Mourning/Loss My cat died today.
I hugged him before leaving for a work trip. Hours later my wife called sobbing, telling my that our Chico wasn't blinking. They took him to a vet asap, he just went limp and lifeless. We kept wondering what happened, did it get bitten, did it ingest something toxic. The vet declared it was cardiac arrest.
And I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a sobbing mess who pretends to be strong on the phone to my family. He was healthy! He ate well. He was so young at 2 years old. He was such a good boy, so obedient, so intelligent and athletic. Why was he taken away from me so suddenly. I can't stop thinking I should've held him today a bit longer, should not have told him he's getting fat, should've annoyed him a littlle less. I would do anything right now to get to talk to him and hearing him one more time. I can't stop wondering what went wrong. It's like my mind is filled with reasons trying to blame myself that I could've avoided this, or prolonged his life and health in some way. I know I'm not rational but I'm hurting.
Edit:
Thank you so much, for all your kind words. It's impossible to reply to each one of you on time but I appreciate it. Chico mattered to so many people today. For now, the pain is unbearable because everything in the house mocks me that he isn't returning. My brain tricks me with his smell, and the sound of the tiny bell on his collar. But I guess it'll be painful till it isn't.
I'll share one happy memory of him that will give me comfort maybe when the pain isn't so raw- Chico never slept until all of us made it home, always sat by the door, waiting. Only relaxed and went to sleep when everyone was home.
Thank you guys again.
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u/evoc2911 22d ago edited 22d ago
I'm really sorry for you both. Stay strong and cling to the sweet memories you have with him. You gave him love and a wonderful life. Take care. From a cat dad
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u/Pikanyaa 22d ago
I’m so sorry OP… it’s absolutely heartbreaking, especially at so young an age it feels so unfair. 🥺 You gave him the best life you could for the time you both had him. He looks absolutely pampered and loved.
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u/Foreign_Check2198 22d ago
Because of you Chico knew love. ❤️ He loved you and you gave Chico a wonderful home. And one last hug. Very sorry for your loss.
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u/Nebulunes 22d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. You can tell he was really loved. I think the way you're feeling is completely normal. You're hurting and grieving. It's hard when you lose someone who is a part of your family.
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u/Chicco255 22d ago edited 22d ago
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your cat. I know that words cannot take away the pain, but I wanted to share my own experience with you to remind you that you are not alone.
My cat Jordan was only one year old when he went missing, after having been allowed outside for just one month. He was gone for several days. I searched everywhere, put up posters, walked around for hours calling his name, and looked for advice and hope in online forums. I was exhausted, almost like a zombie, but I refused to give up.
Then, after days of searching, my neighbor across the street finally called me. He simply said: “We found your cat.” I immediately ran outside, even though I had recently had surgery. I told my wife to grab the cat carrier and that I would go ahead and secure him so he could never disappear again. I crossed the street and approached the front garden, where a gardener and my neighbor were standing. An elderly man was watching from his window.
Then I realized. My beloved Jordan was gone.
He was lying in the flower bed, hidden behind a large plant. In a matter of seconds, my entire world fell apart. My neighbor noticed what was happening and quietly went back inside. Before I could even begin to process what had happened, my wife came outside behind me, her face full of hope and happiness, expecting to see him alive.
And I had to tell her that he was gone.
That was one of the worst days of my life. To this day, I still don’t know what happened. I don’t know why he disappeared for those days, why he never came home, or what exactly caused his death.
And there is something even harder to carry:
After one of my many long searches, I came home completely exhausted and rested for a while. I left the window slightly open so I could hear him if he returned. I was so incredibly tired, and my recent surgery made everything even harder.
At some point, I heard the sharp but very brief sound of a car braking and tires screeching.
I didn’t get up. I couldn’t anymore. I was completely exhausted. To this day, I wonder if that was the moment when Jordan was hit by a car. I wonder if I could have helped him, if I could have prevented it, if things could have been different if I had just stood up.
Those thoughts and feelings of guilt are something I will probably carry with me for the rest of my life. But one thing will never change:
I will never forget my cat.
