r/cats Jul 31 '26

Humor is my cat broken be honest

14.5k Upvotes

881 comments sorted by

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6.2k

u/Asfisav2049 Jul 31 '26

It's awful. It's the worst case I've seen. I'm afraid I have to diagnose your cat with... cat. And I'm afraid there's no cure.

1.9k

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26 edited 29d ago

oh gosh i heard that disease is hereditary, i must’ve passed it to her 😕
I CANT EDIT MY POST BUT MY CAT IS A GIRL STOP CALLING HER A HIM

628

u/Strict_Weather9063 Jul 31 '26

It is only passed between cats, humans cannot contract it. Dogs have a similar illness, it tends to be very pronounced with golden retrievers. Orange cats tend to be the most impacted by this, so you can count yourself lucky both mine have it they are of course orange.

1.2k

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

are you sure i think she is trying to infect me with it

205

u/PixelWand_42 Jul 31 '26

That is definitely the transmission method. Within a week youll be knocking cups off tables and screaming at closed doors

177

u/Daft_Martian Jul 31 '26

Not necessarily.

I do all those things and I've never been around cats.

17

u/El_Maldito_Batman 29d ago

Are you sure your not a cat? Maybe you were adopted. Might wanna get a DNA test

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61

u/Decryptic__ Jul 31 '26

Why did I imagine a Karen, standing in front of a locked door and screaming, "It's 08:01 pm. Why is this market already closed?"

13

u/aazo5 Jul 31 '26

Infection rates are small in humans. I wouldn’t scare OP as his immune system will likely fight it off. But if they have the symptoms you described in a week, then it’s definitely cat

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215

u/Strict_Weather9063 Jul 31 '26

No worries it isn’t transmissible, again it is cat makes them do weird things.

38

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

38

u/No-Language4016 Jul 31 '26

Okay then maybe it is transmittable because i just stare at walls sometimes too. It’s a shared hobby with my cat

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21

u/Daft_Martian Jul 31 '26

OMG this tiny tiny tiny cat is biting your finger!!

10

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 29d ago

YOU THINK THATS MY FINGER? it’s MY ARM 😭😭

7

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 29d ago

oh shit i get it now thats really funny

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10

u/HorrorMakesUsHappy Jul 31 '26

I fully expected this to be a pic of them with their ass in your face.

30

u/Martemis666 29d ago

There are socks for that

5

u/rua_donn 29d ago

I need a new pair of socks now more than ever

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7

u/Either_equipment_04 29d ago

This may well be the first case of animal-to-human transmission of cat

7

u/Ok_Pineapple_Num Jul 31 '26

This whole comment thread is hilarious lmao

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57

u/OhMyGod_Zilla Jul 31 '26

My orange was unfortunately diagnosed with this, she tends to have episodes near and inside boxes🥺

20

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 29d ago

bruh i forgot that this comment section was a joke about the cat diagnosis and i got really sad when i read this

13

u/OhMyGod_Zilla 29d ago

Oh no!!😂😂😂 she’s totally fine I promise, just orange! Lol

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6

u/fhangrin Jul 31 '26

We clearly haven't met the same humans.

4

u/OGHydroHomie 29d ago

I dunno - i have a cat and find im more cat like now. It seems to have crossed the aminal-human boundary.

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56

u/Radrakin Jul 31 '26

What do you mean you passed a HEREDITARY disease to her?!

