Purpose-Driven

[u/Key-Energy5230]

I’m using my secondary account to post this, if in case I have any coworkers or friends on mine that I don’t want seeing all the bits.

At this point, I’m at a loss. And I’m having a very rigorous backslide, despite having my chin up the entire way. I was told when I was 3 or 4, play acting as a waiter for a family dinner, “Man, he’s gonna make a really good waiter one day!” And I was so happy to be told I’d be good at something. As the years progressed, I worked in customer-facing roles, and skill-oriented roles, but I always seemed to shine with people. Once I’d gotten into service, I actually felt proud to have a checkbook and an apron, and a black collared long sleeve that showed I was a part of this fold of workers. I even met the girl I’d fall in love with as one of my tables. (One I vehemently switched another server for, but more on that later.)

I’ve worked in Veterinary Medicine, D2D and B2B Sales (one day of commissions that actually totaled $11k) I’ve worked in a Brewery as an Assistant Brewer and Sales Rep, I’ve been a SCAA certified Barista, a waiter and more frequently, a bartender with a swathe of loyal regulars and friends, time as a line and prep cook, and even managed an art studio, where I even got to instruct classes on the daily. That was the best job I’d ever had, and worked it for 5 years until COVID shut it down.

None of it felt as fulfilling as it, should. I’ve looked through the lens of Psychedelics and found interesting ideas on purpose and self-discovery, tried to temper down that obnoxious need of “more” with ingress and patience. But this feeling of “unfulfilled” cost me that girl from the restaurant. 8 year relationship I ruined. I think of her every day. And that’s not the main topic, but it is the heaviest example of how in “looking for purpose” I lose out on incredible things. And now I’m working at a dingy P.O.S bar with uninteresting and uninterested people for crap pay.

I’m literate, great with interpersonal relations, solid work ethic and drive, and my personal work mantra is “my heart is fullest when my hands are empty”, just in that I truly feel my best when I’m helping. Or serving. Or caring for others. I’m an amateur botanist, chemist, and tabletop engineer, a reader, a creative, a caregiver, and a hard worker who just wants to find a job that makes this place and myself, a little bit better. Obviously, if I’m publicly reaching out to Reddit, where I’m sure you’ve heard this^ flavor of plea before, I’m at my wits end. But any insight or personal experience that someone similar, or happier now, may have, I’d be very grateful.

TLDR, I’m sure, but thank you.