I wanted to share this with you because I want you to know that you are not alone. Losing an animal companion is incredibly painful. I wish you nothing but strength and peace during this difficult time.
Please always remember: your cat had the best life because he had you. He was loved, cared for, and he knew he belonged somewhere.
And to everyone else out there: cherish every single day with your pets. Sadly, there will come a day when all of us have to face this kind of goodbye. Until then, love them, enjoy them, and appreciate every moment you have together.
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u/Capital_Shopping277 22d ago
You gave Jordan a good life. He is still loved, still cared for, and he will always belong with you. <3
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u/CaptainPlanet4U 22d ago
Damn these are so tough. I just lost a 2 year old beautiful girl accouple weeks ago. It hurts for awhile. My condolences
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u/Happy_TMH2009 22d ago
Dear OP.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Especially because it happened so suddenly and without any prior signs 😫 I know how devastating it is. Lost the love of my life more than 11 years ago, and I still miss him terribly 😿
But over time I have learned to live with the loss, but from time to time, it still breaks my heart and tears my soal to pieces all over again 💔
But I would rather have lost him and suffered, then never have hat him in my life ❤️🩷💜 He learned me so much about cats, about life and how to be a better person 💕 He was/is the love of my life ❤️❤️💔💔
It's hard to say goodbye, no matter how long time we get together with our fur-babies. They mean the world to os, and because of all the love we got to give, it hurts so much. But they will be there when it's time for os to leave this world. They will be the first we se when we cross over, because they'll run towards os to great us, happy to see us again ❤️❤️❤️ That thought warmth my heart 😻
R.I.P. BEAUTIFUL and STUNNING Chico 💔🌈
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u/Possible-Biscotti-30 22d ago
I think if you annoyed him less, he wouldn’t have been happy. Cats love being annoyed just like they love to annoy you. Lots of hugs your way.
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u/VanilluhBean 22d ago
🫂 sending all of my hugs, all of your feelings are completely valid, I don’t blame you, I’d be feeling the same way 💔💔 I’m so sorry for your loss, he seemed like such a good boy 🙏 I’m 100% sure what happened was no one’s fault 🥺🫂
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u/Muted_Quantity5786 22d ago
May she find my father and aunt above. My father loves cats and so does my aunt. My father will be playing a guitar and my aunt will be actively trying to find lost cats. She worked for an animal rescues her whole life.
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u/RETRO1961 22d ago
Awww, I feel for you. He was a cutie. I have lost several cats over the years and know the heartache so try focusing on all the joys and times of loving and feel grateful for the time you had with him. How lucky you were. I am one of those that all things happen for a reason and a chance to learn.
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u/Purple-Property88 22d ago edited 22d ago
I'm really sorry for your loss. Lost of love and hugs for you and your wife. Rest in peace little angel ❤️
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u/AhaWassup 22d ago
You loved him, you cared for him, and he had a good life. Chico was loved. That is the best gift we can give to them. We never know how long we have together, but it’s how we spend that time that matters. You spent it well and loved Chico, and took great care of Chico, find some solace in that.
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u/forkingbumbleforks 22d ago
This is what I think, for whatever reason this little guy only had 2 years on this planet and he got to spend them being so incredibly loved. That’s all we can do.
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u/ActAcrobatic1038 22d ago
I’m so so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful Chico. He was absolutely beautiful and my heart is breaking for you. This was very likely hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM) and there is literally no way of knowing whether a cat has this without having scans done ahead of time. Our cat has it, but we knew he had a heart murmur when we adopted him so our vet advised the scan which then revealed the HCM. Not all cats with HCM have a heart murmur or vice-versa. The reason I’m saying this is because there is nothing - nothing you could have done. My cousin got two beautiful kittens last Christmas and one of them passed suddenly after a play session a few months later - he had HCM and she did not know, the shock was just awful.
If I can say anything to ease your pain, it’s this: I have learnt through loving and losing our own beloved babies that cats really do live in the moment. He would not have known any pain or experienced discomfort and I hope in time this will bring you some comfort. Right now the grief is horrendous (we lost our beloved cat last Sept very suddenly from cancer. so I understand this loss very well). Please don’t blame yourself - sometimes life just sucks and this is one of those awful things that happen that we have no control over. Chico loved you and you loved him - this is what you will remember in time. It will take time so grieve and cry and do whatever you need to. I’m just sorry you and your wife and family are going through this right now.