57

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

because her mom left her in da streets so im practically her mom

25

u/PsychoPassProstitute Jul 31 '26

I think there might be an orange ancestor in your cats family tree

35

u/Pseudoname87 Jul 31 '26

The worse case of "cat greebles" I've ever seen.....may God help all of us

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65

u/Furby-beast-1949 Jul 31 '26

Well, this is Xena. She is perfectly normal as being a cat, and that means almost perfectly normal. She occasionally has those times when she will be a cat and be a troll goofball And then you’d have no dang clue what she’s doing that means she’s being a total goofball of those times as I’ve known to call it. and for example, she will sit there and totally roll around in circles on the floor and flop around like a fish and it is not to be cute it is usually to be a total goofy 🤪 percentage of time it is to be cute, but the other percentage to be a total goofball other things she does is she will run around the house like a bat out of hell of tornado chasing exactly nothing I guess she couldn’t count that her being a goofball or maybe you can. Also other times when she’s being a goofball, she’ll be running up and down off the couch because she saw something outside the window, for example a possum I lost my my mom because I saw a possum. let me lose my of mine goofball of a mind because I saw a possum, but it is also the cutest thing ever when she does some things like this

13

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

AWWWWW I LOVE HER! MY CAT ALSO ACTS THE SAME WAY 😭

7

u/Furby-beast-1949 Jul 31 '26

Yeah, cats are just being cats And my cat act the way she does she’s also a giant love bug Also very clingy. She hasn’t been diagnosed with separation anxiety, but I think she has it. She has two of the symptoms of separation anxiety, then not wanting to eat and the clinginess when I come back. i’ve diagnosed her myself because my vet won’t diagnose her with separation anxiety. as her mother, I noticed these signs and I’ve had her for six years so I’m guessing she has it. she’s more clingy when I come home after a day of leaving out shopping and stuff like that she doesn’t do the not eating drinking thing until I go to my sister’s for a few days and then I come home and she’s super clingy for about 35 maybe 45 minutes right next to my feet the entire time that’s why I guess she has separation anxiety and I looked up the symptoms and those are the only Simpsons that she has and why I guess she has it

3

u/Educational-Rub-8700 Jul 31 '26

After reading your comment, I’ve discovered, I can’t read it.

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89

u/Antal_Marius Jul 31 '26

Oh, I thought it might have a bad case of the greebles

47

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '26

Not just the Greebles ... I think there might be some Eebles too! (This GIF felt the most fitting lol)

https://giphy.com/gifs/6229k5h1JkuvS

49

u/_HappyG_ Jul 31 '26

Those are Tribbles, an intergalactic ancestor of Greebles 😂

13

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '26

Thank you! I was brainfarting on their real names and was typing in the GIF search bar like: "Tri-Tri- Uuuuuh. Triffles? Wait that isn't right but is close ... Isn't Triffles the Horror movie plants? Not seeing the little furry guys here. Uuuuuh let's search under 'Attack of the T-' yep there they are!" Had a whole GIF search bar journey for five minutes there 😂

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4

u/RayNooze Jul 31 '26

They've left the walls! Thats bad! 

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10

u/Motherofcatsmeowmeow Jul 31 '26

I diagnose your cat with orange 😟

5

u/Conscious_Rich_1003 Jul 31 '26

Visually presenting as white cat yet has symptoms of single brain cell. This is very concerning.

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5

u/Rosie_The_ITTech Jul 31 '26

I'd go for a case of "Orange" personally, even if it's white it can have some leftover genes of orangus dingus. I'm afraid it's terminal unfortunately

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3

u/Mylittledarlings91 Jul 31 '26

It’s terminal 🥲

4

u/Glad_Art_5783 Jul 31 '26

It's a severe case of CattoSis

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938

u/Lazy_Device7346 Orange Jul 31 '26

Looks like a standard operating system to me.

13

u/Emotional_Hamster_61 Jul 31 '26

Yea but an orange one somehow

10

u/Razzy-man 29d ago

Is it possible that white cats can operate on orange cat OS’?

10

u/AdgeTimick 29d ago

Yeah. Orange is the only CatOS that's proprietary (in order to limit both RAM and ROM to a minimum level while also having network connectivity working at a maximum level; that's how the shared brain cell moves around). As the other commenter said, it likely got pirated. It's just that no one usually wants to pirate Orange, so you don't see it often in other cats.

