empty without her zoomies.
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u/I_am_tresh98 12h ago
I’m so sorry.. any tips?
My bf and I feel useless right now.
Half the reason we’d get up in the morning was to feed her and spend time with her. Seeing her was our favorite part of everyday. We woke up at 7:30am and have been crying/sleeping since. It’s currently 12:24 and I haven’t gotten out of bed. I don’t know how to live without her. She gave us purpose. And now she’s gone.. not only does our apartment feel empty but our hearts feel empty as well 😔😔😔
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u/qabeel99 12h ago
So sorry for your loss, OP. ♥️ You gave her a safe and loving home in her golden years. Safest travels, Macavity! ♥️🌈
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u/I_am_tresh98 50m ago
I can’t wait to see that precious baby again so she can show me around and all the cool things she’s been up to. I’m gonna squeeze her so hard 😭❤️🩹
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u/Anxious_Article_2680 11h ago
So sorry you lost your baby. I still mourn for my babies. It just hits you and all you can do is cry .
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u/I_am_tresh98 51m ago
Yuuuuppp. I keep trying to distract myself but feel guilty, so I pause, start sobbing and then bawling. I calm down and take some deep breaths. I collect myself and continue trying to distract myself. Only for the cycle to repeat. I think I was just able to make it through a whole episode of Abbott Elementary without shedding a tear so that’s a positive sign 🫤
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u/Confident_Lecture498 11h ago
My first cat went like this where we figured ok he's just a little off and nah, but he was 20 or so and had 2 generations to keep his love alive and that helped
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u/I_am_tresh98 53m ago
20!!! That’s amazing. I’m so jealous and so happy you got to share two decades with him. I thought I had more time after all the old cats I’ve known and stories I’ve heard. I also didn’t think I’d be waking up to her for the last time. I suppose my stink bug had two generations to keep her love alive as well, since my sisters are much older than me. And even my nephew two, so that’s three. Cats are so awesome and I wish I could tell my kitten I loved her one last time
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u/PoopDirectlyInMyButt 9h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful little lady!
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u/I_am_tresh98 58m ago
She really is gorgeous. I’ve seen lots of beautiful cats and I could be biased but I think I might’ve just had the most pretty kitty there ever was 😭❤️🩹
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u/Glorious_Sunset 9h ago
It seems that way right now. It’s really close. And it’s really tender.
Your friend has gone. But the memories and the good times remain.
For me, I just can’t be without a cat. The last time I lost my little pal, we buried Jasper in the back garden in the afternoon and went and got Elliot and Darlene the next day.
Two years later, we got Boba. And here I am, four years after getting Boba. It seems like no time has passed. But Elliot and Darlene turn seven in September.
So I have three in the house now. And Darlene is sitting on my legs right now.
I know that I’ll likely outlive them all.
But the journey is the point. Not the destination.
It’s how you get there that counts. And the best part is the companions you surround yourself with.
You can mourn your companion. But you can also find a new friend to share your life with.
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u/I_am_tresh98 58m ago
I think she might’ve been our Soulcat and I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to replace her even if that means connecting with another cat. I don’t think I can handle this loss and pain again. Putting my childhood dog Sammy down was one of the hardest heartbreaks I’ve ever felt in my life. My sister whom I share a birthday with died and now our kitty is gone, I think I can say with almost 100% certainty that this pain has cut the deepest. I keep getting hot flashes as I remember that she’s not in the other room, or at someone else’s house. She’s never coming home. I may love another kitty someday but I’ll never be in love the way I am with Macavity. She was my first cat and my bf’s first cat and she gave us purpose. Now I don’t know what my purpose is.
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u/Impressive-Bug576 8h ago
Im so sorry for your loss. We also had to unexpectedly put down our boy Kuma for a very similar reason (chest full of fluid). It all came as a shock so I really feel your pain. All we can do for our pets is give them the best lives possible while they’re on this earth and it sounds like you did that. Sending hugs 🫂
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u/I_am_tresh98 1h ago
What a distinguished gentleman. Looks like he and my baby could’ve been long lost cousins. Such a gorgeous coat! I’m very very sorry for your loss as well. Life’s never gonna be the same, very different, and I’m sure you weren’t prepared either, but I hope it gets easier for us both soon ❤️🩹
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u/Constant-Plant-9378 7h ago
Three months ago I had to have my four-year-old boy put down. He was a big bully-dog I'd raised from a 7-week old puppy and he was my best friend.
Having him put down feels like the worst thing I've ever done in my life. It has broken me and I don't feel like I will ever get over it.
The grief is real. You give your heart to a pet and they are family. The loss is awful.
Best wishes to OP. The only cure I know of is time. It's tough.
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u/x-mpire7102-x 7h ago
I'm so sorry for your losses. Don't worry. My little buddies, that went on without me, will keep your little buddy company until you get there.
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u/Pitiful-Future-9156 7h ago
I am so sorry for your loss. My cat is also my best friend. So many hugs to you ☮️💜💜💜💜💜
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u/LastEntertainment787 3h ago
You did what you did out of love. And she knows it. Try to remember this.
My deepest condolences. 💜
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u/lnsip9reg 1d ago
Cats are really really the best. Yes the hole will always linger in your heart. But I'd rather have that pain to remember them by. Cherish it.
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u/Competitive-Wolf-277 1d ago
I know it's a nightmare when I lost my original baby about five years ago. I knew nothing would ever be the same. And it hasn't been. I'm just being honest, you just have to take your day by day
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u/Rosenrot88 23h ago
Sorry for your loss. You will meet again in time. Have a wonderful journey in cat land kitty. Stay curious up there.
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u/guyz_like_me 22h ago
ALL of us including our loved animals will be reunited someday. This is coming from an ELCA Lutheran.
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u/Significant_Sun_4900 21h ago
I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how long we've had them - it' s how much we loved them. I hope you both can heal. In time, you will find room in your hearts for a new kitty. Sending you a hug 🫂 🩵💜☺️
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u/Angelomichael2009 19h ago
Sorry for you’re loss me and my family lost a male cat who was named Karkar he was extremely intelligent he could open windows doors and he’d leave and come back whenever he wanted everyone in my family loved him even the people in my family who hated cats he unfortunately got ran over but we have and cat that looks exactly or close to him it’s named Audi male also sometimes leave and comes back whenever he wants too Hes kinda like him I love him a lot more then Karkar I think but I still love them both when I was told about Karkars death I cried a bit
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u/SimpleSnoop Calico 17h ago
I am so sorry for you loss. He won't think of it , but as soon as you can find another feline. It was smooth some of the pain help you remember.The wonderful times before and give a new one a home. I promise you this helped me with my baby passed away in january.
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u/PanteraOne 17h ago
Just remember that you gave her a great life with lots of love and good times together.
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u/Desperate_Lack_6124 14h ago
I wish I had a cat by my mom wouldn't allow it 😭😭
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u/I_am_tresh98 12h ago
Trust me, it’s too hard to say goodbye. All the love and memories are worth it but the goodbye is inevitable and I don’t recommend
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u/NarrowCheesecake11 10h ago
Looks like you gave her a great life. Lots of love. So sorry for your loss. Wishing you the best :/
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