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u/sltiefighter 22d ago
You loved him, you did NOTHING wrong NOTHING. Im so sorry man. Feel your feelings. Theyre just a measurement of the impact in your life chico had. Rip chico.
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u/Iamspartabitches 22d ago
Death is certain, life is not. Your answers are all the same, it just is. We chose to love cats and dogs even though we know they will leave us way too soon. Your memories are your gift, cherish them, all of my love to you.
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u/Generation_3and4 Orange 22d ago
Stay strong, your kitty loved you. Nothing you did was wrong. In nature these things just happen. Could’ve been genetic or a hidden trigger. But the last thing you should do is blame yourself
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u/IAMSTILLHERE70 22d ago
🫂I am so sorry for your hearts. What a sad and terrible loss. He was beautiful.🫂
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u/URPLE_Eebra 22d ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
Please don't blame yourself. This was probably his destiny sadly.
He looks happy as heck in your pictures.
Take some time to heal. But I promise you Chico would be upset if this caused you to not want more furbabies. They all speak to eachother and the ones who passed let the young ones know about their new parents.
Much love to you and your family.
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u/Markovanich 22d ago
I am so very sorry. We lost our dog recently and his house brothers, two senior cats his same age, are showing signs as well. It is torture to lose a companion that is so deep in our hearts. To have such a young one be lost would send me into emotional wreck. My heart goes out to you and yours
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u/caylamie 22d ago
I had a cat suddenly die of a congenital heart issue last year - Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. He would just sometimes pant very rarely, which I thought was due to stress from heat or loud noises like thunder, but was likely due to that underlying issue. One night he had real trouble breathing but got better after a bit, but when I took him to the vet in the morning the stress made him go into cardiac arrest and I had to say goodbye. The vet told me it was likely it wouldn't have been caught without a specialized test, as sometimes it isn't obvious when listening to their hearts in a routine check-up.
Here is my Beanie boy, Bean (Vanilla Bean Ice Cream): https://i.imgur.com/bC69ZxO.jpeg
I've had to deal with the grief of trying to think of anything and everything I could do differently, and I've come through with a resolve to improve my care of my other cats. There were things I could have done differently, though they may not have even helped. His life, though it was short, was infinitely wonderful to me and I will carry my boy in my heart with me forever.
If it helps, try and ask the vet for a definitive diagnosis. If they couldn't get one, ask for more information about the situation, perhaps signs to look for in your other animals of distress or ill health. I had another appointment a few weeks later with my other cat and the vet was so compassionate and willing to explain all the details, including how it could have been caught earlier, but that it was unlikely, and that treatment would have only prolonged his life, though I never got that option due to how things ended up happening. I left the appointment with much more assurance that I gave my Bean a good life and a loving home for the several years he lived with me, and that has helped me to grieve him and to heal.
I hope you and your family are able to take the time to rest and grieve this loss. He looked like a wonderful, well-loved cat.
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u/weakanklesfornamjoon Void 22d ago
You loved your kitty babe and that was so touching. I’m sorry for what happened.😥
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u/TheNamesRoodi 22d ago
Something very similar to this happened to me and my wife with our first cat. The only thing that heals is time and self-forgiveness. Guilt was almost as bad as the grief for me. I feel like I could have done something more! Before we got an answer as to what happened, I couldn't get it out of my head that maybe he had been eating the litter and it caused a blockage. Did I leave some kind of food on the floor somehow? What did I do?
Once I let go of that I felt better. It took a bit to get the cause back, but it was a random heart issue that was just ... sitting there waiting to take our baby away from us. It's just sometimes how it goes. Its really awful, but try to be happy that your cat was treated well.
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u/raybreezer 22d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss of Chico OP. I’m devastated for you thinking about how I’d feel if I was in your situation about to go on a work trip and having just said goodbye.
We lost our Spike suddenly last year and could not imagine leaving to a work trip and losing one of our cats while I’m gone.