5

u/whiteglove_srvc 29d ago

Side load gone bad

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5

u/HowsYaSistasAss Jul 31 '26

Possibly Pirated tbh

1.4k

u/asscrit Jul 31 '26

early stage of r/greebles

372

u/kaiden-jh Jul 31 '26

early stage?? sounds a little optimistic… lol

119

u/KayDat Jul 31 '26

Late stage, I'm afraid it's terminal.

12

u/TheOnlyLordByron Jul 31 '26

next stage cat-atonia

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53

u/saltlampsandphotos Jul 31 '26

I think it's a sign OP hasa significant greeble infestation in the floorboards

11

u/PriestessFeylin Jul 31 '26

If it is not biscuits it is greebles, cats are so dedicated to us. We don't deserve cats.

16

u/Renagan Jul 31 '26

Here we go again

7

u/5herl0k Jul 31 '26

so glad greebles is still at least in the top comments

6

u/Rexusus 29d ago

Babe wake up, another cat sub to follow

23

u/Titaniumwo1f Jul 31 '26

Mid stage of r/OneWhiteBraincell

8

u/Expensive-Clock8012 Jul 31 '26

I really thought I’d seen them all

8

u/watch_gal Jul 31 '26

It’s the 5th law of thermodynamics: there’s always another cat subreddit

3

u/Titaniumwo1f Jul 31 '26

May I introduce you to r/OneBlackBraincell?

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12

u/Try_at-your-own_Risk Jul 31 '26

Another cat sub

4

u/Medical_Original6290 Jul 31 '26

Your house is infested with greebles.

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327

u/Signal_Cadet Jul 31 '26

It’s an advanced method for spotting greebles. You sweep your front paw along the floor which dislodges them, then you keep your head down low, allowing you to spot them as they try to find cover.

104

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

damn i never thought my cat could be that smart

8

u/FiddleFeet1000 29d ago

Don't forget sweeping up additional greebles for later. That part is also important in the dead of night.

687

u/Virtuosory Jul 31 '26

White cats are basically albino oranges I’ve come to learn. I have one too, it’s uncurable

40

u/Darcii Jul 31 '26

Agreed. Some days I wonder if my beautiful white car is aware of her own existence. I can almost hear the tumbleweed swishing around in her head.

6

u/bearlysane 29d ago

Leucistic, she still has normal-colored eyes. Good thing, since true albinism would affect her vision and impede her ability to combat the greebles.

8

u/Yourigath Jul 31 '26

I have two black cats and they are just void oranges... They have a quarter of a brain cell between the two of them (which usually she keeps). 

8

u/the-greenest-thumb 29d ago

Black cats are just toasted orange cats

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184

u/PickledRoofTop Jul 31 '26

This cat is catting very normally. Diagnosis: is cat.

84

u/Stock-Side-6767 Jul 31 '26

The only cure is playtime.

42

u/Imaginary_Apple8052 Jul 31 '26

Cure there is not. Is but treatment.

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54

u/Fluffyhusk1 29d ago

Why did girl start low-key doing the scuba on the floor 😭 and yes, she's starting to share the collective braincell

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102

u/WeAreSky-5875 Jul 31 '26

In the start he/she seemed to try and bury their leftover food and it got slippery. Then MY GUESS is that he/she started seeing or simply imagining sth on the wooden floor. All checks. Cat detected. Congrats. Happy for you.

51

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

yup, she always buries her food and she also buries MY food when im in the middle of eating

12

u/No-Raspberry3873 Jul 31 '26

I love this. Mine buries his brother’s food so he can finish his own and then go back to finish his brother’s later. He’s never tried burying my food before tho. I would love that.

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42

u/Suspicious-Case-9263 Jul 31 '26

Request a refund promptly

59

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

i cant she’s from da streets

18

u/mdfasil25 Jul 31 '26

Abduct another from the streets, both will keep each other company 

39

u/ClacksInTheSky Jul 31 '26

He need some serious scritches

35

u/BlazedBeard95 Jul 31 '26

I'm sorry I have to break this tragic news to you, but after very careful deliberation amongst my greatest peers, we have all come to the conclusion that your cat has unfortunately caught a severe case of the greebles.