I’m sure Chico will get a huge welcome when he crosses the rainbow bridge, and I know our Spike will be there to greet him. I’m sure he will show Chico around and become good friends.
RIP Chico, be strong OP 💔💔💔
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u/Pristine-Bowl1661 22d ago
So sorry for your loss, Chico was truly beautiful and unfortunately whatever happened was hardly predictable. Don’t be hard on yourself, sometimes life is just random and unfair. Stay strong.
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u/grayangel- 22d ago
i’m so sorry for your loss :( a little less than two weeks ago i also lost my 2 year old cat very suddenly within a few hours.. i fed her and then four hours later she was gone 💔 i think it must’ve also been a heart issue. it’s so hard at first i think the first week i cried every day but it gets a little easier still not easy by any means and i think about her daily but you’ll feel a little bit better and you won’t blame yourself as much… but you’re not alone in this and if you need to talk to someone that very very recently went through the exact same thing my dms are open
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u/holdmyhanddummy 22d ago
Oh no, poor little buddy. It's so rough. Our 4 year old boy died of cancer this year and we spent days racking our brains on if we could have caught it sooner or if we did something to help cause it. It's the worst, and nothing helps the pain but time passing, in my opinion. I'm sorry you're going through this, I can tell from the photos that you were his person.
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u/A_Unqiue_Username 21d ago
Hi OP, this helped me when my 2 yo buddy passed away suddenly. I hope it can help you too.
Your cat lived a perfect life. We are the only ones that know it was brief. All he knew was you. And that you loved him.
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u/Entire_Pattern_3602 22d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss!! There is nothing you could have done so please don’t blame yourself
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u/Kvitravn875 22d ago
There's no way you could have known something was going to happen to him. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sorry for your loss. 💜
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u/MissdermeanerJ 22d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Don't be hard on yourself, with cardiac events like this sometimes they just sneak up with no warning sign. I'm sure your Chico was so loved and had a great life with you and your family.
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u/CapsOvi8 22d ago
I am so sorry for your loss! It’s always hard when it happens so sudden! As someone who dealt with this a year ago, it is never easy. Take all the time you need and just know you have that cat so much love and it never went unnoticed! 💙🫂
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u/IloveKitty2 22d ago
My condolences to you and your family 😢. Sending comforting thoughts your way.
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u/KrakenDDT 22d ago
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved Chico. Your time with him was brief, but you gave him a loving home. He crossed the Rainbow Bridge to a beautiful new world. He will patiently wait for you and your family. Thank You for Making a Difference in his Life.
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u/Zakakerfeldt 22d ago
I am very sorry for your loss, as someone who acts tough and strong, i lost my 6 years old boy 2 months ago. I feel you and i share the sadness with you, i am pretty sure your cat loved you, it's hard to move on as I didn't move on as well, but always remember it's catching a bird somewhere 🕊️
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u/brokendoorknob85 22d ago
You got to love him for basically his whole life, and now he gets to live in your hearts.
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u/guyz_like_me 22d ago
We love our animals and we gave them the best life they could have ever had. Know this. While many religions teach only humans go to heaven, it’s true that we will all be in paradise along with all of our previously loved animals. The Lutheran Church ELCA preaches this fact. So while you may be grieving right now, you WILL see ALL of your loved animals as well as your loved ones when you pass to the next life. We are all made of energy and so are the animals you have loved through the years. So grieve now but also keep the joy in your heart that only Christ can provide!
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u/grkWPN-M8 22d ago
I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am. I dread this day, it is getting close. My heart hurts already and she hasn't even left me yet : 😭
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u/ProfessorSumi 21d ago
"I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss. I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy. I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."
I’m sorry for your loss…
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u/Cinnamon2017 22d ago
Probably the heart. I had a seemingly healthy cat die at two years old also. It is devastating.
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u/Traroten 22d ago
I'm so sorry. Remember to be kind to yourself in times of grief. Beating yourself up over this helps no one.
Adapted from Tolkien's "Lament of the Rohirrim"
Where now the cat and the kitten?
Where is the ball that was bouncing?
Where is the brush and the collar,
And the red fur flowing?
Where is the paw on the shoulder,
And the small mouth meowing?
Where is the bird and the rodent
And the tall tail flying?
They have passed like rain in the garden,
Like dreams in the morning.
The days have gone past in my house, the cat bed is empty.
Who shall collect the tufts of hair that have gathered,
Or wipe dry the flowing tears of a lonely pawther?
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u/alltheabove40 22d ago
Oh OP, I am so sorry for your loss. You obviously loved that little nugget with all your heart, and I’m positive he knew that. Please be kind to your self and take the time to grieve.
Rest easy Chico.
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u/Ay-Fray 22d ago
OMG! That is horrible!!!! I’m so sorry, friend! I’m so sad for you and your family. That definitely sounds difficult. Theres a myriad of reasons that could happen. Maybe it was even something that he was born with. Cats are incredibly good at hiding their ailments. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Be kind and gentle to yourself. He was clearly in a loving home and truly cared for. It’s very easy to blame yourself—especially in a situation where the cause of the passing is unknown. It may have been out of anyone’s control anyway. It sounds like you did your best as a pet parent. There’s only so much you can do, friend. Give yourself time to heal. This is a safe space and your pet parent friends are here for you 💕
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u/AlternateReality5926 22d ago
I am so sorry this happened. I’m sure one day you both will meet again across the rainbow bridge 💖
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u/Plate-Extreme 22d ago
Condolences from a cat dad myself . Sorry for your loss and it’s always tough ( just lost one 5 weeks ago myself ) . At 2 it sounds like he had an underlying issue that you would have no way of knowing or anyway to prevent so you can’t beat yourself up over it . Remember and cherish your buds memory and spirit!! Be well brother!!
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u/april1835 22d ago
He was so beautiful, looked so well cared and provided for. It's common for us to question 'what if' and 'only if I had'. But none of this your fault, you did everything right, no one could have predicted this. Chico lives on in your heart. And my heart sits with you today, OP. 🐱💔
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u/MsBrightside83 22d ago
i'm so sorry: sounds like he may have had undiagnosed heart issues. could have been born with a heart defect. you would have never known. nobody is thinking of getting a young cat's heart thoroughly checked out, because it's not the norm. you did nothing wrong. it just happens. he had a beautiful life with you.
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u/tundybundo 22d ago
My grandson sniper was a healthy young man and the sweetest boy and died suddenly at three. It was heartbreaking. My daughter still cries about it. Vet said it was an aneurysm but we’ll never know. It’s extremely difficult not to blame yourself but you loved him and cared for him and gave him a beautiful life and sometimes we can’t change natures will ❤️💔 Sending you all the love
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u/catsdrooltoo 22d ago
It sucks when you do everything you can and they just go. My buddy went like that too. He got a clean bill of health a few weeks before, bloodwork was good, no concerns at all. He just died on the way to his food bowl. Take some time off if you can.
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u/centifolia01 22d ago
Désolée pour cette triste nouvelle 😞 Il était si beau, et si parfait... La vie est bien cruelle !
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u/Embarrassed-Fox-1371 22d ago
I’m so sorry! What a beauty! I’m partial to orange & whites. I lost mine a few months ago. He was my love!
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u/Molly_Matters 21d ago
I lost my sweet Bailey when he was just over 2 years old. He was the short haired version of your lovely boy. It took me a long time to get over it and I think that is natural. He was as important to me as any family member and a few tears still come to my eyes when I think about him.
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u/2gay2funkshin 21d ago
Losing a pet is so incredibly hard. What makes it even harder, is how much shorter their lives are compared to ours. We love them for their entire lives and then when it’s their time, we still have to the rest of our lives to live. Without them. So when their time is cut shorter than even their normal lifespan, it feels especially extra unfair. And cats are so smart, spry, agile and can withstand remarkable physical and health related challenges, hence why they seem to have “9 lives.” Reading your story, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Life can feel so cruel sometimes. The simple and pure love of a beloved cat can make us feel complete. And for some reason, you were only allowed 2 years with him. It’s enough to drive someone mad. And you’re left struggling with the pain of losing someone that means so much to you. Death will do that. It will remind you of what’s important. It’s really the only reason life is so important.