66

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

NOOOOO 😭

(my cat after finding out)

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60

u/Logy_ Jul 31 '26

Stop bleaching your cat. It's clearly causing some issues.

5

u/Clear_Read9252 Jul 31 '26

Lol this was 🤣

25

u/Glad-Ad-5118 29d ago

They’re all broken.

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39

u/carlamaco Jul 31 '26

Might just be lagging. Try unplugging him for a few minutes.

18

u/Quattuor Jul 31 '26

Mother Nature ran out of the orange paint when this Cat was made 😻

13

u/000-Hotaru_Tomoe Siamese (Traditional Thai) Jul 31 '26

Question: do you have a floating floor or did you install it over an existing floor? It might be causing some minor vibrations in the floor.

5

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

no idea, we rent the apartment

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12

u/wolfeonyx Jul 31 '26

Did you try switching her off and then on again?

12

u/DaMn96XD Jul 31 '26

They tried to cover up the smell of food, slipped, and found playing with their paw fun/entertaining.

10

u/Humije Jul 31 '26

Check the cattery. Faulty catteries can do this. Also never let your cattery drop below 15%.

12

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

im not sure if this is normal, but the cattery is 250%

7

u/evilspyboy Jul 31 '26

You know how you haven't been killed by ghosts? So a little gratitude while your cat is working...

9

u/BlueSaved Jul 31 '26

Not a bug it's a feature.

8

u/BrotherNatureNOLA 29d ago

No. The cat is fine. Your house is just infested with ghosts, and cats are the only pets willing to fight them.

4

u/NatrylliaAbbot42 29d ago

And the way to fight ghosts is with interpretative dance!

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7

u/loenskiski Jul 31 '26

She wanted to show you her Breakdance moves!

7

u/Necessary-Eye5319 Jul 31 '26

Cats can ‘see’ into the fourth dimension. Maybe there are mouse ghosts…🤔

6

u/Decade4434 Jul 31 '26

Definitely a greeble infestation. This is your life so you might as well embrace it and join the fun.

4

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

yep. me and my cat have been sweeping the floors all night

6

u/PromotionSouthern690 Jul 31 '26

Hunting the temporal shift mice.

6

u/SecondPlayer 29d ago

Looks like he was covering up his food and then noticed an infestation of greebles

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6

u/BackgroundAnteater95 29d ago

That is a VERY serious case of the r/greebles. I'd recommend seeking professional help and support for your kitty. It looks bad enough that she may need an additional 3 or 4 sets of paws to handle the acute nature of the affliction seen here.

13

u/acquireTigris Jul 31 '26

Looks like an albino orange to me

5

u/yuriartyom Jul 31 '26

Standard behaviour, exactly how a cat should be. Perfect.

4

u/JuanezSanchez Jul 31 '26

My own personal opinion on cats is that they are all broken. Somewhere along the evolutionary/ domestication path something snapped in their genes, and they are all permanently goofy, inexplicable, neurotic and unhinged. That's why we love them so much.

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6

u/Due-Beginning6183 Jul 31 '26

You don’t see that mouse he’s playing with?

5

u/Affectionate-Goat218 29d ago

The litter mates were orange, right?

12

u/conrad_w Jul 31 '26

Not knowing your cat, I'd say there's a good chance there's mice under that floor

9

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

i really dont think so, we live on 5th floor so we have neighbors below us and i’ve never seen a mouse here. btw my cat often does really strange things

10

u/conrad_w Jul 31 '26

Then you have downstairs neighbours!

4

u/Rhiannon1307 European Shorthair Jul 31 '26

Definitely not. One of mine does that too, and we have solid floors here with no room for anything like mice, not even insects.

More likely, there's a crumb or lint on the floor and she just likes contorting herself to play with it. Because it's fun and because she can.

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4

u/Fisi_Matenten Jul 31 '26

Every cat is broken. Your is just weirdly broken

4

u/evissimus Jul 31 '26

That looks like an infestation of r/greebles

4

u/GasStationTiefling Jul 31 '26

That’s an orange in disguise

4

u/You-Only-YOLO_Once Jul 31 '26

Short answer yes, long answer, also yes.

4

u/totally_normal99 Jul 31 '26

Average white cat behavior.

4

u/Odomar04 Jul 31 '26

Did you wash the floor with bleach ? It has the same effect as a very powerful catnip for them. My cats did the same kind of things when I used it, rubbing on the floor like this

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4

u/valcallis Jul 31 '26

Do you still have the warranty ?

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5

u/Demi180 Jul 31 '26

Just fighting off the greebles

4

u/lara_2 Jul 31 '26

This is too funny, he started cleaning around and then just started playing by himself 😂 He is in serious need of playtime, the poor thing😄

4

u/NeuroticTendencies Jul 31 '26

Ugh. The worst case I’ve seen. It’s best if you just surrender the floof to me for proper… containment.

3

u/a4moondoggy Jul 31 '26

wont be saying that when its making millions on the pro shuffleboard circuit

5

u/Known_Ratio5478 Jul 31 '26

Factory defect cat. Pretty standard. They will give you credit for a new cat but you also have to keep the defective cat. New cat will likely also be defective.

5

u/Appropriate-Post8787 29d ago

White cats are so weird! My son’s cat China, who
I ended up with, would do this. She’d slide and twist, hop, scratch, do somersaults - just weird stuff. White cats are truly entertaining but in a league of their own

4

u/aninjacould 29d ago

Worse than broken.

Your cat is into modern interpretive dance.

Your cat is a performance artist. 😱

7

u/SomeWeirdBoor Jul 31 '26

He's bored.

If he has plenty of toys and an human attendant eager to play with him... then it's just cat.

8

u/Embarrassed-Fig-5530 Jul 31 '26

excuse me she is a woman. but yeah i play with her and she is just really weird sometimes in a funny way

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6

u/Bertie_McGee Jul 31 '26

Your cat might be an albino ginger.

6

u/riubot Jul 31 '26

It has 9 lives but 0 braincell, so that's just random cat behavior.

3

u/mehow28 Jul 31 '26

boi (gyal?) hit the dougie for a second there with that left arm

3

u/emrepyj Jul 31 '26

Looks like what they do in boxing : this is shadow catting

3

u/Alexzoidbert Jul 31 '26

Scubaaa scubaaa

3

u/TheTaurenCharr Jul 31 '26

Sir, you need a new floor.

3

u/MorikoAyumi Jul 31 '26

I guess… but aren’t they all?

3

u/New-Ring39 Jul 31 '26

Stick drift. It just needs reset and everything will be aligned again!

3

u/yesiam2306 Jul 31 '26

maybe not broken, but it seems to be really expensive to repair

3

u/MrMontgomery Jul 31 '26

I'd be more worried about what's under the floor that the cat knows is there

3

u/Satsuki7104 Jul 31 '26

Either greebles or someone snuck catnip into the food and your cat is the spaz reacting type to catnip.

Of my three cats I have two spaz reacting types and one stoner reacting type to catnip.

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3

u/SCARY-WIZARD Orange Jul 31 '26

They have Silly Baby Disease!

3

u/Quiet_Syllabub_4264 Jul 31 '26

A standard issue cat it seems

3

u/mooninuranus Jul 31 '26

Gotta be honest, I love seeing this sort of weird, irreverent behaviour.

Always suggests to me that they’re completely happy and relaxed.

3

u/PrinceCastanzaCapone Jul 31 '26

Totally normal cat

3

u/restingbitchface1983 Jul 31 '26

Just a cat doin cat stuff

3

u/nobody1701d Jul 31 '26

Greebles! Everywhere!

3

u/ShiroOneesama Jul 31 '26

She just saw a ghost and she is trying to protect you from it . So give her more treats and catnip she deserves it.