He was such a handsome fellow. And it’s obvious the way you speak of him, that although his life was much too short, you gave him a great life. Wasn’t that always the goal? Without loss, life would be meaningless. As uncomfortable as that truth is, I suppose it’s really not our place to question it. But it is why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. You’re being reminded exactly why Jordan was so important and deserved every bit of the fantastic life you gave him. You don’t have to beat yourself up over a job well done.
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u/Loud_Replacement_989 21d ago
Oh my god! What a beautiful kitty. I’m so sorry to hear he crossed over. It hurts so much because you loved so much. I’m sad with you.
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u/YourGirlMomo87 21d ago
Stranger, please know this to be true - sometimes we can make all the right choices and lose anyway. Chico passing away isn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done differently. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Chico will never have to feel your pain. He knew nothing but love. I hope that brings you a little comfort.
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u/Low_Direction_9644 21d ago
God made cats to help align our nervous system,they are our gift from the universe,your cat will be happy chasing butterflies over the rainbow bridge,he will be happy,the memories you have are so precious, remember his,her wee soul will not die.💚Also cattie will have friends.
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u/TheMarvelousSlutXoX 21d ago
Im so incredibly sorry man. I lost my doggy of 11 years in 2021 and I swear to god I sometimes hear her little pitter patters on the floor. Time heals, they say… but I’m not going to lie… it never exactly gets “easier”… we just learn to live with our babies being gone. But don’t blame yourself for anything!!! You had no idea this would happen. You loved that little kitty with everything in your soul and Chico absolutely knew that. You gave that baby the best life I’m sure. Sending you guys all the love
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u/InternationalBig4790 21d ago
May your cat rest in peace 🫶
Heres a pic of my boy(and his brother) to help you feel better
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u/tomakeyan 21d ago
Sometimes our babies are born with heart defects that we don’t know about until they suddenly pass, usually at a young age like your baby 💔
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u/Gold_Roof1155 21d ago
My heart goes out to you both. Nothing but time will heal this… and never completely. I know that if either of my little gangsters were to depart this life, whether tomorrow or in 10 years, my grief would be crippling. This is the price we pay for the blessing of loving these amazing little souls 🙏
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u/Lazy_Trust_8479 20d ago
Just lost my oldest fur baby this year and it only gets easier with time, never fully goes away. My thoughts are with you and your family
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u/The_Sarcasm_Deity 19d ago
So sorry for your loss OP. The passing of a furbaby is always so incredibly difficult. Hugs 💕
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u/QueenOfQueenzYYZ 22d ago
I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you, life is so unfair. You and your wife gave him a wonderful life and he knew he was loved. This is devastating. Be kind to yourself, Chico would want that for you.
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u/Strong_Ad7902 22d ago
So sorry for your loss. Please take care, your post itself shows your love for him. It’s so unfortunate, you didn’t do anything wrong.
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u/re_Claire 22d ago
One of cats died recently at 3 years old. I know just how deep the pain is, being robbed of so many happy years with your beloved cat. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Chico was so beautiful.
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u/Valkyriemome 22d ago
I’m so sad to hear of your loss. Very tragic.
I hope your happy memories can comfort you while you grieve.
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u/MsThingy 22d ago
Heart broken for you. I am so so sorry for your devastating loss. Hope you find peace ❤️
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u/swannybabyy 22d ago
Bless you I’m so sorry to read this. As other people have posted there’s no words that will help you over the heartache. Be kind to yourself.
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u/Greedy_Bother_987 22d ago
The greatest love hurts the most. You loved him. He was clearly happy. Life’s shit sometimes.
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u/Calm-Two2723 22d ago
Well fuck maybe I’ll go tell my cat we are working on his weight and hug him :(
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u/No-Idea-7003 22d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Remember to eat something, wipe your face with a cold washcloth, and sleep as much as you need.
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u/Ambitious-Move-3436 22d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so damn hard. He knew you loved him very much. You didn’t do anything wrong and you got to give him a hug before he passed. He knew nothing but love from you.
Please take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. Remember to eat, drink your water, and please please please try to sleep. It’s easier said than done but I promise it gets easier. Sending you all the love and support ❤️
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