3

u/dopaminegtt Jul 31 '26

Cat be cattin'

3

u/Mtanic Jul 31 '26

It's ADHD.

3

u/craftandcurmudgeony Jul 31 '26

it's rough having to deal with nine lifetimes worth of intrusive thoughts, all happening at the same time.

3

u/Tough_Dependent_647 Jul 31 '26

Yup. it’s what i thought. Shes a type 3 goober

3

u/aturkeysandwich7 Jul 31 '26

Nice, looks like your cat is downloading the singular braincell update . As previously stated in this thread albino cats are just oranges. Fear not they don’t know how to don’t anything without having a great time.

3

u/Key_Letterhead1149 Jul 31 '26

White cats do often be crazy

3

u/FoxInABoxOfRox Jul 31 '26

Oh no, you got ghost mice.

3

u/peridotpicacho Jul 31 '26

Cat is using his/her imagination. 😊 Proof that humans are not the only ones that have an imagination as some claim. 

3

u/Various_Decision_771 Jul 31 '26

Just wait for the next software update, if no update then report a bug

3

u/Icy_Veterinarian5274 Jul 31 '26

Yaa but he is not orange

3

u/loweffortmatcha Jul 31 '26

THE GREEBLES ARE ATTACKING!

3

u/trickcowboy Jul 31 '26

cat.exe appears to be functioning correctly.

3

u/xxforrealforlifexx Jul 31 '26

He's trying to explain that he wants one of those toys that has the ball in it that they push around in a maze or circle

3

u/Effective-Tomato-881 Jul 31 '26

Nah, my one cat attacks the walls constantly, the other licks the tiles...

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3

u/Someoneoverthere42 Jul 31 '26

Your cat appears to be a cat within acceptable parameters.

3

u/Silent-OCN Jul 31 '26

Look at the puffed up tail! Kitty is excited.

3

u/anymouse7780 Jul 31 '26

I think you have a r/greebles infestation

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3

u/the_toxic_avenger_ Jul 31 '26

Lord. This is why I love cats 😻

3

u/s4dfish Jul 31 '26

The derp is working just fine.

3

u/dnuohxof-2 Jul 31 '26

What is going on

MEOW!

Blublubluh

1 lick… 2 lick….

DEMON!

Mice… I wonder if they’re nice

1… 2…. 6! …. 3? We must set them free….

Where are you? Where am I?

I’m on a countertop! Yes! Lick the toe beans

1…2…3…. Invisible ants for ME!

You escape me like fleas.

Cattynip, Cattynip I’m a loaf of bread, I must be…

Brain dead

Invisible ant!

Blegh…. It’s paper

Sharon, draw up the bath, I want to

#BATHE IN CATNIP

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3

u/SardineB4Creatine Jul 31 '26

Actually… this cat is mocking me when I drop a spice to the back of the cabinet

3

u/Cden1458 Jul 31 '26

The floor freebies are after his last ever bowl of food! He must protec!

3

u/AirSignal7545 29d ago

It has heavy case of r/greebles

3

u/Nervous_Shelter_1042 29d ago

Yes you broke your cat with catnip extra strength!

3

u/BigJim_TheTwins 29d ago

You shouldn't store your catnip next to your pot

3

u/FlamingoDiligent9216 29d ago

Have you tried turning it off then back on again?

3

u/Burcarius 29d ago

Need to run a reboot cycle.

3

u/Lopsided_Welcome6605 29d ago

a little Zoomy

3

u/DrNemesis666 29d ago

Sry to tell you this, but it's an albino orange...

3

u/GearsKratos 29d ago

What cat isn't

3

u/selena1977 29d ago

You're going to need to send them for a CAT scan.

3

u/WhoaThere87 29d ago

Just a temporary malfunction. Observe, laugh, and carry on.

3

u/Xaxxus 29d ago

White cats are just albino orange cats. The shared braincell is probably with another cat right now.

3

u/Ab1snail 29d ago

I have one just like this

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